Month: September 2017

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

Over a few years I have manged to separate and trim down my brows.  But as I get down to shaping them to be more femme I am getting nervous.  Any advice on how to create nice brows and not over do it?

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I like to keep my eyebrows well maintained.  It drives me crazy when they look unruly as the stray hairs start to grow back.  There’s really no getting around it that if you do start to shape, thin and/or arch your brows that they will look more feminine.  I get my brows threaded (google or youtube it), but you can also have them waxed.  If you decide to have a professional groom your brows, tell them what you want.  When I get my brows down, I ask the technician to clean them up, but I can also ask them to define them, shape them and thin them…either by a little or by a lot.  I would recommend visiting with a professional and telling them you’d like a little more shape to them, but not to overdo it.  They are professionals and trust me,  you won’t be the first man to ask for a little definition in your brows.

However, the truth is that most men do not groom and trim their eyebrows, so it’s quite likely yours will be noticed when in male mode…but its not very likely that anyone will say anything.  How often do you discuss someone’s eyebrows with them?

If you do not want to trim or arch them, you can also cover them up with a really good foundation and use an eyebrow pencil to define them.

Love, Hannah

 

Thank You, Mannequin at H&M

by Hannah

For my recent photoshoot with Shannonlee, I wore mostly dresses with the exception of this outfit.  I really like wearing this skirt and top combination, but I am not sure how I look in it.  I almost think my shoulders are too wide.  But that’s okay, because I feel cute in it.  🙂

I have a hard time putting together outfits around a skirt, so I am happy when I see a mannequin displaying a cute skirt and top outfit to give me inspiration.

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

Hi Hannah.  Really have enjoyed reading your advice.  I love to dress, but have to keep it an absolute secret.  How do you approach that?  Try to just ignore feelings, or do things like wearing panties under clothes?  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

If there is one thing that over thirty years of crossdressing has taught me, its that this…desire, need, urge, call it what you will, will never go away.  This is who you are.  You cannot outgrow this, you cannot quit this,  you cannot deny this is who you are and what you want to wear.

I don’t think ignoring this part of us is useful.  Nor do I think it is effective.  I  believe if this is who you are, then you should let yourself be yourself.  I understand that this needs to be kept a secret.  I keep this a secret from almost everyone in my life but I still feel I can be myself.  I know some t-girls who dress up just a few times a year.  Sometimes they take a vacation and spend time as their other selves in a different city.  I know some girls who just check into a hotel for the weekend and dress up and never leave their room.  You just have to find a way to make it work.  It depends on how far you want to go.  For some, wearing a skirt while watching television is all they want.  There are those who just want to underdress.  For some, they want everything from the tips of their false eyelashes to the point of their stiletto.

Of course, you’ll want to consider who you are keeping this a secret from.  If you are married or in a committed relationship, I don’t think you should be deceptive.  I hope you can find a way to tell your significant other about this part of you.  It will, of course, likely come as a shock, but you will inevitably get caught, regardless of how careful you are, or think you are.  I hear stories on a fairly regular basis from crossdressers who were caught by their significant other and not only did they have the discussion about crossdressing itself, there was the additional issue of their partner being lied to.  If you told her you were on a business trip when you really spent the week visiting a different city and trying on heels, she will likely feel betrayed and deceived…because, quite honestly, you lied to her.  It will takes years for a relationship to recover from feeling deceived, if it recovers at all.  I think many partners are hurt more about being deceived than about the dressing itself.  I may have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but one thing I did right was telling my wife about myself after only a few months of dating.  I had to.  This is who I was and she deserved the truth.

I hope this helps!  Be safe and be honest.

Love, Hannah

 

 

 

 

 

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

Hello I am a 24 year old who crossdresses. I am passable and I have a female friend (We grew up next door to each other and are only children) so she is like a sister to me. She has asked to be maid of honor in her wedding next summer. However she wants me to begin immediately living full time as a female so I am prepared for all the wedding stuff. She has offered a place to live and a job what do I do. Thanks.

