Beautiful Nights

Many of us are missing the days when we could go out en femme.  Due to the virus I’ve been stuck at home and I am looking forward to the day when I can schedule a makeover and hit the mall.  Or even the gas station.

It’s important that we stay in touch with this side of ourselves.  When we are not able to dress fully, I find that underdressing is a wonderful and intimate way to be beautiful. Yes, I can dress at home, but it’s not the same.

The lockdown is giving me a lot of time to shop online.  Purchasing heels and cute dresses is giving me something to look forward to once it is safe for us to go back out.  It’s also a way we can continue to support businesses that support our community as the virus is having an economic impact on almost every company.

Since underdressing is a way to stay in touch with my femme side, I have been buying a lot of lingerie lately.  I wanted to share what I have ordered this week in case you are looking for some new lingerie to wear.

I am in love with the new picnic camisole and panty from Xdress!



I usually wear short nightgowns to bed, but I am so excited to wear this gorgeous satin nightgown from The Breast Form Store!


How beautiful is this Yumi tank, and matching Yumi panty from HommeMystere.?


And finally I added new panties from En Femme including High Sheen Satin Floral Panty and Satin Floral Hot Panty.


I miss the days when we could be beautiful, but at least I have beautiful nights to look forward to.

What’s catching your eye these days?

Love, Hannah


Ask Hannah!

416Hi Hannah! My own most bothersome “feminine flaw” is my oh-so-manly body hair. The most troublesome area is my hands & knuckles (yes, I’m that hirsute). Professional removal isn’t in my budget, and it seems as though I’ve tried every at-home method under the sun: shaving, waxing, hair removal creams. Do you have any suggestions for a method that would be less than excruciating and would last for more than a day? Thanks so much!

There is a certain joy I feel when I shave my legs.  It is one of the most feminine things I think we can do.  The feeling of a smooth leg against sheets, stockings… sigh.  It’s just… divine.

My hands, arms… not so much.

I remove my body hair once a week.  By keeping on a regular schedule it makes it easier to maintain.   If I am simply trying to keep my body smooth (and eliminate one of the more masculine characteristics, to be honest), I use Nair on my body.


I’ll use a razor to touch up my forearms or any parts that I missed.  If I am going out, I’ll then use a razor on my legs after the Nair to ensure a smoother feel and appearance.  Since my hair is black any missed spots will stand out.

Hair removal is something that I have had to experiment a lot with, especially when it comes to my arms, hands, and fingers.  It’s frustrating to look at my hands and see little black hairs poking through my skin.

I used to use a razor and shaving cream on my arms and hands.  If this worked for my legs, then it should work for my arms, right?  It’s trickier to do my arms, though, especially when I have to use my left hand on my right arm.  I tended to get a lot of nicks and cuts this way, especially on my wrist.

I used to use Veet which was effective.  Sort of.  The process I used for a bit was shaving my arms, and then using Veet for a second step.

But we are always looking for something that is simpler.  Veet was effective, but my hair grew back quickly.  It’s not Veet’s fault, my hair just grew fast.

After years of this technique, I decided to try Nair.  Nair is faster, more effective and my hair growth seems to have slowed down a bit.  The downside of Nair is that it… ah, tingles more than Veet.  It took longer to get used to Nair compared to Veet.  The aloe vera formula seems to be easier on my skin than the other options.

I hope this was helpful.  It sounds like you have tried many options, but I hope a reader can suggest other methods that work for them.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Is this side of us something we are born with?  Can it be changed?

Lady Gaga said we are born this way.

And I agree, we are born this way, but we may not be aware of our identity at first.  For me, I realized early on that I wanted to wear lipstick and dresses and I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with it.  I didn’t think just because I was a boy it didn’t mean I couldn’t wear high heels.

As I got older I realized the scope of my gender identity.  This wasn’t just wanting to wear panties, I just didn’t feel like a boy but I didn’t think I was a girl.  I wasn’t either, I was both.  I had no problem being a boy but I didn’t always want to be one.

And no, I do not think we can change.  We can try to deny who we are, what we want, how we feel.  We can ignore it, we can pretend this part of us isn’t there, we can fight it.  Many of us struggle with trying to repress this side of us.  We can purge, but we all know we will sooner or later buy another dress and we start all over.

If you are in conflict with who you are, how you identify, or what you want, I do not think this is something we can conquer, so to speak.  We end up being miserable because we are not being true to ourselves and we spend so much time and energy in internal conflict.  That is no way to live.

