People talk about my image
Like I come in two dimensions
Like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
Like what I happen to be wearing
The day that someone takes a picture
Is my new statement for all womankind
One of the aspects that I love about having a femme gender identity are the wardrobe options. I love that I have an outfit for any conceivable event or occasion no matter how nuanced.
Of course, you don’t have to have any sort of binary gender identity to wear whatever you wish. You can identify as masculine AND wear a chiffon gown if you please.
I love how an outfit can completely change how I feel and what I project. A dress can communicate, if you know what I mean. I love the versatility, I love the variety, I love the potential of a dress.
But at the same time, it doesn’t always reflect who I am.
I’ve been modeling and reviewing clothes for a few years now and I’ve worn clothes that are perfect for who I am but also clothes that aren’t really “me”. It’s part of the job, if you follow. I’ve modeled pants! I am not a pants girl! But those pictures are out there.
I can, well, shut off the part of myself that associates a look with who I am at my core. I can wear an outfit like this…
..but I assure you that I do not have the intention (or the budget required) to be a domme.
This is true for any look or outfit that, well, I wouldn’t wear to the mall. I have a rhinestone studded collar with “SISSY” bejeweled on it that I’m wearing for this weekend’s photo shoot but the sissy lifestyle isn’t for me.
Although my gender identity can’t be trivialized as “playing dress up”, I absolutely love playing dress up.
I don’t ever intend a look or an outfit to definitively represent ME. A rubber dress doesn’t signify that I am a dominant mistress. Photo shoots are an opportunity to play around with a look or a style that I wouldn’t wear out in the real world.
Sometimes I tweet an outfit and some people react to it in a very extreme way. Begging me to not wear it. Telling me that the outfit is not who I am.
I have two thoughts when this happens. The first is that I wear a LOT of different outfits and they’ve ranged from lingerie to a ballgown to leather to polka dot. I suppose my thinking is that an outfit is just, well, another outfit. Part of modeling is wearing a lot of different clothes. Having this variety in my, ah, portfolio has caught the attention of others and has opened up other opportunities for other partnerships. I’ve had designers of sissy clothes ask me to review an item because they saw this picture:
…and I’ve had designers who make tucking/smoothing underwear contact me because they saw my lingerie pictures.
I suppose I don’t get too hung up on my physical body. It is what it is. Skin and fat and bones and blood. When I model I am essentially a clothes rack, lol. I liken trying on different clothes and different looks to trying different food. Trying Thai food doesn’t mean that it’s all I will eat for the rest of my life. I mean, it might be but I’ll never know what’s right for me until I try it.
My second thought is that someone MIGHT have an idea of who I am and gets… hm, upset if I wear something that contradicts who they think I am, or who they want me to be.
I don’t like being pigeonholed into something. I am not one-dimensional. I contain multitudes. We all do.
I suppose this thought has something to do with feeling an uncomfortableness that someone might have an idealized perspective of who I am, and who I should be. An ownership, in the most extreme circumstances.
But I can relate. There are bands that I’ve always liked that tried a different genre or music for a bit, whether it was a band who mostly played acoustic music but then recording a kind of techno record or when Taylor Swift made the shift from country to pop music. When a musician or an author tried something new part of me felt that this new genre, this new project wasn’t what I expected or wanted from them.
If you’re not familiar when Bob Dylan “plugged in”, you might want to check that out to get an idea about what I mean how fans or an audience perceive a change that their hero makes. These feelings can be anything from confusion to feeling betrayed.
Please know that I am absolutely not comparing myself to Taylor Swift or Bob Dylan. They are just two examples of someone trying something new or different that might be a bit of a departure in the eyes of their fans.
People try different things. They may not be the right decision but oftentimes they are incredibly fascinating projects. As someone said, make interesting mistakes.
Wearing an outfit for thirty minutes isn’t the same thing as wearing an outfit as I go about my day-to-day life. Yes, I might wear a black pvc minidress for a shoot at a studio, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to wear it to the mall.
So, I suppose my point is that if you don’t like what I’m wearing, like the weather, give it a few minutes and it’ll change.
P.S. This is another post that sounds waaaaaay bitchier than I mean it to. 🙂