How are you able to keep your real identity confidential? I have gone out with my wife en femme a couple of times in the last month (I’m very blessed to have a willing spouse) on girl friend dates and wonder what would happen if someone needs to see my license (show my ID) or need to use a rest room and a family restroom is not near by?
When I am out en femme, I always make sure I have enough cash for what I will be doing that day. Very rarely has Hannah needed to use “his” credit card. When I have needed to do so in the past, I have usually swiped it myself but I have needed to hand it to the salesclerk as well. This used to cause me a great deal of anxiety but I don’t think about it too much. For starters, anyone who sees me in the real world knows I am trans, so me handing them a credit card with a boy name on it isn’t that surprising to them. Salesclerks and cashiers also see a hundreds of customers a day, so it’s unlikely they will remember the name on a credit card that one customer used.
Also, I am not anyone famous or well-known or… anything in my male life. If I told you my boy name it’s incredibly unlikely you’ve heard of me. And why would you? My male life (as wonderful as it is) is unremarkable and boring. Basically, no on cares about who I am and that’s just fine with me 🙂
On a related note, you can usually ask your bank or credit card company for a duplicate card with a different name on it. Some t-girls have a credit card for her and one for him.
As for my ID, I have only needed to show my ID twice when out en femme and that was to enter a bar. Since I rarely go to bars this isn’t an issue but like using my credit card, no one is going to remember my name… or care who I really am. Superman is Superman, no one cares about Clark Kent, you know?
As for using the restroom, if there is a family restroom available I will use that, but if not, I will use the ladies room. This has never been an issue for me.
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
10 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!”
Hannah, I have traveled en femme extensively, and often have to show my ‘boy’ credentials at the airport. I have never had a second look. I researched this and found that TSA is very attuned to the trans community, and they have policies about how to treat us girls. I have shown them in hotels, and yes, used my credit card. Never thought to get a duplicate card…something to think about. Cheers!
I often doubt that anybody really looks at the credit card I hand them. I sometimes doubt they really look at what you are buying – too many customers to care, or to pay much attention. I did have one interesting experience in Sears: I got to the checkout, and as I was getting out cash the clerk asked me if I wanted to use my Sears card. I told her I did not have one. She then asked me if perhaps I wanted to use my husband’s card? Very tactful of her – I am aware that it is clear to a reasonable observer that I am trans.
JUST OWN IT!
As Velma, I have had to show my legal ID only a few times while returning shoes. Never had a problem. The clerks at Shoe Show, have seen me as Velma as well as ‘Guy’, and had no qualms from any of them. I cant be their only c-d customer.
Being an ‘efficient’ (lazy?) person, I keep my ‘guy’ tri-fold wallet unfolded in my purse, for an easy reach for my Visa card instead of fumbling inside the purse for cash, ect… Todays ‘chip equipped’ credit cards make fraud much more difficult, and clerks are really not even taking your card, so the downside of having to use ‘your real identity’ is minimal. Besides, nobody really cares who you are, if you are a paying customer…
As for the bathroom dilemma, relax, just ‘own it’ and go in as you do indeed belong there. For the shy among us, use the single person loo’s at Taco Bell!
There is always a potential DOWNSIDE, such as the time I walked into the ladies loo at the Taco Bell only to realize the customer, now seated, knickers around her ankles forgot to lock the door! Surprised looks on both faces, I quickly shut the door and instead of waiting outside for the lady to finish her biz, I walked into the single customer MENS loo, and took my time to make sure I did not cross the ladies path during my exit. NO FURTHER DRAMA ENSUED. Simply stated, you cant plan ahead for such things, you can only be clear headed and react in a low key manner to lessen the potential drama. As the Charmin Bears say: ‘Enjoy the go’.
I, initially, thought the question was going in a different direction. My concern, when going out with my wife, used to be that someone who knows us would immediately clock me through association. I could go out alone and walk right past a friend on the street without them knowing who I was (the first time that happened was such a relief, as it had been one of my great fears that I would be outed, had I gone anywhere someone I knew could also be). Being with my wife, though, would bring attention to me by anyone who recognized her. She finally showed her ultimate support for me at a restaurant when a mutual friend came to our table to say hello. Without a skip, she introduced me as Connie, and there was no drama to it at all. I’m sure, though, that I was the topic of conversation at the friend’s table afterward. I cared about it so much more than my wife did!
When out with a wife, the restroom problem is easily avoided; you go in together, just as women do. If a credit card is to be used, use hers. Showing ID is no more a problem when with a spouse than it is when alone, I have just tried to diffuse the situation by saying something like: “Don’t look at my picture – it was a bad hair day.”
Most banks I think have gotten stricter with cards. I asked in person at a credit union where I have accounts about a year ago. The teller said no, she did then go ask the branch manager at my request… answer that came back “was we’re sorry but it has to be a valid legal name.” Didn’t ask at Chase of BofA.
Dillard’s the sales clerks recognize me. “Hi Sophie” when they see me coming. Einstein’s they see both Sophie and the male me on a regular basis (one of the clerks has my phone # memorized, the manager made a cloth face mask … flowers that match a couple of my dresses). Starbucks, Whole Foods they’ve seen me and they’ve seen me in a dress. Swipe my debit card, occasionally ask if they’ll take a picture of me with my cell…
Grocery store swipe my debit card and don’t recall ever being addressed as anything other than ma’am or Ms. I get my car serviced at the Honda dealer where I bought it. Walked in, talked to a service advisor, waited while the work was being done, paid with a CC in a dress more than once.
Should I be more careful? Maybe. A while back at Einstein’s had a jerk that had to let me know he had “read me” walking past on his way out (yo buddy you dropped something).
Just let it go…
If you use your photo to pay with your credit card (using Apple Pay, or whatever the Android system is), you don’t even have to hand your card over. Just wave your phone* near the reader. Here in Australia, that’s been a big “upside” of COVID; businesses keen to minimise close contact/touching have been adopting “contactless” payments in huge numbers.
But these days, what business is going to care about your gender ID, so long as you are a paying customer (except maybe for that mythical wedding cake supplier)? Life for businesses, large or small, is far too tough for them to want to be too picky if it’s a guy (however they present at the time) buying those fabulous size 11 heels, or that gorgeous bodycon dress.
*Fun fact: people may not be able to “clock” us when en femme, but our phones can’t be fooled. My iPhone’s facial recognition system has no problem ID’ing me, whether as Marci or my male self (though a face mask stumps it).
I use my credit card all of the time. Not only does it have my male name, it’s got my male picture. It’s never been an issue.
As to ID, I checked into a hotel while dressed, and just told the clerk, “I’m in there somewhere”. Again, not an issue.
Bathrooms have not been an issue. Look for a unisex bathroom, and if not, just use the women’s. Get in, do your business, and get out. If your wife is with you, it should be easier (just don’t talk to her over the stalls).
Hanna. When I can I use the “wallet” on my cell phone. I know what places use it. It makes it easy. I don’t know if anyone here tried it. I like it. I use at coffee shops, getting gas for my vehicle, shopping. When I am done at that store I turn the wallet off. No chance of skimming my cards plus no one sees your card.. Give it a try. Love, Natasha
it is so easy to get a 2nd credit card in your femme name that I cannot understand why anyone wouldn’t do it
The cards I have the issuer wants the new card persons name, full address, phone number, date of birth and social security number. So how do you do it?