I’ve been getting a lot of emails recently from people asking what does their crossdressing mean.
What they want to know is WHY they crossdress and what their crossdressing means about their sexuality.
No one, especially someone like us, can be neatly or satisfactorily explained or described in a sentence or two. Human beings are complex, multi-faceted people and there are rarely words that accurately explain who we are and why we are.
But let’s give it a try.
I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, and that’s okay! The internet is filled with different experiences, opinions, and perspectives. I try to break complex things down (such as gender identity and wardrobe preferences) to something simple. My explanations can often be oversimplified and usually lead to more challenging and soul-searching introspection. I can also only offer perspectives on my own life with the hope that it might help someone else.
That being said, I don’t know WHY someone crossdresses. I know why I do. I wear “girl clothes” because I am transgender, or, more specifically, bi-gender. I identify as transgender because of my broad definition of what being trans means (at least to me). My definition of being transgender is something that is typically associated with a gender that is different than they one they were assigned to at birth. I admit my definition of transgender covers a LOT of territory and I don’t expect all of us to agree with it. And that’s okay, I am not trying to convince anyone here. I believe people should wear what they want, no matter which gender the clothes are designed for. This…., well, it’s not enlightened exactly, but this perspective de-genderizes clothes. Why should only girls wear leggings and nightgowns and cute panties? Anyone should be able to wear what they want, and anyone CAN.
Being transgender doesn’t mean surgery or hormones or transitioning. At least not to me. I acknowledge that being transgender might mean that to someone else and that’s okay! I am not here to tell anyone that their perspective and opinion is wrong.
So why does someone crossdress? Because, well, they want to. There’s something about dresses or stilettos or makeup that simply draws their attention or curiosity. There is something alluring and enchanting about lingerie or a little black dress. A man might be attracted to a girl because they are wearing a leather miniskirt and fishnets, but for someone like us, we might also want to WEAR the leather miniskirt and fishnets. I know I do, and I do. Let’s think of this as a door, in a way. This new door is open to someone like us, the door that connects noticing the girl in the skirt and (opens the door) wanting to wear what she is wearing.
I think (and again, I understand that we all have different opinions on this) that crossdressing is a facet of being transgender. Wearing “girl clothes” might have something to do with your gender identity, it might not. I think for me it has EVERYTHING to do with my gender identity. I am ALWAYS wearing “girl clothes”, even in boy mode. I sleep in a nightgown, when I wake up in the morning I wear panties and leggings. I wear “girl clothes” in boy mode. I wear nighties, panties, femme jeans, and leggings because they are comfortable. I don’t care (but I love that they are) that they are “for girls”. You could invent the most comfortable, softest pair of leggings in the world and some men would still refuse to wear them, even in private, because they are “for girls”. Not someone like us. We don’t care that they are for girls. In fact, since they are for girls some of us want to wear them even more.
Wearing girl clothes and identifying as a crossdresser has NOTHING to do with your sexuality. Wearing a dress doesn’t make you gay. Just because you sleep in a nightgown it doesn’t mean you want to sleep with a man. That being said, some crossdressers like to be with a man when they are dressed in lingerie or anything else. And that’s cool. You do you. What I wear has a lot to do with my gender identity, but it has nothing to do with my sexual identity. Clothes do not turn someone gay or bisexual. If you want to be with a man when you are dressed, it (in my opinion) likely means you also want the same thing when you are not dressed.
Let’s go back to the door metaphor. For some men the idea of being intimate with another man is not appealing to them at all. But when they dress, their inhibitions fall, we are more in touch with what we want… and that door opens a little. Suddenly being with a man is a little more… attractive when someone is dressed in stockings and lingerie. But the lingerie didn’t magically change their sexuality, they are just more in tune with their desire.
Again, I don’t expect anyone else to agree with me. These are broad perspectives and of course, strictly my own opinion. Like I said earlier, people are complex and what might describe one person can’t necessarily describe someone else. My point in all of this is to express that wanting to wear girl clothes doesn’t necessarily mean that one wants to BE a girl. I don’t want to be a girl full-time. I like going back and forth between genders. I like wearing girl clothes in boy mode. I have no desire to be with a man, regardless of the gender I am presenting as. So just in case you need to hear it. wearing a dress or a bra or painting your nails doesn’t mean your gay or bi. I mean, you MIGHT be and that’s okay! But wearing panties or boxers (ick) doesn’t change your sexuality.
The T Word