Ask Hannah’s Wife

Last month my wife offered to answer some questions from t-girls and partners about her experiences, thoughts, and feelings about her relationship with a girl like us.  She read every comment, email, and question and I am happy to share with you her responses.

Being who we are is not easy, and it’s even harder on our partners.  I hope this helps and offers support to anyone who reads this.

-How have you handled seeing your man put on a wig, dress, makeup, and be Hannah?

Pretty well, I think. 😉
I think realizing that this wasn’t a fetish or kink, nor did it mean my husband was gay, helped. That may seem crazy to you, but I can almost guarantee this is a thought in most wives or partners mind at first. After really trying to understand this, I think adding a wig, and makeup made it better as she wasn’t my husband in a dress, she was more.

Seeing the desire to look put together and like a lady made it easier than just him wanting to wear lingerie. I’m actually quite impressed and proud of her style and want for her style to be classy and not tacky or ill-fitting and age appropriate. This also helped me understand its not a sexual thing. Knowing he had just wanted to feel beautiful, I thought, well I guess we all do in one way or another.

-How have you handled seeing her become a model… both physically and as a role model for many t-girls like myself?
I’ll be honest, Hannah modeling clothes and also having the blog and photo shoots bothered me at first. I kept it to myself for a while. I felt like “Why can’t she just wear what she wants and look the way she wants and just meet some t-girl friends to go out with? Why does she have to be so out there? Why does she need to be so extreme in that world? Does this mean she’s happier that way? Does she want to transition but feels she can’t because of our life together? I feared for our privacy with posting so many pictures, etc. I was afraid she could be hurt by someone joining this community with bad intentions. I also feared she would get a big head about herself and like the attention and want to be her more and more and my husband less and less. The only thing that has changed my feelings on this is time, lots of talks, reassurance and honesty. This just doesn’t come to you instantly. Also, she lets me make the rules. That may sound like I’m being selfish or bitchy, but it allowed me to have a say. I had no say in who he or she were, but I had say in how Hannah was in my life. Although I was aware of some of this before we were married, Hannah didn’t exist then and if we wanted this to work for both of us, I needed a say in how this other person was going to be invited into my life and marriage . It made me feel like I mattered just as much as both of them did.
With that being said, I am glad she has started a community of like-minded people being out there and doing things we all do, instead of hitting up LGBTQ bars ALL the time. I’m glad that when she couldn’t find what she was looking for, she became it. How inspiring is that? And in the process she helped others be more accepting of themselves or their spouses or their partners minds being put at ease a bit. I’ve always been supportive of the whole community. I believe being out there, being respectful and kind will go a long way in the fight for equality. People need to know there is nothing to hide, that other people existing is of no threat to them. That you all are people, too. People who just want to go to a play or Target. Hannah does important work. If there is one thing that’s similar in Hannah and my husband it’s that they are both all in or not in at all.
-How have you evolved during this period? Were there times where you just wanted Hannah to “just go away and be my husband!” or have you always been accepting. Did it evolve from tolerance to acceptance to embracing… has it gone back and forth. between those. 
I have found a deeper connection with my husband. It didn’t feel that way at first, but it became the case for us.
Yes, there were plenty of times I wanted Hannah to go. I know that if I asked for that, it would happen. How could I live with this knowing I was the only thing holding him back from feeling fulfilled as a person? He would resent me, I would always wonder if he was sneaking it or secretly unhappy in our marriage. He would be unhappy. I love him. You may think Hannah is awesome, but you’ve never met my husband. He’s all I could ever want. His happiness and contentment are just as important as mine are. I had to find a place where I could meet him and her in the middle. We couldn’t both have what we wanted and I knew that in the grand scheme of things, he needed her to be part of his life. We’ve always been us against the world. This was no different. He needed to explore her and figure this out. He needed one person that would say I love you for who you are, no matter what. There was no way I wouldn’t be that person for him, and in return, her. I was not going to snuff out a very big and important part of the person I loved most. I also wasn’t going to do this without boundaries.  I would just need to keep doing my best to communicate and make sure I felt reassured that we were on the same page with where this was heading. I also needed to make sure he was being open and honest. So, yes. it has evolved over the years to where we are today. Yes, it’s gone back and forth. When it does, we talk. Some days, its hard. Most of the hard days are behind us, though. It took effort and I feel it was worth it. On the lighter side, some days it’s nice to have him truly understand how it feels when we just don’t feel pretty or are taking longer to get ready. He knows that if I’m in the closet changing a million times that when I come out, that I need a confidence booster and some gentle honesty. Its fun when he complements an outfit or my eye make up, because I know he really means it. There’s a level of intimacy and respect that I didn’t know was possible when we are raw and honest about who we really are.
