Although we likely felt this way, and possibly still do, we have never been alone.
When I was younger and trying on my sister’s dresses, I felt like I was the only boy in the world who wanted to wear pretty things. When I was a little older I learned the word ‘crossdresser’ and the world opened up. Not only were there others like me, there were *so* many of us that there was a word for those like myself.
As I grew up and my gender adventure progressed, I identified in a more nuanced way. I was in college when I first searched the word ‘crossdresser’ online. I was stunned by how sexually charged and fetishy the word seemed to be. Dresses, lingerie… none of this was erotic to me. I wasn’t wearing what I wore for arousal. I felt like I was the only one who dressed the way I did because it just… felt right. Again, I thought I was alone. I was a crossdresser, but I wasn’t dressing for sexual reasons.
When I started blogging, I wanted to celebrate this side of us. Crossdressing was fun! It wasn’t necessarily sexual. I wasn’t conflicted about who I was or what I wanted. It wasn’t long until I heard from others like myself and how this this side of them was just that… another side of them. They were at peace with their gender identity, with what they wore, with what they wanted to wear. They loved this side of them. It didn’t cause anxiety, it made them feel happy. I felt less alone.
For a while.
When I started to gravitate from identifying as a crossdresser to identifying as transgender, I felt alone again. I used to think that someone who was transgender was someone who was transitioning or living fulltime. I didn’t feel that these were the right steps for me. When I shared this feeling online and with other t-girls, I learned that the T word didn’t necessarily always mean hormones or surgery. I started to know others like me.
I understand this side of us can be lonely, but we are not alone in this. Crossdressers and non-binary people have been around FOR-EVER. No matter how much legislation is written, we will ALWAYS exist.
I knew I wasn’t alone when I heard the word ‘crossdresser’. When did you know you weren’t alone? I’d love to read about your experiences in the comments, so… please comment!