Do you think high heels is a strong reason to males to dress as females?
I think there are a lot of reasons some of us present en femme. For some, myself included, it’s an expression of my gender identity. For others, it’s a fetish. And of course, there are countless reasons in-between those two.
I do believe in “gateway” clothes. Clothes, be it lingerie or stilettos, that open up our minds and worlds to something else, something new. An item that unlocked something in us that made us look at it differently, that made us reflect on who we really are.
I knew there was something about me that was different than others as I grew up. I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t trying on femme clothes whenever I had the opportunity. This desire grew over time and hitting new levels in my teen years. In high school my friends would comment how hot a girl in our class looked in her prom dress. I would also think she was pretty… but I was also focused on how badly I wanted to wear the same dress.
For me it was lingerie. Lingerie was NEVER “just underwear”. It was never just what girls wore under their clothes. It was sensual, beautiful, and captivating. It was elaborate, delicate, and intimate. I would see mannequins in department stores modeling nightgowns or women modeling Basques in a Victoria’s Secret catalog and I was forever changed. Yes, the women were beautiful but oh, how badly I wanted to wear what she was wearing.
So yes, I absolutely think that high heels (and anything else) can have the same impact on someone.
Well temptation and leather. I can’t resist leather. I just can’t.
And it’s silly. But it is what it is. But isn’t all of *this* is what it is?
When I am en femme I feel confident and brave and powerful. It’s not necessarily because of what I am wearing but it’s more of a result of all the mental barriers and fears and insecurities and dysphoria I had to conquer before I could leave the house, before I stopped caring about being read, after I realized there was no such thing as passing, before I stopped trying to blend in.
Not caring is one of the most freeing things one can experience.
Of course, not caring is not the same thing as not being compassionate, kind, or considerate, but you know what I mean.
Sometimes I think I have enough LBDs. or enough bodycon dresses with pretty floral patterns on them, but then you see IT. A dress that you KNOW you don’t NEED but you can’t imagine living another minute without it.
So you buy it and the feeling dissipates… until it happens again.
And it will. And I love that. I love finding a dress that I can’t say no to.
A few months ago I was at a second-hand boutique and I saw a dress. It was my size, it was leather, and I mean, I HAD to get it. And really, it wasn’t that different than the otherleatherdresses I have, but really, when has logic and reason had a chance against a WANT?
I used to save leather for nights out but I rarely am out late these days. Late nights and bold outfits tend to go together but… well, I don’t care about blending in anymore. Well, I do to a degree, there are some limits to what I will wear when I am out. I might love my thigh-high boots and pink PVC dress but I won’t wear that outfit to the mall.
Speaking of shoes, let’s talk MORE about shoes I wore with this dress.
I didn’t MEAN to buy them. I had no choice.
I mean, yes I had a choice, but I didn’t feel I had a lot of options on the day that I bought them. I was out en femme a year or so ago when the fastener on my heels stopped cooperating. Girls like us don’t have the luxury of popping into Target in a pinch and picking out a pair of heels that fit. I also “needed” black heels to go with the outfit I was wearing. I knew I had only a few places I could go that would almost guarantee where I could find a pair of black heels that would fit so off I went.
There is a chain of shops called Fantasy Gifts in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area (and New Jersey) and they sell lingerie and um, other accessories of a sexual nature. They also, thank heavens, sell heels for people with my shoe size.
Their selection tends to be on the more fetishy side with towering platforms and six inch stilettos. Obviously I heart heels like this buuuut for the day I had planned I was hoping to find something a LITTLE more modest.
Depending on how you look at it, luck was either against me or it was running in my favor because the only option where these heels:
My heart skipped a beat and felt a combination of OMG I HEART THEM and I can’t possibly wear them while I run errands.
But guess what! I could and I did:
I am used to being the tallest girl in town but my goodness I towered over everyone. It was… an experience. A sexy experience.
Like a few other pairs of shoes I own, I couldn’t imagine wearing them in the real world so when it was time to plan my outfits for my most recent photo shoot I thought they would perfect for my newly acquired leather dress.
I love how these photos turned out. I think it’s obvious how the stilettos and the leather just… awakens something in me.
It’s super fun to plan an outfit for going out. Sometimes I look forward to wearing a new dress or deciding what to wear for a specific occasion, whether it’s running errands or something faaaaancy.
