T-Girl, You’ll be a T-Woman, Soon

I attended Catholic school from kindergarten all the way through my senior year.  Although I would never call myself Catholic today, this had an impact on me in a number of ways.  I suppose one could call this sacrilegious, but one of my clearest memories of this time was how badly I wanted to wear the same plaid jumper uniform that the girls in my class wore.

As I got older, I continued to notice (and grow envious) of what girls my age were wearing.  I loved the combination of flirty dresses and Doc Martens boots girls wore when I was in high school.  When I had my first office job I was really drawn to the professional attire the women I worked with wore.

During this time, I underdressed and used every chance I had to try on a dress or a skirt given the opportunity.  When I moved out into my first apartment, I was able to buy (and constantly purge) everything from panties to heels to bras to skirts.  Although I rarely bought “real clothes” and stuck primarily with lingerie, I was always looking at what girls my age were wearing.

I would continue to buy and wear lingerie and heels as I got older, and wouldn’t fully enter the world of proper clothes, makeup, and wigs until I was in my early 30’s.  But as I got more comfortable with accepting and embracing who I am, I would think more about the clothes I wanted to wear, and about the clothes that I wanted to wear as I was growing up.

One of the first things I remember wanting to wear was the Catholic school uniform when I was in grade school.  This uniform has becomes incredibly sexualized and become a common fetish, but I didn’t want to wear the uniform for anything erotic.  I wanted to wear it in my twenties because it had such an impact on me when I was young.  The closest I came to this was this cute outfit I wore for a photo shoot a few years ago.

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Let’s not confuse this with the girls in our community who identify as ‘sissies’.  The T word covers a lot of ground, and there are girl like us who love to dress and act and to be treated as a sissy.  I would imagine that there is a very strong sexual connection to this, but I also acknowledge that this is a world I am not familiar with so I could be very wrong.  Perhaps it is all about clothes.  I wore this dress for another shoot and although I felt a little silly, it was fun to wear.

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Once I fully… evolved into who I am today and acquired the wardrobe I have today, it took me a little time to find my style and look.  I am inspired by girls my age when it comes to discovering new styles and fashion, but like all of us, I also wear what I want to wear.  I tried a few different looks in those days which is not uncommon.  I mean, you look at a few different houses before you decide which one to live in, right?

We are, not only as t-girls, but also as human beings, constantly evolving.  We grow, we learn new things, we adapt.  I look back on my dressing and want I wanted to wear, to what I eventually did wear, to what I wear now.  I like to think I dress like a girl my age.  Well, a girl my age who is also not afraid to show off her legs, anyway.

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Accepting, acknowledging, and embracing your gender identity is a rebirth in a way.  What was hidden and denied what was a part of us that is now who we are.  We are learning who we are.  We are learning who SHE is.  And for some of us, we have some catching up to do.

For lack of a better word, many of us go through an accelerated and abbreviated form of adolescence or puberty.   Some of us start with the clothes we always wanted to wear when we first felt this side of us.  Some of us felt an intense jealousy towards girls we knew as teenagers simply because we wanted to look as cute, as happy, as carefree as they did in their tank top and jean miniskirt.  We may have felt a sense of longing as we admired the cute pencil skirt and jacket our female colleagues wore.

Many of us go back to these days when it comes to our wardrobes.  Eventually we all find our look, we wear what we want, and what we are comfortable and confident in.  We grow.  We become who we are.

Love, Hannah

Serving Glamour!

We all know the difficulty of finding clothes that fit our bodies.  A size 14 is not always a size 14.  Often times a dress fits perfectly around our hips but our shoulders are a different story.  I am always excited when I see a new company or designer making clothes for our bodies.  Not only does this give us another option, but it’s encouraging to see others supporting girls like us.

We can add Serving Glamour to the growing list of designers making clothes for us.

Serving Glamour provides access to modest and modern clothing and accessories specifically designed and chosen for transgender women and their unique body shapes so they feel fashionable and feminine in any social or professional situation.