-How do you feel about Hannah when she’s… um… Hannah? I’m not asking about sex (don’t worry), but what about other areas of affection? Do you still feel comfortable holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, saying “I love you” to her? Was it instant, or was it something the two of you worked up to? 
This is tricky. I feel just fine saying I love you, etc. I don’t want to have pretend I’m someone else just because she is. Do I treat Hannah as my spouse? No. I see her more of a good friend. I feel loving and supportive, but don’t prefer to kiss her, etc. Not that I won’t, I know that although they are two, they are also one and I can see past that and see the person I love no matter what. In our situation, She is here and then he is. I married ‘he’ and that’s who I prefer. She doesn’t live in our everyday world. Its a hard thing to explain. At the end of the day, I love them and will cuddle and hold both of their hands. I’ve definitely learned that gender and sexuality are often and easily confused, but completely separate.
-How did you feel when Hannah “officially” identified as Transgender? I can remember following her from back in the day when she labeled herself as a crossdresser, and while that can be a shock, it’s definitely not as intense as transgender? How did you cope with it? 
At first, it was worrisome, what did this mean on a transition scale? Eventually, knowing there would not be a full transition,  I honestly didn’t care. I didn’t know what “label” did describe her and to be honest, why have a label? This isn’t my experience, who am I to say who she was or was not? We are all just people. Everything we think about clothes and gender are all just societal norms. It’s weird to say my spouse is trans at first, but honestly, it’s all meshed together. I don’t really think about it anymore. I wouldn’t prefer the term crossdresser over trans. It just is what it is.
-What would you say to the wives of us t-girls? What advice would you give? What kind of support system do you have in place for all of this? How have you been able to cope with it? How can I be more supportive to my wife through this period? How can I remind her that, even dressed up, I am still her husband and will always be there for her? It’s not just about making her okay with this, or getting her to view this the way you do, but genuinely loving on her and supporting her through this time. 
I would tell her its ok to not be ok with this right now and mean it. I would tell her everything she is feeling or fearing is normal and valid. Tell her that her feelings count. Ease in. Don’t tell her and then come out and show her your other side, dressed to the nines. It’s too much to take in all at once. Answer her questions the best you can and honestly. When she asks them again, answer them kindly and honestly again. She needs reassurance.
Respect her boundaries. If she doesn’t want you at the local mall or gas station near your house while en femme, for fear of you running into someone you guys know, respect it. Tell her you respect it and don’t break that promise. Be patient. Don’t expect her to want to hit the mall and movies with you right away or possibly ever. Don’t make her feel that she isn’t supportive if she doesn’t want to get mani and pedis and have girls day. She may be willing to let you explore that, but at the same time doesn’t want to be chummy and pretend it’s a girls day if she feels like she is with her husband. Remember, you two together, out, says something about who she is, too. She may not even know what that means yet. Will people think you’re friends? Probably not, but maybe. Will people think she is a lesbian or into trans women, probably. She may not know what this means for who she is when she’s with you en femme. She doesn’t need to fulfill that fantasy of being one of the girls for you. If she wants to, awesome! If she doesn’t, no sweat! Hell, she may not want to hit the mall or do pedis with her cisgender girl friends, either. I think men tend to think grown women are having pillow fights in our nighties, talking makeup and doing our nails. We’re not. Promise. We pretty much want the pedi, a glass of wine or tea, and quiet time by ourselves. Don’t rush her to be ok with it. Just let her slowly wade through the water and get there comfortably and gradually. She shouldn’t have to dive right in to it all or nothing. You have probably been thinking about all of this for years. Trying to understand yourself, purging, embracing back and forth. Many times trans girls will come to a point where they have done all the back and forth for years and found yourselves and just HAVE to tell her. She deserves time to process, understand, hate, love, and understand again, too.
