Tag: modeling

Skirting Around

by Hannah

I rarely wear skirts.


Because of this, my confidence is about zero when it comes to creating an outfit based around one.  In some ways I feel that skirts and a cute top are a little… well, maybe casual isn’t the right word, but I tend to wear dresses that stand out pretty much anywhere.  I am most comfortable in a dress and heels even if I am overdressed for whatever I am doing.  I just like to look my best and I think I do when I am wearing a beautiful dress.  The dresses I wear are a little more formal (if that’s the right word) compared to the casual dresses I see other girls wear out in the real world.  


Please know that when I say I stand out I am not saying I am the prettiest girl in the room, but I am a six foot t-girl in heels.  No matter what I wear I am not going to blend into the crowd.  


The few times I wear a skirt it’s because I saw an outfit on a mannequin and I thought it looked cute, so I simply bought what it was wearing and wore it.  And I am being 10000% serious.  I do wear skirts from En Femme because their separates make it very easier to coordinate a cute outfit.  But if left to my own devices I am pretty insecure about picking a top to go with a skirt.  When I see girls wearing skirts, no matter the outfit, it always looks cute.  But when I try something similar my insecurity hits a new level and I usually end up hating how I look.  For one thing I can never tell if I should be tucking in a top with a skirt.  I mean, I know it depends on the skirt and the top but I still feel pretty lost.  


But every once in a while a skirt jumps out at me and I want to wear it.  It could be a cute pleated skirt or a leather skirt and I suddenly become obsessed with it.  Whenever the weather gets warmer I am drawn to jean skirts.  I see girls matching them with simple t-shirts or cute blouses and they always, always look good, even when they are paid with sneakers.  The cute/casual/comfy look is just not a look I think I can pull off.  Besides, if an outfit doesn’t *need* heels I am zero interest in wearing it, lol.


Out shopping one day I saw a cute top that I thought would look good with a jean skirt.  The top was dressy enough that matching the outfit with heels wouldn’t look out of place.  So I bought it, along with a jean skirt.  It was an outfit that I thought would look cute on any girl, even me.  I tried it on when I got home and my confidence crashed.  BUT!  I expected that.  Trying on an outfit in boy mode almost always makes me look terrible.  It is a completely different outfit when I am wearing my thigh pads, my breast forms, and have my hair and makeup done.  The outfit fit, it worked, and I decided to wear it one my next time out en femme.


My next time out would line up with a photo shoot where I had to review some fishnet stockings.  I met up with Shannonlee and we took some pictures outside at a park in a couple of different outfits.  Since the jean skirt outfit looked very summery it was a perfect location for it.  She took some pictures of this ensemble and before I changed into a dress (yay!) I asked her to take a photo with my phone.  I wasn’t thrilled with how I looked, but I knew there’s a world of difference between an iPhone camera and professional equipment.  I didn’t let the picture crush my self-esteem (that much) and I moved on with the shoot.  


Of all the photos we took that day, I was most curious how this outfit would turn out.  I dissect every photo of myself and I look at what I am wearing, my makeup, and whether I look too boyish before I decide if I want to share the picture on my website.  If it’s a good picture then I want to show it off, obviously.  I clearly like doing that 🙂 but I am also willing to hear feedback on an outfit as to whether or not it works for me.  I am often insecure and I admit compliments do a lot to pull me out of a funk if I don’t think I look pretty in a picture.  I am shallow and honest enough to admit that getting Likes on a photo I post on Twitter does a lot for my self-esteem.  


That being said, here are the photos of the outfit.  I think they turned out okay but I am not sure it’s an outfit I will wear again (unless ya’ll think I should, lol).  

Love, Hannah

Another Review Preview!

by Hannah

This is the second outfit I wore for a review I am doing for The Breast Form Store. After my first lingerie shoot I wasn’t sure I would do another, but I thought this cute set would be perfect for the review. My first lingerie shoot was filled with mixed emotions but I was happy to realize that this time all those nervous butterflies and negative thoughts were gone.

I hope you like these pictures!

Love, Hannah

Butterflies and Stilettos

by Hannah

Of all the dresses I own, I think this is the one I have worn the most.  I love the bodycon style, I think the cut and the fit is very flattering, especially when I wear my thigh pads.  Add a tightly cinched corset and you can create a pretty amazing figure.  The dress is colorful, cute, and just fun.  I wore this dress when I visited a transformation studio in Saint Paul a few years ago and I loved how the photos turned out.  Rebecca did an outstanding job with the pictures.


When you work with artists, whether it is a makeup artist or a photographer, you get different results, different interpretations, and different perspectives.  I have two makeup artists I see on a regular basis and both are very, very good.  It’s always fun to see what kind of look they will create for me.  It’s also exciting to see what two very different artists will do with the same canvas (if you will). 

Photography is like that.  I have been working with my friend and photographer Shannonlee for almost six years now and I am always excited to watch her work.  She finds fun locations to shoot in, fun angles, and always captures the best light and background.  Because of this, I had been curious to see what she would do with this dress.


