Ask Hannah!

I love being dressed and time knows no limits. I have noticed real girls complaining about heels, hose, and bras, and can’t wait to get them off while I enjoy every minute I spend in them and regret when I finally must disrobe. Are these articles of clothing really that miserable? I have listened to women from grade school to adulthood complaining about all these clothing items as well as makeup and long hair and shaving their legs while I sit there and wish I could be in any of their places. I have been wearing hose and panties every day, as well as a bra and breast forms whenever I can and have yet to find them intolerable and instead prefer to be in them.
So, Hannah, is it just my clothing fetish or do real girls really not appreciate the pleasures of being female?

There’s…there’s a lot to unpack here.


For starters, all girls are real girls.  I’m guessing you are meaning cis-gender girls, though.  


I have a family member who has a really cool job and it requires him to travel.  And he travels EVERYWHERE.  One day in New York, a few days later he’s in Japan.  And when he goes to these places he does cool stuff.  One day I asked him how amazing it must be to have his life.  He said he is grateful to have the life he has, but it’s not as glamorous as it looks.  The travel gets tiring after a while, living in hotels, no stability, no real way to plan the rest of his life from one week to the next and of course he misses his family terribly.  Listening to him gained a new perspective on something I was originally jealous of.  Traveling once in a while is fun, but every week it gets a little tiring.  The thrill wears off.


What I am trying to say is that someone’s experience is usually different than how we think it is.  Yes, we might wonder why women don’t wear heels and dresses and stockings all the time since they are “allowed to”, but it’s not as simple as that.


T-Girls have a unique, and often personal and intimate relationship with clothes.  Stilettos, bras, stockings, corsets, are thrilling for us.  Slip on a pair of heels and I am walking on air…  for a while.  Of course, when I am at home and relaxing I can wear a pair of five inch heels all day and there’s nothing quite like it.  But when I am out in the real world, well, it’s not as fun.  At a recent photo shoot Shannonlee and I walked miles… on sidewalk, pavement, brick roads, up and down stairs, on gravel… and it didn’t take long for my feet and legs to hurt. 

My strutting devolved into smaller steps and by the time I got home I was very happy to slip off my heels… and my bra, my gaff, and my stockings.  I was happy to wash my makeup off, my false eyelashes were drooping a little.  My earrings were pinching as well.  It was getting hot and my wig was sticking to my skin.  My foundation was melting a little and my eyeliner and mascara were smudging, despite using a primer and a setting spray.  I probably looked a little silly, and I knew it.  I felt a little silly.  

I’m smiling but my toes are SCREAMING


As much as I loved being en femme, it was a lot more comfortable once I changed.  Yes, I wasn’t cute and boy clothes are soooo boring, but nothing pinched anymore.

  
I dress to the nines because I heart it.  I underdress because I love lingerie and it helps me stay connected to my femme side.  How I dress is my choice.  


But not everyone has that choice.  Speaking in very broad terms, society has expectations as to how a girl should look, how a girl should dress.  Whether this is a real dress code or not, many people (mostly men if we are being honest) expect women to be in full makeup and wear heels.  Of course, that’s easy for someone to say if they have never worn heels or an underwire bra before.  


And just as a t-girl can have an emotional relationship with clothes, cis-women can as well… but it’s not necessarily as fun as ours is. Women have been objectified for years and expecting to dress a certain way or to smile for is an example of that.  Some women wear nylons or heels because that’s the unofficial dress code, if you will.  Or in some cases, it is the official dress code.  Most people don’t enjoy being forced to do something or wear something.  Everyone should have the choice and the freedom to wear what they want to wear.  I mean, isn’t that what a t-girl/crossdresser is all about?  


I know we would love to wear what we want, when we want.  Guess what!  All women want that.  If a girl wants to wear pants or a leather skirt or a cape, then they should.  But like I said, it’s not always a choice.  As hard to believe, women weren’t allowed to wear pants in the Senate until 1998.  Sleeveless dresses and blouses and open-toed heels weren’t permitted until 2019.  Being forced to wear (or not wear) something takes a lot of joy out of getting dressed.  It’s a reminder that you are not allowed to wear what you wish.  I’m sure many of us can relate to that.