In the beginning, I just wanted my husband. I wanted to see my husband the way I did before all of this. I missed his old body holding and hugging me, it made me feel so safe. I felt smaller and more feminine and more beautiful before. I missed being the only feminine one. I couldn’t quite as easily find the masculine traits I used to see. I missed cuddling up to his huggable, comforting chest and having his strong, still hairy arms wrapped around me. When he lost more weight and had shaved legs and arms, I felt as though he could just duplicate what I was bringing to the table and felt less of an asset. I watched what she wore and her style and wondered is this what he wishes I wore? I’m fashionable, but also way more casual than her. I wear make up every day, but heels are rare for me.  I’m a flip flops, flats and tall boot kind of girl. Did I not turn him on, now that I know what he liked in a woman’s style and its very different than mine? I felt I had to compete and I didn’t know how to explain why. It felt weird to be cleaned face, hair in a messy bun and in my pajama pants with a glass of wine, while chatting with Hannah in makeup, heels and dressed to the nines. I felt a little self-conscious or sloppy.  I was frustrated because I felt like there was another woman in our marriage. It’s like hanging out in your comfy clothes and another person comes over dressed to go out and you feel inadequate. I know that sounds crazy, but we cant always explain why we feel the things we do. I’m sure you can attest to that. 😉
My husband is handsome no matter what, honestly, he’s good looking, but becoming Hannah also changed my husband on a physical level, and so all the changes made him less ‘him’ and more both of them combined. It spilled over. I had a hard time with that, I wanted that hard line drawn at first. I wanted my big strong teddy bear when he was him and then I’d let her be her when she needed to be her. It didn’t always end up that way. I found myself annoyed when people would ask about his weight loss. They would worry if he was healthy. Most guys work out, lose weight, and then bulk up, therefore it’s less of a shock and more of a “woah you’re getting in shape.”  How can you say “He’s fine, he just wants to fit into cuter dresses and not look bulked up?!”? It was stressful. People worried that he was ill. I was tired of explaining he was fine.
I didn’t want to carry around this secret but I also didn’t want confide in anyone. I was afraid I would regret it and they would also view me and our relationship differently. Now, I’m glad I didn’t. I’m at peace with it and feel only I can understand this all the way I would want them to. If there won’t be a full transition, Then, I couldn’t expect others to understand. Over time, It really has just evolved much like you said, tolerance,
acceptance, embracing. I feel very accepting and loving of Hannah. I think embracing is a strong word. I’m not excited about it, but I am ok with it and it no longer makes me upset. I am happy for her and now that I know where this starts and ends, it’s much easier. I’ve gotten over the hardest part and am so glad that he and she feel fulfilled.
Again, honesty, time and reassurance were key. There are things that I have learned about myself and ways I’ve grown as a person, friend, ally, and wife. I am appreciative of her for that. Also as Hannah has written, be worth it. This is a difficult thing for your wives or partners to wrap their head around and come around to. If you are committed to wanting to stay together and helping her understand you and feel some ease through this period of transition in your relationship, you must help foster that. There are a million things going through our heads. Showing us that you’re not stuck in the fog, she’s not losing you and being sure to help her around the house and with daily things, remembering things she’s told you, asking her what she needs and giving that to her, letting her know you’re thinking of her and that you’re attracted to her means a lot. Keeping your word, going above and beyond to take things off her plate will help her appreciate you and leave her with more gratitude and feeling appreciated. Thus allowing more understanding and grace in other areas. You may say “She’s not losing me, I’m the same person”. No. You’re not. Once this is out, you are different in her eyes. It never goes back. Show her that its not a bad thing. Show her she’s not crazy when she says you’re different. You may feel the same inside, but, you’re not the same in her eyes. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but don’t deny that or make her feel as though she is not accepting just because she sees you differently. Put yourself in her shoes. What if she wanted to present as a man? Wearing “men’s clothing”, not shaving her legs, not waxing her upper lip or brows, hiding her soft curves, walking different, talking different. You may be accepting and still able to find her in there, but you won’t see her exactly the same either. Put yourself in her shoes, be empathetic, be patient. It’s all you can do. The rest will follow.

