I am a meticulous planner. It drives my wife up to the wall sometimes and I absolutely understand why. I budget my time and I usually have my entire week planned out in advance. It’s sometimes helpful however it usually drives ME up the wall as well, but it’s how I’m wired. Like my gender identity, I am powerless to fight it so I may as well embrace it.
I’ve been posting like CRAZY lately as I am sure you’ve noticed. I had expected to travel for work a lot more often this year than I’ve ended up actually doing so I’ve been home more than I had thought I would be. This extra time at home has allowed me more time to rest, get things done around the house, and yes, blog blog blog.
Sometimes my updates are influenced by an article I wrote for En Femme getting posted on their website and I will link to it. Sometimes my articles are planned in advance, like posting reviews on a set schedule. If I have a few ‘Ask Hannah’ questions I try to space them out. I will also space out posting pictures from a recent photo shoot so I am not inundating ya’ll with day after day after day of photos of different outfits.
Other times I have no idea what I will write about. I like to start my day quietly and slowly. I wake up early and have a little coffee and mentally prepare for the day. This is when I will usually write a post or catch up on emails. If I don’t have a planned article or a pressing thought that I want to write about, I more or less spin the roulette wheel of different topics that occupy my mind if I feel like writing. These potential topics include clothes, recent legislation, clothes, the different complexities and joys our gender identity can bring, clothes, relationships, and clothes.
Today is one of those days. I just finished a cup of coffee, I am caught up on emails, Taylor Swift is playing, the sun is coming up but still too early to take the dog for a walk… it’s essentially the Perfect Blogging Moment. So, what will I write about?
To be clear, I never want to post just for the sake of posting. I do my best to create engaging content that is hopefully worth a few moments of someone’s day. I also try to balance out posts that address the different topics I write about. I write about legislation but I try not to post about politics two days in a row. I write about lingerie but I don’t want EVERY post to be about panties. I also want to avoid coming off as more egotistical than I already appear to be so I try not to do too many self-indulgent or self-promotional posts. However, posting on a consistent or a frequent schedule is pretty essential when it comes to having a website and cultivating an audience.
Anyway, let’s spin the wheel.
This is a mental wheel. I don’t have a giant Wheel of Fortune type… thing in my living room. But I’m sure you know that.
This spinning wheel, the randomness of what I write about is always a minefield. When I write about stilettos I get emails calling me shallow. When I write about legislation I get emails telling me that I am a left-wing socialist whack-job. When I post photos I get emails saying that I’m an attention seeking bitch. Seriously I don’t know why some of ya’ll visit my site, lol.
The wheel is sloooooowing down and it looks like we’re chatting about…
Well, of all the options this was the most likely. But this isn’t a OMG I HEART PANTIES post. No, it’s a little less superficial than that. But goodness some of you are going to be pissed off.
A frequent topic on forums and in chat rooms that discuss crossdressing is why cis women “allowed” to crossdress but men can’t.
The reality is that no one is prohibited from crossdressing. Just wear the dress if you want. Stop letting society prevent you from wearing panties. Yes, you may get teased and pointed at (or worse) but since when are you dressing for the rest of world? Dress for yourself. Crossdressing is legal (as of this writing, anyway).
But I understand what they mean. It isn’t socially “acceptable” for a man to wear a dress or a skirt or paint their nails. But who cares? I don’t need anyone’s approval to wear what I want.
It will never be okay. And here’s why.
Many men (and yes, not ALL men so please calm down) think that anything feminine is a inferior or weak. Girls cry, girls wear dresses. Men are taught it’s embarrassing to be associated with anything feminine, whether it is an emotion or a piece of clothing. Men can get ridiculed by other men for having pierced years or long hair.
So, long story short, until men change the perception that feminine=weak, men will never be “allowed” to crossdress. Sorry to say but by and large men control the narrative on this.
