How do I know if I’m a crossdresser or if I’m transgender? And if I am transgender, then Ok, I’m transgender. Now what? Do I really have to come out? I can’t afford a therapist. What do I do?
As far as I know, there is no agreed upon definition of what a crossdresser is. But if you asked me what a crossdresser was, I suppose I’d define the term as an individual that enjoys wearing clothes that are traditionally associated with a different gender. A little vague but I think most people get the idea.
Personally I think all crossdressers can be considered transgender. I wrote a little about this here. To be honest, you can identify as however you want. I started to identify as transgender when I realized that all….THIS went beyond just panties and heels. Identifying as a gender (even on a limited basis) that was different than the one I was assigned to at birth was what really pushed me to identifying as transgender.
If you are transgender, well, okay, now what? Only you can answer that. Coming out as transgender is not the same for everyone. There is no next step you have to take. Coming out is not the same for all of us. Do what you feel is right. Take it slow, though. You can come out if you want to. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to. There are no rules…except for wearing non-nude stockings with open-toed heels. Don’t do that.
If you can’t afford a therapist, please, reach out to PFLAG.
Some people think that the Twin Cities are a frozen tundra that is completely uninhabitable. Since yesterday was our first 60 degree day since November, sometimes I agree with them. This has been an unusual spring for us. Last week was supposed to be the MN T-Girls monthly outing, but a very powerful blizzard caused me to cancel our plans. I was disappointed as it sounded like a fun event, but the event itself was cancelled, too. However I’m happy we were able to do something that was just as fun. Yesterday the sun shone, the snow melted, and people were out enjoying the day. I spent the afternoon shopping and getting a makeover by Corrie at Midwest Makeup.
Last year we went to a play at the Phoenix Theater that was put on by the Uprising Theater group. I was excited to see that they were doing a production titled ‘Twisted Death’. The description for the production reads:
Pam and Ryan couldn’t be more different. He is a young transgender man and she is an older conservative woman but when they are both diagnosed with cancer their lives intersect in ways that neither of them could have ever imagined.
This world premiere of a new work explores questions of identity, relationships, our health care system, and who has control over your body and life.
It sounds rather dark and serious and it does take on some pretty heavy themes however there are some genuine moments of brevity and tenderness. It was a wonderful evening.
It was just a trio since the event was planned at kind of the last minute but I was glad to see another play en femme.
I never thought there would be so many options when it comes to businesses that cater specifically to our community. I’ve been aware of Glamour Boutique for a while and I even did some modeling for them. There’s also Suddenly Femme, Xdress and HommeMystere.
I recently learned of another option for us. En Femme Style offers specially designed and engineered to express the feminine form and appeal. They sell shoes that go up to size 15, clothing, jewelry, wigs and more.
I recommend checking them out!
I’m a married man that crossdresses. My wife knows about it. I’ve been crossdressing for quite some time now and the one thing I’ve always wanted to do is go out in public. My wife is not ok with me going in public all dressed up. I was wondering if you have any advice for that.
Yes, my advice is to listen to her.
Relationships and…what we do and who we are, are not easy. Some of us have partners that participate and help us shop or put together an outfit or hit the mall with us. Some of us have a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” policy, some relationships are very tense due to this, and some of us haven’t come out to our significant others.
Telling our partners (mind, I use the term telling our partners as opposed to being caught by our partners) can be a huge weight of our shoulders. We need to be honest with ourselves and with our partners. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s the truth. And we need to have these conversations when the relationship get serious. Not after you move in with them, not after you get engaged, not after you get married. Before. Before any of that.
Keeping something as big as this a secret is almost suffocating. But we need to tell our partners. It’s better to be up front with this than it is to be caught. Once this secret is out, then we need to conscious of how they will react to this. They are coming to grips with this, too.
And yes, once you come out to your partner, they will likely set boundaries. Sometimes it’s not telling the kids or telling anyone else, or not posting photos or not chatting with anyone online or not leaving the house.
Sometimes boundaries can be a small price compared to stress of keeping a secret. Out of respect for your wife, respect these boundaries. She is dealing with this, too. Be respectful of her and her feelings and her request.
If you go behind her back, you run the risk of losing her trust. And nothing is worth that.
I’m in a sexless marriage. I started to dress a while ago because it makes me feel special. Are there any places near Ann Arbor Michigan that I can talk to ?
I would encourage you and your spouse to seek out counseling when it comes to your marriage.
I would also recommend reaching out to PFLAG, who, according to their website, unites people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) with families, friends, and allies, PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education, and advocacy. PFLAG has 400 chapters and 200,000 supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states.
There are chapters all across the country, including one in Ann Arbor.
A short while ago, I had the absolute pleasure of visiting Christi Williams’ pinup and boudoir studio for an afternoon of vintage glam.
Each year she puts out a calendar and every month a different girl is featured. I am in the running to be February’s girl for the 2019 calendar!
If you’d like to vote, you can do so here!
KTTC, the NBC affiliate in Rochester, MN recently had a story featuring Mallory Heath, a transwoman who facilitates the Southern Minnesota Transgender Support group, a trans advocacy organization in southern Minnesota.
I like what Mallory has to say about how some some people may know more trans people than they think:
“We’re here and that they very easily might know a trans person or several trans people and have no idea.”
I think I need to make a trip to Rochester. 🙂