When you are dressed as Hannah, does your wife see you as a man in a dress or does she treat you like a woman?

 

When Hannah is presenting as herself, I just see “Hannah”, but not at first. It took some getting used to, some patience and effort to understand something that even he or she could understand. I guess it took a cautious trust on my part that my husband was being honest with his intentions as he explored her and who Hannah was, and what it meant for my husband to be part Hannah. For her, it took some experimenting with looks, hair, mannerisms and personal style for me to see her as someone separate from my husband. Slowly, Hannah became a whole other person. Someone very different than my husband. She was like a well dressed visitor (over dressed compared to me in my messy bun and leggings ha ha) but a visitor who I enjoyed chatting with. Its hard to describe, as some lines are blurry. Hannah brings out a more chatty and light-hearted side that I don’t normally get to see quite as much and as much, as she is like another person, Its still like talking to my husband, as we talk about family and friends and all the usual things we would while in male mode. I think as Hannah, the every day stress and to-do lists seem further away and this allows for that more relaxed free flowing conversation and presence.
When she comes in after a night out with you ladies, she is Hannah. When she’s dressed around me and hanging out, she’s not one thing. She knows my heart like my husband but is more chatty like my girlfriends. It’s not always easy and seamless, but I do appreciate Hannah and her affect on my husband. Mostly, I just love my husband very much and know its never in his heart to hurt me and I would never want him to suppress such a major part of who he is.
Does she treat you like a woman?
Hmmm, I don’t know how to answer this one. I guess I would say I treat her like a friend, a sister, someone close. I don’t treat my guy or girl friends like guys and girls, I just treat them like people, like friends. If you’re asking if I’m likely to ask Hannah to fix the toilet or save those things for my husband, I don’t do either. I fix it myself. 😉 I will ask Hannah and my husband to get things down for me, though. There’s more than a foot difference between us even without all of her fabulous heels. Don’t get me started on those! haha

Does she use proper pronouns?
I address Hannah as Hannah and use the proper pronouns. With that said everyone slips up from time to time and there has to be room for mistakes as we stumble through these things. I call Hannah by Hannah and my husband by babe or babes. Sometimes I’ll call Hannah Babe. No biggie. I know that Hannah and my husband are two very different people, but the same soul to me.

Do you see each other as lesbians while you are dressed?
No. I see Hannah as her own person separate from my husband. Her being who she is doesn’t change who I am. While I find Hannah very beautiful, I’m not attracted to her. I am attracted to men. I can always appreciate a beautiful person. If Hannah needed me to be sexually attracted to both her and my husband, that wouldn’t be fair, as this whole part of our lives is allowing us to be who we truly are and would put pressure on me to change who I am for her. I’m happy with my husband. 😉

Love, Hannah
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Ask Hannah’s…Wife

We know what it is like to be us.  We know how complex, stressful, conflicting, and wonderful it is to be who we are.  Sharing this side of us is not easy and I do my best to write about what our partners may be feeling, thinking, or worried about when it comes to being in a relationship with someone like us.

Most of the questions I get are about making this work within a relationship.  Much of what I write about is about being considerate of what our partners may be experiencing.  The truth is that every relationship is different and there is not a roadmap as to how to make this work for every couple.

Talking to other t-girls and their partners gives me a lot of perspective on how this side of us affects their relationship.  How this works, how it doesn’t, and what someone is feeling.  There are many things that these relationships have in common but there are also elements that are as unique as every relationship.