And no, it can’t be changed.  I realize that this side of us is not easy to accept or understand.  Our gender identity is not something we should fight.  We are who we are and we are perfect.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!


Ask Hannah!

Have you thought about reposting some of your posts from your previous blog for your current website? They were fun, insightful, and likely a number of your current readers have never seen any of them. And those of us who saw them the first time (well, at a minimum, me) would love to see them from time to time.

Thanks! I’m a big fan and blogs like your previous website helped get me out the door and made my lifelong dream come true.

Thank you for your kind words!  I’m proud of you stepping out the door and I am honored to have played even a tiny part of that.

I’ve had this website for a little almost four years now, and before this one, I had another titled ‘Hannah’s Diary’ which featured daily pieces of art focusing on little observations about who we are.  This was the first:


The observations included everything from the struggles of finding heels to fit, the joy of looking pretty, the frustrations this side of us can bring, and everything in-between.  As time passed, the blog expanded to include more activism, fashion, and news, both personal and about our community.

I got to a point where the website seemed too… unfocused.  Almost as if the blog wasn’t sure what it should be.  I was also feeling a little burnt out from doing daily posts for four years, and the artwork took a lot of time.  I started to feel as if the observations were starting to repeat themselves and I wasn’t saying anything new.  It got harder to them.  I felt that instead of letting the quality of the blog as a whole deteriorate, it might be a good time to close the book on the website and start a new one.

This was one of the last drawings I did for the site:


After a few months of this website being live, I locked access to the old one.  I did this for a few reasons, but one of the main reasons was because I felt almost as if I shared too much and too much of my personal male life was on there.  Of course, many of us are wary of anything that could connect our two genders to each other, so I thought it would be safest to restrict access altogether instead of going through four years of posts and editing it.

I am honored that these posts had an impact on others.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!


Ask Hannah!

I would like you to comment on what books you have read and would recommend to others on the CD-TG experience…
As for me, I just did a re-purchase and re-read of ”My Husband Betty”, as written by her wife, Helen Boyd (pseudonym).


One of the first books that I read about girls like us was “The Lazy Crossdresser” Charlie Jane Anders.  It’s been years since I read this but I remember it had a lot of good information about makeup and presenting femme.  It was light, funny, and pretty breezy and discussed gender identity without diving too deep into the why or the deep soul searching and psychological aspect of this side of us.



614EoVmPFqL“My Husband Betty” by Helen Boyd is a very important book to read if you have a significant other.  Ms. Boyd does not pull any punches or sugarcoats anything when to comes to being married to someone like us.  She talks about the times when she went out with her spouse while they were en femme, her first reactions to seeing them in a dress…  It’s honest and sometimes hard to read as her feelings and thoughts are very similar to what our own significant others go through when it comes to girls like us.  Knowing what she’s feeling makes us remember that our partners likely feel this way too.


“Yes, You are Trans Enough” by Mia Violet is wonderfully honest and personal.  For a long time I was reluctant to identify as transgender as I felt that since I wasn’t going to transition that I wasn’t, in her words, trans enough.  But I am, and we all are, if we chose to identify that way.  This book is a reminder that there are no benchmarks we need to meet, no criteria or qualifications necessary for us to identify however we feel is right.


JKP Books publishes a lot of wonderful books when it comes to gender.  I would recommend anyone checking them out.

What’s on your bookshelf?

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

My hair is thinning on top and back. I’m trying to decide if a wig topper would blend in with my shoulder length blonde hair.  Will it be more comfortable in the hot summer?  With a large head, wig selections is limited, so who will be helpful to match color without buying things like test color kits?

A wig topper is designed to conceal hair loss at various stages and different areas of the scalp.  Some toppers offer more coverage on the top, while others cover the sides or back of the head. A topper is also ideal for adding volume to thin or fine hair.

Personally I do not find that wearing a wig in the summer is uncomfortably hot.  The wigs I wear are a human hair/synthetic blend, so perhaps that has something to do with it.  But if wearing a wig feels uncomfortable in the heat, I would imagine a wig topper would be more comfortable.

A wig topper might be a perfect option for you and will probably be a little trickier than purchasing a full wig, especially if you want it to match your hair color and your hair style (curly, straight, wavy, etc).  Depending on your level of comfort, it would probably be easiest if you visited a wig store yourself and seeing what the options are and what they recommend.

If you are not comfortable doing this, then I am afraid your only options will be trial and error (which could be expensive) or purchasing a test color kit.  Rest assured that wig stores are very much accustomed to girls like us.  You aren’t the first, the only, or the last member of our community to ask for help.

