In my male life, I tend to be a bit of a workaholic. Even on my days off, I plan projects and errands and things that I need to accomplish. I have a hard time relaxing. One of my favorite things about having two genders is that Hannah is very different than my male life. I had quite a few errands planned for yesterday but it was a beautiful morning and I felt like being as beautiful as the day.
I woke up, picked out one of my favorite floral dresses and nude heels and left my house in search of adventure. I ended up at the Mall of America. I think for many of us in Minnesota we look visiting this mall as a challenge. It’s huge, has a ton on people and can be intimidating. I’ve been to the mall as Hannah before and was excited to return.
I arrived at the mall before most stores had opened and enjoyed listening to the click of my heels on the floor as I wandered around having a coffee. I caught the eye of other shoppers and I did what I always do when someone looks at me, I smiled at them. And more often than not, they smiled back.
A smile can disarm, a smile can put someone at ease and smiling back when someone smiles at us is a reflex. There was one lady in particular who just…stared at me and I just kept smiling. I thought about what she would tell her friends later.
“I saw one of those…transgendered people at the mall.”
“What happened?”
“She…smiled at me”.
Yes, we are pretty scary.
As I strolled through the mall, I heard someone say “oh, will you look at the model!” I turned and saw a couple sitting on a bench waiting for a store to open. I sat down with them and had a wonderful conversation with them. They were a retired couple from Norway who were in town to meet their daughter who was flying into Minneapolis from Alaska. We had about a 20 minute chat and my heart grew with happiness.
I stopped in a lot of stores and tried on dresses looking for a new outfit. I also took advantage of all the giant mirrors.
I had so much fun. After my recent post I was inspired to try on a few gowns as well. Look at this dress, could you imagine wearing it at ball?
I had a wonderful adventure at the mall. I look at my time as Hannah truly as adventures. I never know what will happen. Maybe I will find the perfect dress or talk to a retired pastor from Norway. What I do know is that people are generally very kind and they might look at you as they have never seen a transperson before…and it’s possible they haven’t.
It’s impossible and a waste of time trying to determine what people are thinking when they see you. Regardless of what they think, it can’t affect you. How you think about yourself is the only thing that matters. If someone does stare at me, I like to imagine they are thinking “wow, she’s tall” or “what a beautiful dress!” and “how does she walk in those heels?”.
People will stare, but mostly they just smile back.
Love, Hannah
Last night was the monthly outing for the 
Every year, as the end of spring begins to flirt with the first breath of summer, you see beauty everywhere. The blossoming of flowers, the bluest sky imaginable and breathtaking sunsets.
I was offered the opportunity to share my most recent travel adventure here. I accepted. I recently viewed a video of comedian/actor Will Smith talking about fears. He was talking about jumping out of an airplane, not himself specifically, but just “a guy” who agreed with friends to do this fearful act. Why couldn’t this guy sleep the night before the jump? He was nowhere near an airplane yet. Why was he afraid when he arrived at the airport to meet his friends. They weren’t in the airplane yet. Then following the jump, the guy was in a state of euphoria. I can equate this to my personal history with being a t-girl. I was in the closet. Why was I so scared of “jumping” out the door? And once I did step out the door…euphoria. The basic message. Bliss comes on the other side of our biggest fears. So, now, not only do I go out, but I, as Nicole, started traveling.
My travels always start with planning. Since I don’t travel for business, it’s my personal vacation time being used. I start a couple months ahead of time by notifying a few friends that I am coming their way and hopefully we will have an opportunity to get together. My most recent travels took me to Chicago and Detroit.
Wednesday I moved southward. I had a hotel room in Alsip, IL, an hour from Arlington Heights. This made my trip to see girlfriends at Club Krave, a small corner bar in Blue Island, IL, a short drive. While the bar may be small, the hearts of the girls who frequent it aren’t. They welcome me as if I were one of the regulars. Wednesday night is karaoke night at Krave, so there tend to be 6-12 girls singing any given week. I don’t sing myself, but having met the girls at Club Krave makes me smile.
I had the pleasure of sharing a hotel room with Stephanie, a girl from Cincinnati, OH. She and I had met twice previously. The first time I met Stephanie was when she visited the Twin Cities for business. She found me on Facebook, asking if there were places where a girl could go out. Not only did I say yes there are, but she allowed me to join her and show her. Coincidentally, the first thing we did was enjoy a dinner out with Hannah’s MN T-Girls.
Friday was a relaxing day. Stephanie and I, along with a third friend, Jamie, went to lunch at a fabulous place called Rosie O’Grady’s. I love it. Two trips to Detroit, three meals at Rosie’s, lol. After that, we did a little shopping, including a stop at Janet’s Closet, “a crossdresser’s paradise.”
I’ve known Nicole for many years and is probably one of my best t-friends. I met her on my first night out ever and I am very happy to have gotten to know her so well. Nicole is probably one of the most famous t-girls in Minnesota; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people ask if I know her or found the 
Hannah McKnight 