Ask Hannah!

Do you think high heels is a strong reason to males to dress as females?

I think there are a lot of reasons some of us present en femme. For some, myself included, it’s an expression of my gender identity. For others, it’s a fetish. And of course, there are countless reasons in-between those two.

I do believe in “gateway” clothes. Clothes, be it lingerie or stilettos, that open up our minds and worlds to something else, something new. An item that unlocked something in us that made us look at it differently, that made us reflect on who we really are.

I knew there was something about me that was different than others as I grew up. I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t trying on femme clothes whenever I had the opportunity. This desire grew over time and hitting new levels in my teen years. In high school my friends would comment how hot a girl in our class looked in her prom dress. I would also think she was pretty… but I was also focused on how badly I wanted to wear the same dress.

For me it was lingerie. Lingerie was NEVER “just underwear”. It was never just what girls wore under their clothes. It was sensual, beautiful, and captivating. It was elaborate, delicate, and intimate. I would see mannequins in department stores modeling nightgowns or women modeling Basques in a Victoria’s Secret catalog and I was forever changed. Yes, the women were beautiful but oh, how badly I wanted to wear what she was wearing.

So yes, I absolutely think that high heels (and anything else) can have the same impact on someone.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

Do women like crossdressing?

Okay, a few things before we dive into this question.

I am going with the assumption you are referring to cis woman and the definition of crossdressing (for the purpose of this question) that I’ll be using is about as simple as it gets: one gender wearing clothes that is intended for a different gender.

And! I am mostly going to talk about gender identity as a binary here.

Let’s get started.

Do women like crossdressing? I don’t know, I haven’t asked all of them.

But let’s frame this question a LITTLE differently. Is that okay? Thanks.

Do women like their cis male partner crossdressing?

“Like” may not be the right word. I am not sure how many cis women are necessarily happy that their big tall strong manly man husband wears panties. I can only speak for my relationship but I wouldn’t say my wife LIKES that I crossdress…. but she understands and accepts that I like it and that it is a part of who I am. I think many people are glad that their significant other has SOMETHING, be it crossdressing or hot yoga or hiking or whatever that brings joy to their life. My wife doesn’t understand why I love wearing what I wear but she doesn’t have to. Put the stiletto on the other foot and I don’t understand why she loves listening to murder podcasts right before she falls asleep. I think she is happy that I have this side of me that makes me feel the way I do.

I think for a lot of people as long as their partner’s interests don’t go toooo crazy or dominate toooo much of their lives AND are honest about this side of them, it’s (usually) good.

At the end of the day, I don’t think for many of our partners they really care don’t what color our underwear is. BUT the concern can come from the other things that crossdressing can bring.

I don’t care he wears panties, but I’m scared he will want to transition

I don’t care he buys dresses, but he is spending a LOT of money on clothes

I don’t care he goes out en femme, but he is going to places that I’ve asked him not to

I don’t care he wears lingerie, but he is always lying about this side of him

I can’t speak for every wife out there, but these are the most common things that I hear from a lot of partners of crossdressers. For some, it’s not about the CLOTHES themselves, it’s about the other things that we as crossdressers have a tendency to do.

Crossdressing under the influence of the Pink Fog may cause us to do things that we normally wouldn’t do and may cause us to make poor decisions that are not well-thought out. It’s not unlike drinking too much.

So yes, it’s safe to say that crossdressing, because of everything that can come with it, may not necessarily delight our partners.

Do some women have a kink that their man dresses? Sure. I know for a lot of us we hope that our partners have a fetish of men crossdressing which can open the door to all sorts of fun but I am not sure how common this is. I could be wrong but I don’t think it’s very typical.

If your question is “do women like TO crossdress?” that is a completely different question. Again, we are going to use the definition of ‘crossdressing’ at it’s most simplified: one gender wearing clothes originally designed for another gender OR clothes that on a societal norm level are typically associated with a different gender.

For starters, let’s acknowledge that people wear the clothes for many different reasons. Practicality, style, comfort, an occasion, or for fetish reasons.

If a cis woman wears “men’s clothes” it might be for practical reasons (such as the joy of having pockets). I know some cis women who wear men’s t-shirts because the fabric is a little thicker. Some cis women tell me that some t-shirts designed for cis women don’t hang long enough or the neckline is too plungy.

