Ask Hannah!

Please please forgive me if this has been dealt with in your lovely blog and I have failed to find it, but the whole business of gaffing/tucking etc. What do you do, what do you advise?

There a few options a girl like us can explore.  One option is wearing pantyhose or nylons, especially a pair with a control top, to help flatten your…uh, area.  Control tops help with keeping your tummy a little flatter but can also be effective for other anatomical features.

You could tuck, which is essentially pulling your genitalia back between your legs and using a particular type of tape to keep everything in place.

Probably the most common method is wearing a gaff.  A gaff is a type of lingerie that helps tucks and flattens genitalia.  The Breast Form Store, Glamour Boutique, and En Femme all sell various gaffs.  I would also suggest looking at GI, a lingerie brand designed by a transwoman who designed products, including a gaff for our community.

I hope that helps!

Love, Hannah




Ask Hannah!

I have been crossdressing in my mind since I was 15. I am now 45. I have been in clothes from time to time. I have been I a relationship for 8 months and I have told her everything. She is totally on board and thinks this will be really fun. I have never had any support and of course she doesn’t know where we should begin. We both agree we aren’t ready to hit dressing rooms to find my clothes. The thing I’m struggling with is my size. I’m 6’1 and 260. Definitely not a feminine figure but we want to get the ball rolling. My dream is to get to wear skirts and blouses. Can you help us out with this?

Congratulations on taking this step!  I am very excited for you, and I am very happy you were upfront and honest in your relationship.

Just a reminder, that there is no standard you must meet in order to be feminine.  No one is too tall, too short, too thin, too masculine, too… anything, to be beautiful.  Being comfortable and happy with who you are has more to do with how you feel than with how you look.  We all know women, whether they are cis or trans, who are all shapes and sizes and every single one of us is drop-dead gorgeous.

And you are too.

When you are ready to start building your wardrobe, you’ll find that determining your measurements is the most important thing you can know.


When I purchase “male” clothes (please note I don’t think there are such a thing as “male” clothes or “female” clothes, they’re just clothes), I purchase shirts that fit my shoulders and pants that are long enough and are the proper waist size. It’s pretty straightforward. Dresses are a different story. I have dresses that fit perfectly around my hips and waist, but don’t fit my shoulders and chest as I am wider on top than my middle. And of course every dressmaker has different sizing standards, as well. When shopping, you need to know your measurements, and yes, sometimes it is a flip of the coin when it comes to deciding to order based off of hips or waist measurements.

And remember, as the two embark on this… (ugh), journey, and it IS a journey, no matter how much I hate that word, you will both feel different things at different times and it is easy to let this overwhelm someone.  I write a lot about relationships on this site, but if you take anything from my writing, just be worth it and beware the fog.

Love, Hannah



Ask Hannah!

Recently I have been having trouble keeping my wig on. It seams to ride up the back of my head after an hour or two wearing it. Any suggestions?

You may want to consider wearing a wig cap which would prevent your wig from moving around.  They are available in both a mesh and a nylon style.  Other girls use special wig tape, bobby pins, or hair clips to keep their hair in place.

However, selecting a wig that is the right size is also important.  If the band isn’t large enough, or stretchy enough, your wig will simply not fit right.

I hope this helps!

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I am looking to start a friendship with a “T-Girl”. Is it part curiosity, part something new and different or something altogether different? Yes and yes. I would have said that I would like to date but I don’t believe you go far without forming a friendship first. Is there a safe site or place to begin a dialogue and maybe more if things are right?

Having not dated in a very long time, I am the last person one should ask advice from when it comes to dating.

I will say this: transwomen are women.  Transwomen are everywhere women are.  Whether it’s the grocery store or an online dating app.  Many dating apps allow more than two choices when it comes to gender identity these days. There may be websites out there specifically for t-girls but I have no idea what they are.  I’m sure Google can help.

That being said, t-girls are very used to, and very tired of, of being seen as a fetish, or, as you say, a curiosity.  Many men (and I am not saying you specifically are doing this) who specifically seek out t-girls because they have sexualized us and are interested in getting to know us because they want to be…intimate with us.  I can only speak for myself, but I think many t-girls are highly skeptical of a guy looking to meet a t-girl for friendship.

I will agree that a relationship needs to be built on friendship first and foremost.  However, you state that your goal in seeking out a t-girl for friendship is because you want to date a t-girl comes off as a little insincere.  I get unsolicited messages from men who just “want to get to know me” but it’s clear what they want.  This is something most t-girls have to live with.

Again, I am not saying that you are like most men who seek out t-girls for “friendship”, but most of us are tired of being seen as a sexual fantasy because of who we are.

Love, Hannah



Ask Hannah!

What is the difference between being a crossdresser and being genderfluid?

Does it involve genderfluid people feeling like their internal sense of gender shifts around, while crossdressers don’t? (Even if both kinds of people wear female clothes, want to be treated like a woman, use feminine pronouns, etc.)? Or is there something else that makes genderfluid people and crossdressers different?

This is a wonderful and very nuanced question.

Let’s jump in.

First of all, I believe that both a crossdresser and someone who considers themselves genderfluid fall under the transgender umbrella.  My definition of transgender is pretty broad and inclusive and essentially covers any sort of gender identity or presentation that goes against traditional societal gender norms.

Under that umbrella are other designations.  For example, I am transgender, and perhaps bi-gender is a more specific label, if you will, for me.  I feel I have two very structured gender identities and presentations.  I am either him or her.

I think every crossdresser in the world will have their own definition of what crossdressing is.  Some crossdressers feel that is all about clothes for them.  Some feel it’s a sexual feeling.  Some have, as you put it, a shift in gender identity when they are dressed.  I did my best to summarize what I feel crossdressing is, but again, this is my perspective and likely different than someone else’s.  No one is going to be right or wrong.

For me, crossdressing comes down to simply wearing clothes that are typically associated with another gender.  This could be any article of clothing that is genderized, whether it is a tie or nail polish or suspenders or an evening gown.  You typically do not see a lot of women wearing tuxedos or a lot of men wearing pencil skirts.  I mean, they look amazing in them, but it’s not something you tend to see at the office or in the mall.

So, what is genderfluid?  Like so many terms and words in our world, there will likely never be a definition that fits everyone.  I can only speak for myself, but I would define a person who is genderfluid as someone who does not feel they have a fixed gender.  Their gender identity does not shift from day to day, or is influenced by what they wear. They may also use pronouns such as ‘they’ and ‘them’ as opposed to ‘him’ and ‘her’.

This is a little different from someone who is bi-gender.  As someone who is bi-gender, I present and identity as either boy or girl, but someone who is genderfluid typically does not identity as any gender, ever.  My gender presentation may go back and forth throughout the day, but it’s either one or the other.

I hope that makes sense!  Let me know in the comments if I am completely wrong. 🙂

Love, Hannah