Ask Hannah!

I know you love both of your identities, as male and female and highly value both lives. You do seem very happy and alive when discussing your outings as a woman. Do you ever sit and consider what your life would have been like, if you were born female? You appear to thoroughly enjoy female clothes and how you feel wearing them. I love wearing female clothes also, and at times I wish I had been born female.

You know, for someone who overthinks and considers every potential outcome and scenario, this is not something I have ever really thought about.

It kind of brings up the whole nature versus nurture scenario, doesn’t it?

When the doctor checked the little box for “MALE” on my birth certificate it shaped how everyone I would ever meet in my life would talk to me, interact with me, react to me, and see me. A lifetime of norms and expectations were set in stone without any consideration as to who I might be and what I might want.

It’s… not unlike an arranged marriage in a way. Like it didn’t matter if you loved or even liked this person, it was agreed that you were going to marry them in a few years and that was that.

Growing up I wanted to wear dresses and beautiful and interesting clothes. Underwear didn’t have to be ugly, baggy, ill-fitting boxers. Underwear could be cute, colorful, lacy. I was drawn to “girl clothes” and no matter my genitalia I wanted what I wanted. This is nature.

But then nurturing came crashing through. My parents bought me boy clothes. I was given blue things and steered away from anything pink. I had toy trucks. You get the idea.

And to be fair I loved the toys I had. My sisters had dolls but… well, they seemed kind of boring to me.

A closet full of pants couldn’t extinguish the fire that burned in my heart for dresses. But I wasn’t allowed to listen to it. It’s not like I was explicitly told that I couldn’t wear dresses but let’s face it, in a world (especially back then) when gender norms rule I didn’t HAVE to be told.

But of course I wore dresses and skirts and anything I could whenever I could.

My interest, my fascination, my yearning to wear femme clothes was only fueled by these opportunities. It’s like a piece of cake. It looks amazing and the first bite is heaven and it only makes you want a second taste. To continue this metaphor I devoured the entire cake and at this point, probably several bakeries.

As the years went by this part of me grew and I began to understand and accept and eventually embrace who I am and what I wanted to wear.

I got to know the part of me that would eventually become Hannah.

BUT I also grew as the masculine presenting person that most of the world knows me as. He made friends, found a career he (usually) likes, and became who I am today.

And this person, the male side of me is, well, happy. Satisfied. At peace. He has a fulfilling life. I like HIS life.

As I matured both of my gender identities grew and found themselves and found happiness. They are not in conflict with each. They have their contrasts but it’s a wonderful mixture of the two. I am forever charmed by the differences and polarizing opposites they seem to have. This past Saturday I bought a ladder and cleaned the gutters which is a very manly thing to do. This upcoming Saturday I am getting a makeover and wearing a lot of pretty clothes for a photo shoot.

As I look at my life and my lives, I realize that nature, well, it won. How I was raised, how the world thought I should be didn’t stamp out the femme part of who I am.

If the “FEMALE” box was checked then my nurturing would have been very different. My dresser would have been filled with the clothes he wanted to wear. There would have been no effort to prevent me from wearing any dress I would have wanted to.

I really don’t think I would be bi-gender if I was raised as a girl.

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I don’t feel that I was born in the wrong body.

What I mean is that I was always drawn to the femme side of the world. It was, and is, endlessly captivating to me.

But I never had the… pull when it comes to the other side. There wasn’t ever anything masculine that appealed to me. I never was curious about what it would be like to wear a tuxedo but I daydreamed constantly about wedding dresses. I wanted painted nails, not nails with dirt under them from playing football.

However.

Being raised as a boy put me on the path I am on now. Over the decades I’ve grown as a person, created a life, and fell in love. I love my life, I love who I am.

And I don’t want anything to change.

If I was a girl at birth, I can’t help but think I would still be ME. That’s the nature side. But I would have been raised differently and have gone in a different direction. That’s nurture. I think I would still like the same things I like, I can’t imagine not falling in love with my wife, regardless of my gender.

At this point in my life I am both of me, I am all of me. Things would have been different if I was born with a vagina instead of a penis, but honestly? I have no complaints. I am very glad things turned out the way they did.

Everything works out in the end.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

I’m a child counsellor and I’m working with a 15 year boy who is a ‘cross dresser’. He is desperate to find support, or support groups but when he goes online he ends up down rabbit holes and can often feel persecuted. I’ve tried to research this for him but end up on transgender pages. He says quite clearly he is a straight man who likes to dress as a woman when he can. He does not identify as transgender.

