There will always be things that are unknowable. Not knowing something doesn’t mean you are unintelligent. Well, not always. True wisdom is knowing that there are things that are unknowable and accepting that it’s pointless and futile to TRY to understand all unknowables.
Spellcheck says that “unknowables” isn’t a word but who cares.
I have (mostly) stopped speculating why I am who I am. Humans are complex creatures that are shaped by our biology, our experiences, the people in our lives. All of these things are going to influence our feelings, perspectives, and yes, our wardrobes. It’s pointless to try and dissect every single aspect of what makes up a person.
And even if you could, it would explain THAT person. This type of, ah, research would need to be done from scratch for someone else.
It’s not unlike cooking. I have a hard time identifying a certain ingredient or spice in food. I mean, yes, I know when something is salty or savory or sweet, but my wife will sometimes as if there’s too much garlic or paprika in something she makes and really I have no idea. I can’t separate different tastes. All I know is that it tastes really good.
I’m glad I have stopped (again, for the most part) trying to figure myself out. I wish I could do the same for other people, though. Although what someone thinks of me isn’t something I spend a lot of time worrying about or adapting to, I do wonder why some people react to something in a certain way.
In some situations, it’s pretty clear if you look for a common factor. I used to have a coworker who would complain that every woman he talked to was cold or unfriendly to him. And honestly? It was true. All of the women we worked with HATED him.
Because of his experiences, his perspective was shaped into the opinion that all women hated men.
But the reality was that he was just an asshole. He was rude to women, made in appropriate comments, told sexist jokes, and talked about the clothes his female students wore. It didn’t take long for him to be fired.
So yes, women were less than friendly towards him. The common denominator was how HE treated women… it wasn’t because all women hated men, they just hated HIM.
He gave off a creepy (to say the least) vibe. And the universe responded to that. It didn’t take a psychologist to figure out why people reacted to him in the way they did.
It’s not always this simple to determine why some people react to something, or to someone. Annnd for the most it’s not worth your time to understand annnd it could be one of those unknowable things.
But I have to admit I get curious about some things from time to time.
When it comes to fetishes and kinks, I admit that I will never know why something turns someone on. It’s just how someone is wired. And honestly? I don’t need to know or want to know the specifics. People have their… ah, interests and I do as well.
I mean, even if there is a deep-rooted psychological reason for why someone is into something, unless it’s hurting someone or leaving something traumatic unresolved, and that all people involved are consensual, let people be.
I accept that crossdressing is a fetish or kink for some of us. I accept that crossdressers are a fetish or a kink for someone else. I don’t think it’s really necessary or interesting to understand the WHY of it.
My gender identity has shaped my experiences. I’ve written before how CROSSDRESSER was the very first thing I ever searched for when I went online for the first time. This search introduced the concept and the reality that crossdressing was very, VERY sexual to (seemingly) many crossdressers.
And often to the non-crossdresser. I think it’s safe to say that a lot of people associate “men wearing girl clothes” with sex. This association is often made by someone who doesn’t understand gender identity (or doesn’t care to try). This association can also be made by someone who themselves is aroused by “men wearing girl clothes”.
Of course, we know that this is not the case. I think you all know that this side of me isn’t sexual in any way. And for many of you it’s the same… this side of you, this side of us is who we are.
I think through years of blogging and posts that I’ve… hm, proven that this side of me isn’t a kink or a fetish. At first blush it might be easy to think that I am “just” a crossdresser and that since I am, from some people’s perspective, “a man wearing girl clothes” that there is likely a sexual side to all of this. I’ve hopefully demonstrated that THIS is about who I am… not about SEX.
Of course, there’s nothing WRONG if this IS about sex to someone. I am not here to judge. If it makes you happy it can’t be that bad, after all.
I am not sure if you’ve noticed, but I post a LOT of pictures. My pictures cover quite the range from ballgowns to lingerie to PVC dresses to cute outfits. Different photos create different responses. For the most part I am rarely surprised by the reactions a picture can get.
But sometimes? Not only am I surprised I am often confused.
Identifying as transgender, in my opinion, can cover a lot of territory and can range from THIS being a sexual thing to a very serious, intimate, sacred identity. There are people who don’t differentiate the differences and subtleties and there are those who, well, don’t care (or think there are any) any differences between a fetishist and someone who has transitioned.
Some t-girls go to great lengths to explain who we are in an effort to hopefully help someone else understand who we are and who we are not. I wouldn’t be surprised if every t-girl reading this site has had the “no, I am not a drag queen” talk with someone in their life.
Not that there’s anything wrong with drag. But I think for some of us we don’t want to be confused with the dominant perception of a drag artist. I am not a performer, I am not interested in a three foot tall wig or exaggerated makeup.
I’ve also had the “no, this isn’t a fetish” talk with my wife, girls I’ve dated, my therapist.
I like to think that my photos convey a sense of… hm, class? Real world femulation (to borrow a phrase from the legendary Stana), if you will. I don’t THINK I give off a “I am en femme because I am turned on by it” vibe.
I recently tweeted a photo and it gained a TON of activity. Much, much, much more than usual. As of this writing the photo has 508 Likes, 37 comments, and 24 retweets.
I was very much taken aback. I am not trying to be humble but I was surprised to see this much interaction especially compared to the photo I tweeted before this one which had about a half of the “likes”.
The photo also kicked off a flurry of new followers and a ton of DMs (direct messages). I read my DMs and will sometimes look at the profiles of new followers and it seemed that many of my new followers were, well, chasers.
Chasers are typically men who say and think that they identify as straight and are very drawn to t-girls and crossdressers. I could be wrong but it seems like chasers fetishize girls like us.
Again, nothing wrong with a kink or a fetish (provided it does no harm and it’s consensual for all those involved).
It’s not uncommon to get emails/comments from chasers and for the most part they are pretty harmless. They are typically along the lines of compliments or (seemingly) well intentioned messages.
I’m sure some of these messages are “testing the waters” and seeing if I will respond in a way that may start a conversation that might lead to “something else”. It doesn’t, and it never will.
In my experience most guys back off. And I am thankful for that.
However, the above photo, and the photo below seemed to… unleash a LOT of VERY sexually driven comments.
These comments and messages were very detailed, very explicit, very sexual, very kinky, very… ugh. And they haven’t slowed down.
This was a little surprising to me. I mean, I like these pictures, I like these dresses and these heels, but they didn’t seem to be SEXUAL to me. They may be SEXY to some, but not SEXUAL (there is a difference).
When I post lingerie pictures I get (and expect) those type of comments (but it doesn’t make them acceptable or welcomed). It just… kind of comes with the territory, unfortunately. Thankfully it’s easy to mute and block people which prevents them from interacting with me or seeing my activity.
I know some men (and yes, not all men) will shoot their shot to anyone or anything. I guess what I am wondering (and it took long enough to get here) is if I am sending a message that I am not aware of or intending?
I don’t think I give off a “I WANT SEX” vibe.