****I apologize for the very boring title to this post. When I have ideas for a post I jot down some notes and a working title as a draft until I can think of something more fun. Anyway, I posted this after I changed the name and well, we’re going with it, lol.
I tend to overthink. About everything. Sometimes I overthink about WHAT I NEED to think about. What I mean is that sometimes I wonder if I am putting too little thought, OR too much thought into something.
Of course, I also overthink about WHY I overthink, but that is a question for my therapist.
I DO think that girls like us and anyone outside of the gender binary (who are not out to everyone in their life) tend to overthink. To go down the proverbial rabbit hole of What Ifs.
And this is not a criticism. Not at all. I get it.
We are afraid of small, innocuous things leading to being found out. We might be terrified about shaving our legs because we are afraid someone will think we are doing that so we look better in stockings.
I mean, that’s why I shave my legs.
But the reality is that I don’t think very many people will jump to that conclusion. If I see another male presenting person with shaved legs, I don’t assume that they like to wear femme clothes. And that’s coming from someone who DOES shave their legs because I wear femme clothes.
If I see a man with shaved legs I honestly don’t know or care why he does that. I don’t give it a second thought… and I don’t think anyone else does either. It’s rare that I even NOTICE it. I also know that I will never know WHY they shave their legs. I mean, who cares? It’s not like I am going to walk up to a complete stranger and tell them I noticed their legs and I was curious why they shaved them. I mean, that is just weird. No one does that… or at least no one should.
But I get it. We consider these potential outcomes because we tend to look at our gender identity and our wardrobes as things that we need to protect. We protect them because we know that most people will not understand this side of us AND could lead to… well, an outcome we are terrified of.
And I can relate. In my male life I am terrified of being found out that I am a crossdresser. I am paranoid of someone seeing the lace edging of my panties. That revelation could likely lead to conversations I don’t want to have with people I don’t want to be out to.
In almost every way I would rather be outed as Hannah than as a crossdresser… if you understand the differences.
Overthinking can prevent action. Paralysis by over analysis, if you will. We get so caught up in the What Ifs about going out en femme that we never end up going out en femme. Again, this is not a criticism. I get it. I was there. Sometimes I am still there.
But we NEED to think about being safe. Whether it is rethinking a certain pair of heels on an icy sidewalk, where we are going to go, and who we might see. Again, we are protecting our gender identity… both of them.
One thing we tend to overthink about is what I mentioned earlier. What will people think? Again, the reality is that you won’t know. I don’t know WHY the guy at the gym shaves their legs. I am not going to ask. On the flip side I am not going to know what the dude at the mall thinks of Hannah. I am not going to ask.
Again, that would be weird.
There are some conversations en femme that we do need to have, however. And it’s normal for us to play out hypothetical questions in our mind. We rehearse what we will say. We speculate what we might be asked. This can easily lead to overthinking. But again… I get it.
I get a lot of questions about makeup appointments and makeovers.
What will they think of me?
What will they ask?
Have they ever done makeup for someone like me before?
IF there is an answer for these questions, the answers are probably:
They are likely thinking that you are their client and they want to make you happy
They are likely going to ask about your goals
And very likely yes, absolutely
It’s normal to overthink the first and third questions. We’ll get to the second one in a moment.
Makeup artists tend to be people who LOVE makeup. They know how makeup makes someone feel as they likely can relate to how the perfect lipstick shade can make someone happy.
When it comes to goals I want to offer my perspective on something. Many of you ask me if you should disclose that you are a crossdresser when making the appointment. My thought is, well, if you want. BUT I would suggest using a different term. “Crossdressing”, through no fault of our own, tends to be thought of as sexual and as a fetish. I mean, it MIGHT be for you but that’s another topic for another time.
The reason I suggest avoiding that term is that since it’s kind of stigmatized it’s possible that someone else might think that your gender identity is a kink. And… I don’t know, I don’t think a lot of people want to assist someone who might be, well, aroused by it.
I personally don’t disclose that I am transgender, either. I don’t think it matters… and based on my experiences… well, it doesn’t matter. More on that in a moment.
BUT! I do understand WANTING to disclose this. Not because of the makeover ITSELF (again, more on this in a moment) but because, well, I do not want to get a makeover from someone who does not support the trans community.
It hasn’t happened but the thought of showing up for a makeover and the artist refusing to work with me because of my gender identity is heartbreaking.
Anyway, the reason I don’t disclose my transness is that my perspective is that I am a girl and some girls get makeovers. AND! over the years and after countless makeovers I have realized that once you are in the chair and looking at the brightly lit mirror and chatting about makeup… your gender identity, your anatomy… none of that matters.
Almost every makeup artist will ask me what my goals are. The look I am going for. This is when I need to be specific. This is when any girl needs to be specific. Especially a girl like me. If I tell my artist I want to look as feminine as possible. That I want to look as beautiful as possible. That I want to look like a girl… I know what I mean but your artist probably doesn’t. We all have different ideas and perspectives on what femininity means. It could mean blending in with the other girls at the mall or it could mean being the belle of the ball.
lol, that rhymes.
Instead of these vague goals, I need to be specific.
I’ve been going to the same artist for almost every makeover I’ve had over the last three years or so. The “goal” chat doesn’t happen very often anymore as she knows, in her words, my “signature look”. I do mention to her if I have a photo shoot or if I need a certain eyeshadow to compliment an outfit but most of the time I let her work her magic.
When I am chatting with a new artist (for me, anyway) I do talk about what I would like.
Earlier I wrote my transness doesn’t matter when I am getting a makeover. And I don’t think it matters to the artist, either. At the most recent MN T-Girls event I was chatting with the artists at Cos Bar as to how I anticipated the evening going. I mentioned that some of the girls may not have had a professional makeover before or haven’t ever spoken to a makeup artist. I mentioned that some girls may want help in creating a feminine look… but may need some coaxing when it comes to what that means to them. Do they want contouring to change their face shape appearance? Do they need help with making their lips a little fuller? Do they want help with minimizing certain features, such as eyebrows or their jawline?
Typical requests for girls like us.
One of the artists remarked that these requests are common for all of their customers.
And I couldn’t agree more.
Cis women have makeup goals too. They also might want to minimize or emphasize certain features. They might also want to change the appearance of their face structure. Highlight their cheekbones, draw attention to… or from… part of their face.
No matter what our anatomy is… or what gender is marked on our driver license, we all have skin, we all have a face, we all have our goals. My makeup goals are different from your goals and my wife’s goals… because we have different faces. My wife has a cute, heart-shaped face… she doesn’t need contouring. But I do. I have fairly shapeless lips so I need help with a sharp cupid’s bow.
Whether you are getting your first or billionth makeover, I encourage you to not overthink it… but I do encourage you to think about your goals. Be specific. Bring a photo. And have fun. You’re going to look amazing.