Be Worth It

If you are reading this, there is a really good chance you could, and do, identify as transgender.  I define that term rather broadly so whether you are on hormones, living full-time or just wearing a cute pair of panties or have pink toenails there’s a really strong likelihood you fit within that definition.

Based on the comments on this blog and the emails I receive, I suspect that most of you are like me.  I happily go back and forth between genders, I am secure with who I am, I have no plans to transition and I am at peace with who I am.

I am also happily married.

Relationships with those like us are not easy.  For either partner.  We wrestle with if we should tell our partner, how we should tell them as well as the fear of what will happen if we do.

I will make the first one easy for you  YES TELL THEM.  Tell them while you are dating.  Tell them when the relationship gets serious.  Tell them when it feels like you want to be with them for a long time.  Tell them before any commitment is made, whether that commitment is moving in with each other, getting engaged or getting married.

You need to tell them because this part of you is not a phase.  It is not going to go away.  It will not fade over time.  You will not outgrow it.  Some of us hope that we will because it creates a lot of conflict and tension within themselves.  It scares them.  I understand.  We all wonder what this means, why we want to wear heels or eyeliner or feel a little… strange when someone calls us a typical guy.  We wonder if we were born in the wrong body, we wonder if we need to transition.  We wonder where all this is going.

Our partners wonder the same thing.

Truly the only way you can determine for yourself where this is is all going and what it means is to let yourself find out.  We need to embrace and accept this part of us.  We need to stop being in denial about who we are and what we feel.  If you want to wear that dress or skirt, then you need to wear that dress or skirt.  How does it feel?  How do you feel?

Does the next step feel right?

Growing up I thought all of …this was about pretty panties and lingerie.  When I got older I realized it wasn’t.  In my early thirties I had a makeover, a wig and a little black dress.  I kept going to the next “level” and each step felt…well, it felt wonderful.  It was normal (and scary) for my wife to think about what was next.  But there was nothing next.  I continued to, well, let’s call it evolve, but there was no consideration from me about hormones or transitioning or anything.  I was done.  I found out where all of this was leading.  I even attended PFLAG meetings to talk to others like me and discussed this with a therapist to make sure I wasn’t in denial.

In terms of how you should tell your partner, well, I can’t answer that for you.  I get emails several times a week from others like me asking me to email their partner, girlfriend, wife, spouse or family and talk to them and explain this to them.  I’m not going to do that, obviously.  It’s not my place.  Coming out to our partners, or anyone, is a private and personal conversation.  The best advice I can give is to approach this as it were potentially devastating.  We have all had to break difficult news to someone.  We needed to be gentle and honest in those times.  We need to be gentle and honest with this.

It’s normal to be afraid of the aftermath.  No matter how well you know someone you will never be able to predict how they will react.  That fear is no excuse for not being honest with your partner.  They deserve to know so they can make their own decisions about their relationships.  If they do not feel they can, or want to be in a relationship with someone like us they deserve the right and ability to make that choice.

If this is a deal-breaker for them that does not make them a bad person by any means.  If it is, then they should be respected for being honest.  And you should know that you did the right thing by being upfront about who you are.

But if this is not a deal-breaker, then the two of you learn how to live with this.  And it likely won’t be easy.  Compromises may be made, boundaries may be set.  For the love of God please respect them.  If they ask you not to post photos online or leave the house, then don’t do it.  Just don’t.  It is a violation of respect and trust.  If you get caught then why should they believe anything you say?  I believe lying about this is the worst thing you can do to someone.

The dust will settle, the shock with subside and the two of you will enter into a new reality.  This new reality could take on many dynamics.  It could be ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’, it could be the two of you getting makeovers and hitting the mall.  It could be a million different things in-between.

Every marriage is different.  Every marriage handles things in different ways.  It could be finances, raising children, or how two people adapt to the husband rocking a miniskirt.   I could write a book about relationships and being who we are but the point I want to make is that you know who you are and so do they.

Even if the two of you go out to the movies or the theater or dinner dressed to kill, there’s a good chance that it took a lot to get there.  It could have been a lot of time, patience, tears, conversations, arguments, counseling or anything else.  Regardless of where the two of you have landed, it was not easy to get there.

For either of you.