Serving Glamour is owned and operated by Jennifer Walter BA, the wife of a transgender female mechanical engineer.  As a member of Tempe Fashion and Business Resource Innovation Center (FABRIC), Jennifer is working closely with local experts in fashion design and manufacturing to guarantee that Serving Glamour fashions and accessories are of the highest quality.

Serving Glamour sells shoes, clothing, accessories, and purses.  I had the honor of trying Jennifer’s custom wrap dress and I modeled it for my most recent photo shoot.  The dress feels silky and sensual, and I loved the sparkly pattern.

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The dress is flattering and I love the neckline.  It comes at a perfect angle and it shows off just enough cleavage. The skirt is also cut in a way to show off my legs when I want to, and I always like to show off my legs.

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The dress is sexy and flirty, and perfect for date night… and for Sunday brunch.

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I hope you like Jennifer’s dress as much as I do.  Please support her by signing up for her mailing list.

Thank you to Jennifer for the dress, and for giving girls like us another option for our wardrobes.

Love, Hannah

Fighting the Fabulous Fight

When I first underdressing, there was a certain… thrill with getting dressed each day.  I love panties, I love lingerie, and the brighter the pink and the more adorned with bows and trimmed with delicate lace the better.  Much of the thrill was that I was wearing girl’s clothes. 

I have wanted to wear girl’s clothes all my life.  Having the courage to actually do it was amazing, even if (or especially if) I was the only one who knew about it.  I knew that each item was a stepping stone to something else.  If I could wear panties, I could probably wear a bra, and then stockings.  Perhaps soon I’d be wearing a nightie to bed… and then…

And here I am, decades later, typing away on a laptop wearing a very festive pair of panties with a snowflake pattern and my femme jeans.  My closet is filled with dresses, my shelves lined with heels, and my drawers overflowing with lingerie.  It’s my dream come true.

I’ve been asked if the excitement goes away over time.  I never thought that this side of me, whether I am in heels at a museum or picking out my panties for the day or getting a makeover would ever get mundane or, well, not fun.  But it’s true that something is lost over time.

Or so I thought.  I realize that it’s not that something is lost.  And its nothing as mundane as me getting used to it.  No, what it is is a new, evolved perspective.  Years ago I would be giddy with excitement just thinking about wearing girl’s clothes.  Today they are just my clothes.  They are not dresses for women, they are my dresses.  Clothes have lost any sort of gender specificity and distinction.  I am not wearing my femme jeans, I am wearing my jeans.  I did not wake up in a woman’s nightgown this morning, I woke up in my nightgown this morning.

I think girls like us roll our eyes a little when people freak out about boys doing “girl things”.  We don’t think it’s a big deal if a boy wants to play with dolls or whatever because we were that boy once.  The doll is a toy.  A toy anyone can play with.  We are confident and comfortable in our gender identities.  We are secure with ourselves.  We  are enlightened, if you will, when it comes to what is for a boy and what is for a girl.  Everything is for anyone who wants it.

These jeans are a perfect example.  They fit perfectly and I can’t think of any reason why they are “for girls”.  They fit me, don’t they?  I wear these jeans in male mode.  When I started to wear femme jeans in male mode that thrill of wearing girl jeans was there… but this morning, and yesterday morning, and tomorrow morning they are and will be just my jeans.

I wear these jeans because they are comfortable, they are softer, and they feel better to move around in.  Same with my femme t-shirts.  Years ago I would have trembled with excitement wearing a femme t-shirt and femme jeans while running errands.  Today these items are in my normal rotation in male mode.

I have long gotten over the thinking that some things are for boys and some things are for girls.  Whether it is a color, a musician (I love Taylor Swift regardless of what gender I am presenting as), or clothes.  Skirts, dresses, leggings, bodysuits, and nightgowns feel amazing.  Why should we deny wearing what we want to wear?  We shouldn’t.

…But if this is what I believe, what’s stopping me?  If anyone can wear a skirt, why stop at femme jeans when I run errands?  Why not wear a maxi skirt instead?   If I truly believe that clothes are for anyone, and I don’t care what others think, and if I want to wear a skirt and paint my nails and wear eyeliner in male mode, why don’t I?

Is it hypocritical that I don’t?