Anatomy can play a big part in whether or not you’re comfortable as well.  Yes, my wife and I both wear bras but my bra supports my breast forms which have hardly any weight at all.  Her bra supports her breasts which is not the same thing as supporting forms.  Same with heels.  She and I can both wear four inch heels but her feet are much tinier than mine.  A four inch heel on her creates a much more vertical arch than a four inch heel on me.  Of course her feet are going to hurt before mine.  Of course she’ll be ready to take them off before I am.  


I love smooth legs, but is it a pain to shave them?  Of course.  Well, maybe pain isn’t the right word, but hair removal is a lot of work.  Whether it is taking time to get my brows threaded, having certain parts of me waxed, or shaving other parts of me, it is a time consuming process.  And yes, I bitch about it once in a while.  


And!  Being who I am is expensive.  I’ll buy a bra to treat myself, my wife buys one because she needs one.  She’ll pick out a cute one, sure, but I don’t really NEED one, despite me thinking I do 🙂

To paraphrase the common saying, the gender is always easier on the other side of the closet. Have you ever had a girl say to you (in male mode) how lucky men are? They don’t have to shave their legs, look a certain way, dress in a certain style, color their gray hair… society has different expectations of someone based on their gender presentation. It looks easier (and in my experience, it is) to present as male.


As for whether this is a fetish or not, only you can answer that.  


But I do know that looking a certain way takes a lot of time and a lot of work.  I don’t think it diminishes the joys of being a girl or as you said, being female.  I think a girl like me dresses for different reasons that some girls.  I dress how I want because I can, but some cis-girls feel they must present a certain way.  I think most people like looking cute or attractive, and for many people how we dress and our physical appearance can be impact our self-esteem and our confidence.  But goodness, how I choose to look takes a lot of time and work.


We can’t forget that although a girl like us may wear the same things as our wives and sisters, we don’t always have the same experiences that they have.  I know some cis-girls who would love to wear more dresses but they hate how some men (I know, I know, not all men) will comment or look down (or up) their dress.  If I was constantly being leered at or catcalled when wearing a skirt I would want to stop wearing them too.  I am sure we have all heard stories of girls getting sent home from high school because the tank top was distracting the boys.  Christ.  No wonder some girls don’t want to wear certain clothes.  


Walking a mile in heels is not the same thing as walking a mile in every women’s shoes, if you follow me.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

hello and i would like to know what is the difference between a cross dress and transgender or cis. i am a closet cross dresser for many years and love to dress up as a female and be happy looking pretty and feeling pretty about myself.

Cisgender is when you feel that the gender you were assigned to at birth aligns with the gender you identify as today. you are born, the doctor and nurses see what is between your legs and mark M or F on your birth certificate.

You are likely dressed in blue or pink. You are given trucks or dolls. You are encouraged to be a doctor or a nurse. You are ridiculed for crying or comforted when you are sad.

And so on.

There is no accepted, universal meaning or definition for crossdressing or transgender but of course, I have my own thoughts and perspective.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I’m a feminine gay man and wear a lot of women’s clothing to express my femininity (I’ve never met a pair of sandals I didn’t like), but not to “present” myself as a woman. It’s hard finding other feminine gay men even online. Not only do straight men hate us, but so do masculine gay men. They blame us for why the main stream won’t and don’t accept them as also being well, main stream. You were asked recently to supply a list of resources online for someone who wanted to give to a friend. I know you aren’t a feminine gay man, but thought that you may know others that are like me or happen to know if any websites that I should check out.

I have a love/hate relationship with labels.


On one hand, it was a comforting thing to learn the word ‘crossdresser’ when I was younger.  To know that there were others like me and there were so many of us that there was a word for us made me realize that I wasn’t alone and maybe I wasn’t so… weird, I guess.


On the other hand, it gets a little exhausting to qualify who I am and how I identify.  When one hears that someone is transgender, it paints a picture in their head of someone who was identified as one gender but lives/presents as another.  Whether I am presenting as a boy or en femme I am still transgender.  If you showed a picture of Hannah to someone and said “that person is transgender” you might respond “well, obviously.”  If the same person saw me in boy mode and told them that I was also transgender they would be a little, well, challenged.  I look transgender en femme, I look like, well, a man in male mode.


Transgender doesn’t mean hormones or transitioning or surgery  Just like being a man doesn’t mean I like football and beer.  