I like to wear an outfit that is appropriate what I will be doing or where I will be going. I’ve long stopped caring about being overdressed for where I am, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll wear a long glittery gown to the grocery store. I mean, I WOULD if I had to.
I don’t care about blending in. I mean, I never WILL blend in and I am 10000000% fine with that. If I wanted to blend in I would wear femme jeans and a cute top or leggings and a comfy hoodie while I go about my day. But I am forever a heels and dress girl and that is what I will wear.
When I plan an outfit I almost always start with my heels. My heels are usually selected based on what I will be doing, where I will be going, and how long I will be out. Let’s be honest, some heels do start to hurt after a couple of hours. I have some five inch platform stilettos that fit like a dream buuut I can only pull them off with certain outfits, like a black leather bodycon dress. This looks perfect for a club but most of my time out en femme is doing more everyday things.
The challenge is when I am doing two very different things in one day. I might spend the afternoon shopping but have dinner plans at a very nice restaurant later in the day. It’s so fun to dress up, and I mean REALLY dress up, for dinner but it’s probably not the same outfit I would wear to the mall.
Last week was a perfect example of this. The first half of my day was a makeover, coffee, running errands, and dropping into a few thrift stores. The second half was a yoga class. Both halves would have very different outfits.
And can I just jump in and say how fun it is to be a girl? How fun is it to have so many clothes options for all the things we can do in a day?
I mean, I suppose the fun and magic would wear off a little if I was en femme full-time but I just am so in love with the possibilities that each day, each adventure has.
When I started to dream about what I would wear for the day I knew that what I wore for yoga was not going to be what I wore for the first part of the day. For yoga I went shopping for a sports bra (goodness do they hold the girls in, lol) and pink (obviously) leggings.
I know I COULD run errands in a t-shirt and leggings BUT I wear a t-shirt and leggings at home so where’s the fun in that? I know I would blend in better in an outfit like that but blending in isn’t important to me.
(I also don’t think I COULD blend in, not matter what I wear.)
So, I knew what I would wear for the second part of my day, but what about the first part? I’ll get to that in a moment but when I am running around town I tend to select heels that are on the more practical side. My go-to shoes are black with a two-inch heel. Not as sexy as other options but still cute.
Yoga would be the last thing I did that day so I knew I could drive home wearing my yoga outfit, but what shoes would I wear? It would look a LITTLE silly wearing heels with my pink leggings. I COULD have also picked up a pair of cute sneakers to match my yoga outfit BUT if I am going to spend $40 on shoes they are going to be strappy and stiletto-y and impractical.
I knew I would be changing back into the outfit I wore to yoga, the same outfit I wore during the first part of my day. I almost always wear stockings with my corset when I am en femme but I didn’t think I would want to put them on after yoga. I know I COULD have skipped the stockings but… I would feel off without them. I mean, my bra ALWAYS matches my panties, my cami ALWAYS matches my panty… there are things I just HAVE to wear, and stockings are on that list.
I decided that tights are easier to put on and would be better for after yoga as opposed to stockings. So far I had my heels and hosiery sorted but had the rest of my outfit to plan. The weather for the day was going to be just as contrasting as my outfits were going to be. Sunny and warm in the morning, rainy and dreary in the afternoon. I wouldn’t need a coat (it’s been a chilly spring) but I would need a cardigan.
I tend to think that cardigans look better with a skirt than with a dress, so I decided on that. If I am wearing a skirt with a single color, I usually pair it with a blouse or a bodysuit with a pattern. If the skirt isn’t a single color, then my top will be.
Of course, the skirt would need to look cute with black tights. I love leather miniskirts but I prefer to have beige stockings with leather skirts and dresses. Black tights meant I’d have to select a different skirt than leather. I picked a cute floral skirt, paired it with a black top and duster cardigan, and I was set for the day.
I hope I looked cute in both of the day’s outfits. I felt cute, at any rate.
As I ended my day I couldn’t help but reflect on how what I wore all came down to my shoes and how often my outfits are determined by my heels.
On one hand I am able to buy anything from books to panties to food from my couch.
On the other hand we are connected 24/7 with everything and everyone and we are expected to be reachable all the time.
Going online is a godsend for girls like us. The magic of the internet shows us that we are not alone, that there are so many others like us. We make friends, find places to buy heels that fit, learn about the differences in wig types… the list goes on and on and on.
