Month: February 2020

Hannah Asks…

by Hannah

One of the common phrases people use to find my website is “crossdresser guilt”.  I don’t write a lot about feeling guilty about this side of me.  I have known who I am and what I like to wear for a very long time.  I’ve accepted this, and I have embraced it.

Who we are is a multitude of emotions and feelings.  Happiness, embarrassment, fear, confusion… the list goes on.  But guilt is not something I have really felt.  But based on the emails I get, the comments, and obviously the Google searches, many of us do.

So, for those who feel guilty about this side of you, I would love to know why.  Is it guilt because you may be hiding this side of you to your significant other?  Is it guilt because you’ve been told this side of you is a sin?

Let me know by commenting!

Love, Hannah

 

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

416I am jealous of your beautiful skin and would love to know what you do. I have always loved natural porcelain white skin, I guess it is because it is what I have and I have always struggled keeping mine looking somewhat acceptable. I love to do photos, not to mention how great it feels, with no stockings but I hate my reddish knees and am always hitting my shins and bruising them or scraping them up.

Thank you!

However, professional photos with editing and touch ups, along with the many different filters can often make someone look better than they really do.  🙂

Healthy skin starts with simply being healthy.  I drink a lot of water which helps flush toxins out of your body leading to a better complexion.  Eating and drinking a lot of sugary foods leads to acne.  I also wash my face with an apricot scrub which helps exfoliate (removes damaged skin).

When I shave my face, I do so in the shower.  The warm water opens up my pores and allows for a smoother and gentler shave.  After I shave I use a moisturizer to combat the dry skin that is a result of shaving.

So, nothing too drastic.  A couple extra steps added to what most of us are probably already doing.

When it comes to my legs I have two different routines depending on what my plans are.  I keep all of my skin smooth and every week I take on the tedious task of removing my body hair.  I used to use a razor and shaving cream for my arms, but I recently started using Nair for my chest and arms.  This is a quicker, easier method and helps me avoid the inevitable nicks on my arms from a razor.

If I am not going en femme the next day, I will also use Nair on my legs, particularly the back of my legs.  Again, Nair is quick and easy.  But if I am going out I will use a razor on my legs for a smoother shave.  The Nair does a great job, but there may be stray hairs here and there I miss.

I always wear tights or stockings, even nude ones.  I like how the nude stockings will even out my skin tone.  If I am rocking fishnets I will still wear nude stockings and wear the fishnets over them.

Love, Hannah

 

Faves

by Hannah

I fall in love with clothes.

I think we can all relate to having some sort of emotional connection to something we can wear.  I remember the first bra I ever tried on, the first pair of panties I could truly call my own, the first dress I bought with my wife.

It’s not uncommon to find something we love to wear and put it on every chance we get.  I thought it would be fun to share some of my most recent favorites.

I underdress every day and my current favorites are the Blossom Bodysuit and the Blossom Bra and Panty set from HommeMystere.

I heart matching lingerie and this set is peak feminine.  Pink, lace, bows, ruffles… what else could I wish for?

If I am lucky to work from home that day or actually have a day off, my go-to outfit includes a pair of leggings from Wild Fable.

Capture

I layer with a white cami, femme t-shirt, and a black cardigan and I look and feel super cute and comfy all day whether I am on a conference call or doing laundry.

When it’s time for my bed, my current favorite nightie is from Stars Above, a line from Target.

Capture

Cute, comfortable, lacy, and pink.  It was made for me.

What are your current favorites?

Love, Hannah

 

 

Watching Herstory

by Hannah

IMG_0532The MN T-Girls had our monthly adventure this past Saturday and we attended a wonderful performance of the play ‘Superman Becomes Lois Lane‘  put on by the History Theater in Saint Paul.

From their website, Superman Becomes Lois Lane tells the story of the gender transition of Bob Sylvester, a former President of the Saint Paul City Council and successful investment banker, to Susan Kimberly, the first transgender woman to become the deputy mayor of a major American city. This is Susan’s story written in her own words with passion and humor that has been a hallmark of this remarkable St. Paul figure. 

 

I love learning more about the brave women from our community who came before us and Ms. Kimberly is a remarkable woman.

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IMG_0534Before the play I was lucky to meet Freya Richman who plays Ms. Kimberly.  We chatted about the show, our community, representation, and Ms. Richman’s own experiences.  The play was written by Ms. Kimberly and tells the story of her career and her marriage.  It discussed gender identity in a clear, simple, but effective and powerful way.  It was moving and inspiring.  The play was set in the early 1980’s and it was fascinating to see how gender was perceived and portrayed back then.  In some ways society seemed more progressive and tolerant than it does today.

