A few weeks ago, I posted about the hurtful comments from an executive with Victoria’s Secret. Equally disappointing was how they handled the backlash. Because of this, I resolved not to shop there anymore. I think it’s important we support trans-inclusive businesses, or at the very least, avoid giving our money to an organization that seemingly tolerates anti-trans attitudes.
Many of you wrote asking for alternatives to Victoria’s Secret. I heard about ThirdLove during this controversy as they wrote an open letter to the company condemning their comments. Any company that sticks up for our community is absolutely worth checking out.
I visited their site and was struck by not only the selection of their lingerie but also by the inclusiveness of their models. Their dedication to providing options for everyone was impressive and they offer Fit Finder, an online tool to help all women find their perfect size.
Even more impressive is their customer service. I dropped them an email and within a half hour I received a response from Brooke. I ordered a few different panties (the Cotton Thong, Lace Back Cheeky and the Lace High Brief) and I was thrilled when they arrived.
I am happy to say that each option was a perfect fit. High quality and beautiful. I loved what I bought but the Lace High Brief is my absolute favorite panty in my lingerie drawer. Super cute and fits like a dream.
If you’re looking for a new place to get lingerie, I absolutely recommend ThirdLove.
I think the social norms surrounding clothes are hilarious.
Why is a t-shirt with a v-neck considered men’s wear and a t-shirt with a scoop neck is considered women’s wear? It’s a shirt.
I stand by the belief that if every cis-male tried sleeping in a nightgown then within weeks Target would soon start selling nighties with designs like a football jersey.
Same with leggings because OMG leggings.
I get emails from many people, both trans and cis about clothes. Some of the emails are from people who may not consider themselves transgender, but rather just want to wear what they want to wear. “Why can’t guys wear a skirt? What’s wrong with men wanting to paint their nails?”
Here’s the thing. Anyone can wear a skirt. Anyone can paint their nails, even if it’s tricky to paint your right hand with your left hand. Clothes don’t know that society has placed expectations and norms on who can wear them. If it fits, you can wear it.
But I know that’s not what they mean. People want to be able to wear what they want without anyone caring. Or pointing. Or laughing. But that will never happen. We live in a society where the colors people wear make people so angry. In 2011 J. Crew published an ad that had a photo of a mom painting her son’s toenails pink. The world lost its mind. The reaction, although depressing and hilarious at the same time, was not unexpected.
We live in a world where people get beat up because they’re wearing the opposing football team’s jersey at a game.
I think we can all agree that there are many people in the world who care waaaaay too much about what clothes people wear. Whether I’m stepping out in heels and a killer bodycon dress and a $70 makeover or I am in guy mode wearing “girl jeans”, I know that I am making someone angry.
Good. If what I wear is making you angry then I am glad to put you through that. If you are the type of person who spends even a second of your time thinking about what I should or should not wear then you are, well, pretty pathetic. I don’t care what you wear, why do you care what I wear?
I am not aware of any state that has laws that says that men cannot wear eyeliner or yoga pants. Let me know if I’m wrong. But what the law says and what societal norms are can be very different. Just because there is or isn’t a law about something it doesn’t mean people will change their opinions and attitudes.
I think what we want is for it to be okay. There were headlines all over the country a few years ago when the marriage equality act was passed. It gave everyone the right to marry whoever they wanted. But the law didn’t necessarily change people’s minds about the LGBTQIA community. I can’t imagine someone seeing that the law changed and thinking “well, I guess it’s okay to be gay.” If they didn’t like our community before, I doubt that law changed anyone’s mind.
My point is that even if the newspapers all over the world printed a headline that read “It’s Okay to Wear Whatever You Want”, it’s still not going to be “okay”. It’s not “okay” for me to wear whatever I want. But that’s fine, I don’t need permission from anyone when it comes to something like clothing. Even if that headline was published, there will always be the change someone will laugh, point or threaten us whether we are rocking those stilettos or simply glaming up our eyes with a little mascara.
We need to stop waiting for permission. We need to stop waiting for some authority to “let” us do what we want and wear what we want. It will never come. It will never be okay.
But it TOTALLY is.
I hope you can spend your weekend wearing what you want, whether you are strutting through the mall in knee high boots or being lazy in leggings.
Sometimes I wonder if it IS all about the clothes, the makeup, the heels. But it’s not. It’s about not feeling comfortable being tied to a specific gender for my entire life. It’s about feeling comfortable as more than one gender presentation. I feel just as confident in a suit as I do in a little black dress, but for different reasons. I don’t want to transition because I like being able to choose my gender presentation whenever I feel like it. As I get older, I also feel more hesitant to use phrases like “always” and “never” when it comes to my opinions about some things.
Of course, there are exceptions. Like, should you wear open-toe heels with black stockings? NEVER.
Oscar Wilde wrote “You can never be overdressed or over-educated.” I agree. I like to dress and look my best. When I am out, I know that I am probably overdressed on some level to hit the mall. But after days of shirts and ties, the sound of heels clicking on the floor in a department store is heaven.