This is not an easy thing to discuss or understand.  Tying to help someone else understand who we are is almost impossible.  It’s a dynamic that most people don’t anticipate having to deal with in their relationships.  It could be a lonely thing for a wife to live with.  In a way, this is not as simple or direct as their husband having an affair.  This is not something that many people can relate to.  Many spouses may feel like there is no one they can talk to that might help sort out their feelings.  They may just keep their feelings to themselves where the fear, doubt, confusion, or perhaps resentment, grows.

If you are a partner of someone like me and are struggling or looking for support or understanding, please seek out a local PFLAG support group.

We as human beings and as partners need to be the best people we can be.  Always.  It’s kind of a basic thing, you know?  But for those like us we need to be better than the best.  Our partners are coming to terms with this side of us just like we had to come to terms with this side of us.  This is not something most partners anticipated living with in their relationships.

So, be worth it.  They are, or have, struggled with this.  They may be stressed, scared or lonely.  Be gentle with them, not only when it comes to this but also with everything else the two of you live with.  Be honest.  Surprise them.  It could be with flowers or power tools or a massage or anything else they might want.  Talk with them about anything besides this.  Be their husband, be their boyfriend, if you know they need their man, too.  Fixing something or wearing work boots does not diminish this other side of you in any way.

We always need to show our partners we appreciate them.  However, just like there is something a little bit more to us, we need to be a little bit more to them.

Love, Hannah

 

 

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PFLAG Events for March

PFLAG’s mission is uniting people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) with families, friends, and allies.  PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education, and advocacy.  PFLAG has 400 chapters and 200,000 supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

PFLAG was the first support organization I heard of when I was growing up.  I attended their meetings a few years ago and found it was a supportive and inclusive community.  PFLAG is a wonderful group, especially for our spouses and family members and I am happy to promote the events the Twin Cities chapter has scheduled.

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Have you ever heard someone say that it’s not possible to be transgender AND a Christian?  Do you have questions about the verses in the Bible that talk about things like clothing and gender roles?  Not sure how to hold on to your faith and love your nonbinary teen?

Join Austen Hartke as he leads a journey through Christian scripture, digging into the passages used against transgender people, and highlighting the stories of the Bible’s gender-non-conformers.
Austen is a graduate of Luther Seminary’s Master of Arts program in Old Testament/Hebrew Bible Studies, and is the winner of the 2014 John Milton Prize in Old Testament Writing from the same institution.
Austen also enjoys working with gender-diverse youth and families as the Faith Coordinator for the nonprofit organization Gender Spectrum.
As a transgender person of faith, Austen’s greatest passion is helping other trans and gender-non-conforming people see themselves in scripture.
Austen Hartke is the author of “Transforming: The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians,” a new book on theology and personal narratives published by Westminster John Knox Press in 2018.
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 Please join us for our March program and support groups.
Tuesday, March 19th, 6:30 – 8:45 pm.
Union Congregational Church
3700 Alabama Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55416
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Sharing the Secret

I am at a point in my life where I rarely feel the need to tell others about who I am or how I identify.  I’ve told a few friends and family members and I don’t think anyone else needs to know.  However, I am also at a point where if I were…”caught” I would be open and honest about my identity.  Who I am is still a secret, but keeping secrets is exhausting.

As far as I know, I have gone through my life without anyone “finding out” unless I specifically told them.  I’ve never bumped into someone into the mall that didn’t know about me.  I’ve always kept my guard up, avoided areas in the city where my family and friends tend to go and have gotten good at stealthily shopping in male mode if I need to pick up a pair of stockings or foundation.  Thank goodness for self-checkouts and online shopping.

We have always known who we are.  If we keep who we are a secret, then that is on us.  And it’s perfectly understandable why we may not reveal everything about us to everyone in our lives.  Not everyone needs to know.  There are some people in my life that I would like to know about me.  There are others that I don’t care one way or the other, and there are those who I thank God every day that do not know.

But there is someone who does need to know.  Our partners.  Whether we are in a committed relationship or we are married, our significant others need to know.  They need to know when the relationship becomes serious.  Not after you get married.  Not after you move in with each other.  Not after you get engaged.  Before.  Before any of this.  They need to know who you are.  You need to know who you are.