Cis women might wear clothes because of the style or it’s trendy, even if it’s a little uncomfortable or expensive. They might be wearing it for the ‘gram. And that’s okay.

Wearing an outfit for an occasion, be it a Target run or the coronation of royalty is pretty self-explanatory.

Same with comfort. Choosing leggings or pajama pants or flip-flops might not be as glam as a floor-length ballgown but are arguably comfier.

Do some cis women wear something because it arouses them? Sure, of course. It is erotic to a cis woman to wear something that is designed for a cis male? For some I think it is… however I think there are many, many, MANY more men who are turned on when they wear lingerie than cis women who fetishize wearing neckties.

Clothes and emotion are linked. Some men feel powerful in a suit. Some little kids feel confident in a Batman costume. Some people feel beautiful in a princess dress. But crossdressers connect with clothes on an entirely different and elevated level. We wear what we wear for a lot of reasons. It could be comfort (leggings!) or sensuality (lingerie!) or because a dress or a skirt is a representation of our gender identity. I present en femme because doing this is a reflection, a manifestation, of my gender identity. Do cis men wear a suit for the same reason? Do cis women wear a skirt for the same reason? Maybe… but I don’t think at the same… intensity, if you know what I mean.

Historically pants (or trousers for my readers across the pond) are FOR MEN and yes, women wear pants but women have the option of wearing pants designed for women.

And yes men have the option to wear panties designed for men but on a societal level a woman wearing pants at the office is not equal to a dude wearing pink boyshorts in a gym locker room.

So yes, girls wear girl pants and some girl wear Boy Pants (again, the practicality of pockets can be appealing). A girl wearing “boy clothes”, a girl crossdressing (again, using the definition at the start of this post) is not a big deal… not as big deal as a boy wearing a skirt, anyway.

bUt iT’S nOt FAir tHAT giRLs caN CRossDreSs but boYs CAN’t.

Listen, we’ve been over this, but society did not one day collectively decide it was okay for women to wear pants. This did not happen suddenly or without consequences.

If we want the same societal acceptance to wear a skirt that women have when it comes to wearing pants, wonderful, then we had better start fighting for it.

I don’t view a cis women wearing pants as crossdressing. Pants have been “de-genderized”. Women did that. Women waged and won that battle. And honestly? Good for them. If my wife is wearing jeans she is wearing “girl jeans”. Jeans that are designed for the cis woman’s body. If men want a skirt to be de-genderized, it’s a battle that men will have to fight.

And to be clear boys can absolutely crossdress. As of this writing it is not illegal to wear a dress if you have a penis (but I suppose that day is coming) however you’ll probably turn a few heads and, let’s be honest, opening yourself up to less-than-welcome comments, to say the least.

So! Do women like to crossdress themselves? I don’t know, I don’t think a cis woman CAN crossdress the same way a man can crossdress. A girl can wear her boyfriend’s t-shirt and a pair of boxers to sleep in but I don’t think she is necessarily crossdressing (using the definition above) . But her boyfriend wearing her nightgown? Yes, that is crossdressing.

Is this fair? Eh, maybe not… but I think cis women have earned the right to wear what they want by fighting for it.

I have no idea if I answered your question but there it is.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

Thank you for your blog. It helps people like me, who often feels alone, because I have what I call dual identity and I find it not always easy to find the right balance in my life.
The reason I am righting to you is that I was wondering if you could give me some advice. It is related to wigs.


I think your wig(s) suit you quite well, and I was wondering how you found it. I live in Canada, and it is very rare to find a wig store, and my experience with a few of them them have been disappointing. I have quite a big head and all the wigs I saw in the stores that I went to ere either too small or unflattering.


So, I tried buying wigs online and this also have been disappointing, because you only know when you receive them if they suit you or not. I must have bought over a dozen, and only two of them were partly ok. They fit me, and did not look too bad on me, but I am only half happy when I wear them. And they are starting to get worn out.
So I was wondering if you tried your wigs in a store or online.

Do you have any tips on how to find a good one?
I hope my questions are clear.
Thank you for your work and your smile.

Thank you for your kind words! I bought my current wig at Creative Hair Design. I wasn’t tooooo sure about it when I first tried it on but the more I wear it the more I like it.

I have had a lot of wigs over the years and I have purchased most of them online, specifically from Wigs Us.