When I was younger I used to dream about certain clothes. I would page through the Victoria’s Secret catalog and wonder what it would be like to wear a matching bra and panty. I would see girls wearing formal gowns and I would picture myself in such a beautiful dress. In my closet I am lucky to have everything from leather to sparkley.
There are still outfits on my wish list but let’s be honest, after a certain number of bodycon and little black dresses, it becomes harder to find a dress that becomes a must-have.
Lately I seem to be drawn to a more casual look. I have tried this in the past, such as pairing a cute top with a cardigan for example, but as I look through my wardrobe I don’t have a lot of outfits that are perfect for a lazy day of going out for coffee and running errands.
I don’t mind stopping by Starbucks or Target in four inch heels, but when I see girls wearing cute, comfy clothes I start to wonder if I could pull off the leggings/tank top/hoodie look. I’ve been hesitant to try this in the past as I feel that layering gives me a “bulkier” look, especially my shoulders, than I would like. I also think that if I am only going to dress up a couple times a month, do I really want to pass up a chance to wear that cute new dress?
Of course, expanding one’s style also feels expanding one’s wardrobe (which is exciting and also expensive). I have an extensive collection of heels and a perfect dress to match each pair, but I have exactly zero pairs of shoes that would go with a more casual look.
I have a photo shoot next month and I am starting to pick my outfits for it. I have a few new dresses that I am going to model for certain, but I might slip in something a little more causal as well.
Who carries the men’s blue lace shorts lingerie. Wish I could attach photo but they are a bit short and not as loose in the legs as the one on Xdress website, the black ones.
I really have no idea. I am sure there are many blue lace shorts so I’m sorry that I can’t be more helpful.
If you think about it, this is really an amazing time for those who are non-gender conforming , crossdressers and anyone that loves to wear pretty undies. You can shop for a variety of options at Xdress, Bodyaware, HommeMystere,Glamour Boutique and whatever else you find by googling “lingerie for men”.
I can’t speak for everyone, but lingerie was definitely my gateway to this wonderful world and ultimately to who I am today.
I received an email the other day from Alicia Lagan whose son came out to her as transgender two years ago. As she watched her son start taking hormones and adapting to his new life, she noticed he had a hard time finding clothes that fit his changing body.
Alicia and her business partner were moved to create a new company named ‘Every Body’, a clothing line for transgender teens in Los Angeles, but with plan to have stores internationally. Their mission is to help make shopping easier for the transgender community, something I think we all would benefit from. We all want to feel comfortable in what we’re wearing and to not be treated poorly while shopping. Every Body is committed to tailoring clothes to fit kids the way that they would like by designing a specialized size chart. Once opened, the store will be a one-stop-shop for everything, whether it is undergarments, necessary accessories, and other clothing that fit correctly so one can express themselves as the gender they identify as.
At this point they are raising money for their project. If you’d like to learn more about Every Body and help a difference in the lives of our LGBTQ youth, please visit their site.
This is probably a silly question because I’m sure it has been asked many times, but for some reason I’ve been unable to find the answers. So do forgive, please, if this topic is painfully obvious! As a T-girl, my physical proportions make shopping for clothing difficult. I have dude dimensions. Especially, my hips are only slightly larger than my waist, so if I’m shopping online, it’s really just a flip of the coin whether I should purchase based on my waist measurement or my hips measurement. (My shoulders and arms, I’ve decided, are just fine: the girls at the gym are proud of the muscles they’ve worked so hard for, so I’ve decided I’ll just continue to be proud of mine, too.) Do you have any tips on this waist-to-hip proportion dilemma? Thanks in advance, very much! 🙂
Let me get this out of the way now and state that there is no “right” way to look feminine. There is no standard one must meet in order to have a “feminine” shape. Remember, there is no such thing as “passing”. However, there ways to have a curvier shape.
Buying dresses is a fun and often times a humbling experience. When I purchase “male” clothes (please note I don’t think there are such a thing as “male” clothes or “female” clothes, they’re just clothes), I purchase shirts that fit my shoulders and pants that are long enough and are the proper waist size. It’s pretty straightforward. Dresses are a different story. I have dresses that fit perfectly around my hips and waist, but don’t fit my shoulders and chest as I am wider on top than my middle. And of course every dressmaker has different sizing standards, as well. When shopping, you need to know your measurements, and yes, sometimes it is a flip of the coin when it comes to deciding to order based off of hips or waist measurements.
There are a few things you can do to have a curvier shape. You could always wear a waist cincher. I often wear this one from Xdress. I also wear a petticoat under certain dresses. It gives me a really cute and girly appearance and it also gives the impression of hips.
Some girls will also wear hip padding as well. I have never really tried that, but some girls love it.
Like most aspects of crossdressing, this is something you learn by doing. Find what works for you!
I recently learned of another option for us. En Femme Style offers specially designed and engineered to express the feminine form and appeal. They sell shoes that go up to size 15, clothing, jewelry, wigs and more.