There are some in the transcommunity that believe that I’m not trans since I have not or will be transitioning.  Their perspective is I am “just” a crossdresser, nothing else.  And yes, I suppose I am a crossdresser but I am a crossdresser in the sense that when I am presenting as a boy I am wearing panties under my boy clothes or wear a nightgown to bed.  When I am en femme, I am not crossdressing.  And yes, that’s a little weird but I think you know what I mean.


People are generally looked at as either cishet (cisgender, heterosexual) or members of the LGBTQ+ community.  To some people, any deviance from the societal perception of BEING A MAN pushes one from being masculine/straight to, well, something else.  Think back to grade school.  If a boy in first grade likes to jump rope he isn’t “one of the boys” anymore, he’s a girl, or gay.  There are very strict (and stupid) rules about who is a man.  It seems to me that the list of rules is very long and very pointless.


Our community is much the same way.  Just as I am not considered trans by others, there are some people who have expectations as to how a gay man should dress or live their lives.  And that sucks.  Unfortunately you are experiencing that first hand and I’m sorry to hear that.  It sounds like some people in our community feel you are impacting how some of the world looks at a gay man.  I’m sorry.  You write how you feel out of place as you don’t fit in with both straight men (booooo straight men) and members of the gay community.  I wish I had something comforting and reassuring to say.  I wish I could change the world for you.  I wish I knew more answers and had more options than I do.  But I don’t. 


All I can ask is that we all stick together in all this.  These days anyone that isn’t white/heterosexual/cisgender is having a tough time.  My Black friends are angry and scared.  My trans friends are terrified about losing their health care.  My gay friends are worried their right to marry who they love will be taken away.  I live my life and present differently than others who identify as trans.  You present and dress differently than some members of the gay community.  I can relate on some levels, though I won’t pretend that I know exactly how you feel or what you experience.  


The cishet world has their own ideas as how we should live our lives.  I ignore this.  Let’s not impose any expectations or standards in the LGBTQ+ community.  


As for support and meeting others like you, I have no idea.  I know that’s not helpful.  I would encourage you to look into a PFLAG group to attend a meeting to connect with others in our community.  


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

What a Good Boy, What a Pretty Girl

I have no idea why we are who we are.


No one does.  We’re all the same but we’re all so different.  Not because we are trans, but because we are, you know, HUMAN.  Anyway, I think many people are quick to over-analyze who we are or attribute trauma or familial history as to why we wear what we wear or identify how we do.  “Oh, you like to be a girl?  It’s because you had a bad relationship with your parents”, and the like.  Please.  I do not believe that we are who we are because it is a conscious decision or something born from something that happened in our childhood.  It’s simply the way we are, or as Lady Gaga put it, we are born this way.


From time to time I wonder if I am transgender because I like to wear lipstick, stilettos, pencil skirts, and panties.  I also wonder if I wear lingerie, eyeliner, dresses, and heels because I am transgender.  Which came first?  I don’t know.  But I do think about clothes a lot.  I love love love wearing “girl clothes”, even in boy mode.  Working from home in a pair of leggings and a femme t-shirt?  Amazing.  Sleeping in a nightgown?  Bliss.  It’s times like this that I think that maybe, just maybe that this IS all about clothes.  But then there’s also the side of me that loves being en femme.  I love makeup, the hair, the skirts, everything.  I love seeing HER in the mirror.  She is me and I am she and that is that.


Yes, clothes make the girl, at least this girl.  Wearing a cute dress in boy mode is not the same as wearing the same dress en femme not only visually but also just, well, you know what I mean.  


As pointless as it is to wonder why we are who we are, I still find myself thinking about it, especially when I am drawn to a new outfit.  I bounce the whys of who I am back and forth for a bit and then come to the same conclusion that I have come to for years… that there is no answer.  


At least I didn’t think there was until the other day!  I realized it IS all about clothes.
Sort of.  Kind of.  I mean, yes, but no.  It’s kinda sorta both.


Walk around the baby section of any department store.  You’ll see onesies with phrases on them like “precious little lady” and “cute little man”.  You see pink diaper bags and blue baby blankets.  From the moment we are born (and even before), the arbitrary concept and social construct of gender is assigned to us.  We don’t have a choice what color socks we wear but whether they are pink or they are blue will have a huge impact on how we are seen and treated.  Soon we are being told that boys don’t cry and girls are pretty.  The song “What a Good Boy” by the Barenaked Ladies address this in a brilliant and sad way:


When I was born
They looked at me and said
What a good boy
What a smart boy
What a strong boy

And when you were born
They looked at you and said
What a good girl
What a smart girl
What a pretty girl

We’ve got these chains
Hanging ’round our necks
People want to strangle us with them
Before we take our first breath

As we are raised, we are given toys and books and clothes that match the societal perception of what we should wear and read and play with based on our genitals (which is REALLY messed up when you think about it).  We are being taught that THIS is for boys and THAT is for girls.  But if you don’t want to play with trucks or wear pants but you want to play with dolls and wear dresses then we may start to wonder that maybe,  just maybe, we are not boys after all if that is what boys are “supposed” to like, wear, and play with.  And of course, if we’re not boys, then who are we?