And yes, not all men and yes, some women ridicule men who are wearing a dress so it’s not as black and white as I am suggesting it is so you can hold off on the “what abouts” and “this one time” comments and emails.
Is this fair? No, of course not. Clothes should not be genderizied, people should be able to dress how they choose and be free of being teased (or worse). But there are a lot of things about gender that aren’t fair. It’s not fair that all states have at least a 10% lower median pay for women compared to men. So, yes, there are a lot of things that need to be equalized.
Women are “allowed” to crossdress (i.e. wear pants, etc.) because it’s… well, normal for women to wear pants. Society, for the most part, has accepted that women are “allowed” to wear pants. However, this wasn’t always the case.
Society did not one day collectively decide it was okay for women to wear pants. This did not happen suddenly or without consequences.
If we want the same societal acceptance to wear a skirt that women have when it comes to wearing pants, wonderful, then we had better start fighting for it.
I don’t view a cis women wearing pants as crossdressing. Pants have been “de-genderized”. Women did that. Women waged and won that battle. And honestly? Good for them. If my wife is wearing jeans she is wearing “girl jeans”. Jeans that are designed for the cis woman’s body. If men want a skirt to be de-genderized, it’s a battle that men will have to fight.
And yes, like pants designed for women, there are panties that are designed for men but panties, and every item of “girl clothing” have a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong way to go when it comes to being de-genderized. When I am wearing a dress or a pair of panties, it’s entirely possible that I am wearing “girl clothes” that are designed “for men”. But clothes are clothes and some of my clothes are designed for the body type, or the body parts that I have.
Of course some cis women buy “boy clothes”, clothes that are designed for a cis male body, whether it is a pair of pants or a hoodie or whatever. And dammit, that’s their right. Women fought for that.
Of course, on the flip side, it’s also a man’s right to buy heels if he chooses to do so.
I get tired of hearing complaints that women can wear whatever they want and men can’t. It’s not true. Women are unfairly criticized for their clothes constantly. Women are told they need to dress more feminine, they are told they dress too provocatively, told to cover up, told to show a little skin, actresses and journalists are destroyed in the media if heaven forbid they wear the same outfit more than once. Women weren’t even allowed to wear pants in the Senate until 1993. I have editions of books that are older than that.
We are constantly hearing stories about girls in high school not being allowed to wear certain clothes because it is too “distracting” for boys. A girl should wear what she wants. This is not a lesson for our daughters. It’s a lesson that we need to teach our sons that they need to stop objectifying women and to start respecting them, no matter she may be wearing. I am not religious but even the Bible said “and if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.” The terrible grades I earned in high school were because I was daydreaming and choosing not to study, not because the girl next to me was wearing a tank top.
So, let’s MAYBE stop complaining that women are “allowed” to crossdress or wear boy clothes. On some level women aren’t even “allowed” to wear girl clothes and are told that the skirt is too short or that that top is too revealing. Jesus Christ, just leave women alone.
I’m sure women would love for EVERYTHING to be equal between all genders, whether it is salary or wardrobe options or access to health care.
Women fought for the right for women to wear pants. If men want to wear skirts we must be willing to fight for it. Complaining, whining, ranting online, calling it unfair or a double-standard gets us absolutely nowhere. Societal acceptance when it comes to clothes won’t come easily and it won’t happen quickly. We must change how women are viewed. We must change the mindset that women, that anything feminine, whether an emotion or an article of clothing, is inferior. And again, yes, I know not all men think this way.
So, what do we do first? That is another topic, another cup of coffee, for another day. But I will tell you this: the fight for clothing and gender presentation equality will be a long, messy, hard battle that will take massive changes in our political leadership, expanding LGBTQIA+ protections, and challenging conversations, so let me know when ya’ll are ready for a revolution.
I’ve always said crossdressing takes time, patience, and money. But this is for the… hm, practical part of crossdressing. The “right” to crossdress will take much, much, much more than that.