Ask Hannah!

Do you have any other hobbies?  Or do you focus on crossdressing related activities in your free time?  Just curious.

I like to keep busy and I am almost always doing something.  Sitting on the couch watching tv is not something I do very often.  I do like to read and I stay active by running, biking and working out.  Although I feel I have two halves of my life, I try to maintain a balance between them and not let crossdressing dominate my life, despite what my website suggests.  Balance is important especially when you are married.

Balance with anything in life is tricky, especially to crossdressers who are newly out to their significant others.  When we come out to someone, especially our partners, it can go many different ways.  Sometimes our partners are willing to see how crossdressing will affect their relationship and will allow us to wear panties or dress at home or set boundaries.  Many relationships are damaged when limits or boundaries are broken.  Crossdressing alone usually doesn’t lead to a broken relationship.  I hear from many t-girls that their relationship was damaged when they violated the boundaries their wives set, such as being asked to not post pictures online or leave the house.  Lying to your significant other, whether about crossdressing or anything else never helps a relationship.  If a crossdresser has a supportive partner, it is so easy for us to just go from zero to sixty with this.  All of a sudden our drawers are filled with lingerie and our closets have dozens of dresses in them.  This can lead our partners into thinking where will this end and wondering what they have gotten themselves into.

Usually a crossdresser gets one chance to bring this part of us into a relationship.  If we let this part of us dominate our lives or overwhelm our partners, it can lead to some very hurt feelings.  So, we especially need to keep balance in mind because it is not fair to our partners or significant others or wives.

I will take this moment to remind all of us that if you are not married, please, please, please tell your partner about this part of you before you do get married.  It is not fair to spring this on them after you are wed.  I fully believe in putting all cards on the table before you commit to each other.

Anyway, balance.

I have a friend who loves football.  He met a girl a few years ago who also loved football.  He thought he hit the jackpot.  She loved watching the games, loved tailgating, wore her jersey proudly and knew as much about the teams as he did.  They met and fell in love over a shared interest they were both passionate about.  He was thrilled he found someone who supported his hobby.

After a while, football really took over his life.  Whenever a game was on, he’d watch it.  All weekend he’d sit in front of the television watching sports.  He’d go to the home games, he’d go to Fantasy Football drafts, he lived and breathed football.  It was all he talked about.  His wife’s interest, however, didn’t keep up with his.  It got to the point where she was exhausted by it.  It dominated their relationship.  Everything was centered around the game.  They’d fight about it, she was frustrated by how this took over their life and she was simply overwhelmed by it.  Although she loved football, she grew weary of it and hated that she lost her husband to something.

He on the other hand was confused by how she had changed.  He thought she was into football and thought she was supportive of his passion for it.  Unfortunately he let it dominate their lives.  It was all he talked about, all he watched, all he did.

Having a supportive significant other is a wonderful thing.  Whether they are supportive of a hobby, a job, or crossdressing.  The thing we all need to remember is that we can’t let anything take over our relationship.  When many of us come out to our wives, we find it hard to talk about anything else.  I was careful not to let this overwhelm my wife with this side of me.  I tried not to talk about it constantly.  Sometimes it was hard and sometimes I wasn’t paying as much attention to her as I should have and didn’t pick up on her thoughts and feelings.  Through honesty and communication we found a very balanced life when it came to my crossdressing.

Love, Hannah