Getting advice from others like us is also invaluable. We have a lot of the same struggles as each other, whether it is finding the confidence to go out en femme or how to tuck. Even to this day I use the color correcting tricks that I learned so many years ago and I think of it every time I blend my foundation.
The “hive mind” is also important. I like that a girl like us can ask a question about ANYTHING, whether it is about applying false eyelashes or coming out and there are always other t-girls and crossdressers happy to help. We come together and offer our opinions, thoughts, and perspectives in a desire to guide someone like ourselves. We’ve all benefited from the experience of others.
I know I have. Not only from the color correcting technique I use each and every time, but also from advice I’ve gotten on gender identity and coming out and going out in the real world. You are all wonderful people.
Coordinating an outfit is something I usually need help with. Sometimes I am unsure of which accessories I should pair with a dress or which blouse goes best with a skirt. Seeing photos of other t-girls has been very encouraging and educational. You are all beautiful and inspiring and have fabulous taste in clothes.
So, I thought I would ask for your help.
And yes, it’s a shallow post but what the heck, it’s the weekend.
Ijust wanted to ask if you or any followers have a good suggestion on where to buy shoes? I wear a size 13 in men’s and a 14 or 15 in women’s and it’s been a real task to find anything that’s not over the top or just plain boring. Hope someone can help a shoeless girl.
Girl, I feel you. I look at all the cute styles at stores but once you get beyond size 11 there’s nothing but brown loafers.
As for shoes, generally speaking your femme size is one and a half times bigger than your boy size. Generally.
I am a 10.5 in mens and I usually wear a size 12 heel. But I can usually wear a 11.5 or an 11 wide. Like clothes and stores, sizes will vary. Torrid has a lot of size 12 heels but they run large so the heels I have from them are a size 11. En Femme actually has a really helpful page to determine your femme size that I have found really helpful. In my experience Pleaser run really true to size and seem to be very consistent with the conversion (so to speak) of boy sizes to femme size.
When I started to move from exclusively lingerie to, well, everything else, I wanted to be as “natural” as possible. I liked my shape, I was comfortable, and I thought I looked cute. I had purchased, almost on a whim, some breast forms a few years ago and I was amazed at how much I liked them. They gave me an attractive bustline and dresses simply looked better on me. I like the way they moved with me and I love the shape they gave me. I started to look more into shapewear and pads. The Breast Form Store caught my eye and I was surprised by how much they had to offer.
The Breast Form Store is also very active on Twitter. They follow a lot of t-girls, drag queens, and crossdressers and are always retweeting pictures of girls like us. They are supportive and enthusiastic about our community.
Of course they have breast forms, but they also have other pads and enhancements as well as cute clothes and sexy heels. These are a few things from them that I love and I think you will too.
First off, Jolie Thigh Pads. It is not an exaggeration to say they have changed my life. I was amazed at how much of a difference they made to how I looked. You can read my review here so I won’t rave about them too much here but I absolutely love how they look. Dresses and skirts simply look better on me when I wear them.
They give me a curvier, more shapely body than I had ever imagined. Pair them with hip pads and va-va-va-vooooooooooooooom. A little on the pricey side but I believe that they are an essential investment. Remember, creating your look takes time and patience, but in some cases, it also takes money.
The name ‘The Breast Form Store’ doesn’t leave much guesswork as to what they sell, so I was delighted to see the options they had for heels. Earlier this year they sent me severalpairs of heelsto review. Usually when I am sent something to review I end up wearing it only a few times since I, you know, keep buying new clothes so I am surprised by how much I wear two of their heels in particular.
First up, Pleaser EVE 5 inch Wrap Around Sandals with Bow Accent. Like a little black dress, I find a pair of black heels to be pretty essential. Of all the black heels I own I wear these the most often. They’re comfortable and I think the bows and the straps are subtle but eye-catching. These heels are sexy and playful.
Next up, Pleaser Dream 4 inch Criss-Cross d’Orsay High Heel Pumps. Someone told me that if I am unsure as to what heels pair well with an outfit, then you can never go wrong with beige. I wasn’t convinced because, I mean, BEIGE. Not as cute as white, not as femme as pink, not as sexy as black. Just… BEIGE.
Not the most exciting color. But this girl likes her heels so I bought a pair. And that someone was right. I was surprised by how often I wore them, especially with a brightly colored dress. In some ways a pair of beige heels doesn’t “compete” with your outfit and doesn’t take away the attention from what you’re wearing. But I love sexy, I love subtle and these heels deliver. The color is one I think every girl needs, but they also have a subtle sexiness that I adore. The strappy, crisscross detail is exactly what I mean. If beige isn’t your color, the heels do come in different options.