My wife and I talked a lot in the early days.  I learned a lot then, and now years later I am still learning and listening.  Some things she felt then but couldn’t voice them at the time.  One thing that was always there was a feeling of loneliness when I came out to her.  Who could she talk to?  Who could she confide in?  Who would understand?

Many of our partners felt, and feel, this way.  The internet wasn’t helpful and in many ways added to her fears.  There are resources for those who have partners who are transitioning, but not many resources for those who are married to people like me… and probably you.

Seeing this lack of resources, my wife has offered to answer some questions.  My wife is many things, but it’s her gentleness, honesty, and realistic perspective that I feel are among her strongest traits.

If you are transgender, and especially if you are the partner of someone like me, please add your questions to the comments before.  You can post anonymously or you can email me at hannahgotta(at)gmail.com.

I assure you confidentially if you send an email.  Names and email addresses will not be posted.

I can’t promise every question will be answered, but every one will be read by her.  Questions will be taken for about a week and her responses will be posted at a later date.

Love, Hannah

 

Ask Hannah!

I’m just curious, other than that time you ran into your mom, have you ever been caught out as Hannah by someone from your “Non-Hannah” life? If so, what did you do? How did you react?

No, thank goodness.

The only time something similar happened was when I was in male mode shopping for a skirt at Target and ran into my sister.  This was a couple years before I came out to her.  I wasn’t in the women’s section and hadn’t picked anything out, so it was a close call.

When we go out in public we do that with the acceptance that we may potentially run into everyone we know, whether that is our boss or the conservative side of our family.  Although there are things we can do to minimize the risks, we need to understand that this can happen.

So, what do we do when that does happen?  It will depend on who you run into, of course.  My boss?  I may as well quit my job and leave town.   My best friend?   Then it’s time for an overdue conversation.

If you wish to remain in the closet to some people in our lives, then we must remain conscience of where we go and be vigilant of who is in the room or the store.

There is no right way to come out to someone.  Those conversations may be carefully planned for weeks or may be unexpected and happen at the mall.  It’s good to be prepared for those talks, even if there is no correct way to do it.

Fortunately I  have never had this experience, but if others reading this have had this happen, please share in the comments.

Love, Hannah

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Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I like to crossdress and I’m trying to totally come out of the closet but I’m afraid I might lose friends.

It’s easy for me to say that it doesn’t matter what people say or think and that we must live our lives for us, and for no one else.  We can’t wait for the world to accept us and to tell us that it’s okay for us to be who we are, whether we identify as transgender or as a crossdresser.

I have no problem ignoring the stares or shrugging off any potential comments from people at a crowded mall.  But coming out does have consequences.  We never know what people will say or how they will react and the uncertainty makes it really difficult to come out to someone else.  We know that coming out is risking losing a friend or ending a marriage.  It’s understandable when we decide to not chance it when the stakes are that high.

But we know how hard it is to keep this side of us from others.  We want to come out for different reasons.  Some of us are just tired of keeping secrets.  Some of us want to share this wonderful part of us.  Some of us need a friend to talk to about this.  I understand.  I’ve been there.  I’m still there, too.  There have been times when I have almost come out to more of my friends.  I remember being out to dinner and thinking that maybe it was time to come out to one of my oldest friends.  He is a good person, a champion for the community, and I trust him more than most people in my life.  But the nagging feeling of uncertainty held me back.  It would have likely gone well, but I also knew that there was the smallest chance it might not.

It wasn’t worth it.  I am out to enough people in my life where I feel I have a support system when I need it.  But for some of us don’t have anyone and that support system has to start somewhere.  Some of us feel the need to come out to everyone in their lives and that this part of us burns so bright that we need to share it with every person we know.  For others, coming out to one or two people is enough.

I wish I could tell you the right words to say.  I wish I knew how to get people to understand who we are and why we are.  It would make writing that book that much easier.  But everyone you come out to is different, everyone will have different reactions, and every relationship is different.  Some reactions will go better than you could have dreamed, some will turn your life into a living hell.