All of a sudden, our perception of gender and identity are thrown into question.  We begin the lifelong (ugh) journey of wondering who we are.  If we look at gender as binary and we don’t want to do the things boys are supposed to do, then are we girls?  I never felt like I was a girl, I just wanted to look like a girl and dress like a girl sometimes.  As our perception of gender evolves and we realize that there are more than two genders we find that we can identify differently than BOY or GIRL.  This can be comforting and this can be overwhelming, but at least there are options.  


We are taught PINK is for girls.  We are taught MAKEUP and NAIL POLISH are for girls.  And yes, we are taught that (deep breath) panties, bras, lingerie, nightgowns, stockings, dresses, gowns, skirts, blouses, bodysuits, stilettos, high heels, mary janes, ballet slides, wedges, heeled boots, jewelry, leggings, lace, mesh, blouses and a zillion other things are for girls.  Therefore, these things are synonymous with girls.  Or put another way, synonymous with not being a boy. 

If boys are not supposed to wear panties, then I don’t want to be a boy.  That’s not to say that I want to be a girl, I just want to be me.  Panties, dresses, makeup represent my gender identity.  When I see a cute skirt I am reminded (not that I need to be reminded) of who I am, or at least who half of me is.  Pretty clothes, cute heels symbolize one of my genders.  A side of me that makes me happy.  I like who I am.  I like my gender identities.  I like being reminded of who I am and femme clothes do that.  Clothes are a connection to what we love, what we want.

I will never know why I like what I like to wear.  I mean, nightgowns and leggings are comfy so there is that.  But let’s face it, a gaff can be uncomfortable sometimes, strutting in 4 inch stilettos will likely get painful after a couple hours.  I don’t wear heels because they are comfortable.  I mean, the heels I wear (well most of them) are worn because they fit well and don’t kill my calves right away, but I wear heels (and everything else) because of how it makes me feel.  I feel powerful, beautiful, strong, brave, pretty, happy, calm and, well, feminine.  I like feeling these things. 

I don’t know why a dress makes me feel that way.  Probably because wearing a dress (and being en femme) in public represents that I am accepted and embraced my gender identity.  I am who I am and I am confident in my identity.  Being outside en femme means I have gotten past the doubts and fears that held me back.  It represents I no longer think about passing or blending in.  I have conquered so many things that held me back.  

A dress can be a souvenir.  There’s a dress in my closet that I purchased to celebrate the first time I went to the Mall of America.  When I see that dress I am reminded of what I overcame that day.  I have a matching bra and panty set that I bought when I had a bra fitting.  I think about that night every time I wear it.  I remember the time my mom met Hannah and the pink heels I was wearing that day.  Clothes and memories and experiences forever entwined.  Clothes and identity are forever linked.  It is about clothes.  It is about makeup.  It is about heels.  And hair, and necklaces, and nail polish and so many things.

BUT.

Until a piece of clothing represents something, be it gender identity or a memory, it is just fabric.  But when we give that fabric the power of symbolism, the power of identity, then it becomes sacred.  Things without meaning, without association are unimportant and are just things. A wedding ring is just jewelry if it doesn’t represent love and commitment.  My male friends do look at a dress the same way I do.  To them, it’s just fabric.  To me, it is everything because of what it represents, what it reminds me, what it means to me.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah. I am pretty new to all this and am finding your website and blog super helpful and inspiring. Thank you! My question is a pretty simple one. I am right at the start of my journey and kicked off by getting myself a pair of breastforms and a bra. I’ve been in my bra for a couple of weeks now as I am working from home, only not wearing it when I’m asleep or either the bra or I are getting washed. I feel more ‘put together’ when I’m in my bra but I’m nowhere near used to it yet – the straps on the shoulder, the clasp on the back, the wires on my chest etc. And the way you are always, always aware of it. Does that start to diminish over time? I just feel that if I wore other stuff like pantyhose or heels, I’d be totally overwhelmed. Hoping someone with some experience can tell me when a bra just becomes part of you. Thanks!