My question is, where can we find support that just focuses on the cross dressing element of him, without presuming there is a desire to transform any further than that?

Hope you can help guide us.

I hope I can help, too!

Before I dive into your question, I want to share my own personal thoughts and perspective on how I define “crossdressing” and “transgender“.

This is a HUGE oversimplification and I absolutely acknowledge that not everyone will relate or agree with me.

When I am in male mode and I am wearing panties, a nightgown, leggings, femme jeans, etc. then I am crossdressing (because I am masculine presenting and using male pronouns while wearing clothes that society tends to view as “for women”).

When I am in full makeup, a dress, my wig, wearing breast forms… then I am no longer crossdressing. I am presenting as feminine. I am a transgender girl. A gender that is not the same gender that most of the world sees me as (since I present as male to most of the people in my life). I am presenting as one of my gender identities.

My OPINION is that your client is transgender IF they are, in your words, dressing as a woman… as opposed to JUST wearing femme clothes. I think once we include a wig or using femme pronouns we have stepped over the boundary of “crossdressing”. Again, this is my OPINION.

BUT transgender does NOT mean they ARE, or WILL, or WANT to transition. I am 1000000% transgender but I have ZERO plans or desire to take hormones or legally change my gender.

I had a very hard time making the transition (no pun intended) from only identifying as a crossdresser to identifying as trans. What held me back from this was thinking that transgender ALWAYS meant, and HAD to mean transitioning. It doesn’t. It might for some, but it doesn’t for everyone.

It’s my opinion that if your client is wearing a wig, makeup, and wanting to present feminine than it MIGHT be more than crossdressing. If their interest was ONLY about the clothes as opposed to wanting to present as a girl, then it MIGHT be JUST crossdressing.

Does that make sense?

Over ten years ago I started a website where I wrote about my experiences and my perspective on my gender identity. I wanted to make it clear that who I am had absolutely nothing to do with wanting to transition. I wanted to see if there were others like me… people who loved femme clothes, people who loved makeup and had a femme name (even just on occasion) BUT didn’t feel that transitioning was the right decision for them.

Turns out there are a LOT of others like me.

When I meet others like myself, either in real life or online I sometimes need to clarify that YES, I am indeed trans but no, I’ve no plans or desire to be full time or transition. It might get a little repetitive but it goes with the territory. And YES there are people who don’t think that I am transgender because I am not, will not, and have not transitioned but I ignore them. What do I care what they think of me? They don’t make the rules about who is and who is not trans.

You can absolutely be trans but not make any physical or legal changes.

Resources and support SPECIFICALLY for crossdressers MIGHT be a challenge. Googling ‘crossdressers’ will likely return a lot of sexually explicit material which is both not helpful and not appropriate for a minor.

Could I suggest your client start their own website? There are quite a few options out there (such as WordPress, the site I use) that offer free blogging sites. This might be worth considering if they feel alone.

I mean, it’s what I did. It took a while to gain followers and to be noticed but by consistently writing and posting it eventually happened.

By writing about my own experiences and perspectives I am able to connect with countless others like me. I think your client will likely find that there are many others like themself. I mean, I relate to your client. I present en femme AND I have no desire to transition.

And gender identity has nothing to do with sexual identity. What we wear has nothing to do with who we are attracted to. Your client being straight doesn’t necessarily mean they are not transgender, does that make sense? I mean, I am married to a cis woman, I have no experience or desire to be physical with a man AND I have more panties than a typical Victoria’s Secret. My sexual identity has nothing to do with what clothes are in my closet.

I really hope this helps. I am not recommending THIS website or THAT website, but rather I want to offer a perspective that maybe your client can relate to.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

I don’t know if you are aware of this or not, but the Breast Form Store is sending out emails for the Hera breast forms with you in a red dress on a sofa.

At least I’m pretty sure it is you…

Yes! It is totally me.

I was lucky to review these forms and I am absolutely over the moon about them. I gave the Breast Form Store permission to publish certain photos and I was giddy to see them use one in their marketing.

