Update

Hi, just a short update to let you know that I am okay.  The riots over the past few days have been terrifying and heartbreaking.  I am devastated over the killing of Mr. Floyd.  I am shaken to my core over the fires and looting of my city.  Neighborhoods I once lived in are destroyed.

What the news isn’t showing are the calm, peaceful demonstrations, the volunteers cleaning up broken glass and debris in the morning, and people taking care of each other.

I expect this weekend to be even more intense than what we have gone through over the last few nights.  I pray I am wrong.

Love, Hannah

Do’s and Don’t’s

I received a few emails over the last few days about my recent post which talked about girls like us being sexualized and fetishized.

So, I wanted to clarify a few things.

Yes, I like wearing sexy dresses.  I love leather and PVC fashions.  I think I look good and I love how they make me feel.

When you are on social media, you open yourself up to comments and messages.  It comes with the territory.  Yes, I could shut off comments and close my messages, but I don’t want to do that, especially when the majority of comments are friendly and supportive.

But there is a difference between between “that is a sexy dress” and “I want to tear that dress off you”.  There’s a difference between “I support the transgender community” and “I love shemales”.

So, I wanted to illustrate a few guidelines as to what I am comfortable with and what makes my skin crawl.

Good!

No!

Love, Hannah

Not For You

My friend Marci and I were chatting recently about men commenting on photos we post online.  Most comments are kind, but of course there are always those that come from men who clearly sexualize and fetishize girls like us.

These comments are beyond the typical “ur sexy” comments but are oddly specific when it comes to being dominated by a girl like us or someone’s obsession with our feet.  Really?  Feet?

These responses are usually pretty easy to ignore and one would hope they are relatively harmless.  I do get annoyed at how they can contribute to the overall fetishization of our community and can influence the thinking that we are who we are for some sexual reason.  Who I am might be your fetish, but it is certainly not mine.

I am who I am for me, I am not who I am for you.

Love, Hannah

Skyscrapers and Stilettos

I was chatting with my friend Marci recently about how we often feel that we are the tallest girls in the world, and wearing four inch stilettos isn’t helping.

But no one is too tall to be a girl.  And no one is too tall to wear heels.

I was blown away by her newest photo composition which perfectly portrays how I feel when I am out in the real world.  I feel tall, I feel as if everyone is looking at me, and I feel beautiful.

Minneapolis freeway

I hope you like this as much as I do and I really hope you follow her on Flickr.  You can see her other compositions here and here.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I want to ask how I can tell my wife that I’m a cross dresser, I have been this way my whole life I’ve always known, I have tried to keep my desire a secret but the older I get it get harder to hide this .  I tried to come out to my wife 3 years ago , I got myself worked up to tell her and I even said the words but it didn’t go well and after talking for 3 hours I basically back tracked and said it was just a phase I went through as a teen and hadn’t done it since which was a lie and after all that and her questions the next day it was ignored and we haven’t mentioned it since and I just want her to say something again but she hasn’t.  Should I push the issue again?

I wouldn’t push the issue but that is different than bringing it up again.

Since you attempted to discuss it previously, you should know how she responded the first time.  You said it didn’t go well, but this revelation rarely does.  Why didn’t it go well?  What were her concerns?  Was she afraid you were gay?  That you wanted to transition?

If you do decide to bring the topic up again, be prepared to discuss what her concerns were that she raised the first time you came out.

And although she hasn’t brought it up since you had the talk, rest assured she probably thinks about it everyday.

Keep in mind that we shouldn’t come out with the hope or expectation that our partners will “let” us wear panties or paint our nails or however we wish to express our gender identity.  We should be open with our partners because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what we need to be open about.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Playing Dress Up

paper doll

As shelter-in-place restrictions are eased, we are able to slowly and gradually return to parts of our lives that have been off-limits for a while.  I am excited for this for a number of reasons.  One would think these restrictions are being phased out because the curve is flattening but that doesn’t seem to be the case, unfortunately.  That would be the reason I would be most excited about, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Regardless, I am excited to go out en femme and resume MN T-Girls events and photo shoots.  I have a shoot in June for En Femme and another shoot for some amazing stilettos I was sent to review.

Part of my review for the heels will be about matching the shoes with an appropriate outfit.  Which mini-dress looks best with a pair of sky-high stilettos, for example.  Sometimes the answer is obvious, sometimes this decisions keeps me up at night (not really.  Okay, maybe a little).