Like strutting across a parking lot in four inch stilettos, crossdressing usually is all about baby steps.  


And yes, most of us ease our way into this.  It took me about thirty years to be completely en femme, from wig to heels and everything in-between.  You can dress as little or as much as you’d like.  Many of us stop at lingerie, some of us don’t.  


It sounds like you wear a bra a lot and you’ll probably always be aware, at least on a small level, that you are wearing a bra (hope you have matching panties!).  And to be honest, I kind of like being aware of wearing something so feminine and pretty.  But if it is uncomfortable in any way, then you may be wearing the wrong bra size.  Most girls (t and cis) wear a bra that is too small and the band is not the proper length.  I would love to wear a 30 inch band but I don’t and there’s no reason to be uncomfortable (or worse) just to wear a size that I would LIKE to be, instead of the size that I am.


When you feel ready, you may want to get a bra fitting.  I had one last year and it was really eye-opening.  If you decide to go this route, call ahead to the lingerie shop (probably avoid the mall stores) to make sure they do bra fittings (especially in the current COVID scenario).  If they do, simply say you are a transwoman and you would like a fitting.  Of course, you may not identify as transgender, but it’s a lot less awkward than asking if they do bra fitting for men. That’s not to say you have to visit completely en femme. Stores that help the transcommunity know that we can present in many different ways and sometimes we present more masculine than feminine.


If you’re looking for new bras (and undies!) to add to your lingerie collection, I recommend:

Lingerie for Girls Like Us

The Breast Form Store

En Femme

Homme Mystere

Glamour Boutique

Xdress

Allies

Allure Lingerie

Glamorous Corset

Third Love

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I really liked your coming out day post. You mentioned running in femme leggings. That is something I’ve been keen to try. Could you share what type of leggings you wear and maybe the design/color? I like the idea of wearing something girly but not attracting too much unwanted attention.

I heart leggings.  
As much as I heart them I don’t wear them en femme.  I did model a pair of leggings from En Femme this summer and OMG I love these.  They look and feel amazing and they’re sexy as hell.


As for running, I wear a simple pair of black femme leggings.  I have other femme leggings that I wear in boy mode that have some faux leather texture to them, for example.  Anyone who wears leggings will tell you that they are perfect for everything, especially working from home.  But when I run I wear leggings that tend to blend in with “boy” workout clothes.  They are nothing fancy or overly feminine.  I bought them at Target and the brand is Champions, I think.  


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

T-Girl Support in Wisconsin

As important as I think it is to find heels and dresses and lingerie that fit (and I think this is really important), I think that finding support and friendship is just as crucial.


A random thought.  I know it’s shallow to put panties and stilettos as equal to support for girls like us, but I stand by it.  For many of us, a pretty pair of panties or an amazing dress are a representation of our gender identity.  Finding the courage to wear something we have always dreamed of wearing, and having that something fit is amazing of course, but it also fulfills a hidden and secret desire that many of us have had for entire lives.


I love promoting different organizations and support/social groups for girls like us, especially in an area outside of a major metropolitan city.  I just learned of a social/support group in northeast Wisconsin near Green Bay.  They meet up on the first Thursday of each month for support, girl talk about shopping and fashion, and share experiences.  In addition to meeting each month, they also have special outings several times a year where the girls go out for dinner, shop, and go out for dinner.  


The premiere welcome, social and support group is the First Thursday CD/TG Gathering that happens every first Thursday of the month in the private and safe room attached to the back of the Napalese Lounge (see bar listing below). From 6:30 – 8:00 is reserved for M to F cross dressers, gender fluid, transgender, gender nonconforming, etc. There is no pre-registration,
fee, programs, drama just good trans people who love to gather with other kindred spirits to meet others, tell a few stories and laugh. You don’t have to worry about “passing” or wearing the right clothes. Some girls have been around for a while (wisdom figures?) and each Gathering may have a couple girls who are “coming out” to meet with others for their first time. Some who cross dress a couple times a month and others who are at various stages of fully transitioning. We may have 5 girls show up or 15. You can enter directly into the private gathering room from the parking lot on the side of the building. The well-lit back door, with a welcome sign on it is 3 feet off the parking lot. About 8:00, depending on the wishes of whoever is there that night, the group usually migrates to the Napalese Lounge bar, where we are always warmly welcomed for a night cap or two. Periodically the group plans a “Super Saturday “ which is a full evening of shopping, going out to eat, stopping a cocktail or wine lounge and usually ends by attending a drag show.