I absolutely appreciate when I am notified when my pictures pop up across the internet so thank you for letting me know. Usually when this happens I am credited/identified but sometimes it’s for content I would prefer I wasn’t associated with… if you know what I mean,

Love, Hannah

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Hannah, you always say that you keep your two sides separate – he stays in his lane, Hannah stays in hers. But obviously, that’s not 100%, right? I mean, you wear panties, like you mention in today’s post about pink Wednesdays, even though it’s a HIM day. And you keep your body shaved all the time, I think I’ve read. Maybe there are a few other things, too … nails? eyebrows? possibly a bra or bralette on a work day? or stockings under the boring socks? You’ve said that you lost a lot of weight, which will have given you a more slim figure, but maybe the corsets have trained that figure in a more feminine way, as well?

Other bits of Hannah might also be transferring over to the other side. Being feminine, after all, is more than wearing a dress and shaving your legs, there are behavioral aspects, as well. How you sit, how you walk, the expression on your face, and even more subtle things like whether you interrupt other people when they’re speaking, and how you present ideas in a meeting.

So my question for you is, if all those things are going on, even when Hannah isn’t present, is that something that others have noticed at all? Perhaps on a subconscious level? Certainly it’s possible that people could notice changes, without ever putting two and two together to figure out that he is a crossdresser, but even so it seems like you might get some kind of reaction.

And if so, is that a positive or a negative? I’ve heard of CD’s who modified their behavior, for example, maybe even without intending to, but with the result that they get along better with people, including their wives, and sometimes find that they are better at doing the things that their male self might have struggled with.

I know I’m a nosy parker for asking all this, but after all, you DO have an “Ask Hannah” invitation hung out there.

Our life/lives are very nuanced and strange but they make complete sense to us.

Endless questions when we come out. Why? How? When? Hannah is WHO I am, but not who I always be. This makes little sense to many others. We are often perceived as contradictory but we comfortable with this seemingly teetering balance.

If we, as non cis-people, are looked at a little closer as individuals, these contradictions and exceptions to absolutes begin to subtly glow between cracks.

When I say I keep both of my gender identities separate with no overlap it makes sense to me. AND when it’s pointed out that this isn’t exactly correct like in this question, well, that’s true from a certain perspective.

It’s absolutely true that some attributes, whether physical or otherwise, manifest themselves in HIS life and HIS appearance.

Some of the physical differences are welcome in both of my gender presentations, however. Hannah has nicely arched and shaped eyebrows. The majority of masculine presenting people have (or would prefer to have) thicker, bushier eyebrows. Unattended, my eyebrows grow wild and curly. I’ve always been self-conscious of these fuzzy caterpillars that rest below my forehead. Groomed eyebrows do contribute to a more traditional femme appearance when I am presenting as Hannah and yes, these are HIS eyebrows as well. But I actually like HER eyebrows on HIS face.

Generally speaking, I wouldn’t do anything for HER that HE would be uncomfortable with having.

I keep my body smooth and hairless for Hannah obviously but I actually HATE body hair. Left to its own devices, like my eyebrows, my body hair is thick and, well, EVERYWHERE.

Of course, when I started in shaping my eyebrows and shaving my legs (and everywhere I could reach) I was nervous about someone noticing and, well, making the connection. After over ten years of shaving I’ve never had anyone comment or “figure it out”. I’m sure it’s been noticed but since no one has said anything either people don’t CARE or they know it’s none of their business why I don’t have hairy legs.

Of course, in my male life I am known for being active in running and cycling so that connection might also exist for some.

Ultimately I don’t care if someone sees my hairless arms. It’s unlikely (based on my experiences) anyone will say anything and sure, they could be thinking a LOT of things and wondering MANY things because of this but unless someone comes up to me and tells me what they are thinking I won’t ever know. And really, I don’t care. If I am ever asked I suppose my response would be that I just don’t like body hair and leave it at that. If follow up questions persist then I think I would be a LOT bitchier.

We are paranoid and protective of our secrets. We are, and rightfully so, fearful that someone will figure out who we are based on one little clue or evidence. However, I don’t think people will likely think “hey that guy has shaved legs I BET they are a crossdresser.”

If anything, my appearance might make sense in retrospect. If I were to come out to someone they might ask if that’s why I shave my legs but I don’t think many people will jump to that conclusion.