Why do I have the courage to spend the day en femme in a wig, a $70 makeover, a dress, and heels but not wear leggings in male mode?  Much of it has to do with being seen.  Sure, I don’t care what other people think of Hannah, and I am not worried about being recognized when I am en femme, but in male mode… well, that’s a gender I present as most of the time to most of the people in my life.  I would be more recognizable in male mode in a skirt than I would be en femme.  As misunderstood and complicated our lives are as t-girls, it’s even harder for some to understand why a guy wants to wear a skirt.  I think I would be harassed more in male mode wearing a skirt than I am when I am en femme.

And I am tired of explaining.  I am tired of explaining something that really can’t be explained.  I like wearing skirts and really see no reason why boys can’t wear them.  But I really don’t think the world is ready for that.  The world will never be ready for that.  But as I’ve said before, the world will never be ready for us, and we can’t wait for that to happen.

So really, what’s stopping me?  Nothing.  Everything.  I suppose I don’t want a reputation for being that weird guy who wears a skirt.  We also can’t forget that who we are also affects others in our lives.  I don’t want my wife to be known as the girl who’s married to the weird guy who wears skirts.  My wife is amazing and is supportive, but if I wore leggings out of the house with her it would probably (and understandably) embarrass her.  I don’t want to do that to her.  She knows what is in my closet.  She picked out my favorite leggings.  But she sees the world the same way I do.  That gender is complicated and simple and pointless, gender roles are silly, and clothes are clothes.

But seeing the world the way I do also means she sees how the world reacts to girls like Hannah and how the world reacts to boys like me.

It’s important to live our truths.  To practice what we preach.  In my heart I believe anyone should wear or do whatever pleases them.  I believe we should shrug off any opinions from people who don’t matter to us.  We t-girls know this.  We live this.  We t-girls represent this.  We are brave, we are warriors in the fight for gender identity and gender expression.  By simply existing we humbly challenge the world’s ingrained binary perspective.  We are wonder women, we are supergirls.  It’s a fight I am proud to be a part of.

But the battle on who can wear certain clothes, clothes for God’s sake, is not something I can fight in male mode.  We pick our battles in life.  Hannah, and every t-girl in the world, represents the transgender community.  We show the world that we exist.  That we can be who we want to be, that we can be who we are.  In striving for breaking down how the world thinks about gender, I feel I do my part, both in public and online.

I often feel I wish I could do more for our community in male mode.  I feel I don’t do enough.  But I hope what Hannah does makes up for it.

Love, Hannah

 

 

What a T-Girl Wants

Shopping can be overwhelming and it’s hard to know where to start when it comes to creating a wardrobe, but I hope this guide I wrote for En Femme helps!

I’ve been meaning to write a guide like this for a while, and En Femme’s current Insider Sale was a perfect time to do so.

Insider Sale Alert: Take 25% Off*
Now through Sunday! Use Code: ENFHOLIDAY

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Featured, Must-Have Winter Fashions!

Want an extra opportunity to save before the holidays? Take 25% off your order (just for subscribers!) by using code ENFHOLIDAY and complete your holiday party look.  Looking for some inspiration as you put together your New Years Eve ensemble? Head over to our Learning Center and have a look at Hannah McKnight’s wish list – suggestions from our expert self-described T-girl!  Read it here>>

Love, Hannah

Our Feminine Flaw

When I was young, I would think about the things I thought I would need to be beautiful.  A gorgeous wig, makeup, lingerie, a dress, and heels were always on the list.  As I grew older, I started to think about the things I needed to… ah, minimize or downplay.  Things like my adam’s apple, or my broad shoulders for example.  I thought if I ever had the courage to go out en femme, surely something like that would give me away.

Once I realized I would never pass, and that there was no such thing as passing anyway, I stopped worrying about things that would “give me away”.

Although I no longer am concerned about being clocked, I still strive to look as amazing as possible.  Over the last year I had added breast forms and Jolie Thigh Pads from The Breast Form Store to my closet.  For years I wanted to be as… authentic as possible, but seeing what forms and pads can do for my shape, I wonder why I waited so long.  I mean, look at my figure here.