The reality is that building your wardrobe, discovering your look, learning makeup, finding heels that we can walk in, takes money, time, patience, and tenacity.  There’s value in investing in ourselves, whether it is putting in the time to learn a new language or spending money to find the wig that suits us best.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

New En Femme Blog!

My new article for En Femme has been posted!



The latest article with blogger, trans-activist and fashionista, Hannah McKnight is now available on our Learning Center! Hannah’s blog discusses more in-depth her life as a self-described T-girl.

In her last article for our Learning Center, Hannah shared her advice for coping with the mental and emotional difficulties many of us are experiencing as we practice social distancing. In her newest article, “Online, Ourselves,” Hannah talks about the need to protect ourselves online, especially in this moment when many of us are spending more time online than usual and relying heavily on social media as a way of staying connected with our femme selves.  Read it now>>

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

This might be a weird question, but I just passed the anniversary of my biggest milestone, so I wanted to ask you:

In your “journey” (I know you hate that word) as Hannah, what would you say have been your biggest milestones? I have a few that I would happily share in a comment, but I’ll keep this brief… so what are some of the key moments that have defined who Hannah is today?

Congratulations on your milestone!

This is a really good question.  Thank you for asking it.

I thought about this for a while and I think this comes down to four key instances.

If I look at who I am as a journey (and yes, I totes hate that word but dammit if it isn’t an appropriate one), then my journey started when I was very young with trying on my mom’s heels, being fascinated my lipstick, dying to try on lingerie, buying my first dress, and so on.  I remember progressively going from underdressing to sleeping in a nightgown to learning makeup.  All this time I was discovering who I am, and how I wanted to look and what felt right.  As we learn makeup and build our wardrobe, we learn what we like and what looks suit us.  In many ways, my first real wig was the end of one part of my journey but also the start of another.  It was the final part of moving on from identifying as a crossdresser to realizing that all of this was more than just clothes.  It was about identity.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I should have realized at that moment that I was transgender.


I remember looking into the mirror for who knows how long the first time I was in full makeup, a dress, and a wig.  I didn’t look like me, and I was a far cry for what I look l like today, but at that moment I had never felt more beautiful.  I realized I had wanted to look and feel beautiful for my entire life.  It was one of the happiest moments I can remember.

The second instance was about a year after that.  After dressing fully at home and plucking up the courage to go out at night, I was ready to step out during the day.  I planned a day where I would wake up early and go into Minneapolis to buy a coffee at a cafe.  That was the plan.  That was the dream.  It was something I did almost every day in male mode, but this, this was something new.

This was significant in many ways as it was the first time I was interacting with the “real world”.  I had been out at night a few times to a LGBTQ+ nightclub, but this was my first time at a normal, everyday place and being seen by others outside of the LGBTQ+ community.  I had fears of people laughing at me, pointing at me, being harassed, and worse.  Thankfully nothing like that happened.  I was so ecstatic from the non-eventful reactions from others that my confidence shot way up.  No one cared.  Sure, they knew I was trans, but I don’t think anyone really gave me a second thought and if they did, I didn’t notice.  Although I had planned on only getting a coffee, I ended up going to two malls, a few other stores, and out to lunch.  This experience gave me the confidence to go out again.  And again.  And again.

The third milestone was the first meeting of the MN T-Girls.  I had been attending a trans support group off and on for a few months and it was a wonderful group with incredible girls.  But I didn’t really fit in.  The group was mainly attended by girls who were or had transitioned and many of the meetings involved conversations about hormones, surgery, and the legal process of legally changing your name and gender.  It was an important and necessary group for our community and I am glad it existed.

But my journey (ugh) was something different.  I had no plan or wish to live full-time or transition.  The group wasn’t for me.  So at the suggestion of my wife, I started to create a group for girls like me who weren’t necessarily looking to transition, and girls who just wanted to make friends and hit the mall.  Yes, it’s a little shallow, but my thought was that I can’t be the only one who wants to look cute and wander around a mall looking for heels.

Thankfully and surprisingly, I learned that I wasn’t.  Not by a long shot.  Today the group has close to 300 members and has been going strong (well, on hiatus under the shelter-in-place orders) for over six years.  But the group had it’s humble beginnings.  Our first meeting was in a coffee shop with about a half-dozen attendees.  Having others show up was huge.  If they hadn’t, I probably would have ended it right there.   But that day was the start of something I am very proud of.

