Beautiful Vulnerability

I absolutely believe that t-girls and non-binary people EVOLVE. I have a love/hate relationship with the term JOURNEY… it’s cliched and makes it sound the challenges and bliss that we experience are almost trivial and naïve. I suppose it’s probably one of the more appropriate terms for our lives, though.. But like a stiletto that is a half-inch too small, it doesn’t quite fit right.

Maybe evolution is a better term? I mean, we start with this longing in our heart for pretty clothes or we become aware that the gender everyone says we are isn’t quite right. As time passes and as we experience, uh, experiences we start to realize that the world is bigger than black and white… and pink and blue.

We go from wondering what it would be like to wear a dress to being conflicted by this desire… and then we go from looking at them at the store or online to plucking up the courage to buying it… sooner or later we are wearing it… perhaps in our living room with the curtains pulled… and then maybe one day we are rocking it at the mall.

Evolution, baby.

I was thinking about this as I was looking at pictures from my most recent photo shoot. A girl needs outfits for a shoot and although it sounded impossible at one point in my life I chose a little lingerie for the shoot.

Evolution, baby.

I heart lingerie and I’ve gotten past any reservation and shyness when it comes to showing off my, ah, intimate apparel (as the department stores call it). A big part of why I love lingerie shots is because of what they represent to me.

Not only are they a reflection of confidence (I mean, I think it’s pretty brave to do this) but it’s also (at least to me), the ultimate final strut of my personal journey/evolution when it comes to how I feel about my body.

Dysphoria is a bitch and over the years I have hid my shoulders or have been too terrified to leave the house because I didn’t “pass”. I went through (and still do) periods where I believed that certain parts of me were too masculine to wear ANYTHING, especially if it was a dress with thin straps.

But thankfully I have moved past that. Of all the things I’ve accomplished or will accomplish in my life, getting over the invalid thoughts that held me back will always be my biggest victory.

Someone dressed in lingerie is showing the WORLD (or just their partner) their body. Every beautiful “flaw” and every beautiful imperfection.

Complete vulnerability. Letting your guard down is intimate and courageous.

When I was growing up it was the scariest and bravest thing in the world to let my eyes linger a little tooooo long at the pretty dress the mannequin at the department store was modeling. Over time I found the courage to follow my heart when it came to beautiful clothes, especially when it comes to what we wear that only we ourselves see. Eventually I found myself (trembling all the while) wandering around the lingerie sections feeling completely giddy and overwhelmed and terrified. It felt like it took forever to take the step when it came to buying panties. And then a bra. And then stockings. And then everything else.

It was braver still to wear them, even in the quiet privacy of my own apartment. It felt like conquering a mountain the first time I underdressed outside my home or slept in a nightgown.

But I did these things. I did more than these things.

Everything about me had to evolve. How I felt about crossdressing itself to how I felt about my body to finding the courage to learn my measurements and how sizing in femme clothes worked.

But I did it! And everyone reading this evolved in some way. Whether you are wearing panties under your boy clothes or you strut out the door en femme every day or have simply and quietly acknowledged that you WANT to explore this side of you… you’ve made progress.

I hope you can relate to these words.

And I hope you like these photos!

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I recently told my wife of 16 years, about Rayne. She’s seems to be supportive, right now, and very confused, as I have been for almost 40 years, why I’m attracted to womens clothes. Nothing frilly, past that stage, I love the new styles, and I do have a desire to go in public. I was wondering, do you wear panties everyday, and who does Hannah’s laundry?

Preparing to do laundry

Hi! Yes, I underdress every day. Mostly it’s just panties but sometimes I’ll wear a matching cami as well. As for household chores, we split them pretty evenly and I usually do the majority of our laundry.

Please show your wife kindness and patience as she navigates this part of her life. These posts may be helpful to both of you.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

I Dreamed…

When I was in college I took a design class and we studied a lot of older advertisements. It was shocking at how casual some of the ads were when it came to things like smoking and how sexist some of them were, but one series that stood out to me was the Maidenform Bra ads.