 

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IMG_0545Another highlight of the play was meeting Ms. Kimberly herself who attended the performance.  We talked about the play and her experiences.  Meeting such an important and inspirational member of our community and our state’s history (in this case herstory) was truly humbling.

As much as I love eyeliner, shopping, and fashion, I think it is vital for us to know as much about our history as we can.  If you would like to know more about Ms. Kimberly and the play, I encourage you to read these articles:

If you can, please catch a performance of this production before it closes on March 1st.

Thank you to the History Theater for putting on such a wonderful play!

Love, Hannah

 

 

New En Femme Blog!

by Hannah

My new article for En Femme has now been posted!

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The latest article with blogger, trans-activist and fashionista, Hannah McKnight is now available on our Learning Center! Hannah’s blog discusses more in-depth her journey as a self-described T-girl.

In previous articles for the Learning Center, Hannah has discussed the potential positive and negative consequences of coming out. In “Taking the Next Step – Goals and Challenges for 2020” Hannah talks about her gender identity evolution and following her dreams.  Read it now>>

I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

My Name is Hannah and I’ll be your Tour Guide Today

by Hannah

 

My website provider lets me know what search terms people use to find my blog.   I think it’s helpful to know how my site is found and which articles are read the most.

Over the last few weeks, I have been seeing a lot of the same terms pop up more often than others.  I thought it would be helpful to take a few of the top terms and offer some help for those who are looking for it.  The internet is like a giant mall and I hope this serves somewhat as a directory  🙂

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As always, please feel free to let me know if you are looking for anything else!

Love, Hannah

 

 

 

Painting by Numbers

by Hannah

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I enjoy art.  I used to paint a lot more often than I do these days, but I still know the thrill and potential of a blank canvas.  If I started a painting but didn’t have an idea in mind, anything could happen.  Often the second brush stroke was a complete reaction to the first.  That brush stroke would inspire the third, and soon every brush stroke was a response to what came before it.

Of course, I think makeup is very similar.  I might start my makeup with the intention of doing an everyday look, but soon my foundation is applied and I might glam up my eyeliner and shadow a little more than I planned if my foundation is looking better than I expected.

I started to paint when I was younger with paint-by-number kits.  Simple line images that had numbers printed on the image that corresponded with a specific color.  Kind of like connect-the-dots, I suppose.  You were guided to creating something with no sense of creativity.

But as I got older I soon realized the limitlessness of a blank canvas.  It could become anything.  It could be a disaster or a masterpiece.  Just like doing makeup.

Even though I don’t paint as much as I would like, I still see the possibilities that a blank canvas offers.  The canvas could be anything I wanted it to be.

I thought about all this the other day as I was getting dressed for work.  Like a blank canvas, I am able to wear what I want.  To clarify, being able to wear what I want is not saying that I always wear what I want to.  Trust me, I would love to run more errands en in leggings and it would be amazing to go into the office in a cute dress and heels, but I am required to spend most days in male mode.  However, there are those days when I can choose to present as whichever gender I feel like, or even something more in-between.

What I mean is that I have accepted and embraced who I am where I feel I can wear whatever I want. There are no stigmas, there is no shame, no guilt, no embarrassment with how I choose to dress.  I am not limited to certain clothes because of the gender most of the word thinks I am.  I can paint what I want.  We can wear what we want.

Of course, I know it’s not as simple as that.  The world isn’t ready (nor will it ever be) to see a guy in a skirt and not all of us are in relationships where our partners are comfortable seeing us en femme.  My point is we shouldn’t feel that we can’t wear what we want because of our anatomy, or because we are men.  You don’t have to wear boxers (eww) if you want to wear panties.

I am no longer painting by numbers.  And you aren’t either.

Love, Hannah

 

 

 

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Dresses (and lingerie and leggings and…)

by Hannah

The majority of emails I receive ask me “how do I crossdress?”.

The most read feature on my website is “A Beginner’s Guide to Crossdressing”.

The phrase that is most commonly googled to find my website is some variation of someone asking how to become a crossdresser.

By my personal definition of what crossdressing is, crossdressing is probably one of the easiest things in the world.  Put on a pair of panties and you, you gorgeous creature, you are crossdressing.

But I know it’s more complex than that.

Instead of asking how do you crossdress, it’s more helpful to think about what your goals are.  Are you looking to get better at makeup?  Are you looking to learn how to walk in stilettos?  Are you looking for your dress size?  Are you looking to accept yourself?

Each of these goals are different from each other, and I could (and probably already have) written about them.

For some of us, we identify as men who like to wear lingerie.  For others, this is our first step to identifying as bi-gender or gender fluid or as transgender or as a girl.  Clothes can have everything… and nothing to do with one’s gender identity.  When I was younger I used to wonder why I wanted to wear panties and lipstick, but I quickly got over that.