Of course, some of these activities have been impacted by COVID, but hopefully they (along with so many other things) will return to normal sooner rather than later.  If you are interested in learning more about this wonderful group, please visit their website:  https://www.meetup.com/Green-Bay-Transgender-Meetup/


The group also has provided some resources in the area for independent businesses that are friendly to girls like us and I am happy to list them here:


Frayed Knot – It is an upscale used women’s clothing store in Green Bay. The owner Jenifer (who is usually there) and her staff are wonderful and very welcoming of the trans community. Prices of quality used women’s clothing are excellent. They will fuss over you and help you find sizes, set you up in one of the changing rooms and treat you royally. They also have shoes, purses, jewelry, accessories, etc. Periodically as part of Super Saturday’s they will open the store in the evening just for trans women and host a wine and cheese party. Located at 2660 N. Packerland Drive in GB. 920-405-0533
Sunrise on Main Boutique – This is another very trans friendly and welcoming upscale used women’s clothing store. The owner is Joan who is a delight to talk with. All profits from the sale of dresses, tops, skirts, jeans, purses, jewelry, shoes, etc. go to support women’s support and life coaching programs. They just expanded into a new larger space that has an open airy boutique feeling and displays of merchandise. On Tuesdays, the store is closed so that you can set up private shopping times with an appointment. On Thursdays they are open until 6:00 – so that you check it out and then come on over for our First Thursday Gatherings at Naps which is just a few blocks away. They are located at 1244 Main St. in Green Bay. website: www.sunriseonmain.com 920-857-1662.


Mani Fit Alteration – If you find that perfect dress or outfit that is just a bit too big and you need a good seamstress – go to Mani-Fit Alteration. The shop is run by a wonderful woman
who is very trans friendly and has helped several trans girls at reasonable prices. Located in a small strip mall at 2301 Holmgren Way in Green Bay. (across from Penny’s on Holmgren Way) 920-301-3267 or 920-465-4800.
Nells Wigs – a local wig shop that has served a few members of the trans community, but their primary clientele are women who have lost their hair due to chemotherapy. The owner, Stacie is very nice. A couple of trans girls have been well served there. They have a nice selection of wigs and will do a great fitting for you in a private room. However, prices tend to be at the high end – $200 or more per wig. If price isn’t a concern, then make an appointment and enjoy. Located at 2031 S. Webster Ave, Suite B in Green Bay 920-393-4912 www.nellswigsbouttique.com


Voga Wigs and Hair Add Ons – Have communicated with them via email and they indicate that they would be more than happy to help members of the trans community. They have a private room and a wide selection. They noted that price range for a synthetic wig was from $260 – $700, synthetic/human hair blends go from $900 – $1100 and human hair is $1200 to $4000. They also will wash, condition and restyle wigs. Online their fees are about $40 – $50 for these services. Green Bay Location : 900 S. Military Ave. 920- 884-8642 – Appleton location: 1250 Westhill Blvd 920-882-8642.
http://vogawigs.com

Academy of Beauty Professionals – This is a training school for Beauty Professionals. As such all services are provided by students under the careful supervision of teachers. As a result, the cost for a full makeover is less than $20.00. A couple of girls have gone there, staff are very open to serving the trans community and they do a nice job. Call ahead for an appointment. Locations in Green Bay at 2575 West Mason St. (across from Oneida Casino) 920-857-1081 and Appleton – 525 North Westhill Blvd – 920-815-3375.

The Aesthetic Spa – Hair Removal –– Robin Smet has been doing laser and electrolysis treatments for trans women for many years. 2372 S. Oneida St. GB – 920-497-6246.