I understand how one can change how they identify as one grows, and I understand we may not always know what we will want in five years, and I absolutely understand how complicated all of this is, but my point is that we need to be secure and comfortable in who we are and how we identify before we pursue a relationship.

We need to know this before we are in a committed relationship.  It is unfair to get engaged and then tell your fiance that you are unsure if you want to transition, take hormones or anything else.  I understand people change.  I get that.  Before I was engaged I thought all of this was about lingerie but I have evolved.  But I knew then, I know now, and I have always known that transition or living full-time was not for me.

Revealing who we are is scary.  No matter how long we’ve known someone or how well we know them, there’s no way to anticipate how they will react.  You might have a suspicion, but there’s no way to know for sure.  If my uncle was a Baptist preacher from the South I think I would have a pretty good idea how he would react, but the point is that no matter who they are, there’s no way to really know until you tell them.  How scary is that?

Confiding in someone can absolutely feel amazing, especially the first time we do it.  For a long time, we have kept everything a secret.  Whether it’s that brave first admittance that we wear panties or showing a photo of our femme selves.  Finally, finally we can open up and talk about this.  The weight is off our shoulders.

But the weight is still there… it’s just shared.  Whoever you come out to carries that secret now.  You must respect your significant other’s feelings about this.  If you are comfortable going out and your partner is not, you need to respect that.  If you don’t care if someone sees the outline of a bra strap under your t-shirt but your significant other does, you need to respect that.

Your significant other needs to know and deserves to know this about you…because you will never outgrow this.  This is not a phase.  You may be able to suppress this side of you, but it’s always there.

For some relationships, this side of us is a deal-breaker…which is exactly why this conversation needs to happen before any sort of commitment is made.  If people want different things in a relationship, then that needs to be considered.  If one person wants children and the other doesn’t, then those two people probably shouldn’t get married.  I believe this side of us is not that different than something like that.

If your significant other knows about this side of you (and I sure hope they do) then they will find their comfort level with this part of you.  This is also something that may change over time.  Whether your significant other is on the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t talk about it’ side or the two of you hit the mall together dressed, the point is that they know and we need to respect (and yes, compromise in some cases) how they feel and what they want to do with this information.

For some of us, this secret is a lonely secret.  Many of us feel there is no one we can talk to about this.  We have lived with this part of us for years.  Decades.  We have had the time to think about this and sort this through.  There’s a good chance we know who we are and what we want.  When you come out to someone you are dropping a (glitter) bomb into their life.  Your significant other coming out as transgender is not something many anticipate.  Sharing this secret also can mean sharing the loneliness.

I’ve spoken to many partners of t-girls and many of them share with me how alone they felt with this secret.  It’s not an easy thing thing to talk about.  Every transperson is different and we have to talk about who we are to the person we come out to, and then that person needs to be able to explain it to someone else… if they share this secret with someone else.

And they have that right.

It’s not fair to tell your significant other about who you are and then ask them to not talk about it with anyone.  Some significant others need to.  They want to.  I’m sure we can understand needing and wanting to share this.  When you trust someone with a secret, you are also trusting what they will do with it.  But where does one start when it comes to talking about that their partner is trans?  You can always start with PFLAG if someone is looking for local support.

There’s no right way to come out to someone, especially your significant other.  There are a lot of wrong ways to do it.

-Don’t get caught.  That’s not saying to keep it a secret.  Tell them.  Tell them before they find your hidden stash of lingerie.  Tell them before they see your web browser history.

-Don’t surprise them.  A t-girl told me they came out to their wife by dressing up and waiting for them in the living room when she came home from work.  I can’t think of a worse way to tell someone about this.

-Don’t tell them around other people.   I would hope that this is obvious but you never know.

-Don’t tell them in a public place.  A t-girl told me she told her wife while they were on a plane.  She was afraid of her wife walking out on her and thought that if they were on a plane they would be “forced” to sit and talk.  I take what I said earlier back, this is the worst way to tell someone.

So… how do you share the secret?  You know your significant other better than I do.  You may have had to share big, potentially bad news with them before.  How did you break it to them?  This might be the biggest thing you will ever share with them.  It will forever change your relationship.

Let me say it again, it will forever change your relationship.