There are also behavioral traits. In your example, how I sit. Hannah has better posture (a corset helps) and sits cross-legged. HE would benefit from her posture while sitting but he hasn’t picked up on that yet, lol. HE does cross his legs while sitting on occasion but I don’t think that has much to do with my gender identity. I noticed that HE started doing this when I lost a lot of weight for some reason. SHE and HE both walk differently. He rushes from one space to another. Hannah takes her time (usually heels require that). Hannah holds her head up (sometimes to be more aware of the people in her surroundings) while he keeps his head down or looks straightforward. Essentially I don’t feel there are a lot of similarities between he and she when it comes to walking or anything like that.

And we BOTH have a bad habit of interrupting people but Hannah is getting better at this than HE is.

Anyway.

It’s also true that in male mode I am wearing panties or working from home in leggings or sleeping in a nightie. I am wearing femme clothes while presenting as masculine. HE wears femme clothes because HE is a crossdresser.

I am sure I could create a gender Venn diagram that shows a separation AND an overlap of my crossdressing AND my gender identity.

If I were to oversimplify who I am I would say HE wears feminine clothes, lingerie, leggings because HE, well, who knows why. But presenting as feminine (makeup and wig and name and pronouns) is because this appearance is a reflection of one of my gender identities. When I am wearing a nightgown I don’t think of myself as Hannah. I am HIM in a nightgown.

There are many crossdressers that wear femme clothes but it’s not tied into their gender identity. They are dudes who like panties. There are also many that identify as trans but NEVER wear femme clothes in male mode.

Again, we are complicated but I think we all make sense to ourselves.

I have lost weight and yes, I suppose a slimmer figure might be associated with a more femme appearance. I do wear a corset in girl mode but I don’t think I wear it enough to reshape my body after I take it off.

When it comes to non-physical traits, there are some things that HE has adopted from HER. In the early days my wife and I would have girl nights and we would talk and drink wine. I would feel more vulnerable and more open and I would talk more about my feelings more. It felt… safer somehow.

This has led to HIM sharing his thoughts and emotions more. Opening up was and is incredibly freeing. It’s nice to not keep things inside… whether it’s related to identity or being able to communicate with coworkers and other people in your life.

Likewise, Hannah has always been more patient, more thoughtful, and kinder. These are GOOD things. I would like to be these things. HE has learned to adopt these characteristics into his world. HE is a better person for it. These are things that help in his everyday life, both personal and professional. As you said, presenting ideas in a meeting. By being more thoughtful and careful with my words I feel I’ve become more effective in what I am expressing, Hannah’s patience and kindness has led to HIM listening more and being more empathetic.

I feel being more empathetic, kinder, patient, and honest as been enormously beneficial in all aspects of my life, in both of my genders. I am grateful that SHE has taught me these things.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

Now that it is getting into the fall and winter, what items do you suggest?! I am just getting into cross-dressing, and I don’t know what to wear!

As you can tell from the picture below, I am absolutely the right person to ask about how to dress in colder months.

One of the many things I love about femme presentation is the amazing variety there are with clothes as the seasons change. For me, fall is all about layers, leather, skirts, and boots.

Pairing a short skirt with cardigan is a perfect way to show off our legs and stay (somewhat warm).

I love this look. I am not very confident about my skills pairing a skirt with a top but with the help of an H&M mannequin I think I… oh, who am I kidding? I saw a mannequin and just bought everything it was modeling.

I tend to stay away from sweaters as I tend to gravitate towards, ah, tighter clothes but I really like this outfit. I think I sexxed it up with the leather skirt.

I am also really into duster style cardigans. Not necessarily sexy but again, the leather helps… I completed this look with a bodysuit. I think having in a tucked in blouse is a good look with a skirt but I hate tucking in a top. A bodysuit is a wonderful cheat.

One thing that I hate about colder weather is needing to wear a jacket or coat. I think these add to my frame too much and emphasize my masculine shoulders. Buuut I think this look is cute.

Again, I balance (or contradict??) the look with a short skirt.

Honestly, I am not known for my practicality when it comes to my wardrobe. I am overdressed for everything, I am not shy about showing off my legs, my makeup is bold, my heels are high. If I have to dress for the weather I usually do it kicking and screaming. If I HAVE to take the cold into consideration I stubbornly (and admittingly unwisely) match a warm sweater or coat with a short skirt.

One common article in these pictures are boots. I rarely wear boots with a dress but there are exceptions…

I like the short skirt/boot pairing. Boots are a very autumn thing to wear.

I hope this helps?? I don’t think it does.