I know.  I know that’s not very encouraging.  When we come out to someone, we are trusting that person to keep this a secret.  This is a huge thing to ask.  This is not something that most people expect to be told by someone else.  It’s something that some people need to process and talk through with someone else.  It’s not uncommon for someone needing someone to talk to when their brother, husband, boyfriend or whoever comes out to them.

This can go badly.  I know I am not being very reassuring.  I don’t know how to come out to someone, but I do know what we need to be thinking about and what we need to prepare for.  Before you come out to someone, there are a few things I would advise you on.

-Know yourself.  How do you identify?  Is this just about dressing up?  Do you identify as transgender?  What does being transgender mean to you?

-Be prepared to answer questions about your sexuality.  Yes, I know that this doesn’t really have to do with that, but you’ll likely be asked.

-Think about why you want to come to out to that particular person.  I have come out to different people for different reasons.  I came out to my brother because I felt it wasn’t fair for my sisters to know but he didn’t.  I also thought it was good for them to have someone to talk to if they had feelings about this.  When I came out to my sisters they asked why I was telling them.  I was simply tired of keeping this from them.  This is a huge part of me.  I thought by being more open with who I am it would strengthen our relationships.

-Pace yourself.  If you want to come out to multiple people it might be best to tell one person and then hold off for a bit.  See how it feels.  If it goes well, wonderful.  When that happens it’s encouraging and we usually want to tell someone else as soon as we can.  It’s easy to get caught up in coming out, but we need to think things through before we do it.  Remember the pink fog?

Will people look at you and think of you differently?  Yes.  Yes they will.  That’s the reality.  But how they do that is impossible to predict.  They may be weirded out, they may value your honesty.  They may never speak with you again.

Again, I wish I could be more positive.  Coming out to someone can be the best thing you ever do, but its naive to think that it will always go well.

Gosh, I am just a ray of sunshine with this, aren’t I?

If you need help talking about this before you talk to others, I would absolutely encourage you to find a therapist that is familiar with topics of gender or one specializes in the LGBTQIA community because, yes, we are part of that.

You can also attend a local PFLAG meeting where experienced counselors are available to help you accept and understand yourself but also help your friends and family.

I hope it goes well.  I wish I could be more helpful.

Love, Hannah

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Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah, I have a question about your workout routines. You’ve mentioned before how hard you’ve worked for your figure and legs (using the stairmaster), and it shows. What did/does a regular week look like? Thanks for all you do.

 

Littlest Black Dress 1

Thank you!

I think that when we accept ourselves as transgender we begin creating, or perhaps reinventing ourselves, in a way.  We have stopped resisting our feelings and emotions and are no longer denying who we are or who we want to be.

When we come out, we often wonder what is next.  We have come to terms with our gender identity and we begin exploring and getting to know this side of us.  We may expand our wardrobe, come out to others in our life, and try new things.

Whenever anyone tries new things, mistakes are made.  If you decide you want to be a painter, you will create a thousand bad paintings before your masterpiece.  You learn how to paint by painting.  The paint will cost money, it will take time to improve, you will dedicate time to practice your technique…but through all this you are learning.  You are improving, although it may not feel like it.

There’s no right or wrong way to be whatever gender you identify as.  But when I came into who I am, I wanted to learn makeup, I wanted to look a certain way in a dress, I wanted to walk confidently in heels.

I had a long way to go.

Again, you do not have to be able to walk in stilettos or wear lipstick to identify as a woman.  These were things I wanted to do.

I believe that in order to achieve anything takes it will (probably) take time, practice, and money.  Like painting, my life is a result of those three things.  It took time to build up my confidence to leave the house.  Makeup took practice.  It cost money to build my wardrobe.

One of the hardest things I did was lose weight.  At one point I weighed 240 pounds and was a size 18.  But I gave up drinking and have been sober for almost three years.  I never drink soda and rarely eat fast food.  I work hard at the gym.  When I hit the point where I was embarrassed with my reflection I decided to lose weight and I resolved to keep it off.

