Ask Hannah!

You have talked a fair bit about the Jolie Thigh Pads you got from The Breast Form Store. I was just wondering if you had any advice or experience with more inexpensive options to help enhance the appearance of curves, particularly in the hips and booty?  

I heart my thigh pads. I heart my Nikki Bum Pads, as well.

And yes, they are not cheap. But! They are not cheaply made, either. I have had mine for almost two years and despite a lot of wear, they have never torn or lost their shape. They warm naturally to my body and move with me very comfortably.

Although there is no right or wrong way to be a girl and there are no standards one must meet to be femme, I believe that crossdressing take time, money, and patience.

It takes time to learn to walk in stilettos, it takes patience to learn makeup, and it costs money or quality. Crossdressing is one of those things that, for the most part, your investment will pay off. You’ll get better at liquid eyeliner the more time that you practice, you’ll strut for hours after you invest a lot of time in heels.

Let me add that you don’t need a curvy body to be femme. But if you want a curvy shape I think you’d be happy with what The Breast Form Store has.

As far as I know, The Breast Form store does not have any other options with the exception of padded panties, but they are not quite the same.

Glamour Boutique does carry a few options that seem to be a little easier on your purse than The Breast Form Store, but I don’t know. If you’re going to invest in something like this, it my be worth to invest a little more for the Jolie and Nikki forms.

On a related note, I just got a pair of proper breast forms from The Breast Form Store and my goodness, I am in love. For years I’ve worn a pair of forms that just added a little boost to my bust, but these new forms… its a game changer.

A review is coming. 🙂

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I am thinking of starting breast enhance pills. What can you tell me about them. Do they really work?

To be honest, I have no experience with any sort of bust/booty/body modifying creams and pills so I am probably not a qualified person to ask.

However, that has never stop me from adding in my perspective before and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. 🙂

For starters, I would never, ever take anything or apply anything to my body without the consultation of a doctor. Who knows what is in the “medication” that is marketed towards our community? Call me cynical, but I doubt any of it works. In addition to that, it may even harm or damage you.

I fully acknowledge that my opinion means nothing when it comes to this, but it takes hormones and other prescribed procedures to give one the femme body one may want. I’ll stick with thigh pads and breast forms.

Also! Be careful of the pink fog. We may be so in love with this side of us that it could cloud your judgement. Yes, as Hannah I would love a nice, perky bust, but I also have to consider the parts of my life when I need to present as male and it’s hard to do that with a C cup.


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I consider myself to be transgender. I have no intention of pursuing any surgical procedures. Would I be considered a fraud in the LGBTQ community because I haven’t had surgery?  


I would absolutely consider you transgender.


It’s true that some people in as well as out of the LGBTQ+ community may think otherwise.  Being who we are almost demands that we do what we please, what we feel is right for us, without caring what other people think.  


I mean, a transwoman can legally change their name, their legal gender, their birth certificate, and every inch of their anatomy inside and out and there will also be those who will still say she is a man.  


My definition of transgender is pretty broad and you can agree with it or not, but the essential thing is that you need to live your life without caring what other people think.

Related reading

The T Word

Why Passing isn’t Important


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I’m a straight cis woman who has always loved crossdressed men. I don’t ‘really’ know why but I do know I like beautiful things and I am quite alternative. I am also fascinated by psychology and people.
I actually have lots of questions to ask you but one of the things I’ve always wondered when reading your blog is are you concerned that people in your life will find you online somehow and that they could tell other people, maybe a colleague at work?
I love reading your blog and think you’re doing a great job of representing transgender, queer and actually any alternative people.

No one really knows why we like what we like.  It’s frustrating and liberating at the same time.  Sometimes I really want to know why a song or a book really gets a hold of me.  The more I try to dissect the thing I like or I am obsessed with the more it becomes trying to understand WHY I like it as opposed to simply enjoying it.  I overthink a lot of things.

At the same time, it’s wonderful knowing it’s just how we’re wired.  Why am I right-handed?  Why do I wear panties?  I was born this way.


Am I afraid of being caught?  No.  I am terrified of being caught.


Although no one really knows how your friends and family will react to this side of us, I feel mostly confident that most people I know would “be cool” with who I am.  Being cool with who I am isn’t necessarily accepting this side of me, but for the most part I don’t think they would shut me out of their lives or gossip to other people.  Of course I don’t expect them to understand, but that’s okay, I don’t understand either.


However.


I could name a few people in my life who would absolutely use this against me.  This could come in the form of never speaking to me (or my wife) ever again, telling others, or slander.  Long story short, it would be very very bad.


I associate with people that think about the LGBTQ+ community the same way as I do.  I don’t want to be friends with a bigot.  I can choose my friends, but I can’t choose my family or my colleagues.  That’s who I am worried about.


