Dressed to Kill

I did a lot of shopping under quarantine. I thought a lot about what I was going to do, and what I was going to wear once things returned back to normal. Of course, things haven’t returned back to normal and if they do, it probably won’t be for a long time.

One of the dresses I bought I thought of as my “out of lockdown” dress. Something that screamed dressed to kill and I found it at En Femme.

I didn’t wear this dress the first time I went out once many of the restrictions were lifted, but I did wear it for a photo shoot I did to review a pair of stilettos from The Breast Form Store.

Shannonlee shot some fabulous pictures of the dress and I wanted to show them off (big surprise). I hope you like them!

Love, Hannah

This T-Girl’s on Fire

I’m tall. Tall enough where I am asked if I played basketball in high school.

I didn’t.

As advantageous as my height would have been when it came to passing a basketball, I always felt my height was a disadvantage when it came to “passing”.

I’m used to being tall. I mean, it happened so gradually. It’s not like I shot up four inches overnight and had to get accustomed to being a new height. Wearing heels, though, that was an adjustment. I never had difficulty walking in heels. It came very easy for me, probably because I really really really wanted to get good at it so I practiced a lot as soon as I had a pair of heels to call my own.

Wearing stilettos at home is one thing, but there is nothing like the sound of heels clicking on a sidewalk. It’s the beautiful everyday music, the soundtrack of femininity. It’s my favorite song. I had longed for years to leave the house en femme, but I always felt too tall to pass, too tall to be a girl.

And then one day I got tired of being in my own house, I was tired of telling myself what I couldn’t do, so I put on a cute black skirt, black stockings, a brightly colored top, a cardigan… and black heels. I clicked my way down sidewalks and the corridors of shopping malls and I haven’t stopped.

What changed? I mean, I was still tall, I was even taller in heels. But I realized there was no such thing a passing. I was never going to blend in, I was always going to stand out. realized that no matter how tall I was, no girl is too tall to be a girl. Not even you. Not even me. If I am going to be seen, then I may as well embrace it. I am going to wear that bright pink dress, the longest lashes, and yes, the tallest heels.

Because I dress for me. Not for anyone else.

I never feel taller in heels. I mean, I feel shorter when I take them off, but I don’t feel like I just stepped onto a ladder when I put them on. Yes, I have to crouch down a little when I look into certain mirrors, but it’s not like “wow, I’m tall”.

Until I put these heels on.

Ladies, feast your eyes on the Pleaser DELIGHT 6 inch Platform Rose Gold Stilettos with Lace Up Support from The Breast Form Store.

I opened the box like opening Christmas presents. I was entranced by the shoe, it’s beauty, it’s… majesty. This was unlike any heel I have ever worn before. I prayed to God they would fit. And thank God the fit and run true to size.

For the first time in my life, I stood up in a pair of heels and finally said “wow, I am really tall”. Six inch platforms will do that for you.

Of course, if you are looking at the picture you may wonder why in the world would need a heel like that. If you are wondering why anyone would need a heel like this, this heel is not for you.

But there are just as many thinking “OMG I need this”. If you think you need this, then you probably do need it. Well, maybe not need but you know what I mean.

How does the shoe feel? Well, it runs true to size, it’s properly balanced, the platform is smooth and it’s just as comfortable walking in them as it feels to stand in them.

But how does it feel to wear them? Honestly? I felt like a goddess. I felt powerful.

Some heels go with anything. Some inspire an outfit. These heels demand something daring, something provocative, something… sexy. God knows I love my leather (and fake leather) and it just seemed appropriate for thee heels. I almost went with fishnets stockings but I decided that the pattern would in a way complete with the criss-cross laces.

Will I wear these heels all the time? Of course not, they are probably the most impractical thing I own. But how they make me feel is indescribable. It is the truest way to embrace my height. If there is another pair of stilettos that screams confidence and demands heads to be turned better than these heels then I haven’t seen them.

These heels are not for the timid. They are not for the shy. They are not for those who want to blend in. This is for the girl who want to be seen, the girl who has confidence to burn.

Thank you to The Breast Form Store for helping me literally rise to new heights of confidence.

Love, Hannah

And It’s Me Who Is My Enemy

When I was 20 I learned a lot about myself.

I was living on my own, I was in a relationship, and I was learning more about my gender identity.

I started to learn how to be an adult, learned what I wanted in a relationship, and how to walk in heels.

I learned my limits, and what I wanted. I learned what I wouldn’t settle for, and how to come to terms with being transgender.

