We all need support and friendship, especially when it comes to this part of our lives. Let’s be clear, we need to talk about this side of us with others. It can be overwhelming and lonely to keep this a secret.
T-girls need other t-girls. When I spend time with other girls like myself, we can talk about trans-related feelings and thoughts without having to explain every little nuance or aspect of our identity. We know. We can relate. We don’t have to say a word.
The more support and resources we have the better. I recently became aware of a new forum called TransRefuge. According to their site, TransRefuge is a social and support community for transgender and intersex people, and a resource center for those who support us. We exist to connect transgender people, intersex people, and allies with friends and resources.
The site offers a lot of resources, advice, and friendship for our community. If you are looking for a way to connect with girls like us, please visit TransRefuge.
The very very first dress I remember wearing was a red dress with white polka dots. Of course, it belonged to my sister but I could never remember her wearing it.
Obviously I loved wearing the dress, and to this day polka dots instantly bring me back to that very special dress. The pattern represents femininity to me and there’s something classic and cute about them.
I think I have learned more about myself in the last ten years than the rest of my life. I learned how to balance my gender identities. I couldn’t let the pink fog take over my life and at the same time. I also couldn’t deny this side of me.
Balance is how we walk in heels, it’s how we live our lives.
I was living on my own, I was in a relationship, and I was learning more about my gender identity.
I started to learn how to be an adult, learned what I wanted in a relationship, and how to walk in heels.
I learned my limits, and what I wanted. I learned what I wouldn’t settle for, and how to come to terms with being transgender.
I acknowledged what was holding me back, and whether or not those barriers could be overcome.
One of the most defining moments of my life came when I was driving home from work one summer evening. It was close to midnight, the world was still. It is moments like this that life or God or your inner voice speak to you. It’s up to you to listen.
Sometimes what you need to experience is a moment of clarity, a realization, or music. I had never heard this song on the radio before, and I’ve never heard it played again. If I didn’t own the CD I would almost believe that the song didn’t exist. But it did, thank God.
“Me”, written and performed by Paula Cole really summarized many of my feelings and thoughts that summer. I was not happy in the relationship and felt a little trapped. I was living out of state, and ending the relationship was a little more complicated than simply breaking up. I would need to move back to Minnesota, find a new job, and in a way, admit defeat, on some levels. When you are 20 you chalk up your victories and losses by relationships. My perspective is different these days.
In addition to being in a bad relationship, I couldn’t help but wonder where all of THIS was going. I would buy heels and a dress and then quickly purge in a seemingly endless circle. I knew this side of me wasn’t going away. But how was I going to live with it? Did I want to? Of course I did, but what was life going to be like?
I felt powerless in my relationship, where I lived, and in a way, powerless when it came to my gender identity. It was a difficult but important summer. It was humbling, too. I would buy a dress that wouldn’t fit (know your measurements, girls), look horrific in lipstick, and stumble in stilettos. I wanted to be beautiful but my confidence was lower than ever.
But that warm summer night my perspective changed. The things I wanted, like getting out of the relationship, returning to Minnesota… I could do these things. The only one stopping me was ME. The lyrics hit hard.
I am carrying my voice I am carrying my heart I am carrying my rhythm I am carrying my prayers But you can’t kill my spirit, it’s old and it is strong And like a mountain I’ll go on and on But when my wings are folded The brightly colored moth blends into the dirt into the ground
And it’s me who is my enemy Me who beats me up Me who makes the monsters Me who strips my confidence And it’s me who’s too weak And it’s me who’s too shy to ask for the thing I love And it’s me who’s too weak And it’s me who’s too shy to ask for the thing I love But I love
I am walking on the bridge I am over the water And I’m scared as hell But I know there’s something better Yes I know, yes I know, yes I know, yes I know
I bought the CD the next day and I still listen to this song. It still inspires me.
Having fully embraced who I am today, I am amazed at how much I have overcome and what I have done. I still know my limits, whether it is how long I can stay awake before I start to get really loopy, how many miles a day I can run, or what I am comfortable wearing. I know I don’t “pass” (and there’s no such thing) but I still don’t want to show the more traditionally masculine parts of my body.
So, dresses with thin spaghetti straps were out as they showed off my shoulders. My huge, manly shoulders.
And then the pandemic hit. Things we took for granted were gone, and my time out of the house en femme was gone. Before I go further, I want to recognize that many of what I am thinking, and feeling, and writing about is incredibly shallow and self-centered in comparison to how the pandemic has impacted others.
I would look through my wardrobe and get a little sad about not being able to hit the mall or visit a museum en femme (again, I own my shallowness). I would buy dresses and heels and wonder when I would wear them.
And then I saw a super cute dress. It was unlike what I usually wear… it wasn’t form fitting, a little longer than I normally wear… and the thinnest straps I’ve ever seen. I saw it, I loved it, and I wished I had the courage to wear it.