These ads showed very happy women doing random things from shopping to putting out fires all while wearing the above mentioned bra.

You can see more of these bizarre ads here.

I can only speculate what the purpose of these ads were. My guess is that the Maidenform Bra fit perfectly and you could wear one all day long and never feel uncomfortable in it.

Of course, as a crossdresser, the ads took on a different meaning for me.

I also had dreams of wearing a bra while I went about my day. Of course, I would be underdressing but still, I could wear a gorgeous bra while I did mundane, everyday things.

My daydreaming went beyond a bra, however. In time I dreamed of going to the mall en femme. I dreamed of sleeping in a nightgown. I dreamed of makeovers. I dreamed of skyscraper stilettos.

If I had known that later in my life I would have the wardrobe that I have now or would have the adventures that I do, I wouldn’t have believed it.

Some dreams come true.

Love, Hannah

It’s Like Whatever

Hi!

Guess what? I have a photo shoot booked for next month. I know, I can’t believe it either.

I have a couple of new dresses that I can’t wait to wear as well as at least one item to review.

For the item I am reviewing I was asked if I would be comfortable wearing it. After last year’s lingerie shoot I can’t imagine saying no to much anymore.

But I did recently turn down a few items that just weren’t in line with what I want to model or review as they were mainly synthetic… think feminine masks and breast plates and things along that nature. I feel that realistic synthetic vaginas are more for the fetish crossdresser (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but perhaps my perspective is wrong on this?

I started to think about how nervous I was the first time I modeled lingerie and was very glad to be done. Buuuut it was kinda fun once the shoot was over. I’ve since done a few more shoots where I’ve reviewed and modeled other items and do you know what? My attitude turned into more or less “like, whatever”. I no longer cared or felt self-conscious that I was standing in a studio wearing lingerie while Shannonlee fiddled with the settings on her camera or adjusting the lighting.

What changed? I don’t know.

Perhaps once the first set of pictures were uploaded to my website and my social media it was like I wasn’t wearing anything (or revealing anything) that people hadn’t seen already. Perhaps it was something else.

At my last shoot I was just… vibing, you know? Just standing there in my stilettos and stockings while Shannonlee set up the shot. And soon I was standing in front of a window.

I didn’t care. Maybe I should have? Regardless it’s freeing to just let go.

Love, Hannah

Review: Lara Underbust Corset

If you’ve spent more than a minute on my website you will likely realize a few things:

-I heart clothes

-I overthink

-I overthink about clothes

I tend to associate a lot of memories, meanings, and emotions with a particular piece of clothes. Well, femme clothes. I have a lot of neckties that I absolutely have no idea where they came from. On the other hand I have an incredibly beautiful floor length ball gown which fit perfectly before I lost weight that I will never ever get rid of because it was one of the first dresses my wife bought for me.

I am enamored with certain items because of their beauty, even if they aren’t, well, practical. My six inch rose gold platform stilettos? I’ve worn them like twice but my goodness they are magnificent and will forever have a permanent spot in my closet.

Lingerie is a perfect example of pragmatism versus beauty. Tights are more practical than thigh high stockings held by a garter belt, but I chose stockings almost every time.

For years a corset was a perfect example of something that was visually stunning but not something I felt could be worn for long periods of time. But that was because I was wearing them wrong and I didn’t have a proper corset. My introduction to proper corsetry started with my Dita Black Satin Corset from Glamorous Corset.

It’s a stunning piece of lingerie and my goodness did I learn quickly that it required proper training as well as commitment. I had never heard of seasoning a corset before but I learned. Corsetry requires an insane amount of dedication and at first it was kind of intimidating but I quickly realized the benefits of following through.