I receive a lot of emails and from time to time I get a message along the lines of “…my wife’s best friend moved away and she misses having someone to go shopping with.  Now my wife wants me to live as a woman so she has a girlfriend again.  What should I do?”  My suspicion is that many of those messages are fake.  I think there are some crossdressers who are…intrigued, let’s call it, at the idea of someone else taking charge of their gender identity.  Perhaps there are those who want to dress/transition but taking comfort in the idea that it was the idea of someone else.  I am not sure, I cannot answer that question.  When I was in my teens I read anything I could about crossdressing and for a few of us, this is a fetish, fantasy or a sexual turn on.  There is a lot of fiction written about someone being crossdressed by someone else.  “I don’t want to be a girl but my aunt is making me dress up” or “I lost a bet and now I have to be a cheerleader” are popular themes.

I never was a fan of not being able to make your own decisions about who you are or what you wear.  For some, the above question is the ultimate fantasy.  Someone supportive in our lives, the chance of being a maid of honor and the offer of living full time as a woman.  I’m not one to say what fantasies one is allowed to have.  That’s the point, they are YOUR fantasies.  I am also not questioning the legitimacy of this email, either.

My point is that your gender identity is YOUR gender identity.  It is your decision and not one that can be maid by anyone else.  It is entirely up to you if you want to transition, dress up for a day, a month, a year or forever.  Please don’t let anyone make this decision for you.  Living full-time is a drastic life change and not a choice one should make at someone’s else request, nor should it be made lightly.

I would encourage you to seek out a gender counselor or therapist, join a support group, talk with your doctor and loved ones to determine if this is truly the direction you wish to go.

Best of luck!

Love, Hannah

MN T-Girls Hit the Road!

by Hannah

Today the MN T-Girls had a little road trip and went to Saint Cloud which is about an hour north of the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area.  Saint Cloud held their annual Pride Festival this weekend and I am so glad we went.

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Everyone we met was friendly, positive and welcoming.  There were vendors from organizations from all over the state and I spent a lot of time chatting with Transforming Families and the Minnesota Transgender Alliance,  which I have added to the Transgender Resources page.

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There was a total of six MN T-Girls there today and we had a lovely time wandering around the booths, eating yummy food, making new friends and taking photos.  It was supposed to rain afternoon but as you can see it was a lovely day.

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It was such a fun day and next year I plan on going to many more Pride events.  Hope to see you there!

Love, Hannah

A Third Option

by Hannah

So, the gender, or rather, lack of gender, identification term of non-binary has been popping up in the media a lot more often lately.

Non-binary is the term that describes individuals that do not identify as neither male or female.  This is different than gender fluid which, as defined by the Urban Dictionary is “a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl.   A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days. “

As someone who thinks about gender a lot, especially when it comes to gender roles and how (some of) society will impose, enforce and expect certain behavior and clothing depending on the gender we’re presenting as, I am fascinated by non-binary people and how society and the legal system are reacting.

California is considering adding a third gender option to their state identification cards.  Newfoundland is set to hear a case for birth certificates with a non-binary option,  and Canada will now allow gender-neutral passports for non-binary residents.

Traditionally, gender is assigned at birth, but obviously gender can change not only legally but also physically and emotionally.  Sometimes my gender can change throughout the day.  They say gender is what is between your ears, not your legs.

I am thrilled to see such progress made, or at least considered for those who identify as non-binary.  Any acceptance, legal or otherwise, is positive news for all of us who may not identify with traditional gender roles.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

If I sent you my pic would you give me your honest opinion if I would be passable to walk out?

I would never tell someone if they did or did not pass. I don’t believe in passing.
I believe in confidence.  I believe in loving how you look.  “Passing” and loving how you look and feel are two completely different things. When I walk through a mall wearing my favorite dress and heels I feel *amazing*.  I don’t care what anyone else thinks. What do I care if someone thinks that I am not beautiful? What do I care if someone knows that I am transgender?  It doesn’t affect me in the slightest.

Who decides if you pass or not? Who has the right to decide if you look feminine enough? What does that even mean? Women, whether trans or cis, all look different. Some cis-women are tall, have broad shoulders, hands of all sizes and have different facial features. Holding ourselves to a certain standard means that we have expectations as to what a cis-woman “should” look like. Here’s the reality: Some cis-women have large hands. Some are taller than men. Some have deep voices. Some have facial hair. Does this mean they don’t “pass”? Of course not. All cis-women are women (if they choose to identify that way, of course), all transwomen are women, no matter how anyone looks.

You are beautiful.

Love, Hannah