And then I bought it.
I promised myself that as soon as I could, I would wear this dress the next time I could go out en femme.
I’ve held myself back in my life so many times, and when I got tired of listening to that voice and would do the thing I was afraid of, I was always thrilled to do so. I also wondered why I stood in my own way for so long. It’s true, we are our own enemy sometimes.
I am so excited (and proud of myself) to show the photos Shannonlee and I took that day of the dress. The photo shoot was for a shoe review I did for The Breast Form Store but I couldn’t help but show off this dress… and my shoulders… and confidence.
I’ve been keeping a blog for almost ten years now. It’s not always easy to find something to write about. Sure, I can post pictures from a photo shoot or a link to a relevant news story, but pieces that are more introspective or personal take a little work. Sometimes the writing needs a little coaxing, like trying to zip up a dress, other times the inspiration comes like a lightning bolt.
Putting together an outfit can be very much like writing. Sometimes a dress or a pair of heels will stay in my closet for months until I find the right occasion or accessory to wear it. But other times…
As soon as I unwrapped these heels, I could envision not only the dress these shoes needed, but what I wanted to do in them. Some heels I want to wear to a club, some I want to wear for a photo shoot, and these heels I wanted to wear while running errands, hitting the mall, and enjoying a lazy Saturday.
Not that these heels are casual. Oh no, but because there’s nothing like wearing a cute dress and pairing it with a fun pair of heels. These heels are incredibly cute, and are even cuter with a dress that compliments them. Some heels help with glamming up an outfit, some are perfect for dressing an outfit down, but sometimes a dress and the shoes look like they were made for each other.
I knew exactly the kind of dress I needed for these beauties. Something retro, something flirty, something with a lot of small details. The pulled satin under the box and the fastener were small little rewards for an eye that lingered a little bit longer. I looked through my wardrobe and I eventually came across this adorable dress.
Is there any pattern flirtier than polka dot?
Is there anything cuter than this dress?
I love the bodice of the dress and the lace detail is just adorable. These little details compliment the small details of the heels perfectly. The waist is gathered and the skirt retains a bit of a-line when standing (but it still will easily blow in the breeze… trust me lol).
All day long I felt super cute and despite the five inch heel, my feet never got tired. I strutted and glided like never before. At first I was worried that they were too narrow and I was happy that they fit so well. The wraparound ankle strap is not only sexy but also kept everything in place.
I love these heels. I love this dress. I love how cute I felt that day. It’s tempting to look at these pictures and stop whatever I am doing and get dressed up and head to the mall or send the rest of the day wandering around the city. This dress, these heels, inspire me and isn’t that exactly what an outfit should do?
Thank you to the Breast Form Store for these adorable heels!
Hi Hannah, I live in South Africa. I crossdress but it is so difficult to buy crossdressers items because in South Africa we do not have the facility like in the UK, Australia, Canada or America. We cannot go to a store and purchase. I wish someone could set up a store here. Even finding a makeup artist is difficult. I have been trying to buy silicone breasts for some time. Please try and assist. Thank you for all the lovely articles and information as well.
Regardless of where one lives, stores that specifically target our community aren’t all that common. As happy as I am that there are retailers that sell clothes and heels that are sized for girls like us, I don’t limit my shopping to them. I have just as many dresses from Target and Dress Barn as I do from En Femme and Glamour Boutique.
I don’t think greater society will ever be “okay” with girls like us, crossdressers, or a guy buying panties, but some parts of the world might view us as more taboo than others. There’s nothing stopping me from going to the mall en femme to buy lingerie, but I would be less comfortable doing this in certain parts of my state than others.
If buying clothes locally is not an option (regardless of where you live), then online shopping is the way to go. When to comes to forms and pads, I highly recommend The Breast Form Store.
I hope this helps!
Love, Hannah
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
There is nothing I love more than planning outfits and shopping. I have chosen the more recently based on staple items and items that can work with multiple outfits. Most of the things I have now would fit into the “office casual” or “office to evening look”. I had not considered outfits and heels for occasions but I LOVE LOVE the idea. What would you recommend for both outfits and shoes for brunch? date night? Errands? Going to club or nice dinner?
Clothes, heels, accessories, and makeup are a wonderful way to express one’s style and personality. Clothes can convey confidence. I am always amazed (and delighted) at how versatile “girl clothes” are. There is a dress for literally every occasion I can think of.
When building or expanding a wardrobe, I would recommend reading an article I wrote for En Femme about the essentials.
This is probably a good time to mention that this is all strictly my opinion. What you fill your closet with, your lingerie drawer with, is 1000000% up to you. Create a wardrobe you want, wear clothes that you want to wear. There are no rules.
But since you asked, here’s what I would wear.
When it comes to heels, start with a pair of black heels and a pair of beige heels. These are the most practical and the most versatile as you can pair them with almost every outfit and are appropriate for almost any occasion. Black to dress up, beige to dress down.