While preparing for a photo shoot over a year ago I decided to wear my corset which I rarely did for long periods of time. This would be the first time I would wear it for more than several hours and it would be the first time I would wear it outside of my home when I would be getting in and out of a car, going up and down stairs, and doing a lot of walking. Again, it was intimidating and there was a learning curve but it didn’t take long to see the benefits of a proper corset and the results of the hours I put in seasoning it.

Since then I have worn my corset every time I present en femme. Yes, it’s a stunning corset but its equaled by the practical benefits of it. A perfect balance.

I was thrilled when I was contacted by Glamorous Corset asking if I would like to review their Lara Black Cotton Corset with Hip Ties corset. Yes please!

A corset takes dedication and it also requires accuracy. Measurements are absolutely key.

I sent in my measurements and within a few days I received a black velvet bag with the Lara corset in it.

Although I’ve been wearing my first corset for a while and I am very much used to it, I was still taken aback by the beauty of it not only in terms of appearance but also in construction and design of it. I love small, subtle attention to clothes, whether it is a small fabric rose on the front of a pair of panties, and in this case of the Lara I was drawn to the side ties of it. This is a steel boned corset which helps create a more defined (curvier) figure and helps with my posture. I couldn’t slouch if I wanted to.

My second impression? Yes this is beautiful but I have a certain affinity for my current corset and I couldn’t imagine wearing the new one in place of it. This thinking would change.

I spent about a week seasoning it and was quickly reminded that although I am used to A corset it doesn’t mean I am used to ALL corsets. When seasoning one you should wear it for about an hour at first and over time wear it a little longer as you progressively adjust the lacing. A quick reminder if what you’re wearing hurts (be it a gaff or a corset) you’re wearing it wrong. I wear my current corset for up to 14 hours at a time and I naively thought this new one wasn’t going to be as much of a learning curve as it was.

After thirty minutes or so I was very much aware of what I was wearing. It was a relief to take it off however over the next few days as it adjusted to my body it became more and more comfortable and by the end of the week I was wearing it for up to ten hours (in boy mode).

This was one of the items I wore for my most recent photo shoot and although one of my first thoughts was that I would continue to wear my Dita corset I realized that my Lara would now be my go-to corset.

Photo shoots can require a lot of creative movement and posing. This could be reclining or balancing on one stiletto. The Lara moved with me and complimented my figure with every gesture. The seasoning and expert design of it paid off.

I was a LITTLE concerned about stealthing (essentially subtly wearing a corset in public) but this wasn’t an issue as shown in the photo below.

This is a stunning corset. It marries beauty and practicality. It demands commitment. And isn’t that what this side of us is all about?

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I read your article on corsets and was wondering how to go about purchasing one. Not sure if I want a corset or a waist cincher.

Like a lot of clothes and heels that we shop for, we need to purchase what FITS, not what we WANT to fit. I would love to be a size 8 stiletto but no matter what it’s 11.5 for me.

Corsets are very much the same. Of all the items you can add to your closet, corsets are the trickiest. This is where measurements are key. I might be a size 12 in a dress and a size 8 in a skirt, but this means absolutely nothing when it comes to a corset or a waist cincher. Yes, I might WANT a 24 inch waist and a corset will help with reducing my waist size, but I don’t think there’s a corset on the planet that could do reduce my waist that much without damaging my organs. Corsets are not to be be messed with.

Get your measuring tape out and order accordingly. Glamorous Corset has a very helpful guide when it comes to how and what to measure for with different body types.

I have two corsets from Glamorous Corset and before I ordered each one I took my measurements and then contacted them with my sizes and asked for a recommendation. I disclosed I was a transgirl and had a “boy” body. They suggested a style and a size after seasoning them both corsets are a perfect fit and I can’t imagine presenting en femme without them.

It does take a little work to find the right size and style, but remember, *this* side of us takes time, patience, and money. Spending twenty dollars on a skirt that may or may not fit is one thing. A quality corset is a little more of an investment. You can likely return a dress that doesn’t fit, but probably not a corset.

Have fun!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!


Spangla Lingerie!