This side of me has an amazing wardrobe with a zillion different possibilities.  On one hand this is wonderful, on the other hand, it can be quite intimidating.  Putting together an outfit with everything from earrings to stockings to shoes to a top and making sure it all goes together is a learning curve.  I still have a hard time matching a skirt to a top which is one of the reasons I mostly wear dresses.

I’ve been thinking about which dresses I will wear for the shoes over the last few days and I think I have decided on two out of the three, but still considering the final pair.  Putting together an outfit is not unlike playing dress up with paper dolls.

Have you found putting together outfits easy?  What are some of your fashion rules?
Love, Hannah

You Did It!

These days it almost feels like an accomplishment to get through the week.  But in case you needed a reminder, it’s finally Friday.

Minnesota is easing some restrictions on Monday, and more are going to be lifted on June 1st.  I am excited (and wary) about going back out into the real world.  I have two photo shoots to do, one for En Femme and another to review some amazing heels, in the next coming weeks, so I am looking forward to getting back to work (safely, of course).

But congratulations on making it to Friday!  I fully believe that life is about having things to be proud of, and things to look forward to.  As a t-girl, crossdresser, or however else you identify, what are you most proud of?  What are you looking forward to?

Love, Hannah

The Passing of Aimee Stephens

From NPR.org:

Aimee Stephens, the transgender woman at the center of a major employment rights case pending in the U.S. Supreme Court, died in Detroit on Tuesday at age 59.

Stephens was the first transgender person whose civil rights case was heard by the Supreme Court, according to the American Civil Liberties Union, which represented her. Her case concerns the question of whether federal law prohibiting employment discrimination applies to transgender employees.

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After years of working as an embalmer and funeral home director at R.G. and G.R. Harris Funeral Homes in Livonia, Mich., Stephens informed her boss in 2013 that she was transitioning from male to female. She had been living as a transgender woman outside of work, and planned to follow the company’s dress code for women on the job. A short time later, Stephens was fired.

Backed by the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, she sued her former employer. In 2018, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit ruled against the funeral home owners, saying that LGBTQ people are protected under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which states employers cannot fire, refuse to hire or otherwise penalize people because of their sex.

The funeral home owners appealed the ruling to the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing the civil rights laws were not intended to protect gay and transgender people. Additionally, they said, the funeral home was within its rights to insist that Stephens adhere to its dress code for male employees during work hours.

The case currently before the high court asks whether it is illegal sex discrimination, under federal civil rights statutes, to fire someone because they are transgender. The Supreme Court started hearing the case last year and its decision is expected by July.

Stephens, who suffered from kidney disease, was in the end stage of renal failure in recent weeks. She died in hospice care at home with her wife, Donna Stephens, by her side, the ACLU said.

According to a GoFundMe account asking for financial assistance to cover Stephens’ funeral costs and end-of-life care, being fired from her job in 2013 resulted in the loss of adequate health care coverage, “years of lost income” and “immediate financial strain, leading her spouse Donna to take on several jobs.”

“Aimee Stephens just wanted to continue to do the job she was hired to do, that she was good at, and that she was prepared to continue while living as her true gender,” Brian Bond, executive director of PFLAG National, said in a statement.

“Her fight will continue as we strive for equality for all, inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity.”

In an interview last year with The Detroit News, Stephens said she was optimistic about the outcome of the pending Supreme Court case.

“I believe in what I’m doing. I’ve stood up for myself to make sure that it happens. That’s what keeps me going,” she said.

“If you’re part of the human race, which we all are, we all deserve the same basic rights. We’re not asking for anything special. We’re just asking to be treated like other people are.”

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

If there was absolutely no downside to it (losing family, friends, etc for doing it), would you transition?

I guess I ask because every time I say “I don’t want to transition,” the why’s keep becoming fewer and fewer, and the more most of them start with “I don’t want to lose…”

I have never felt that living full time or transitioning was right for me.

I have never felt I was born with or that I live in the wrong body.

I do not feel that “this is right” when I am en femme.

I have never felt conflicted, confused, or frustrated about who I am.

So, no, regardless of family and friend support and reaction, I can’t see myself ever transitioning.  I am happy in both of my genders.  I don’t want to commit to one… ever.  And transitioning, from my perspective, would essentially be that.  I don’t want to give up my male gender identity any more than I want to give up my female gender identity.

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If you are not already, I would encourage you to seek out a gender therapist to talk abut our feelings to help you determine if this is the right step for you.  And yes, most of us lose something, or someone, when we want to live our lives the way we feel is right for us.

I wish it were not that way.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!