Boots are essential for fall and winter. Something cute and strappy for summer. As you build your wardrobe you’ll start getting inspired as to which shoes would go best with the outfit. For example, this sparkly dress is beautiful, and yes, a pair of black heels would work, but I am happy I had a pair of gold heels to pair it with.
Accessorizing an outfit is not that different than cooking. Sampling the soup you are making might inspire you to add a spice (or whatever, I am not a chef). Picking out a dress will also inspire you to envision what heels you should wear with it.
As for choosing an outfit for an occasion, really, you can wear whatever you want to whatever you want, and what I would wear may be different than what you would choose. As I get older I get bolder, braver, more confident. I can’t blend in, so I fully embrace with standing out. Not to the point where I am wearing a gown to Target, but I love wearing bold patterns and bright colors, even if I am a little out of place. Not too many people wear heels to run errands, but this girl does.
Off the top of my head, here’s what I would wear to a few different events or places.
The Club
I am not really sure what I mean by the “The Club” but I suppose a crowded place with loud music and alcohol. 🙂 I think you can get away with an incredibly bold outfit at a club more than anywhere else. I would, and do, wear something more leathery or shiny, such as PVC.
Brunch
I love showing off my legs and I do so with any chance I get, but I would wear a dress or a skirt that touches my knees or longer. Probably something that isn’t sleeveless, too. Bright colors also seem perfect for brunch, too.
Dinner
Of course, this depends on the type of restaurant you go to, as well as the event. These are some of the outfits I have worn to dinner. This first dress is from a night out that included dinner and attending a play. The dress worked perfect for both.
The Office
Of course, I don’t work en femme, but I have a lot of outfits in my closet that would work just fine for the office. These two outfits are my best effort at a sexy CEO look. 🙂
Shopping
I dress for ME. I don’t dress for anyone else. What I wear when I hit the mall is a little overdressed compared to the other girls, I don’t hear a lot of other heels clicking on the floor besides my own.
I hope this helps! In looking over these photos I am seeing a wide variety of dresses and heels, but the really, wear what you want. 🙂
Love, Hannah
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
Seriously, it was a fun contest, and as they say, there’s no shame in losing to the best. The winner for the Kittens category was the beautiful Natalie Masara.
The winner for the Newcomer category (the other category I was a finalist in) was the breathtaking Jewels Smith.
Thanks to everyone who voted and congratulations to everyone who entered!
I know deep down that this is a question that I can probably only answer myself but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’m married with 3 kids 2 of my own and my step daughter. My wife and step daughter know about Erica and are very accepting of my dressing. My Son and daughter do not know of it and I really don’t know if I want them to. I think my daughter would be ok with it but I think my son would take it really hard. For reference my daughter is 19 my son is 18. Anyway I have always joked with my daughter in the past whenever we’re at the mall or running around town that we should go get makeovers or go buy me a little black dress to wear and she always laughs and says yeah right I’d like to see that.
Well, the last couple weeks she’s brought up wanting to do my makeup and give me a makeover to which I laugh it off and say I don’t know only if I can wear a dress and heels to go with it! She says go for it Lol
Anyway I know I would love it and think it would be fun but I’m scared that I’d let the cat out of the bag so to speak if I enjoy it a little to much or walk in my heels a little too well! I guess what I’m asking is for your thoughts on if I should let her do this or not? Like I mentioned I know I’m the only one who can answer this.
Thanks in advance Hannah for any insight you could provide.
Yes, you are 100% correct, only you can answer this.
But here are some things to consider. Once you come out to someone, it can never ever be taken back. You can’t go back into the closet. Even if you never talk to someone about this side of you after coming out to them, they will always know and your relationship will forever be changed. It might be better, it might be… well, weird, it might be tense. It might be a big shift or subtle, but it will impact your relationship.
If you keep bringing up things like makeovers or pedicures or dresses, eventually your daughter will notice a pattern. She may or not “figure it out” but she will likely notice that you talk, even jokingly, about this stuff a lot.
Of course, she may already know about this side of you and might be dropping hints that she knows about you and might be inviting you to come out to her. I don’t know, I can’t say.
When we do come out to someone, we need to be gentle, we need to go slow sometimes. If I were to come out to someone at this point in my life, I probably wouldn’t bombard them with everything Hannah does (modeling, this website, the MN T-Girls, etc). Who Hannah is, and everything I do would likely overwhelm anyone and I wouldn’t blame them. This side of us is going to be a shock to almost anyone in our lives so its best to take it slow.
I hope this helps!
Love, Hannah
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
I don’t have a chance, but I am honored to be a finalist for Glamour Boutique‘s annual Glamour Girl contest. All finalists were invited to submit a 30 second video and I wanted to share this amazing video that my friend Marci made. The song, of course, is by Madonna.
The winners are supposed to be announced this weekend, so fingers crossed!