When I came out to my wife, I shared my secret with her about a year before we lived with each other.  As I evolved from wearing lingerie to…well, who I am now, her feelings and fears also changed.  As she saw me try on my first wig or leave the house, it was natural for her to think where this was going.  Was I going to keep going?  Was HRT in my future?  Were hormones?  What was next?  For years she lived with this uncertainty.  This changed our relationship.  I shared my secret, but now she had a secret to keep, too.  Not only did I have the normal feelings when I went out (someone seeing me, getting harassed), but now she did too.

Change is not always bad.  This side of me helped our relationship too.  I’ll expand on that in a future post.

I am not an expert on relationships.  Every relationship is different.  I am not an expert on being trans, every transperson is different.  A relationship with a transperson is not an easy thing.

What I am an expert on is keeping this part of me a secret.  Well, I suppose if I was an expert on secrets I wouldn’t have a public blog with a zillion photos of me on it, but I think you get my point.  I suspect you are an expert on this too.  We know what it’s like to keep this a secret.  We have kept this a secret for a long time.  We need to remember how it feels to keep this a secret.

If we remember how it feels to have this secret, then we will know how it feels for our significant other to know this secret, too.

Love, Hannah

 

 

 

 

The T Word

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I get a lot of emails from girls like me and it never surprises me how similar our experiences are.  For most of us, we started dressing when we were younger and whether it was conscience or instinctive, we knew we had to hide this.  Some of us felt shame, some of us were embarrassed, some of us terrified of being caught.

We usually started to experiment a little more with this as teenagers.  We started to buy (and hide) clothes, usually starting with panties.  Endless cycles of shopping, shame, terror, purging and ultimately shopping again.  Like a caterpillar into a butterfly, we are constantly trying to be beautiful.

We suppress it as we start to date and find committed relationships and we either hope this side of us will go away or that we will ignore it.

But we cannot outgrow this part of us.  This is who we are.  It will never go away.

I’ll say it again in case you don’t believe me, but this is a part of you and it will always be a part of you and it’s a beautiful part of you.

I think feelings of shame, embarrassment, and fear for some of us come from the perceived link between sexuality and wearing lingerie or anything else.

Every single one of us knows that what we wear has zero connection to who we want to be intimate with or who we want to be in a relationship with.

But not everyone knows that.  If you’ve ever come out to someone, whether intentionally or not, you probably have been asked if you’re gay.  The first time I was asked that I was a little taken aback.  I knew there was no link between what I wore to bed and who I wanted to go to bed with.

People who ask this about us can be forgiven, though.  For many, the first introduction to our world, whether we are trans, gender non-conforming or something else is drag.  The world of drag is typically dominated by gay men dressing up in a very exaggerated fashion.  For most of us, that is not who we are.  We know the difference between wanting to dress up and hit the mall and glamming up to strut the stage at a drag show.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  🙂  Or any of this.

The point I am trying to make is that a label can be very divisive when it comes to who we are.  We might be offended by one label, we may need to clarify a different one, or change our label at different points of our lives.

Of course, I don’t care for labels, but I understand the nuances our community has and in come cases, a specific label might be useful.

The big T word is a loaded word.  When I identify as transgender, I often will clarify what being trans means to me.  Yes, Caitlyn Jenner and Lavern Cox are transgender but I am not trans like them.  I have not transitioned nor do I feel that I want or need to.   I resisted identifying as transgender for a long time until a t-girl friend of mine said that her definition of trans was anything that went against the societal norms of the gender you were assigned at birth.

So, you like to paint your nails?  Trans.  You’re rocking eyeliner?  Trans.  Wearing a beautiful matching bra and panty under your suit?  Trans.  Looking amazing from wig to heels at the mall?  Lipsyncing to Madonna in 7 inch platforms at a gay club?  Trans.

I know that this is a very broad definition and that’s what I like about it.  When I identified as a crossdresser, at a certain point I felt that the term didn’t really encompass who I was.  It was more than just clothes but I didn’t feel that it was appropriate to call myself transgender.  Using the definition my friend gave me, I accepted that a crossdresser was also transgender.

I embraced that term and never looked back.  I like identifying as trans.  People know the term.  If needed, I can get more in-depth about what being transgender means to me specifically, but more often than not, just identifying as transgender is enough.  When I used to schedule makeovers I could, if needed, tell the salon I was transgender.  These days I don’t because I don’t think it matters; makeup is makeup.  Every face is different, regardless of gender.