If anything, let me suggest two things:

  1. Wear whatever you want. Yes, you might be cold and you might look out of place but life is short.
  2. Look at what other women (or mannequins) are wearing. If it looks cute then wear something similar.

Love, Hannah

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I read your post – the one in which you feature a photo of you on a couch – and I’m curious… and how to ask this? I’m curious to know what your goal or hopes where about taking that photo. I’m wondering what brought you to that decision.

Oh, you mean this one?

I love this picture and I’ll use any excuse to post it, lol.

I don’t think I had any goals or hopes. Sometimes I intend a photo to communicate a certain emotion or feeling but it usually falls up short. I realized that if I try to express… anything it comes off as insincere or forced unless it is a truly genuine emotion.

And honestly? It usually is forced. Trying to look like a badass or whatever is the opposite of what I am actually feeling during a shoot. I love shoots. Switching it up to a serious facial expression contradicts the fun I am having.

On a similar note, trying to come off as sensual or sexy is also a little forced. Despite what the photos suggest, these shoots are not, well, erotic. Modeling lingerie (at first) was nerve-wracking. I am usually cold, lol.

The pictures I like the most are the ones where I remember feeling something very strongly. For example, this photo:

This was taken in November of 2020. We were months into the pandemic and the holidays were approaching. The optimism that we would have COVID under control by the end of the year was quickly disappearing. The likelihood that holiday gatherings were going to need to be changed or canceled were increasing. It was, well, it was sad. The year had been stressful and had taken it’s toll on all of us. We were all tired. We were all mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I remember feeling very calm when this photo was taken. I don’t know why. Probably because the afternoon of this shoot was one of the few days of the year where I could… kind of pretend the frightening events of the year weren’t really happening.

And in that letting go I felt very connected to myself. The peace of the moment came over me. I closed my eyes and just breathed.

Shannonlee took the picture.

The click of her camera brought me out of whatever trance I was in and I was back in the real world.

I like to think that this picture captures the brief calm I felt. A rare moment of peace in a tumultuous year.

The photo of me on the couch was also a moment of feeling very connected to my emotions. As time passes I feel more and more grateful for the life I have. I’ve had enough experiences in my life to know how quickly things can change. I could lose my job today. A family member could have a life-alternating injury or medical emergency. I plan for a future that may never happen.

I’ve always hated the idea of living every day like it’s your last. I mean, if I did that, and I mean if I REALLY did that I would quit my job and my wife and I would hop a plane to Italy.

Aaaand of course if I did that and it WASN’T my last day of my life I would have no job and no savings… but I would be in Italy so there’s that, I suppose.

I was feeling very beautiful on this day. The key word is FEELING. Whether or not I THINK I was beautiful or whether or not I WAS beautiful isn’t important here. I am over six feet tall, I have man feet, I have countless physical masculine characteristics. No one would see my body and think it belongs to a cis girl.

The body belongs to me. And I am grateful for it. I am grateful for my legs which allow me to walk. I am grateful for my healthy heart which allows me to exercise and stay in shape. I am grateful for my stubborn mind which keeps me sober.

On the Saturday this was taken I had escaped another stressful week at work. We all have had days that end on a note that you just know will make the next day difficult. A lingering problem, an unexpected situation that comes out of nowhere that causes worry and stress. On those rare Friday afternoons when this doesn’t happen I am grateful to enjoy a weekend without the Sword of Damocles suspended over me.

The absence of work problems, combined with a surge of gratefulness and cute lingerie came together for a really fun photo shoot. I was having a really nice afternoon and honestly? I was just in a good mood.

Many of my photos from this shoot captured me just living in the moment and responding to the camera and the studio. Who knows how much longer any of us have? Who knows what could change? It’s not always possible to do so but my God, if I can taste the strawberry I will.

I am forever getting older, I am forever slowing down. I knew I would never be this young ever again. I may never feel this confident in lingerie ever again.

I sat on the couch, did a few poses and leaned back. Shannonlee knows me well enough when to take pictures and when not to. There are always moments when I am contemplating how to position myself or thinking if a pose would be a good picture. Of course, she is an excellent photographer and will always guide me as well. I mean, after all, I REALLY have no idea what I am doing. Any picture that is halfway decent should be credited to Shannonlee’s guidance and her talent (and my makeup artist and the clothes themselves).