Finding the right wig is a lot of trial and error. Wigs can be made of different fabrics. Heat-resistant tend to be the most affordable but are a bitch to take care of and tend to wear out sooner. Human hair (that sounds so creepy) are expensive and require a lot of care but in the long run tend to be a very good investment.

Many wigs are adjustable so there is that.

Buying wigs online opens up a lot of options buuuut if you select one that is not the right look for you then you’re kind of stuck with it as you usually can’t return it. If you have the option to visit a wig salon then do it. I’ve shopped for wigs in person many times and yes, every experience has been positive. Businesses will vary and people will react differently to a girl like us but I’ve never EVER had a “non crossdresser friendly” experience at a wig shop.

If there are not a lot of options for wig shops in your area, well, it might be time to take a trip to a larger city with more options. Is this expensive? Yes. Finding our look, a look we are happy with, a look that is truly US is an investment. This side of us takes time, patience, and money.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

I am new to your blog so pardon my question that may have already been answered. My question is what service do you use for your pictures? Do they do all you make up? Do they supply clothes, or are you on your own for that?

I don’t use a service for my shoots. My photo shoots are very similar to putting together an outfit. Your heels might be from one store, your skirt might be from one designer and your blouse might be from a different brand… but somehow it all comes together.

I have worked with the same photographer for almost six years now and we’ve become really good friends. When I am feeling self-indulgent or when I am asked to review/model an outfit I reach out to her and schedule a shoot.

Similar to my photographer, I get my makeup done by an artist that I have been working with for about two years.

Studios and locations for shoots are almost always found and booked by my photographer. Typically all costs associated with my shoots are paid for by me, whether it’s hiring my photographer, paying for my makeover, or booking a studio.

The outfits I wear for my shoots are either from my own wardrobe or are provided to me for the purposes or writing a review or for modeling… typically for En Femme.

If you are looking for a transformation service in the Twin Cities, I recommend La Femme Mystique. I visited Rebecca a few years ago and had a fabulous time!

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

Just wondering, have you ever considered doing a podcast? I have followed you for years and based on everything you are doing, in my opinion I believe a podcast from Hannah would be very well accepted.

Thank you! That means a lot. I feel I am always a few a steps behind when it comes to social media. I blog when most social media people are video blogging or doing podcasts. The truth is I would love to do something along those lines in addition to running my website and my superficial tweets.

I would love love love to do a series of little “how-to” videos. Subjects about getting makeovers or having a bra fitting… but for t-girls. I am sure this is not an original idea but it would be fun to do.

A podcast would also be fun. I have been asked to be a guest on several in the past but unfortunately schedules didn’t match up.

What holds me back is I don’t have a lot of time to learn a new skill like video editing and all the technical stuff that would go along with these ideas. I also don’t have the financial means to pay someone to do those things either.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

Since you feel better and more productive as Hannah, why don’t you live more and more as Hannah? Hannah seems stronger than your male self.

You are absolutely right. Hannah is stronger than my male self because the everyday things she does are harder than the same tasks that he does.

This is cis male privilege, in my opinion. He can spend all day running errands and he never thinks about, well, anything. When Hannah does anything she has to be completely aware of her surroundings lest she is confronted by someone who isn’t a fan of the trans community. She can be followed, harassed, and attacked. Sometimes her stopping to get a cup of coffee is the bravest thing I can do.

But for him? Life and day to day adventures are incredibly easy. No one harasses him, no one points, he never has to look over his shoulder to see if someone is looking at him menacingly.

It’s similar to you can only be brave when you are afraid.

I feel content with the balance that both she and I have in OUR life/lives. I don’t feel the need to present as Hannah more than I already do.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah. I am at a point well beyond hating myself for who I am. I have tried to give up crossdressing more times than I care to count and every time I come back to it. I told my wife a while back and it created such friction that I had to tell her I gave up crossdressing just for the sake of keeping the peace. Now it needs to be said that the dressing wasn’t the only cause of our problems, they extend far beyond the reach of only my little affliction. I completely understand that my wife would have issues with it, and for the sake of my own sanity I am more than happy to pretend that I have stopped and go back to the way things were (even though that bell can’t be unrung). I have had a handful of adventures dressed up that I keep completely to myself. Over the years (and because of issues completely unrelated to my dressing) I have reached a place where I don’t really care if we remain together or not. So I guess my question for you is, if you either never met your wife or you two had to go your separate ways, can you imagine yourself going through life on your own? And as a bonus question (I don’t know if you have kids or not), but would you share this side of yourself with your kids or keep it from them into perpetuity?