I love lingerie and I have a special place in my heart and in my closet for lingerie that is designed for girls who have bodies like mine.

Mind you, this is not limited to consideration for my genitalia but also for bras and camis that are perfect for a wider chest, and broader shoulders, as well as panties with wider leg openings.

Although my closet is overflowing with pretty clothes and shoes “designed for women” and “designed for men” (if you want to oversimplify things) and I wear whatever I wish, I still love finding designers that make lingerie for people like myself.

Some of my favorite lingerie comes from XdressHomme MystereMootGlamour BoutiqueZheThe Breast Form Store, and En Femme.

I love these options for a few reasons, but one reason that stands out is how designers like these “normalize” lingerie for all genders. I remember discovering Xdress (known as Apres Noir at the time) and was struck by how exciting it was to find panties for my body. But they were an outlier, or at least I thought so at the time. “Lingerie for men” was a brand new thing (as far as I knew). However, with the growing options (which is a reflection of a growing demand and sloooow acceptance) it’s easy to daydream that maybe, JUST MAYBE, crossdressing isn’t as taboo as the world thinks it is. Maybe in a thousand years it will be common to find cute pink panties in the “men’s” section of a store.

I mean, a girl can dream.

I came across another designer that makes really cute lingerie for crossdressers and girls like me called Spangla. Spangla designs bras, panties, camis, and other pretty pieces of lingerie for people with the same type of body that I have.

I especially am drawn to the garter belts as they have wide suspenders. A small detail but I love attention to subtly. I also heart very feminine panties and goodness they have a lot of options.

My credit card is weeping as I look through their website because I want to buy SO. MANY. THINGS. There’s a lot I like here but unfortunately like a lot of designers that make panties for girls like us and like a lot of independent businesses, the prices are a little higher than “panties for girls”. This is not a criticism by any means. I totally get it. A giant corporation can afford to manufacture clothes in bulk, someone hand sewing a fabric rose on a pretty pink thong is going to be pricier. I am happy to financially support designers that support girls like me.

In summary, yay for more lingerie options for us!

Love, Hannah

Corset Seasoning

The other day I started to season a corset.

Seasoning a corset is, in a sense, breaking it in. However, it’s not so much as getting your body to adapt to it, but more the other way around. There’s a lot of ways you can wear a corset and they can help giving your body curves or shaping your hips, torso, waist, or everything.

I wear my corset every time I am en femme and have done so for almost two years. I love how it gives me curves but they can take some getting used to. The corset I normally wear fits perfectly and I can wear it for a long time and not feel the slightest bit of discomfort. I think the longest I have worn it is fourteen hours. I wrap it around my body, pull the cords tight, wrap them around my waist, tie it, and then get dressed.

This new corset is from Glamorous Corset who also made my first one. I loosened the laces, put it on, and felt it tighten around my body as I pulled the cords. I stood up straighter as I did this as a good corset is usually steel boned and naturally improves your posture. Once it was tied I got dressed (in boy mode) and went about my day.

When you season a corset and you aren’t used to wearing one, you should wear it for about an hour at first, and then gradually wear it a little longer each day. Like a gaff, you will notice and feel that you are wearing it, but if you feel pain or are uncomfortable, you are wearing it wrong and should readjust.

Some of us feel that suffering for femininity comes with the territory or that beauty is pain, whether it’s the quick discomfort from waxing your eyebrow or your stiletto not being the right size. I mean, I get it. BUT you don’t want to mess with a corset as it can cause breathing problems. Sure, you may look amazing but you won’t look so amazing if you pass out.

Since I am used to wearing a corset I (somewhat arrogantly) decided to wear it for most of the day. I have a photo shoot in a few days and I wanted to get used to this new corset before then. After about a half hour I started to feel… well, not discomfort but I was more aware I was wearing it than I normally am. If you’ve never worn a corset it is a similar feeling to wearing a bra. Yes, you KNOW you are wearing one, you can FEEL it, but sometimes the underwire starts poking you or the clasps in the back begin to dig into your skin a little.