As dangerous it would be were I to be discovered by certain people I know, I feel the chances of it happening are very very low.  As prolific as I am I have yet to be “caught” by someone I know.  I have never had someone I know from my male life find Hannah (as far as I know).  My website is not something one stumbles upon.  Most people find my website by googling ‘transgender’, ‘crossdress’, and phrases using those two terms.  Unless someone is specifically looking for websites related to crossdressing I don’t think it’s likely someone just happen upon me.


I go back and forth about coming out to more people but always talk myself out of it.  It’s just safer to limit who knows what, you know what I mean?

Related reading

Meeting Your Heroes

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I would appreciate a “reading list” of books, articles, journals and blogs that you think may be helpful in my learning more about the gender continuum. As an academic I am very disturbed by several things that I have read about: violence against non-conforming individuals who have rejected the binary ideas about gender ( Most particularly this seems to related to transgender women who may or may not be involved as sex workers). I am, as a Christian and a retired hospital chaplain, concerned about the intolerance within many dominations of Christian churches. It is my strongly held belief that God did not create “through-away” people and that ALL OF US ARE CREATED IN HIS IMAGE AND LIKENESS. I also believe that God ultimately, only requires (2) two things of us:

1. that we love Him/Her unconditionally

2. that we love others unconditionally ( or in more traditional language as we would love others as ourselves.


When I use Him/Her I realize that may be somewhat confusing to some particularly when we are told at death we will be the “bride of Christ”. It is important to realize that what God knows is much greater than we know in spite of the arrogance that we may bring to our understanding of God, the Bible or other common beliefs.


Thank you for any assistance you may be able to provide in my quest to understand how to make Christianity much more inclusive than it often seems or is.

First of all, I am very happy when I hear from people of faith who are allies of the LGBTQ+ community.  I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, and attended church every Sunday for years and years.  The underlying message that I learned from Christ was that we are loved and that whatever we do to the least of his people we do undo Him.  The Gospel of Matthew is pretty clear when it was written “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you”.  


It’s pretty straight-forward which is why I am always surprised and disappointed when someone who calls themselves a follower of Christ is a bigot.  To see people who call themselves Christians carrying signs that read “God hates______________” is not only hurtful but its wrong.  As you said we are created in His image and Jesus’ whole thing was that we should love one another.  He doesn’t hate anyone.


I’ll be honest, I am not aware of any books and websites that may be helpful in this regard, but this is where I am especially grateful for our community.

Anyone out there familiar with anything that could help? Please comment below.

Related reading

Holy Hannah

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

What sort of bra do you recommend and how do you know what size to buy?


-Do you have actual breasts or do you use/wear forms? Just starting to explore and very confused about forms. What is the correct or proper shape to look for, teardrop, oval, triangle, round ? I have yet to find 2 articles supporting the same shape so I’m confused. The one thing I have found that seems to be standard is that silicone has the best feel, movement, bounce, fiber fill & foam don’t so now if I can understand the shape to look for or go with I have a starting point.  


Both of these questions bounced into my email within a day of each other and since they are similar I thought I’d tackle them in one post.


I have a LOT of bras.  I have bras that I wear en femme, and I have bras that I wear for underdressing.  Basically the bras that I wear under my boy clothes are ones without any sort of padding, shape, or push-uppiness.  That’s not a word but you know what I mean. Most of these bras come from Xdress and Homme Mystere.


The bras I wear en femme are more varied and more… uh, practical.  I have bras that are strapless, I have bras with an embroidered pattern, push up bras, and bras of many colors.


A girl needs a white or beige bra because some outfits and blouses are a LITTLE see through and a black or darker color will show through some tops.  I mean, if that’s the look you’re going for, then have at it.  


Strapless bras are for strapless dresses, or dresses and tops where the shoulders are see-through or mesh, for example.  


I don’t wear bras with a texture to the cup if I am wearing a tight blouse as the texture can show through.


See?  Lingerie can be practical.  


As for sizing, if you’re not comfortable meeting with a bra fitter, you can take your own measurements.  I wear a 34B bra.  The number refers to my chest measurement/band size, the letter refers to cup size.  A rule of thumb is your band size is your chest measurement and then add four (round up if needed).


Third Love has an EXCELLENT guide for determining your bra size and I would encourage you to take a look as they know more about this then I ever will.

I don’t have breasts but I wear forms.  They are not the best quality but they do the job.  They are silicone….ish.  Not as high quality as my thigh and hip pads from The Breast Form Store and I would agree with what you are reading in that silicone feels better than anything else.  My forms have a somewhat similar feel to my silicone pads but I don’t feel my forms are a part of me the same way my thigh pads do.