I believe people need other people. I think we have evolved to be cooperative and that we need the companionship of others… whether it’s the partnership of a spouse or a circle of friends. I like my solitude but I don’t think I could live alone.

Who I share my gender identity with, whether it’s family, friends, colleagues, or anyone else is determined by whether they need to know. Although it would be nice for Hannah to have coffee with some of the people HE knows, the thought of coming out and all of that it brings is exhausting to me. I don’t feel that anyone else in my life, at this point of my life, needs to know.

Please don’t hate who you are. Please. That will only lead to darkness.

And please. Seek out counseling. Whether it’s for you and your spouse or for you on your own. You are not alone in your gender identity. Please, please, talk to someone who is smarter than I am.

Love, Hannah

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I recently told my wife of 16 years, about Rayne. She’s seems to be supportive, right now, and very confused, as I have been for almost 40 years, why I’m attracted to womens clothes. Nothing frilly, past that stage, I love the new styles, and I do have a desire to go in public. I was wondering, do you wear panties everyday, and who does Hannah’s laundry?

Preparing to do laundry

Hi! Yes, I underdress every day. Mostly it’s just panties but sometimes I’ll wear a matching cami as well. As for household chores, we split them pretty evenly and I usually do the majority of our laundry.

Please show your wife kindness and patience as she navigates this part of her life. These posts may be helpful to both of you.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

I have a question/suggestion and a semi-rant. The question/suggestion is that the once LGBT acronym has now evolved to 2SLGBTQIA+. Why can’t we just call our community PRIDE? Simple but powerful and known worldwide. I see communities like the NAACP and AAPI with short and powerful acronyms, why can’t we have that too? So no one is confused on which acronym to use for our community. That will cut down on so much unnecessary confusion and issues. Sorry, that was to supposed to go on like that lol. What is your opinion about that? Now the rant. This may be just because I am in the city and state (Houston,Tx) I am in, but the PRIDE (don’t that just sound so much better?) community members and supposed allies I have come across here do not seem to be into helping me with my journey, not even advice or to answer questions. No help with makeup or clothing questions. All they mainly do is say “just Google it”, or “Go on YouTube to find a video”. I want that personal one on one help. If I wanted to look on the internet I would not have even asked them for their help. SMH, They prefer just to deal with me once I have gotten everything figured out and done enough to hang out. I feel like if you do not want to be a part of my journey, you do not get to benefit from when I am fully glammed up. Full stop. I just wish there were more CDs like yourself in my area that have that “down for the whole journey” mentality. I am on sites like Crossdresser Heaven and TVChix but again most of who I communicate with on there are in different states and even different countries. Sometimes that lack of support really weighs heavy on me and sometimes heavy enough for me to think about stopping and going dormant (BTW, I consider myself a bi-gendered/two-spirit/dual-spirit CD. So I would go dormant but “he” of course will still live on.). So there it is Ms. McKnight. I will welcome anything and all that you have to say about the things I touched on.

First of all, I would like to apologize for the delay in answering your question. MOST of the time ‘Ask Hannah’ emails are routed to my normal inbox but every once in a while an email will pop into Spam/Junk and I don’t see it until I check those folders.

I totally get where you are coming from. It does seem like the acronym gets longer as time passes but I do feel it’s a good thing. Inclusivity and representation is important and each letter in LGBTQIA+ is for a community. I like seeing the T in there. It makes me feel SEEN.

I also see a benefit when it comes to the non-queer community. If a cis/het person sees the I or the A in LGBTQIA+, they may ask what that letter represents. It’s an opportunity for them to learn about intersexed or asexual/agender people and realize that there are people that identify in ways that are different from themselves.

Also! It may help someone understand THEMSELVES. Someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction may feel alone but if they see the A they will realize that there are others like THEMSELVES. I can’t speak for everyone but I felt a lot less isolated when I realized that there were others like myself in the world.

Love, Hannah

Update! Here’s an article from a few years ago that offers a really well written perspective on this!

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