I came up with a routine and stuck with it.  I used to hit the gym six times a week in order to lose weight.  Now that I am just maintaining my weight I am there only four times a week.  My routine now is the same as it was when I was trying to get in shape.  I do 30 minutes on the Straimaster four times a week and another 15-30 minutes on the elliptical machine after that.  In the summer I go on bike rides.  And that’s it.  My body responded pretty well to cardio and avoiding alcohol, soda and fast food.

The changes I made benefit all of me.  I feel I look better in a little black dress as well as a suit.  I feel better, look younger, and have more energy than I did ten years ago.  My self-esteem and confidence have never been better.  Notice I never said I wanted to feminize my body or look more female.  This is because there is no standard as to what a girl is “supposed” to look like.

Everyone’s body is different and reacts to exercise and diet in different ways.  What works for one person may not work for another.  I feel I should mention that before starting any diet or exercise routine one should check with your doctor.

Love, Hannah

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Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

What is the best way for me to meet other girls that just want to hang out dressed up?  I’m not looking for hookups, just fun people like me

I know a lot of t-girls.  In our male lives we work in warehouses, banks, offices, and just about every profession you can imagine.  You never know if your colleague is called Amanda on the weekends.  This is, in my opinion, really amazing.  You never know who is a girl like us but it’s not something you can really ask someone.

That also makes it hard to make friends with girls like us.  Especially if you are looking for friendship instead of sex.  There are groups, communities, and apps out there for people who are looking for sex with others who share a particular…interest.  It’s easy to find a furry or a latex enthusiast and have sex, but friendship?  True friends are hard to find.

One of the main reasons I started the MN T-Girls was to make friends.  Its more fun, and safer, to hit the mall with a friend.  Having friends who are like us is important.  It’s not easy to explain who we are to others, but another t-girl gets it.

There are websites out there such as crossdressers.com and urnotalone.com where you can create a profile and message others in your area.  Of course, safety, safety, safety.  Meet in public places, not at someone’s house or hotel room.

Of course, you can also start a group like the MN T-Girls, as well.  It’s not easy but it can be done.

Good luck, stay safe!

Love, Hannah

 

 

Love, Hannah

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Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

What are your views about carry letters?

When we present as a gender or have a preferred name and/or pronouns that are different than what our legal documents and drivers license indicate, the idea of getting pulled over or being asked to provide identification becomes a lot scarier.

It’s hard enough to explain who we are to our partners, even if we have hours (or days or months) to discuss, but having an unplanned conversation about gender identity with a police officer on the side of a highway is ever more challenging.  Luckily more cities are being educated about transgender and non-gender conforming people.

A carry letter can help in situations like these.  A carry letter is typically written by a doctor, counselor, or therapist.  They usually state that you are transgender and that you are presenting as a gender that is different than the one you were assigned to at birth.  A carry letter is not uncommon for people who are transitioning and haven’t changed their birth certificate or name yet.

A carry letter is also helpful for those who wish to board an airplane presenting as a gender that is different from the gender on their identification cards.  On a related note, you can also familiarize yourself with the TSA’s policy on transgender passengers.

An example of a carry letter could read something like this:

To whom it may concern:

RE: ___________________________, ______________ ______, ______ This individual is under my care for the diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria which would lead to Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS). As part of the necessary process, ______ is to live the real life experience and dress in the gender to which the assignment will be made. ______is also receiving hormone therapy as part of the procedure, therefore is to be considered _________ and to be treated as _________ in all instances. If you have need for additional information, or to speak to me personally, please contact me.

Sincerely,

___________________________________________________________

Health Care Provider

Personally I think this example is a little outdated as it assumes that a transgender person will be pursuing surgery or hormones, but this should give you an idea what a carry letter typically says.

Like matte or gloss lipstick, a carry letter is an individual choice.  If someone feels a carry letter would be a helpful document to have tucked in their purse, then I see no reason not to have one.

Love, Hannah

______________________________________________________________________________________________

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