Shape comes down to personal preference, I think.  Breasts come in all shapes and sizes so I don’t think there is such a thing as the correct shape.  I would spend some time looking at The Breast Form Store‘s website and chatting with one of their fitters (Hi Eden!) for some guidance in finding forms that you feel are the right ones.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I am wondering if you knew if a pre-op woman can legally use the restroom/locker room of her choice in Minnesota? I have been using the women’s locker rooms and restrooms for years, however I want to know if what I am doing is legal in the state of Minnesota.


Rules and laws change over time and vary from state to state.  The last time I checked Minnesota’s perspective (if you will) was more or less vague and not tooooo helpful.  But even if there is a law that allows people to use the changing room/locker room/restroom that aligns with their gender identity it doesn’t mean there will not be any issues.  I mean, it’s illegal to discriminate but racism and sexism sadly still exist.


I can only speak to my experience and what I do.  When I am out if there is an option to use a family or an all gender restroom I use that.  If not, I use the ladies room.  The gym I go to has a large locker room with connecting changing rooms that is designed for families and is open (and they do specify) to people of all genders.  My gym is inclusive and I love that.  


Even if it is legal to use the restroom that matches our gender identity/presentation it doesn’t mean that everything will go fine.  People are still people, after all.  In all my years of using the ladies room I have never had an issue, but I’m sure someday someone is going to say something, regardless if it’s legal for me to be in there.  


I chose to take my business to places that more or less match my values.  I won’t eat at Chik-Fil-A for example.  I go to Target not only because I live in Minnesota (and that’s what Minnesotans do, lol) but because they made it very clear that their guests are welcome to use the restrooms and changing rooms that line up with their gender identity.  Planet Fitness also made it very clear what their stance on this is as well.  


I would recommend downloading the Refugee Restroom app to your phone.  This app provides safe restroom access for transgender, intersex, and gender nonconforming individuals.  It is a valuable resource available to those who find themselves in need of a place to pee safely once again.  Users can search for restrooms by proximity to a search location, add new restroom listings, as well as comment and rate existing listings.

The ACLU is also an informative resource for this. Another resource I can direct you towards is right here. 

Be safe!

Related reading

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I am 52 and have been cross dressing since I was 11. I have been married for a while and have never come out to my wife, do you have any tips or advice on me telling her about my feminine side? I’m tired of sneaking around and would like to finally let her know. Thanks 

I would really think twice about dropping such a bombshell on your wife during a pandemic.  I know you’re tired of concealing this side of you and our partners are never prepared to have this conversation and there truly is never a good time to have this conversation, but we need to read the room, if you follow.  We are all stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted and this conversation might be more than your wife can handle at the moment.


That being said, I have written a lot about coming out and everything that can come with it.  This is not a conversation that you will have once or even fifty times.  There’s going to be a shift in your relationship that will be forever be impacted by this.  


There’s really no right way to have this conversation.  Every relationship is different, every marriage is different.  How I came out to my wife will be different than how you might do it.  

Take some time and read what I have written about this over the years: 

Writings about marriage

Writings about family

Good luck!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Whenever I wear hold ups they keep falling down do you know why ?


-I love nylons! I don’t wear thigh highs(they don’t stay up), I don’t wear pantyhose(too much fussing). I’m a stockings and garter belt girl who ALWAYS wears a midi length dress(no minis, and absolutely no maxis).
Nylons complete/enhance your look.
My question is, what is it with the GGs not wearing hosiery anymore? I do not get it.

I received these two emails a few days apart and since they are about the same subject I thought I’d chat about them both in one post.  

If your thigh highs aren’t quite staying high enough it’s likely because of two reasons.  
Firstly, thigh highs are more effective when you have a shaved leg.  The adhesive will simply stick to leg hair as opposed to skin so make sure your legs are smoooooth and sexy.


Secondly it could be because the stocking itself is of poor quality.  A few months ago I was in a pinch and I had to settle for a pair of thigh highs from Walmart and I spent most of the evening pulling them up.  The elastic became stretched and the adhesive just didn’t work. 

 
So, what’s a girl to do?  Of course, you could always wear pantyhose or tights.  A garter belt is also a sexy option but sometimes we need to be practical instead of alluring (not that they are exclusive of one another).  Many girls I know swear by Hold Up Body Adhesive.  It’s a versatile roll-on body adhesive that is used to secure your forms, pads, and clothing.  It can be used for wigs, straps, and stockings.  You can find this at The Breast Form Store.


I love nylons, stockings, tights…  and I agree that they complete and flatter someone’s look.  I almost always wear nude stockings as they help with smoothing and balancing out my skin color.


As for why cis-women don’t wear hosiery we need to be careful to not generalize any girl in such a way.  