As I said, people know the term.  Over the last few years the rest of the world has gotten a crash course in the different ways someone can identify as when it comes to gender.  It’s been exhausting for many of us as we often take on the role of educator and explaining the difference between terms like cis, trans, non-binary and many others.  It’s also been heartbreaking as we see our community lose our rights, attacked, misunderstood and portrayed in completely inaccurate ways.

It’s a complicated term for some of us in our community, too.

I often get emails from girls like us who are looking for support and looking for friends and others like them.  Many of us start by identifying as a crossdresser.  For some, they just want to look beautiful.  Some just want to wear lingerie.  Some want to have adventures in the real world presenting as the gender they (sometimes) identify as.  Crossdressing is a comfortable label for them.  I get it, I was there.

When someone is looking for support, more often than not I refer them to PFLAG.  According to their website, their mission is in uniting people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) with families, friends, and allies, PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education, and advocacy. PFLAG has 400 chapters and 200,000 supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced, and serviced by PFLAG National, located in Washington, D.C., the National Board of Directors and 13 volunteer Regional Directors. 

I attended PFLAG meetings years ago, back before I identified as trans.  The meetings were wonderful and I got to meet people who loved and accepted me regardless of what I was wearing.  The support groups were important too as I met others like me, others who wanted to be beautiful but were happy to live most of their lives as male.  PFLAG meetings and support groups are also a safe way to go somewhere dressed, especially the first few times you go out.  It’s helpful to know you are going to be surrounded by people who will not bat an eyelash at a girl like us.

Some people get angry or offended when I suggest PFLAG.  They insist they are a crossdresser, not transgender.  They want to emphasize that they are straight and do not want to transition.  They like wearing lingerie, dresses, they have a femme name but they are not transgender.  They just want to meet others like them and to talk about this side of themselves to others.

Number one, yes, you are transgender.

And number two, that’s what PFLAG is for.

I don’t want to transition.  I do not, and have never wanted to date men.  But I am transgender.

We all remember the first time we wore…something.  Whether it was a pair of panties or a high heel we remember that thrill.  We also knew that it was a complicated moment.  What did it mean?  We tried our entire lives to understand this and why we do what we do, but there is no reason.  Nothing to understand.  Just something to accept and embrace.

We tell the media and the cis-world to not be afraid of the word transgender.  We shouldn’t be either.

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My Favorite Letter.  And shoes.

Love, Hannah

 

 

PFLAG Events for February

PFLAG’s mission is uniting people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) with families, friends, and allies.  PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education, and advocacy.  PFLAG has 400 chapters and 200,000 supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

PFLAG was the first support organization I heard of when I was growing up.  I attended their meetings a few years ago and found it was a supportive and inclusive community.  PFLAG is a wonderful group, especially for our spouses and family members and I am happy to promote the events the Twin Cities chapter has scheduled.

Please join us for our February 19th support groups.
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Tuesday, February 19th, 6:30 – 7:45 pm.
Union Congregational Church
3700 Alabama Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55416
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In March MN author Austen Hartke will discuss his new book:

Transforming; The Bible & the Lives of Transgender Christians.

An Alluring Evening!

After the comments by a Victoria’s Secret CEO a few months ago, many in our community, including myself,  have decided to stop shopping there.  It’s hard to deny that they had really cute panties and for the most part, many of us had very welcoming and comfortable experiences there.  So, where’s a t-girl to go?

There are other options.

However, shopping online and shopping in a store are different experiences, especially when it comes to lingerie.   A few members of the MN T-Girls reached out to me and asked where a girl like us could go for a bra fitting in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area.

I live to serve.

IMG_1830For the February MN T-Girl outing, I arranged for a private shopping event at Allure, a really wonderful lingerie boutique in Saint Paul.  Like other private events we’ve been to, this took place after the store closed to the general public in order to create a safe, supportive and inclusive night of shopping en femme.

There’s no denying that Allure is just a really wonderful lingerie shop.  It’s warm, intimate,  and has a really incredible selection of panties, bras, bodysuits, shapewear and pajamas.  Their sizing is also inclusive which can go up to 3x and bras that go up to 48k.

