Hannah Asks!

When the seasons change we can look forward to different outfits.  I know that’s a little shallow but it’s still the truth.  I love cute minidresses but there’s a lot to be said for sweaters and cute skirts and boots, too.  However, after a few months I am ready for a new season and new styles and I’ll be longing for the days of minidresses again . The cycle will always continue.

Winter is usually a little hard, especially here in Minnesota.  It gets cold and it lasts entirely too long.  How long will winter last?  No one knows.  As of this writing the high today will be close to the 40’s (which is warm for this time of year) and there’s not a single snowflake to be found.  On the flipside winter could last until April, so there’s that I guess.

It’s easy to feel cooped up in the winter.  Going out is more work and wearing a winter coat makes me feel and look bigger than I am and it covers up my outfit.  Again I know this shallow, but it’s true.  And!  Icy sidewalks and stilettos are not a good match.  

The next month (and likely beyond) will be even more stressful and depressing than usual as COVID is (and should) trigger more restrictions and shelter-in-place orders.  When most states experienced this in the spring it was hard but as time passed the weather improved and although we couldn’t do too much at least we could dress up and get outdoors.  The first few times going out en femme this year after too much time indoors under lockdown and winter was absolutely blissful.  It wasn’t easy but we got through it.  I’m feeling anxious already about the next few months.  God only knows when winter will end and when it will be safer to go back to normal.  In male mode I can tough it out, but Hannah?  It’s not going to be as easy.  

As someone who is bi-gender I have a need to express my femme side.  To live in her world from time to time.  To dress up and hit the mall.  I can, and I do dress at home but it’s not the same.  

Although I feel that this winter will be harder than the spring was, part of me feels more prepared than I was earlier this year.  It’s important to have something to look forward to.  It’s important to know you will live through something when you have already done so.  Hannah made it through the first part of the year and the first wave of lockdown and I know she and I will do so again.  When I am feeling anxious or depressed about not going out I can recall how wonderful it was the first few times Hannah stepped out when restrictions were eased and the weather improved.  

When you are going through something difficult or something that causes anxiety or depresses you it’s crucial you acknowledge it.  Denying or ignoring something only works for so long.  I think one of the hardest things about this year was adjusting from waiting for all this to pass to accepting that things were very different and the previous life we knew is over.  Even when the vaccine is available and masks aren’t required when we leave the house the world is going to be very different than how it used to be.  In some ways it will be better, I hope.

I don’t know what the world will be like in six months and that causes a lot of anxiety.  I am used to knowing, more or less, how my year would play out.  When I would travel for work, what holidays would look like, and what to look forward to.  This year all of that has gone out the window and I couldn’t even guess what the next two weeks will be like.  Despite all of this, I feel better prepared emotionally and mentally for the next few months than I felt earlier this year.  I know what the spring was like and how wonderful it was the go out en femme when some of the restrictions were lifted.  I suppose I have that to look forward to.  That day is (eventually) coming.  

Collectively we are all going through this.  But our little community has our femme side to take care of too.  For some of us we aren’t able to dress at home so going out is our only opportunity to do so but going out isn’t the same anymore.  Some of us can only dress at home but with their kids doing school remotely it’s not possible to do that.  Taking care of ourselves, whether in a pandemic or not is essential.  Taking care of our femme selves is also crucial.

I’m curious as to how you all are doing right now.  I’d love to know how you are preparing for the winter and this new round of restrictions.  

Love, Hannah