I laid down, crossed my leg, and turned my head. In the same moment I was living in my skin like never before but also felt separated from any fear of whether or not I looked femme. It was HIS body, HER mind. OUR heart.

…That got a little deep, didn’t it?

As long as I can remember lingerie has had an enormous impact on my life. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to wear stockings and corsets and bras and garter belts and all the wonderful, beautiful articles of clothing I saw mannequins and Victoria’s Secret models wearing.

Over time this pull never dissipated. This desire created courage. Courage led to purchasing my very own lingerie. It led to me wearing these beautiful clothes. I’m forever grateful to have gathered the bravery it took to nervously look for a bra and panty that would fit my body as I haunted the lingerie section of a store. The bravery it took to face the cashier.

It also took acceptance of who I was. I was someone who wanted to wear lingerie, no matter what body parts I had, regardless of what my birth certificate and drivers license said.

Wearing lingerie is a remembrance of the courage it took for me to be who I am. I am fortunate to have conquered any fear, any reluctance I had about my identity. I’m blessed to have overcome the thoughts and doubts that could have held me back.

Being who we are requires an enormous amount of self-love and courage. Whether you are trembling with fear as you browse the lingerie department for the first time or talking to a gender therapist or the million other things that we might do because of who we are, we should all be celebrated.

Love, Hannah

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I would like to know about some resources for looking more feminine

There are two answers to this question. One is very, very, very long.

But I am going to take the easy way out and respond with a different question.

The long answer would be an sprawling list of links that provide resources for makeup, clothes, wigs, heels, shapewear, forms, and many other things that can be used for a traditionally femme presentation. Although this list would be very long I am not sure how helpful it would be. And I am not using that as an excuse to avoid writing a very long response. I think a list like that would be overwhelming.

What is more helpful is, well, narrowing it down a little (or a lot). So, my question to you is, “What is your goal?”

And the goal CAN’T be “I want to look more feminine”. If it is, well, I don’t REALLY know how to help. Everyone, cis or trans, has their own definition of what looking feminine is. For me, and for myself only, I feel I look feminine in heels and a dress and makeup. For others, it’s a cute tank top and leggings and flip flops. If you ask any girl about how to look feminine you will get a lot of different answers.

When I go from boy mode to girl mode there are a lot of small and a lot of big things I do. It’s more than just a wardrobe change. It’s how my makeup is done because I contour my face to give an appearance a rounder, softer (i.e. more feminine) look which is different from my squarish, masculine shape. This is not to say that this is a shape ALL femme presenting people need to have, this is what I want to have when I want to look femme. This perspective, this opinion is my own and for my own face.

Crossdressing takes time, patience, and money. Not everyone has these resources, particularly money. Not everyone can afford a two hundred corset or four hundred breast forms. Do these things help me look and feel more feminine? Yes. But again, this is what helps me feel and look more femme. No girls needs to have an hourglass figure or have a shapely body to be femme.

Going from masculine to feminine is a PROCESS. A huge process that consists of a lot of small steps. Start with something specific. Perhaps think of this as, well, sections. For example:

“I want a more feminine face because I think my jawline is too masculine. How do I use makeup to contour my face?”

“My shoulders are very broad, how do I minimize them?”

“I want to wear a corset so I can have a shapelier body. How do I wear one?”

“What size breast forms should I get?”

“What wig is the right style for my face?”

Does that make sense? I know at the end of the day many of us want to look more feminine and that goal can be overwhelming. I think breaking it down into small steps makes all of this a lot more manageable.

Love, Hannah

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Do you think high heels is a strong reason to males to dress as females?

I think there are a lot of reasons some of us present en femme. For some, myself included, it’s an expression of my gender identity. For others, it’s a fetish. And of course, there are countless reasons in-between those two.

I do believe in “gateway” clothes. Clothes, be it lingerie or stilettos, that open up our minds and worlds to something else, something new. An item that unlocked something in us that made us look at it differently, that made us reflect on who we really are.

I knew there was something about me that was different than others as I grew up. I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t trying on femme clothes whenever I had the opportunity. This desire grew over time and hitting new levels in my teen years. In high school my friends would comment how hot a girl in our class looked in her prom dress. I would also think she was pretty… but I was also focused on how badly I wanted to wear the same dress.

