I am very much bothered by those who will only dress part way, (usually things like panties, bra, stockings heels) solely for sexual purpose and yet they call themselves crossdressers. I feel like they make it hard for people to truly accept people like you, me and others who do dress completely and try to present ourselves as a respectable woman. How do we separate girls like us from those who dress simply for sexual purpose?
The short answer is that we can’t.
I think the term ‘crossdresser’ will be forever entwined with fetishism, at least with the majority of the world. There will always be those who will wear whatever they want for whatever reason they wish. And really, that’s okay. Anyone should be able to dress how they want, regardless of why.
Another short answer is that we shouldn’t attempt to dictate who can and cannot use this, or any other word when it comes to identifying as any form of non-binary.
However, I absolutely understand where you are coming from. At times I think the word is a little outdated and should be retired, similar to how ‘transvestite’ and ‘transsexual’ have been more or less phased out but the word isn’t going anywhere anytime soon (or probably ever).
This is an example of how non cis people usually have to qualify, clarify, and explain the nuances of our gender identity with others. When I say I identify as transgender I often follow up with explaining that transitioning, HRT, and surgery are not in my future. When I identified as a crossdresser (and in a way, I still do) I would clarify that what I wore wasn’t for sexual reasons.
But if it was? Well, there’s nothing really wrong with having a fetish. If stockings and panties arouse someone and it isn’t hurting anyone, well, who am I to stop them? Besides, you really can’t. I don’t think anyone can deny who they are and what they want. I think a fetish is ingrained in someone early in their life and it’s unlikely they will grow out of it. I also think one’s gender identity, although it may evolve over time, will always be part of themselves.
Looking at this topic in another way, I’ve been told by trans women who have transitioned that I am not really transgender because I haven’t started estrogen or had gender affirmation surgery. But I am transgender and always will be.
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!