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I have forms that boost my bust, pads that give my figure shape, but besides a tight pair of panties and stockings, nothing to really, uh, help with my feminine flaw.  I have gotten a few emails asking about tucking and gaffs but I never have tried a gaff before.

What is a gaff?  Basically it’s an undergarment that is designed to flatten out a penis and testicles to create a smooth appearance.  Usually a gaff is styled like a thong.

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Thanks to the generosity of The Breast Form Store, I have been sent a variety of styles to review and over the past few days I have been trying them and I’d love to share my thoughts on them.

The Breast Form store has a good selection to choose from, and I’ll be reviewing the Divine Collection and the Gold Seal Collection.

We are likely going into TMI territory here, so proceed with caution.

Wearing a gaff is not a magic garment that will automatically flatten out your genitals.  You need to tuck.  Tucking is basically pushing your genitals between your legs, and usually reaching around to pull them back and then using a gaff to hold them there.

That sounds like it hurts.

But it doesn’t.  If it hurts then you are doing it wrong.  Is it uncomfortable?  Well, no, but you definitely feel it.  Both of these gaffs do a remarkably effective job of holding things in place.

I have worn these gaffs over the past four days doing normal everyday things.  Walking, going up and down stairs, sitting, you know, normal things.  The gaffs kept everything in place.  I got used to where things were.  Again, if you feel any sort of pain, then stop and readjust.

Most gaffs are thongs.  Thongs are amazing when it comes to reducing panty lines in skirts and dresses so when I dress I wear thongs exclusively.

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I have thongs that are made for boys, things that are made for girls, and thongs made for boys that look like thongs that are made for girls.  These gaffs are a new thing altogether in terms of the front panel.  Thongs for boys have extra fabric in the front.  Thongs for girls tend to be narrower in the front.  These gaffs have a wide front panel to make sure that everything is secure.  No matter how much I moved, I never needed to readjust and not once did I fall out.

I also liked that the gusset was wide enough.  The gusset is the fabric of a panty that is between the front and the back, basically the part that goes between your legs.  Since this is where you would tuck your parts, the gusset needs to be able to secure everything in order to prevent you from sliding or falling out.  Most panties and thongs are not designed to tuck, so the gaffs have a huge advantage here.

So, they functioned well.  They were well designed and did the trick in terms of keeping things where I put them.  But how effective were they?

I love leggings and I thought that this was a perfect excuse to wear them for a few days in boy mode.  Normally my anatomy is noticeable when I wear them, but the gaffs, along with tucking, created a very smooth shape.  I was impressed with how effective they were.

I did notice a few differences between the styles.

 

Divine Collection

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I was sent two styles of the Divine collection.  One style was the thong, the other a tanga.  A tanga panty is not a thong, but it does not cover as much in the back as a traditional panty does.  I found that both the thong and tanga style were pretty similar in terms of comfort and tucking.  Both were equally effective in terms of keeping everything in place.  The Divine’s front panel is longer than the Gold Seal which made tucking easier as there was more fabric to push things down.

The Divine style also has a small pocket should you wish to insert a silicone vagina.

Gold Seal

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The Gold Seal style has a shorter front panel compared to the Divine style, but a slightly wider gusset.  Overall the Gold Seal style is smaller and tighter than the Divine style.  It took a little longer to get used to this gaff compared to the Divine style.  Since the front panel is shorter, tucking required a little more effort, however since the gaff is smaller compared to the Divine, and the gusset is wider, I felt that the Gold Seal kept things in place better and provided a smoother effect.

Both gaffs are wonderful and I would recommend either one.  Ultimately I prefer the Gold Seal because it provides a smoother, flatter look, but the Divine is more comfortable.  As a girl who prefers stilettos to flats, I am more than happy to forgo comfort over style.

I used to think that I didn’t NEED a gaff.  And no one NEEDS a gaff.  I didn’t think a gaff could do what a pair of panties or tights could do, but I was very wrong.

Thank you to The Breast Form Store for providing these gaffs for review!  I am excited to include them in my wardrobe.

Love, Hannah

 

 

Mall of America Photo Shoot!