I love love love wearing stockings but if I had to wear them every day…  well the appeal would fade really quickly for me.  It takes a lot of work to get dolled up and I don’t always have time to look how I look, especially if I “had” to do it more often.  And stockings are expensive.  I go through more nylons than you would think and a decent pair can cost up to $20.  Getting a snag in them as I get dressed makes for a very expensive mistake.


Girls like us have a unique and special relationship with clothes.  We tend to wear clothes because of how they make us feel as opposed to wearing them for a practical reason.  A lot of people with breasts look forward to taking off their bra after a long day.  Not because they don’t like wearing something cute, but because their bra is being worn for a practical reason whereas I’m wearing a bra because I think the bra itself is sexy and undressing is how I stay connected to my femme side.


When I first lived on my own I was thrilled at the idea of wearing beautiful lingerie to bed each night.  Stockings, garter belt….  but after a while the appeal wore off.  Not that I didn’t like lingerie, but it was just a lot of work if I had a long day.  It was so much easier to slip on a nightgown or a cami and a pair of panties.  


Once crossdressing feels like a chore (so to speak) it loses a lot of its appeal.  I never wanted to wear lingerie (or anything) because I COULD.  I wear what I want (for the most part) because I want to.  I love being able to choose between leggings and a ball gown.  


Being bi-gender is going back and forth between “I wish I could dress up every day” and “I’m glad I don’t have to do this every day”.  Don’t get me wrong, I love love love being en femme.  I love spending ten minutes on my foundation, choosing an outfit and everything that goes with it, but it’s a lot of work (and always worth it) but sometimes I’m lazy lol.


I worked with a girl many years ago who loved men with facial hair.  She wondered why more men didn’t have more creative beads.  She said if she was a guy she’d do something different with her facial hair whenever she could.  When I heard her say this I thought of how annoying it is to shave and how I hate that I have facial hair.  But it’s an example of how we can often think that something someone “can” do is amazing when in reality it isn’t as fun as we think it is.  


I think many people expect women to have long hair, have their nails done, wear dresses….  and yes, when I am en femme this is how I dress.  But I dress this because I WANT to dress this way.  I would feel differently if I wore something because it was expected of me.  Do I like wearing a tie to work?  No.  Do I wear one because “men are supposed to”?  Yes.  And that sucks.   

Related reading:

What a Good Boy, What a Pretty Girl

Ask Hannah #110

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I’ve been crossdressing for most of my life and am happily in the closet, but now I’m adventuring into the cyber world as Alicia.
I decided about 5 months ago that I wanted to experience far more the experience of trying to dress and behave as a woman. it’s been a strong fantasy for me over the years. I have invested in some beautiful clothes, shoes and wigs so that I can dress and pass time in my home ~ I live by myself.

I’m thinking about taking some hormones in order to increase my hips and booty. Just a little so that I can rely less on padding in order to get the curves I desire. I found one cream that says it will increase booty and hip mass, but warned that the results were irreversible. To me such a cream sounds a bit like some kind of snake oil!!
What do you think? Have you heard of such ‘miracle’ products?

Hi!


I don’t mean to burst your bubble (or booty) but I think all of that stuff is a scam and potentially dangerous.

I wouldn’t take or use anything without the consultation of a doctor.


You do bring up a few points worth considering.  For starters, anything we do for “her” will also impact our male lives.  Whether taking hormones or shaving your legs, it will change “his” body as well.  Keep that in mind.  Very, very, very few people comment on my shaved legs and arms and my femme eyebrows but it does happen.  I understand not wanting to rely on padding, but you may change your mind if you invest in a pair of quality thigh/hip pads and forms.  


You mention that you wanted to start experiencing new things about five months ago.  I want to be gentle here but you may be lost in the fog.  It’s easy to do and it’s pretty common as you start a new part of our journey.  You may be moving too fast and you may start making decisions without thinking things through.  I understand the enthusiasm (believe me) but you might want to slow down.  


Also, you may want to reflect on what all of this means to you.  You said this is a fantasy.  We all have fantasies about this side of us, I mean I want to be a princess lol, but is this a fantasy or your gender identity?


One more thought, there is no such thing as “behaving as a woman”.  Women, cis or trans, do not need to behave, speak, dress, or… anything in any specific way.  Once you realize this your life will be soooo much better because you will realize that there’s no such thing as passing.  And I don’t think you mean it this way, but we can’t have expectations or standards as to how a woman behaves.  Women can do and wear and say whatever they want and men need to know that.


WOW!  I really sound bitchy and judgy here.  I don’t mean to dull your sparkle at all.  We all need to think things through and take responsibility for our gender identity.  

Related reading:

Why Passing Isn’t Important

The Pink Fog

Identity and Responsibility

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!