Before pads and forms I wanted to be as “me” as possible when it came to my body. Tucking is one of those conversations a girl like us tends to have. Nothing ruins a good dress like a penis, someone once said. I was always a little afraid of tucking as I had heard stories of girls doing it wrong. I also didn’t see how much more effective a gaff could be compared to a tight pair of panties or a thong. But crossdressing is about learning and I was happy to find out how wrong I was about tucking and gaffs. First off, if you are tucking and it hurts, then you are doing it wrong. Listen to your body. Secondly, find an effective and comfortable gaff. I reviewed a couple different styles of gaffs from The Breast Form Store and I was impressed by how comfortable (after some trial and error, but again, learning by doing) and how effective they were. I understand that minimizing or emphasizing parts of our body isn’t right for everyone, but if you are looking to minimize your “feminine flaw” then you should look into these.
There’s nothing quite like finishing your day in a nightgown. I have a few nighties and most of them fall slightly above the knee so I was really happy to find the Elegant Moments ‘Serena’ Satin Gown. It’s long and feels amazing with newly shaved legs. The smoothness of my skin against the fabric is simply divine. I wasn’t sure about the halter tie but it’s never been an issue when I wear this gown. I love falling asleep in this and I love waking up in it. You will too. 🙂
I’m tall. Tall enough where I am asked if I played basketball in high school.
As advantageous as my height would have been when it came to passing a basketball, I always felt my height was a disadvantage when it came to “passing”.
I’m used to being tall. I mean, it happened so gradually. It’s not like I shot up four inches overnight and had to get accustomed to being a new height. Wearing heels, though, that was an adjustment. I never had difficulty walking in heels. It came very easy for me, probably because I really really really wanted to get good at it so I practiced a lot as soon as I had a pair of heels to call my own.
Wearing stilettos at home is one thing, but there is nothing like the sound of heels clicking on a sidewalk. It’s the beautiful everyday music, the soundtrack of femininity. It’s my favorite song. I had longed for years to leave the house en femme, but I always felt too tall to pass, too tall to be a girl.
And then one day I got tired of being in my own house, I was tired of telling myself what I couldn’t do, so I put on a cute black skirt, black stockings, a brightly colored top, a cardigan… and black heels. I clicked my way down sidewalks and the corridors of shopping malls and I haven’t stopped.
I never feel taller in heels. I mean, I feel shorter when I take them off, but I don’t feel like I just stepped onto a ladder when I put them on. Yes, I have to crouch down a little when I look into certain mirrors, but it’s not like “wow, I’m tall”.
I opened the box like opening Christmas presents. I was entranced by the shoe, it’s beauty, it’s… majesty. This was unlike any heel I have ever worn before. I prayed to God they would fit. And thank God the fit and run true to size.
For the first time in my life, I stood up in a pair of heels and finally said “wow, I am really tall”. Six inch platforms will do that for you.
Of course, if you are looking at the picture you may wonder why in the world would need a heel like that. If you are wondering why anyone would need a heel like this, this heel is not for you.
But there are just as many thinking “OMG I need this”. If you think you need this, then you probably do need it. Well, maybe not need but you know what I mean.
How does the shoe feel? Well, it runs true to size, it’s properly balanced, the platform is smooth and it’s just as comfortable walking in them as it feels to stand in them.
But how does it feel to wear them? Honestly? I felt like a goddess. I felt powerful.
Some heels go with anything. Some inspire an outfit. These heels demand something daring, something provocative, something… sexy. God knows I love my leather (and fake leather) and it just seemed appropriate for thee heels. I almost went with fishnets stockings but I decided that the pattern would in a way complete with the criss-cross laces.
Will I wear these heels all the time? Of course not, they are probably the most impractical thing I own. But how they make me feel is indescribable. It is the truest way to embrace my height. If there is another pair of stilettos that screams confidence and demands heads to be turned better than these heels then I haven’t seen them.
These heels are not for the timid. They are not for the shy. They are not for those who want to blend in. This is for the girl who want to be seen, the girl who has confidence to burn.
Thank you to The Breast Form Store for helping me literally rise to new heights of confidence.