Yesterday my friend Shannonlee did a photo shoot for En Femme’s new fall/winter line.  We did the pictures at the Mall of America because we wanted to take holiday themed photos and the mall’s halls were decked and it gave us exactly the setting we wanted.

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Going out in public hasn’t been new for a long time, but the Mall of America is one of the biggest attractions in the country and it can be intimidating to go someplace with so many people.  Although most times I have gone out have been extremely boring and amazing, there have been a few annoyingly rude people.  One such person I encountered was at the Mall of America a few years ago and I couldn’t help but think of that person yesterday.

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But as I said, I have had more positive moments (by an overwhelming margin) than negative.  Yesterday was no different.  I had so many people come to me complimenting me on my dress or heels or just looking fabulous.  It was amazing.  Not because I need the compliments, but when someone goes out their way to compliment a t-girl, it shows that they support our community.  And these days a reminder of that is wonderful.

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Love, Hannah

 

 

 

Ask Hannah!

I am hoping for some advice on taking my sister in law shopping for the first time. She recently transitioned and has asked for my help going shopping for more feminine clothing, not that I’m a fashionista by any means. I am so excited to bond with her in this way but I want to be as respectful as possible in what choices I offer as far as clothing and if there are any tips on making the experience as comfortable as possible for her too. If you have any guidance for me on styles that would be the most comfortable or flattering in these early stages of transition I would be forever grateful. She is a super tall, super skinny, gorgeous woman and I want to help her feel that way every day.
Thank you!

Building a wardrobe is one of the most fun, but overwhelming things we will ever do.  I have had to needed to shop for new clothes for male mode when I got a new job for example, but shopping for Hannah is a completely different, but much more fun (and expensive) experience.

When it comes to my wardrobe, I have clothes for every occasion.  Whether it is a sparkly dress for a holiday party or something casual for a day at the mall, I have an outfit (and shoes and accessories) to mach.

What I would recommend is to start by thinking about her goals.  Everyone needs clothes, but what is she looking for?  Professional attire for her job?  Comfy staples for running errands?  Start slow, start small, and then go from there.

Another goal to keep in mind is what style of clothes is she looking for.  Not only from a personal preference perspective (say that three times fast!) but from a physical one as well.  I am not very curvy but I like to create an illusion of hips.  My Jolie Thigh Pads from The Breast Form Store help a lot, but I also love what a cute peplum dress does for my figure.

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I like showing off my legs, so my dresses and skirts tend to be on the short side.  Granted, when you are over six feet tall a dress will usually be on the short side anyway.  I also like to avoid exposing my shoulders.  I have plenty of dresses that are sleeveless, but I usually don’t wear spaghetti straps.  Many of us have features we like to show off as well as features we like to downplay.

Truth be told, I know (and care) very little about fashion.  I wear what I like and what I think is cute.  Putting together a skirt and top combination is something I struggle with, but I find mannequins and Instagram quite helpful, to be honest.  This outfit is cute…

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… but everything I am wearing is exactly what a mannequin at H&M wore.  It looked cute on the mannequin and I thought I could pull it off.  Matching a strip top with a tan skirt was not something I thought would work, but seeing it on display won me over.

I look at the style category on Instagram for inspiration as well.  I saw a lot of girls wearing cute, pleated skirts and I had to have one.  The problem was knowing what top to pair with it.  I saw a lot of girls wearing a sleek black top with the skirt, so I thought a black bodysuit would be perfect.

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I think I was right.

I don’t try to keep up with trends or what’s in at the moment.  It would be exhausting to try to keep up.  Everyone should wear what they want to wear.

I would also recommend knowing your measurements.  Dress Barn and Forever 21 both have different ideas what a size 12 dress is, but if you know your measurements it will make shopping (especially shopping online) a million times easier.

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Knowing her goals and measurements are important, but the most important thing a t-girl needs, whether it is shopping or anything else, is something you have already given her: support.

You are a gem to help her, encourage her, and shop with her.  I would rather hit the mall with a supportive person than a fashion writer.  It’s obvious you are supportive and enthusiastic about helping her and right now (and always), she will need that more anything.

Have fun!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!