I acknowledged what was holding me back, and whether or not those barriers could be overcome.

One of the most defining moments of my life came when I was driving home from work one summer evening. It was close to midnight, the world was still. It is moments like this that life or God or your inner voice speak to you. It’s up to you to listen.

Sometimes what you need to experience is a moment of clarity, a realization, or music. I had never heard this song on the radio before, and I’ve never heard it played again. If I didn’t own the CD I would almost believe that the song didn’t exist. But it did, thank God.

“Me”, written and performed by Paula Cole really summarized many of my feelings and thoughts that summer. I was not happy in the relationship and felt a little trapped. I was living out of state, and ending the relationship was a little more complicated than simply breaking up. I would need to move back to Minnesota, find a new job, and in a way, admit defeat, on some levels. When you are 20 you chalk up your victories and losses by relationships. My perspective is different these days.

In addition to being in a bad relationship, I couldn’t help but wonder where all of THIS was going. I would buy heels and a dress and then quickly purge in a seemingly endless circle. I knew this side of me wasn’t going away. But how was I going to live with it? Did I want to? Of course I did, but what was life going to be like?

I felt powerless in my relationship, where I lived, and in a way, powerless when it came to my gender identity. It was a difficult but important summer. It was humbling, too. I would buy a dress that wouldn’t fit (know your measurements, girls), look horrific in lipstick, and stumble in stilettos. I wanted to be beautiful but my confidence was lower than ever.

But that warm summer night my perspective changed. The things I wanted, like getting out of the relationship, returning to Minnesota… I could do these things. The only one stopping me was ME. The lyrics hit hard.

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythm
I am carrying my prayers
But you can’t kill my spirit, it’s old and it is strong
And like a mountain I’ll go on and on
But when my wings are folded
The brightly colored moth blends into the dirt into the ground

And it’s me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up

Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence
And it’s me who’s too weak
And it’s me who’s too shy to ask for the thing I love
And it’s me who’s too weak
And it’s me who’s too shy to ask for the thing I love
But I love

I am walking on the bridge
I am over the water
And I’m scared as hell
But I know there’s something better
Yes I know, yes I know, yes I know, yes I know

I bought the CD the next day and I still listen to this song. It still inspires me.

…and fast forward a few years. This song still impacts my life. Society is never going to “let me” be transgender. I can’t wait for the world to give me permission. I knew it was myself holding me back.

Having fully embraced who I am today, I am amazed at how much I have overcome and what I have done. I still know my limits, whether it is how long I can stay awake before I start to get really loopy, how many miles a day I can run, or what I am comfortable wearing. I know I don’t “pass” (and there’s no such thing) but I still don’t want to show the more traditionally masculine parts of my body.

So, dresses with thin spaghetti straps were out as they showed off my shoulders. My huge, manly shoulders.

I accepted my limitations of what I was comfortable with, and lived my life.

And then the pandemic hit. Things we took for granted were gone, and my time out of the house en femme was gone. Before I go further, I want to recognize that many of what I am thinking, and feeling, and writing about is incredibly shallow and self-centered in comparison to how the pandemic has impacted others.

I would look through my wardrobe and get a little sad about not being able to hit the mall or visit a museum en femme (again, I own my shallowness). I would buy dresses and heels and wonder when I would wear them.

And then I saw a super cute dress. It was unlike what I usually wear… it wasn’t form fitting, a little longer than I normally wear… and the thinnest straps I’ve ever seen. I saw it, I loved it, and I wished I had the courage to wear it.

And then I bought it.

I promised myself that as soon as I could, I would wear this dress the next time I could go out en femme.

And I did.

I’ve held myself back in my life so many times, and when I got tired of listening to that voice and would do the thing I was afraid of, I was always thrilled to do so. I also wondered why I stood in my own way for so long. It’s true, we are our own enemy sometimes.

I am so excited (and proud of myself) to show the photos Shannonlee and I took that day of the dress. The photo shoot was for a shoe review I did for The Breast Form Store but I couldn’t help but show off this dress… and my shoulders… and confidence.

Love, Hannah

Totes Adorbs!

I’ve been keeping a blog for almost ten years now. It’s not always easy to find something to write about. Sure, I can post pictures from a photo shoot or a link to a relevant news story, but pieces that are more introspective or personal take a little work. Sometimes the writing needs a little coaxing, like trying to zip up a dress, other times the inspiration comes like a lightning bolt.