The very very first dress I remember wearing was a red dress with white polka dots. Of course, it belonged to my sister but I could never remember her wearing it.
Obviously I loved wearing the dress, and to this day polka dots instantly bring me back to that very special dress. The pattern represents femininity to me and there’s something classic and cute about them.
I was living on my own, I was in a relationship, and I was learning more about my gender identity.
I started to learn how to be an adult, learned what I wanted in a relationship, and how to walk in heels.
I learned my limits, and what I wanted. I learned what I wouldn’t settle for, and how to come to terms with being transgender.
I acknowledged what was holding me back, and whether or not those barriers could be overcome.
One of the most defining moments of my life came when I was driving home from work one summer evening. It was close to midnight, the world was still. It is moments like this that life or God or your inner voice speak to you. It’s up to you to listen.
Sometimes what you need to experience is a moment of clarity, a realization, or music. I had never heard this song on the radio before, and I’ve never heard it played again. If I didn’t own the CD I would almost believe that the song didn’t exist. But it did, thank God.
“Me”, written and performed by Paula Cole really summarized many of my feelings and thoughts that summer. I was not happy in the relationship and felt a little trapped. I was living out of state, and ending the relationship was a little more complicated than simply breaking up. I would need to move back to Minnesota, find a new job, and in a way, admit defeat, on some levels. When you are 20 you chalk up your victories and losses by relationships. My perspective is different these days.
In addition to being in a bad relationship, I couldn’t help but wonder where all of THIS was going. I would buy heels and a dress and then quickly purge in a seemingly endless circle. I knew this side of me wasn’t going away. But how was I going to live with it? Did I want to? Of course I did, but what was life going to be like?
I felt powerless in my relationship, where I lived, and in a way, powerless when it came to my gender identity. It was a difficult but important summer. It was humbling, too. I would buy a dress that wouldn’t fit (know your measurements, girls), look horrific in lipstick, and stumble in stilettos. I wanted to be beautiful but my confidence was lower than ever.
But that warm summer night my perspective changed. The things I wanted, like getting out of the relationship, returning to Minnesota… I could do these things. The only one stopping me was ME. The lyrics hit hard.
I am carrying my voice I am carrying my heart I am carrying my rhythm I am carrying my prayers But you can’t kill my spirit, it’s old and it is strong And like a mountain I’ll go on and on But when my wings are folded The brightly colored moth blends into the dirt into the ground
And it’s me who is my enemy Me who beats me up Me who makes the monsters Me who strips my confidence And it’s me who’s too weak And it’s me who’s too shy to ask for the thing I love And it’s me who’s too weak And it’s me who’s too shy to ask for the thing I love But I love
I am walking on the bridge I am over the water And I’m scared as hell But I know there’s something better Yes I know, yes I know, yes I know, yes I know
I bought the CD the next day and I still listen to this song. It still inspires me.
Having fully embraced who I am today, I am amazed at how much I have overcome and what I have done. I still know my limits, whether it is how long I can stay awake before I start to get really loopy, how many miles a day I can run, or what I am comfortable wearing. I know I don’t “pass” (and there’s no such thing) but I still don’t want to show the more traditionally masculine parts of my body.
So, dresses with thin spaghetti straps were out as they showed off my shoulders. My huge, manly shoulders.
And then the pandemic hit. Things we took for granted were gone, and my time out of the house en femme was gone. Before I go further, I want to recognize that many of what I am thinking, and feeling, and writing about is incredibly shallow and self-centered in comparison to how the pandemic has impacted others.
I would look through my wardrobe and get a little sad about not being able to hit the mall or visit a museum en femme (again, I own my shallowness). I would buy dresses and heels and wonder when I would wear them.
And then I saw a super cute dress. It was unlike what I usually wear… it wasn’t form fitting, a little longer than I normally wear… and the thinnest straps I’ve ever seen. I saw it, I loved it, and I wished I had the courage to wear it.
And then I bought it.
I promised myself that as soon as I could, I would wear this dress the next time I could go out en femme.
I’ve held myself back in my life so many times, and when I got tired of listening to that voice and would do the thing I was afraid of, I was always thrilled to do so. I also wondered why I stood in my own way for so long. It’s true, we are our own enemy sometimes.
I am so excited (and proud of myself) to show the photos Shannonlee and I took that day of the dress. The photo shoot was for a shoe review I did for The Breast Form Store but I couldn’t help but show off this dress… and my shoulders… and confidence.