In my opinion, the first step in crossdressing is getting over the thinking that some clothes are for boys and some clothes are for girls.  I know some of us wear certain clothes BECAUSE they are “girl clothes”, but I don’t wear a dress or a bra because I want to BE a girl.  Yes, I want to be a “her” when I am en femme, but I have no desire to transition or live full time.

Although I feel a deep sense of connection and… well, intimacy towards certain clothes, I know that they are just pieces of fabric. A t-shirt with a v-neck is supposed to be for girls but a t-shirt with a scoop neck is for boys?  Ridiculous.  But clothes (and even nail polish) can be a lightening rod for controversy and panic.  After years of going out en femme with very little unpleasant moments and interactions, I have little trepidation when it comes to going (almost) anywhere.  But leaving the house in boy mode wearing leggings or a little eyeliner would terrify me.   Then again, the idea of walking through the mall or downtown en femme used to be unthinkable.

I’ve been wanting to wear (and have been wearing) “girls clothes” for my entire life.  Even now as I type this I am in “boy mode” but wearing my favorite black leggings, a cami, a femme t-shirt, and cardigan.  It’s probably the most comfortable outfit in the world.  Perfect for working at home or doing chores or having a coffee.

Anyone who has worn a nightgown or leggings would tell you how comfortable it is to dress like this.  Yes, I suppose I am crossdressing, but really, I am just wearing clothes.  I don’t genderize clothes.  Or colors.  Or careers.  Or hobbies.  Or bodies.  I wear what I want.  At home, anyway.

If you want to learn how to crossdress, you must first think of what your goals are.  But your first step is getting over the thinking that boys don’t wear ___________.  Wear the leggings, wing that eyeliner, rock those heels.  So much of what we want to do begins with changing our thinking.

They are just clothes.  But at the same time, they are more than clothes.

If you know what I mean.

Love, Hannah

 

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

Tell us what herbs you take to increase estrogen levels, and improve your femme  figure.  I have struggled with being bi-gender all my life. I am happily married with children and grandchildren, so my time as my femme self is limited, but I enjoy the body changes that certain herbs I take have. What are your secrets to maintaining your feminine features?

I don’t take anything like that.  I would advise anyone to be very careful of taking anything like that unless prescribed by a doctor.

Everything I am is pure McKnight.  Well, except for my breast forms, my gaff, my thigh pads, and contouring.  🙂

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I had an epiphany a while ago when I realized that thinking of our bodies, our heights, our features as either masculine or feminine was holding me back.  I used to think that it was important, essential, and possible to “pass”.  But one day I wondered… what is the height limit for a girl?  How tall is too tall to be feminine?  Thinking in terms like that, I realized how silly it was to assign arbitrary gender standards to someone.  Once I had this thought, I realized that there really isn’t such a thing as passing.   This freedom led to me finally being ready to leave the house en femme and I’ve never looked back.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Hannah Asks…

by Hannah

There’s no question that we are complex and unique.

And at the same time we are… uncomplicated.

I identify as transgender, but more specifically I suppose I bi-gender would be accurate.  I am either HIM or HER.  I do not live as one gender, I go back and forth.
I suppose to some that would sound like I can’t decide on WHO I am, or I am conflicted or confused about my gender, but it’s not for someone else to understand.

Although my gender identity is sacred and personal and important to me, I also view it as no different than other aspects of my life.  I like both Mexican and Italian cuisine.  I like sleeping in and waking up early.  I am introverted and social.  I am more than one thing, and I don’t see why I can’t be more than one gender.

This perspective is taking something as potentially complex and baffling to others to a very simplification.  Of course I know that gender identity and a favorite food are not on the same level, but when I order pasta at a restaurant no one tries to psychoanalyze why I am getting it.

My gender identity is just who I am.  I can’t explain it, nor do I think it needs (or there is) an explanation.  There is no deep-rooted trauma, no childhood event that is associated with why I do what I do or why I am who I am.  Like writing with my right hand as opposed to my left, both of my genders just feels right.

I get a lot of emails from men and women and those who aren’t sure of who they are, or those who don’t feel there is a name how they identify.  Most of us don’t wonder why we are who we are.  But there is a level of frustration when it comes to others not understanding or accepting who we are.  Many times this frustration can prevent us from coming out.  In some cases it’s because we know that others can’t look at gender as either THIS or THAT, but in others (such as myself), coming out is exhausting and requires a lot conversation and questions (which is normal and understandable, I suppose) but it’s overwhelming to discuss something endlessly when there really is no reason as to why I am who I am.

So, my question to you today is what do you wish others knew about you?  For those of you who have come out, how did you talk about it?

Love, Hannah