When I plan a photo shoot, it’s often because I have outfits or products to review.  I pack the clothes I am modeling and I usually wear a dress that I am not necessarily reviewing, but something I would like some photos in.  I wore this dress to my most recent shoot and I was excited to see how Shannonlee’s photos would turn out.  


Our shoot was in south Minneapolis so as long as I was in the area I decided to spend a little time at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts beforehand.  Wandering around an art museum en femme was something I had missed during COVID.  After my visit I met Shannonlee and we took a few photos on the steps of the museum.  We only took a few pictures and what we took turned out amazing.  


I love this dress and I love how both sets of photos turned out.  I hope you like them too!

Love, Hannah

Wish List

by Hannah

If we are all on a journey (and that word annoys me less than it used to for some reason) then our journeys are marked by milestones.  


I think we all have pretty common milestones, significant moments and small accomplishments that show our progress.  Some of the standout moments in my life include the first time I wore a bra, the first time I tried on stilettos at a store, the first time I left the house en femme, my first makeover… the list continues.  


Of course, no one HAS to have these moments but I think (depending on where you are on your journey) many of us can recall similar first times.  Do you remember the first time you woke up in a nightgown?  I absolutely do.  


Since so much of my gender identity is tied to clothes I mark much of my journey by what I wear.  I used to wonder if I was transgender because I wore “girl clothes” or if I wore “girl clothes” because I was trans but I’ve decided that I was born this way and I just simply and absolutely love clothes.  I love how a dress can boost my self-esteem, my confidence, and shape my whole day.  


Many of these milestones are tied to what I want to, and what I want to wear.  I had always wanted to go to dinner or see a play en femme and I’ve done those things.  Crossed them off my girly “to-do” list.  Clothes are not any different in that sense to me.  When I was a kid I looked longingly, almost achingly, at the beautiful lingerie that the models in catalogs were wearing.  I dreamt about how amazing it would be to wear stockings and a garter belt, along with matching bra and panties.  There was (and still is) something so sensual, beautiful, feminine, and almost innocent in that elaborate lingerie.  


I am at a point where I feel I have worn almost everything that I want to.  If there’s something I want to wear, whether it is an evening gown or a corset, I shop for what I am looking for and usually end up wearing it for a photo shoot.  As the list shrinks I find it to be a little… bittersweet.  On one hand, I am beyond fortunate and blessed to have worn so many things on my wish list.  On the other hand, clothes make me insanely happy and I love wearing something that I have always wanted to wear.  It’s getting harder to think of new and fun outfits to wear for photo shoots.  The list isn’t finished yet, but goodness it’s getting close.  


Whether you identify as a crossdresser, t-girl, gender non-conforming, non-binary, or something else, there is a part of your journey where we can go from accepting (yes, THIS is who I am) this side of us to EMBRACING (yes, THIS is who I am and I LOVE it) this side of us.  In my opinion the real fun begins once we make this step.  Once I embraced who I was (and this was at twenty years old) then I let my imagination run wild.  I let my inhibitions go.  I started to buy and wear what I wanted.  I mean, this was all done discreetly and in secret, but it was thrilling to shop for stockings after wanting to wear them all my life.  


It’s not uncommon for there to be a link between this side of us (and what we want to wear) with eroticism.  I am not talking about crossdressing as a fetish, that’s another subject altogether, I’m referring to wearing clothes that are, well, SEXY.  


Of course there is a difference between a sexy dress and a dress that you would wear to Sunday brunch.  I mean, that’s one of the reasons I am so enamored by clothes.  There’s SO much to wear for literally any occasion.  Yes, lingerie is SEXY but I don’t wear lingerie because I am turned on by it.  I wear sexy dresses because they make me feel confident and attractive, but they don’t, ah, arouse me.  


Am I making sense?  I mean, I know what I mean and I hope you do too.  🙂


I want to wear (and I do) what I think is beautiful, cute, and sexy.  Little black dresses look amazing on anyone and I love wearing them.  I think a cute skirt and boots look very cute so I wear them. 

Corsets are sexy so I wear them (I mean, aside from how functional and practical they are).  This thinking can also cover what I think is, and would be fun to wear.  Whenever the calendar is flipped to October I start to think (and dream) about what Hannah will be for Halloween.  There is a seemingly endless list of options and each year I dream about what I am going to dress as.  
I admit that some of the costumes are almost, well, cliches.  Television shows and movies that have costume parties almost always have a girl wearing a schoolgirl outfit.  Or a girl wearing lingerie and cat ears.  You get the idea.  French maids are also pretty common.  I had always wanted to wear a French maid outfit.  Like lingerie they always seemed so… elaborate.  The skirt floofed out with a white petticoat, fishnet stockings, a cute little apron, patent leather stilettos…  


Wearing a French maid outfit was on my wish list and I finally accomplished this milestone at my most recent photo shoot.  I love looking at these photos and I think I nailed the look I was going for.  