For our event we had three amazing hosts who helped us all with bra fittings, recommendations, and special orders.  But the most important thing they did for our group and our community is showing how supportive they are.

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There were about twenty of us at the event and we definitely kept our hosts busy.  Our hosts were amazing as they helped us with bra fittings and educating us with everything from bra care to explaining how to find our cup size for those of us who wear forms.  Our hosts helped us find matching panties for beautiful bras as well as shapewear for those who are looking for some curves.  Some of us came to the event who were just looking to start building their lingerie wardrobe, some of us were looking for new sleepwear but for myself I wanted a new matching bra/panty set and a new black push-up bra.  I am thrilled with what I found.

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It was a wonderful night.  I am so happy that we have such an amazing store in the area.  There are other locations across the Twin Cities as well as in Wisconsin and Texas.

Here are some pictures from the event.  Huge thank you to Allure, our hosts Hannah, Angela and Ann and to all the MN T-Girls who helped create a really magical night.

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Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Has Hannah affected your relationship with your wife?  Has your wife seen Hannah? Has she had “girls nights in” with Hannah? How does she feel about Hannah?  How has her relationship with Hannah evolved since your early  days of blogging?

I could probably write (and maybe I should) a book about the dynamics and evolution and impact that crossdressing/being transgender has on a relationship, but I will try to keep this concise.

Being who we are is likely hard on our partners.  This is not a part of us that will change or go away, so we will never “outgrow” this part of us, this is not a phase we are going through.  Too many of us try to suppress this part of us when we meet someone and start a relationship because we don’t want to scare this person away by revealing this part of us.

But of course no matter how hard we try to deny it, this is who we are and we shouldn’t try to do that.  What we should do is be honest with ourselves and be honest with our partners.  I get emails from people like us who tell me that they don’t plan on telling their partners about this side of them until after they’re married.  Their thinking is that it’s too late for them to go anywhere.  This is hurtful, cruel, unfair and dishonest.

I told my wife about this part of me after a few months of dating, once I knew I wanted to marry her.  I’ve come out to a few partners in my life when I felt the relationship was strong and serious enough.  At the time I came out to her, I felt that this was all about under-dressing and I didn’t have a “male mode” or a “female mode”.  I was just a man who wore panties.

But people change and evolve.

After we’d be married for a few years, she asked if I ever wore makeup or clothes other than lingerie.  I had, but never really to the point of a full makeover or head to toe with a wig and heels.  She did my makeup that night and helped me order a wig.  Up to that moment she didn’t really understand why I liked lingerie but she understood the feeling of wanting to be beautiful.

I started to buy dresses with her help.  My wardrobe grew and our relationship now had a new part of it.  We were both learning about Hannah and getting to know her.  We had constant and honest communication about what… all this meant.  There were times where she was concerned about me wanting to transition and where all this was leading to.  Those concerns faded over time.

It’s easy to understand her concern.  I went from wearing panties to doing my makeup and having a closet full of heels in a few months.  My evolution accelerated and it was like going from a nice leisurely drive to a million miles per hour.  But eventually I stopped my gender exploration and landed where I am today and her concerns about me wanting to transition subsided.

This part of me has allowed me to be more open, honest, vulnerable and transparent with my wife.  Not only as Hannah, but as in my male side as well.  This took a lot of patience on her part and a lot of effort to try to understand me.  It took a lot of time, sometimes difficult communication and open and honest conversations.

So yes, she has seen Hannah.  We both met her at the same time, in a way.  We’ve had many girls nights in, whether it was a nice quiet night in wearing leggings or me rocking an amazing gown with winged eyeliner.

My wife and I used to feel that Hannah and my male side were two very different people.  Of course, we have very different wardrobes but over time Hannah and I have kind of… well, balanced out.  Hannah would tend to be more relaxed and chatty whereas I was more preoccupied with whatever was going on or needed to be done.  I don’t relax much, but our girls nights in gave me a chance to dress up and slow down and watch a movie or sit and talk.  My wife and I don’t feel there’s as much of a difference between my two genders (besides physician appearance and presentation) as there used to be.

I make all of this sound very easy and idyllic, but as with any relationship things are always more complicated and nuanced than it sounds.  I am lucky to have my wife for many reasons, not only because of this.

Love, Hannah