Maybe more of an observation than a question. Since only a small few of us t-girls can truly pass I think it’s imperative to then master the finer things to near perfection. I think it’s more thrilling to be in public with your hair and makeup on point and your clothes and accessories to be age and environment appropriate causing a stranger or passer by to either not notice or simply nod with appreciation for looking good and “playing” the part.
Now you are much more public and accomplished than I’ll ever be, so I’d love for you to share your point of view.
I’ve written a little about what I call ‘the myth of passing’ and the older I get and the more I dress, the more I stand by it. I don’t think passing is something that is realistic for any of us. I think if I waited until I thought I passed I’d still be sitting in my car in my garage. Of course, I would have missed out on so many amazing experiences that I’ve had. I sometimes wonder what I missed in all those years before I was confident enough to go out.
Look at this picture. Do I “pass”?
It doesn’t matter. I love you all, but it really doesn’t matter to me if you think I pass or not. I look at the picture and I see ME. I remember the day it was taken. It was a Saturday in July, I spent the day at the Mall of America wearing my new dress. I found an amazing new outfit, spent too much on makeup and bought a pair of black heels.
Looking in the mirror, I know my shoulders are broader than most cis-women, I know my hands are larger, too. But that doesn’t mean women, trans or cis have to have hands of a certain size. I’ve seen women basketball players that are taller than me in my stilettos. And I have tall stilettos.
What got me out of my room, my house, my car, my garage all those years ago was a complete and unshakeable confidence in myself and the undying desire to experience the world in a way I always wanted. I wanted to feel the wind through my long hair, to hear the click of my heels in the mall, I wanted to see my lipstick on the lid of a Starbucks cup. I did it and I’ve never looked back.
I love looking my best. I know I am likely the most overdressed person in the room, the store or the entire mall. You’re right, it is a thrill to be out with the perfect necklace and accessories and heels to match my dress.
People stare, people take a second look, people say wonderful things, people smile sincerely, people compliment…and that’s all okay. Even the smirkers. People look at me as if they’re seeing a transperson for the first time…because there is a good chance they are. I know I am representing the transcommunity and I want to look my best for us.
It’s okay if people think you’re trans. And really, you’ll never, EVER know what people think of you unless you ask them.
I never see what I do as “playing the part”. I simply am who I am.