Milan Laser Hair Removal – Board certified, has been in the business many years, very trans friendly and experienced. 2476 S. Oneida – 920-569-0927 https://milanlasergreenbay.com/

Wisconsin Laser Center – 100% transgender owned and operated. Specializes in laser hair removal, body sculpting, tattoo removal. Located in Neenah 1075 S. Lake St., Suite 105 920-245-3741.
https://www.wisconsinlasercenter.com


Photography Girl – A very trans friendly professional photographer who has a private studio located in downtown Neenah. Rates are very reasonable. If interested in more information and to set up an appointment email her at XOXOYoursPhotography@gmail.com

The Nepalese Lounge
– Highly recommended. Home for the CD/TG First Thursday of the Month Gathering. A classic “gay neighborhood bar”. All are welcome here, young and old, straight, gay, trans, etc. Pub food menu with Friday Fish Fry. Reasonably priced drinks. Place you can meet and chat. Drag shows the third Thursday of each month. Open mic talent shows the first Friday of each month. Located in Green Bay at 1351 Cedar St. – just east of downtown GB. https://www.napalese.com

Rascals – Another nice neighborhood like gay bar. Wide age range. Have pub menu and in summerhave nice outdoor back patio. Located in Appleton at 702 E. Wisconsin Avenue 920-954-9262
http://Rascalsbar.com


Amphora Wine Bar – A high class recently opened upscale remodeled art deco place with lots of atmosphere, good wine list and excellent cocktails. Also has one of the most interesting menus in Green Bay. The February 2020 CD/TG Super Saturday stopped there, and we were welcomed with a free round of drinks. Back patio open in summer. 131 N. Broadway in Green Bay. 920-391-5417.


Re Mixx
– a larger venue that is well known for its Saturday drag shows, good food and drinks, DJ on Friday and Saturday nights, Karaoke, etc. Always trans friendly. Located west of Neenah. Take the Winchester Road exist west off Hwy 41 to State Road 76 – head South address is 8386 State Road 76 –Neenah. 920-725-6483.


Dr Jekyll’s – Classic neighborhood dive bar that is close to Lawrence University and has a college energy vibe to it. Home of the monthly Lawrence University LGBTQIA + Pride Network social from 5:00– 8:00 on the Second Thursday of each month. Has pinball, skee ball, nice outdoor smoking patio. Great craft beer selection. 314 College Ave in Appleton.


XS Nightclub – If you are looking for a pulsating high energy place to dance – this is the place for you. Two stories, the lower level is usually a crowed dance floor and the second floor is a bar that overlooks the dance floor. It’s referred to as a gay bar – but while it is gay and trans friendly, there are probably more straight younger people. All are welcome. 1106 Main St. in Green Bay – 920-351-3024.

Scoreboard Grille – Classic no frills sports bar with reasonably priced drinks, burgers and beer. or those who want to grab a bite to eat before hitting the town we’ve been there without incident with 15 t-girls. Others have gone dressed and never had a problem. 2511 W. Mason St. in Green Bay. (across from Oneida Casino on Mason St.) 920-770-5586
http://www.scoreboardgrillecom.com


No Limits – A gay bar that is trans friendly, tends to have a younger crowd. Periodic drag shows and sometimes drag queens as bar enders. 500 N. Baird St. in Green Bay – 920-489-2484

Aardvark Wine Lounge – a small unique eclectic artsy cozy place with a unique pour yourself selection of wines to taste. Can order pairings of meats and cheeses to go along with your wine tasting. More of a straight bar but do drag brunches and trans girls have stopped there and have felt welcome. 304 Pine Street (next to Northland Hotel) in downtown Green Bay 920-737-7563

Love, Hannah

Stuck Inside on Coming Out

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day.


Like everything else in 2020 this really snuck up on me.  I have been who I am for a long time and my gender identity has evolved over the years and I am, for lack of a better term, used to who I am.  I have a remarkable life but things have happened so gradually and methodically that it feels very… normal.  Yet when I look back I remember that all of *this* started with wanting to wear panties.  I have been going out en femme for years and have done a lot of different things, whether shopping or attending a play or going to a museum or the gas station that I no longer think “OMG I AM OUT IN THE REAL WORLD”.  


Sometimes I forget I am trans when I am out, if that makes sense.  I forget that some people are seeing me as a t-girl whereas I am just… me.


I have become so accustomed to living my life in two different genders and having two separate lives because of that.  There is very little overlap, there are very, very few people in my boy life that know about my girl life.  When something like National Coming Out Day rolls around I am reminded that I have something to come out as.  It doesn’t always occur to me that I could come out to people in my boy life as something other than who they see.  