Finally, modeling for Glamour Boutique and En Femme has been incredibly significant to me.  Doing my makeup, finding the right wig, and creating my look has been a humbling process.  I cannot tell you how many times I looked in the mirror and wanted to give up.  There are countless days where I spend an hour doing my makeup and seeing a boy in the mirror.  I have felt fat, felt ugly, felt too tall, too… male.  There have been days, there are still days, and there will always be days where I feel this way.  It happens.


But modeling has helped me feel beautiful.  I know it’s shallow.  I really know this.  But being considered pretty enough to model clothes and represent a business is incredibly affirming to me.  When I feel ugly or male, and I do a lot, it’s helpful to look at photos from a shoot or to look at the clothes I will be modeling next.

As I look back on all of these moments, I realize that all of them boosted my confidence in some way.  Whether it was how I looked or being able to create something.  Going out into the real world requires a lot of confidence, but a positive (or at least not a negative experience) can also boost your confidence.  I can do this.  I AM doing this.  I think when I present as male I take my confidence for granted.  I could look in the mirror and shrug and tell myself that this is just how I look.

But being en femme is a different story.  Looking male in a dress can crush my self-esteem.  A bad makeup day can be devastating.  Someone staring at me (in a rude way) can destroy me.  Although I can strut through hell with my head held high, I am faking it most of the time because I know that someone pointing at me or a bad wig day can reduce me to shambles.  It can often take an $80 makeover and a new dress to make me feel beautiful, but all it takes is a suppressed smile or a mean comment on Twitter to ruin my day.  Or week.

Anyway, that ended up getting depressing.  🙂

I loved this question and I would love to hear about everyone else’s milestones in the comments.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Since we are all in this isolation together, I was wondering about your at home life. Does your wife care if you are dressed as Hannah everyday at home? Or does she want you dressed as a male at times?

At home I am always wearing… something.  It could be a nightie or underdressing or leggings and a femme t-shirt.  Being completely en femme is, to be honest, a lot of work.  It’s work I love and I enjoy every moment of it, but I usually do not fully dress if I am staying in.

Just as I enjoy having two genders, my wife also enjoys both sides of me, but in different ways.  If Hannah was always here, well, my wife would miss her husband and I never want Hannah to overstay her welcome.

My wife wrote a little about her thoughts, feelings, and experiences with this side of me and it’s well worth reading.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

This Too Will Pass

Hi girls,

As many states have shelter in place guidelines and we are all doing what we can to slow the spread of COVID-19, most of us are spending a lot more time at home.  For some of us, this gives us more opportunities to dress and work from home en femme.  For others, it means a lot less time to dress.

Being who we are is essential, and I personally know that these past two months have really shown how vital it is for me to be me.  Yes, I can dress at home, but it’s not the same.

Still, I am thankful that I have at least that much.

We all know how we feel when we cannot express ourselves.  It’s not uncommon for us to feel depressed, anxious, and frustrated.  I know how you feel.  We all know how you feel.

I recently wrote an article for En Femme about how this point in history can impact this side of us as well as what we can do to still stay in touch with our femme side.  I shared some ideas about everything from practicing walking in stilettos to watching makeup tutorials.

But on a more serious note, I wanted to advise caution when it comes to having “the talk” with your significant other in times like this.  Yes, you and your partner are likely having a lot more time together, and it might seem like a good opportunity to share this side of you if you haven’t already.

When we come out, we need to be aware and respectful of how our partner is feeling, or anticipating and being prepared for how they may react.  This revelation will forever change your relationship and will likely cause stress and tension and a lot of questions.

With the world the way it is currently, things are stressful and scary enough.  Adding something like this revelation into the mix is going to make things even more stressful than they already are.

I understand wanting to have this talk right now.  If you are feeling stressed and tense because you can’t dress,  it’s natural to want to have the talk to have the chance to be en femme.  We always need to be aware of the pink fog and how this side of us can cloud or judgement and we may make decisions that might seem like a good idea at the time, but we are not thinking about the impact these choices will create.

If you need support, and we all do, please seek it out.  This is a good time to remind us all of Trans Lifeline.


Trans Lifeline is a national trans-led 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to improving the quality of trans lives by responding to the critical needs of our community with direct service, material support, advocacy, and education. Our vision is to fight the epidemic of trans suicide and improve overall life-outcomes of trans people by facilitating justice-oriented, collective community aid. 

Need to talk? Call! Our peer support hotline is run by and for trans people. We’re available 7am-1am PST / 9am-3am CST / 10am-4am EST. Volunteers may be available during off hours.

Take care of yourselves, girls.  This too will pass.

Love, Hannah