I Dreamed I Went Shopping in my Macy’s Gown

Anyway, a while ago someone emailed me and decided it was appropriate to let me know that they think that I dress like a whore who is asking for it and that no real woman would wear what I wear.

Most pictures I post are from photo shoots and in the privacy of a studio. I will choose a wide variety of outfits that are appropriate for the mall or the bedroom or a sex dungeon. What I choose for these shoots are not indicative of what I wear in the real world. If I am going out to dinner I am not going to wear a latex dress or whatever. I may not worry about passing or blending, but that doesn’t mean I am going to dress inappropriately.

I bit my tongue and replied to them, telling them such. I tried to defuse the situation by injecting a little brevity and saying that I am not going to wear a floor-length gown to the mall.

And then I thought why DON’T I wear a floor length gown to the mall? It would be stupid NOT to wear a floor length gown to the mall.

So I did.

I recently attended a gala and I obviously needed a gown for it, so I went shopping for one. I decided on the Mall of America because THE Mall has the most stores and therefor the highest chances of finding a dress, but THE Mall would also be the most interesting place to do a photo shoot. If I was going to spend hundreds of dollars on a gown I was going to get my money’s worth of it, dammit.

Shannonlee and her camera met up with my friend Sophia and I on a Saturday morning and we started to wander around the gown section at Macy’s. Shannonlee took a few pictures while we did this.

I thought for certain that I would pick out a pink or a black gown so I spent the most time considering those colors. Once I had selected a few options, it was into the dressing room. This is always a humbling experience.

I really liked this dress and now that I see a photo of it I am kind of wishing I bought it. I held off because although no one will believe me but it was a little too short, even for me.

And then there’s this one! LOVED this dress. It wasn’t right for the event but I had to own it. So I bought it. I had planned on wearing it for Pride but since then I have reconsidered. It’s a heavy dress (it has a hidden petticoat with tulle) and it’s HOT. I wore it for a photo shoot recently and I decided it’s probably not ideal for a ten hour day in the June sunshine.

After a few other dresses, I surprised myself by falling in love with a yellow gown.

Not only is yellow not a color that I wear very often, but I am not also used to wearing dresses that go past my knees lol.

I changed out of it, bought the two dresses, and then changed back into it. It was showtime, baby.

I strutted, I danced, and I twirled out of Macy’s.

I felt like a princess, and I also felt a little silly. No, I felt… playful.

Listen.

When a t-girl is out in public, we are fully aware that we will turn heads. The main reason is that we are super cute and of course everyone wants to see a super cute girl. Another reason is that we are wearing super cute clothes and stilettos and of course everyone appreciates super cute clothes and stilettos.

We are also likely very tall, lol.

Public spaces are filled with so many people and tall girls, super cute girls, and well dressed girls, will always stand out. A t-girl is likely going to get a second look. We know this. It’s not always easy to blend in. By default we stand out.

The secret is to embrace it. Own it. Accept that when you go out people will notice you. What they think when they do so is none of your business. You’ll never know what someone is thinking. The truth is that they likely won’t care.

Sure, it’s possible they may think “she’s a transwoman” but it’s unlikely they will have a relevant, second thought. When I am out in the world (not en femme) and I see a gender nonconforming person, my thoughts are “that person is likely GNC. I wonder if this mall has a bookstore.”

My point is that everyone who sees me KNOWS I am transgender. And good for them. I AM transgender. But it’s not very likely they CARE.

If anything, they might wonder why on earth anyone would CHOOSE to wear five inch stilettos at the mall, regardless of their genitalia.

After we left Macy’s, I wondered, what now? Shannonlee asked me the same question. There was no plan, there was no specific location that I wanted to go, it was all about vibes and interacting with the mall itself. Which is kind of a strange plan but sometimes during photo shoots, regardless of where they are, you must be open to letting the room, the building, presenting itself to you. A doorframe is just a doorframe, but it might be an interesting background for a picture.

So, that’s what we did.

Obviously we wandered into the amusement park and I caught up with my old friend but he didn’t really seem that excited to talk to me.

Here I am at one of the food courts because a princess obviously needs a court, right?

I was living my princess dream but I was also living my dream of becoming a mannequin.

We popped into a dress store that sells gowns that cost more than what some people earn in a lifetime but they had a little pedestal and I couldn’t resist.

We finished our adventure at Barnes and Noble. This girl loves books, after all. I was happy to get caught up on my reading.

And I made a new friend who ended up NOT being a friend.

But all adventures must end and Princess Hannah returned to the enchanted forest to dream about her next stroll through her magic kingdom princessdom.

This was an insanely fun day. Everyone was so kind despite some bewildered looks from mallgoers.

Love, Hannah