For me it was lingerie. Lingerie was NEVER “just underwear”. It was never just what girls wore under their clothes. It was sensual, beautiful, and captivating. It was elaborate, delicate, and intimate. I would see mannequins in department stores modeling nightgowns or women modeling Basques in a Victoria’s Secret catalog and I was forever changed. Yes, the women were beautiful but oh, how badly I wanted to wear what she was wearing.

So yes, I absolutely think that high heels (and anything else) can have the same impact on someone.

Love, Hannah

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Do women like crossdressing?

Okay, a few things before we dive into this question.

I am going with the assumption you are referring to cis woman and the definition of crossdressing (for the purpose of this question) that I’ll be using is about as simple as it gets: one gender wearing clothes that is intended for a different gender.

And! I am mostly going to talk about gender identity as a binary here.

Let’s get started.

Do women like crossdressing? I don’t know, I haven’t asked all of them.

But let’s frame this question a LITTLE differently. Is that okay? Thanks.

Do women like their cis male partner crossdressing?

“Like” may not be the right word. I am not sure how many cis women are necessarily happy that their big tall strong manly man husband wears panties. I can only speak for my relationship but I wouldn’t say my wife LIKES that I crossdress…. but she understands and accepts that I like it and that it is a part of who I am. I think many people are glad that their significant other has SOMETHING, be it crossdressing or hot yoga or hiking or whatever that brings joy to their life. My wife doesn’t understand why I love wearing what I wear but she doesn’t have to. Put the stiletto on the other foot and I don’t understand why she loves listening to murder podcasts right before she falls asleep. I think she is happy that I have this side of me that makes me feel the way I do.

I think for a lot of people as long as their partner’s interests don’t go toooo crazy or dominate toooo much of their lives AND are honest about this side of them, it’s (usually) good.

At the end of the day, I don’t think for many of our partners they really care don’t what color our underwear is. BUT the concern can come from the other things that crossdressing can bring.

I don’t care he wears panties, but I’m scared he will want to transition

I don’t care he buys dresses, but he is spending a LOT of money on clothes

I don’t care he goes out en femme, but he is going to places that I’ve asked him not to

I don’t care he wears lingerie, but he is always lying about this side of him

I can’t speak for every wife out there, but these are the most common things that I hear from a lot of partners of crossdressers. For some, it’s not about the CLOTHES themselves, it’s about the other things that we as crossdressers have a tendency to do.

Crossdressing under the influence of the Pink Fog may cause us to do things that we normally wouldn’t do and may cause us to make poor decisions that are not well-thought out. It’s not unlike drinking too much.

So yes, it’s safe to say that crossdressing, because of everything that can come with it, may not necessarily delight our partners.

Do some women have a kink that their man dresses? Sure. I know for a lot of us we hope that our partners have a fetish of men crossdressing which can open the door to all sorts of fun but I am not sure how common this is. I could be wrong but I don’t think it’s very typical.

If your question is “do women like TO crossdress?” that is a completely different question. Again, we are going to use the definition of ‘crossdressing’ at it’s most simplified: one gender wearing clothes originally designed for another gender OR clothes that on a societal norm level are typically associated with a different gender.

For starters, let’s acknowledge that people wear the clothes for many different reasons. Practicality, style, comfort, an occasion, or for fetish reasons.

If a cis woman wears “men’s clothes” it might be for practical reasons (such as the joy of having pockets). I know some cis women who wear men’s t-shirts because the fabric is a little thicker. Some cis women tell me that some t-shirts designed for cis women don’t hang long enough or the neckline is too plungy.

Cis women might wear clothes because of the style or it’s trendy, even if it’s a little uncomfortable or expensive. They might be wearing it for the ‘gram. And that’s okay.

Wearing an outfit for an occasion, be it a Target run or the coronation of royalty is pretty self-explanatory.

Same with comfort. Choosing leggings or pajama pants or flip-flops might not be as glam as a floor-length ballgown but are arguably comfier.

Do some cis women wear something because it arouses them? Sure, of course. It is erotic to a cis woman to wear something that is designed for a cis male? For some I think it is… however I think there are many, many, MANY more men who are turned on when they wear lingerie than cis women who fetishize wearing neckties.