This was a bit of a surprise as I am used to wearing one, but was quickly reminded that each corset is different and there is a reason for the seasoning.

When I am en femme (and therefor wearing my corset) I am doing a lot of things. Walking, driving, going up and down stairs, and a million other things. My corset doesn’t hinder me at all. But this is from properly seasoning it and cinching it the correct way for my body… which is exactly how a corset is supposed to work.

For the first day of seasoning this new corset, I spent the day at my desk doing work things. Meetings, phone calls, all that jazz. I noticed I wasn’t slouching as much so that was a plus. But the bigger plus was how quickly I was getting used to it. I’ll continue to season it over the next few days.

A full review will be coming shortly, but I am already impressed by the quality of this corset.

One more thought.

When I was growing up I was, and still am, fascinated by lingerie. I loved the options, to be honest. You could choose to simply wear tights or you could choose to thigh high seamed stockings with a Cuban heel along with a lacy garter belt. You could wear a simple bra and cotton panties or you could slip on a beautiful satin bustier with a matching panty.

But a corset was the ultimate piece of clothing.

A corset could give you support, hold up your stockings, give you a shapelier figure, and just look incredibly sexy.

My first impression of a corset, before I wore a quality one, was that they were, by and large, impractical. If someone wore one it was usually for sexy time and only for a little bit.

My thinking changed when I received my first proper corset. Yes, it is a very sexy part of my lingerie drawer, but over time I realized how practical and how essential it was to me. If worn correctly (and I stress that it must be worn correctly) it can be as comfortable as anything else in your closet.

Love, Hannah

It’s Friday, I’m in Love (with Lingerie)

Every once in a while I scroll through my website and I am often struck by the seemingly randomness of what I write about (as well as the missed typo). Some posts focus on legislation, some are reflections on living the bi-gender life, some discuss marriage and relationships. There are also product reviews and recaps of days I spend en femme or the activities the MN T-Girls have.

At my very core and in my heart of hearts, I am someone who is in love with clothes and how they make me feel. Yes, this is a little superficial and hollow but I think a lot of you understand and can relate. Many of us are drawn to… something and it makes us so happy.

And there’s nothing wrong with something that makes you feel happy, as long it doesn’t cause any harm to yourself or others.

I love lingerie. I always have. I’ve been fascinated and enamored by it for my entire life. And the more elaborate the better. Waist cinchers, seamed stockings, a bustier, corsets, garter belt… the list goes on.

I love the opposite worlds, so to speak, of wearing a suit (if I have to wear a suit) but underneath the tie and dress shirt I’m wearing an elaborate lace bra with matching panty and black stockings. I love the tug of the garter belt when I move.

It’s not uncommon for me to go through periods of time where I become, well, obsessed is a little… unhinged, but you know what I mean, with certain types of clothes, specifically lingerie. I shop for panties or nightgowns or anything else that is beautiful.

Lately I am all about camisoles and matching panties, especially the ones that Xdress offers. It’s a wonderful feeling to wear incredibly intricate lingerie under a shirt and tie, but there’s just as much magic to wear something as comfortable as a cami and panty under casual clothes while working from home.

This morning I chose Xdress’ Ashley camisole and matching thong.

This isn’t a review or a plug for Xdress or anything along those lines. No, this is just a little expression of how clothes make me happy. I love that I can write something that others like myself can connect with. I love sharing resources for support or places for girls like us can get a makeover or buy heels.

And! I love that I can just be a little shallow and write about how much I love lingerie or anything else in my closet. People like myself (and yourself, I imagine) often don’t have a lot of opportunities to just… share their excitement and love of clothes with others. For the most part we may keep this side of us secret and assume (often correctly) that most people don’t understand or really, even care.

Anyway, that’s my totally superficial and completely unnecessary glimpse into my mind and lingerie drawer for the day.

But tell… am I alone in this? Is there something you are absolutely in love with?

Love, Hannah