But as I mentioned before, my wish list is dwindling and it’s bittersweet crossing things off of the list.  Like finishing your reading list.  It’s like, well, what do I read (or wear) next?  I like setting goals and trying to accomplish them.  It all sounds so silly (and probably a little shallow) to think like this.  But like my gender identity, this is how I am wired.  I was born this way.  


It’s a little funny to see clothes in such two completely, almost contradictory, ways.  One one hand clothes are pieces of fabric sewn together to cover our skin.  On the other hand, clothes are EVERYTHING.  Wearing leggings keeps someone warm, but wearing leggings are OMG, comfortable and a way to connect to my femme side, my other gender identity.  Panties are not JUST underwear, they are a small and beautiful way for me to stay in touch with my femme self when I am in boy mode.  I think society gets waaaaay too worked up when it comes to who wears what.  The world (for the most part) loses its mind when a boy wears nail polish.  When the world’s collective mind has a meltdown about a boy wearing a skirt I think it’s a huge overreaction to someone wearing a piece of fabric.  But at the same time, clothes are MORE than a simple piece of fabric.  Clothes can, and do, shape our confidence and our perspective.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there was something in your closet or drawers that makes you feel cute, beautiful, or sexy.  


A French maid costume (or a skirt or a LBD or whatever) is sewn together with pieces of fabric and is nothing more than that.  But on the other side of the coin the clothes can be a milestone.  Wearing something you have dreamed about for years is, in a way, an accomplishment.  It’s crossing something off your wish list.  It’s kind of… well, funny that such a sexy costume can make me feel such a myriad of emotions.  I felt cute but also a little… well, bittersweet (goodness I am using this word a lot here but if the stiletto fits…).  In some ways the costume, like my lingerie shoot, signified getting near the end of my”to-wear” list.  


I’m not quite done yet with my list but if you have some ideas, I would LOVE to hear them, lol.

Love, Hannah

The Swimsuit Issue

by Hannah

The list of clothes that I have always wanted to wear is getting as short as my skirts so yes, pretty short.

Something I’ve always wanted to wear was a swimsuit. But the issue is that, like most clothes that I want to wear, a swimsuit isn’t cut for my body. But fortunately, like a lifeguard, En Femme has come to the rescue.

En Femme has introduced a new line of swimsuits for girls like us and sent me a Sheer Illusion Swimsuit to review and to model. I’ll cut to the chase and admit that I totally heart this suit. I was worried that I would need a gaff but with the built in compression gaff I realized I didn’t need one. I also didn’t need to skip my breast forms thanks to the pockets the suit has. And! The suit is completely flattering thanks to the shirred fabric around the waist.

The suit is adorable and I felt so comfortable, confident, and cute in it. I was nervous as I could be when it came to wearing and modeling the suit but I was amazed at how much I loved this swimsuit. I SO want to hit the beach now.

I love this suit not only because of how it’s made, but it also accomplishes something that the best clothes do… it made me feel strong and sexy.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

I enjoy your site and frequent it fairly regularly, but I keep wondering why you keep doing all these photo shoots. Do you pay for these yourself, with maybe some being covered by some of the companies you review? If you pay for them yourself, what purpose do they serve? Is it just to have photos for your blog posts?


This is an excellent question.


One reason I do photo shoots is to take pictures for products I am reviewing.  It’s one thing to talk about how amazing breast forms are or how cute a dress is, it’s another to show something off.  I believe it also lends some credibility to whatever it is I am writing about, too.  Usually when I do a photo shoot it is because I was sent something to review and if I am going to do all the work to plan a shoot for one outfit or product, I may as well take other photos too.  Some shoots are paid by the company I am modeling for, and some I pay for.

Of course, not every shoot is for a product review.  Some shoots are to mark a milestone, in a way.  Last year I did a shoot that featured a couple of outfits that I never thought I’d be brave enough to wear… but I got over it.  I had always wanted to wear dresses with halter and/or thin straps but I was afraid that my shoulders were too masculine to pull them off.  My body didn’t change, it was still the same as it always was, but what shifted was my thinking and I stopped caring about how my shoulders looked.  I did the shoot to symbolize my, uh, getting over it. 

I did another shoot in May of this year that I jokingly referred to a “Because I’m Alive” shoot.  I was feeling a mix of gratitude and joy and elation from simply being happy with life and bought some super cute dresses to wear.

 
I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that some shoots are done for sheer vanity.  I like how I look, I love looking at photos of myself in a cute dress and an amazing makeover.  I also try to keep my website fresh with recent photos and regular shoots are a good way to do that.


I do shoots for a variety of reasons, and they are a lot of work.  But I wouldn’t do them if they weren’t fun, either.  It’s a lot of fun to work with my friend and photographer and to shoot in places she picks.  Whether we’re shooting in downtown Minneapolis or at a park or in a cool hotel, she has a good eye for interesting and fun locations.  She’s also great at getting the right angle and pose and lighting so getting the photos back is also a lot of fun and validating.  I want to look cute, I want to look feminine and seeing photos that capture this side of me makes me incredibly happy.

Love, Hannah

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