Clothes and emotion are linked. Some men feel powerful in a suit. Some little kids feel confident in a Batman costume. Some people feel beautiful in a princess dress. But crossdressers connect with clothes on an entirely different and elevated level. We wear what we wear for a lot of reasons. It could be comfort (leggings!) or sensuality (lingerie!) or because a dress or a skirt is a representation of our gender identity. I present en femme because doing this is a reflection, a manifestation, of my gender identity. Do cis men wear a suit for the same reason? Do cis women wear a skirt for the same reason? Maybe… but I don’t think at the same… intensity, if you know what I mean.

Historically pants (or trousers for my readers across the pond) are FOR MEN and yes, women wear pants but women have the option of wearing pants designed for women.

And yes men have the option to wear panties designed for men but on a societal level a woman wearing pants at the office is not equal to a dude wearing pink boyshorts in a gym locker room.

So yes, girls wear girl pants and some girl wear Boy Pants (again, the practicality of pockets can be appealing). A girl wearing “boy clothes”, a girl crossdressing (again, using the definition at the start of this post) is not a big deal… not as big deal as a boy wearing a skirt, anyway.

bUt iT’S nOt FAir tHAT giRLs caN CRossDreSs but boYs CAN’t.

Listen, we’ve been over this, but society did not one day collectively decide it was okay for women to wear pants. This did not happen suddenly or without consequences.

If we want the same societal acceptance to wear a skirt that women have when it comes to wearing pants, wonderful, then we had better start fighting for it.

I don’t view a cis women wearing pants as crossdressing. Pants have been “de-genderized”. Women did that. Women waged and won that battle. And honestly? Good for them. If my wife is wearing jeans she is wearing “girl jeans”. Jeans that are designed for the cis woman’s body. If men want a skirt to be de-genderized, it’s a battle that men will have to fight.

And to be clear boys can absolutely crossdress. As of this writing it is not illegal to wear a dress if you have a penis (but I suppose that day is coming) however you’ll probably turn a few heads and, let’s be honest, opening yourself up to less-than-welcome comments, to say the least.

So! Do women like to crossdress themselves? I don’t know, I don’t think a cis woman CAN crossdress the same way a man can crossdress. A girl can wear her boyfriend’s t-shirt and a pair of boxers to sleep in but I don’t think she is necessarily crossdressing (using the definition above) . But her boyfriend wearing her nightgown? Yes, that is crossdressing.

Is this fair? Eh, maybe not… but I think cis women have earned the right to wear what they want by fighting for it.

I have no idea if I answered your question but there it is.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me her

Ask Hannah!

Thank you for your blog. It helps people like me, who often feels alone, because I have what I call dual identity and I find it not always easy to find the right balance in my life.
The reason I am righting to you is that I was wondering if you could give me some advice. It is related to wigs.


I think your wig(s) suit you quite well, and I was wondering how you found it. I live in Canada, and it is very rare to find a wig store, and my experience with a few of them them have been disappointing. I have quite a big head and all the wigs I saw in the stores that I went to ere either too small or unflattering.


So, I tried buying wigs online and this also have been disappointing, because you only know when you receive them if they suit you or not. I must have bought over a dozen, and only two of them were partly ok. They fit me, and did not look too bad on me, but I am only half happy when I wear them. And they are starting to get worn out.
So I was wondering if you tried your wigs in a store or online.

Do you have any tips on how to find a good one?
I hope my questions are clear.
Thank you for your work and your smile.

Thank you for your kind words! I bought my current wig at Creative Hair Design. I wasn’t tooooo sure about it when I first tried it on but the more I wear it the more I like it.

I have had a lot of wigs over the years and I have purchased most of them online, specifically from Wigs Us.

Finding the right wig is a lot of trial and error. Wigs can be made of different fabrics. Heat-resistant tend to be the most affordable but are a bitch to take care of and tend to wear out sooner. Human hair (that sounds so creepy) are expensive and require a lot of care but in the long run tend to be a very good investment.

Many wigs are adjustable so there is that.

Buying wigs online opens up a lot of options buuuut if you select one that is not the right look for you then you’re kind of stuck with it as you usually can’t return it. If you have the option to visit a wig salon then do it. I’ve shopped for wigs in person many times and yes, every experience has been positive. Businesses will vary and people will react differently to a girl like us but I’ve never EVER had a “non crossdresser friendly” experience at a wig shop.

If there are not a lot of options for wig shops in your area, well, it might be time to take a trip to a larger city with more options. Is this expensive? Yes. Finding our look, a look we are happy with, a look that is truly US is an investment. This side of us takes time, patience, and money.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!