National Coming Out Day is a reminder of how complicated my life, and I suspect yours as well, is.  I am a little jealous of how simple it was for my brother to come out.  He said he was gay and everyone knew what that meant.  Sure, there were some questions and it took a little time for some family members to adjust but understanding he liked boys instead of girls was, well, simple, for lack of a better word.  When I came out to my mom it was a long conversation with a lot of qualifiers.  Yes, I am happy when I dress, no I am not unhappy when I am in boy mode.  Yes, I identify as a girl sometimes and no, I do not feel I was identified wrongly when I was born.  Yes, she has a name, and no, I don’t want to live my life as her exclusively.  And so on.  


It’s tiring and if I am being honest it’s frustrating.  I don’t blame my mom or others when I come out.  Questions are better than condemnation.  Trying to understand is better than anger.  Gender, in a binary sense has been around forever and will be with us for a very, very long time.  Colors, interests, clothes, cosmetics are all separated into things that are for boys or things that are for girls.  Any sort of variance or overlap isn’t common and many people would think it’s just… weird.  The straightest, toughest cismale in the world could wear a pink shirt and the expected comments and suppressed laughter will still follow.  A man willingly wearing to wear a dress, nail polish, whatever is met with bewilderment.  Why would a guy WANT to wear that?


National Coming Out Day is conflicting for those like us.  We have a hard enough time understanding this side of us, and it’s even harder for those who aren’t us.  Gender identity feels more complicated than sexual identity.  I’m sure it’s not, but I can only speak from my experiences.  In some ways I think it’s… well, not easier, but perhaps less complicated for those who have transitioned,  In some ways, there’s precedence for those who live their life as a different gender than the one they were identified as at birth.  Most people have heard of Laverne Cox, Chaz Bono, and Kaitlyn Jenner.  But there isn’t a lot of “famous people” who go back and forth between gender presentation.  


“I have always felt like a girl, so I decided to transition” is something that some of my friends have told me and have told their families.  To me, that sounds so simple.  I know it’s not and I am not trying to trivialize that conversation, please understand that.  I wish there was a simpler way to explain who I am, but I suppose that every non-cis person wishes that.  I just feel that there are so many facets to who I am.  Two days ago I walked around downtown Saint Paul in a beautiful dress, black stilettos, and a $75 makeover.  That night in “boy mode” I went to sleep in a nightgown and woke up this morning and put on a pair of femme leggings. To anyone that sees me, I am either in full girl mode, full boy mode (underdressing of course) or in boy mode wearing “girl clothes” (meaning femme jeans or going for a run in femme leggings).  Not many people in my life (either lives) sees more than one of these sides of me.  My wife does, but hardly anyone else does.  


I have accepted that I will likely never come out to more people in my boy life.  I would like to, sometimes I feel I am being dishonest with some of my oldest friends.  The thought of Hannah having coffee with people that only knew me exclusively as a boy sounds really nice.  


So, why not come out?  Well, it’s exhausting.  It’s usually worth it, though.  But there’s always a chance that some of the people in my life that I love would reject me.  Since I don’t feel that transitioning is right for me it sort of feels like that risk is too high, were I to come out and be rejected because of who I am.  I have known many people who I thought were supportive of every letter in the LGBTQ+ community only for them to crack a joke about a transperson.  It’s heartbreaking.  


I am proud of everyone who has come out, whether to their co-workers, their families, to their spouses, and to themselves.  It’s not easy to be who we are, believe me.  It creates an insane amount of overthinking and insecurity and fear.  I live with the anxiety that being who we are causes, even if I don’t feel it at every moment.  Although on a surface level my life en femme may look different than yours, please understand that we all live with the same feelings, the same conflicting emotions, the same challenges, the same yearning to be able to be who we are whenever we want and for as long as we want.  I would have loved to have met up with my mom for dinner after my photo shoot on Saturday, but I knew that were that to happen I would need to go home, wash off my makeup, and change back to boy mode before I could see her.  I like being bi-gender, I like who I am, I just wish the lines in my life weren’t as divided as the different sides of my closet.


Love, Hannah

En Femme Fall Photo Shoot!

Yesterday was probably the last warm autumn day In Minnesota for the year. I was SO happy the weather cooperated because I had a photo shoot for En Femme‘s fall line.

Shannonlee and I shot pictures in downtown Saint Paul and it was such a fun shoot. My favorite location was when we snuck into a newly renovated hotel that used to be a girl’s school a million years ago that they say is now haunted. Spoooooky.

Love, Hannah