Putting together an outfit can be very much like writing. Sometimes a dress or a pair of heels will stay in my closet for months until I find the right occasion or accessory to wear it. But other times…

The Breast Form Store recently sent over several pairs of heels for me to review (you can read the first review here). Getting this giant box of stilettos was better than any birthday present. Each pair I opened was gorgeous and inspired me in different ways, and the Pleaser EVE 5 inch Wrap Around Sandals with Bow Accent was no exception.

As soon as I unwrapped these heels, I could envision not only the dress these shoes needed, but what I wanted to do in them. Some heels I want to wear to a club, some I want to wear for a photo shoot, and these heels I wanted to wear while running errands, hitting the mall, and enjoying a lazy Saturday.

Not that these heels are casual. Oh no, but because there’s nothing like wearing a cute dress and pairing it with a fun pair of heels. These heels are incredibly cute, and are even cuter with a dress that compliments them. Some heels help with glamming up an outfit, some are perfect for dressing an outfit down, but sometimes a dress and the shoes look like they were made for each other.

I knew exactly the kind of dress I needed for these beauties. Something retro, something flirty, something with a lot of small details. The pulled satin under the box and the fastener were small little rewards for an eye that lingered a little bit longer. I looked through my wardrobe and I eventually came across this adorable dress.

Is there any pattern flirtier than polka dot?

Is there anything cuter than this dress?

I love the bodice of the dress and the lace detail is just adorable. These little details compliment the small details of the heels perfectly. The waist is gathered and the skirt retains a bit of a-line when standing (but it still will easily blow in the breeze… trust me lol).

All day long I felt super cute and despite the five inch heel, my feet never got tired. I strutted and glided like never before. At first I was worried that they were too narrow and I was happy that they fit so well. The wraparound ankle strap is not only sexy but also kept everything in place.

I love these heels. I love this dress. I love how cute I felt that day. It’s tempting to look at these pictures and stop whatever I am doing and get dressed up and head to the mall or send the rest of the day wandering around the city. This dress, these heels, inspire me and isn’t that exactly what an outfit should do?

Thank you to the Breast Form Store for these adorable heels!

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah, I live in South Africa. I crossdress but it is so difficult to buy crossdressers items because in South Africa we do not have the facility like in the UK, Australia, Canada or America. We cannot go to a store and purchase. I wish someone could set up a store here. Even finding a makeup artist is difficult. I have been trying to buy silicone breasts for some time. Please try and assist. Thank you for all the lovely articles and information as well.

Regardless of where one lives, stores that specifically target our community aren’t all that common. As happy as I am that there are retailers that sell clothes and heels that are sized for girls like us, I don’t limit my shopping to them. I have just as many dresses from Target and Dress Barn as I do from En Femme and Glamour Boutique.

I don’t think greater society will ever be “okay” with girls like us, crossdressers, or a guy buying panties, but some parts of the world might view us as more taboo than others. There’s nothing stopping me from going to the mall en femme to buy lingerie, but I would be less comfortable doing this in certain parts of my state than others.

If buying clothes locally is not an option (regardless of where you live), then online shopping is the way to go. When to comes to forms and pads, I highly recommend The Breast Form Store.

I hope this helps!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

The Beauty and Power of Beige

Of course, the first pair of heels I purchased were black. What is more classic and sexier than black? I was probably twenty years old when a pair found their way into my closet… and then purged lest my girlfriend at the time found them. Thus began my ongoing obsession with heels.

After coming out to my wife while we were dating, this world continued to open up. The purging was behind me, and my wardrobe began to properly grow. Obviously this would include heels. And of course, the first pair to find a permanent home in my closet were a pair of black heels. This time they were patent stilettos, but still, they were black.

Creating a wardrobe is amazing and a lot of work, and it can also be overwhelming. Expanding my shoe collection wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Of course red heels, and heels that sparkled with gold and silver were added to my collection, but I wasn’t sure where to go next.

My wife said that I needed a pair of beige heels. And I thought nothing could be more boring than heels that more or less matched my skin color. When I wore black or red heels, they really stood out. The screamed for attention, which I absolutely wanted (and needed in the early days). I didn’t see the point in beige heels, but I soon added them to my closet. My wife is amazing at putting together an outfit and matching accessories, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

And she was right. I found myself wearing my beige heels more often than I expected. I found they were a perfect match for beautiful, spring outfits. They paired perfectly with a yellow dress.

It wasn’t long before my beige heels became my go-to for an outfit if I wasn’t sure which shoes went best with it. They were subtle, they helped dress down a dress in a way, and did the opposite that my red patent heels did: they didn’t scream for attention. The heels didn’t compete with my outfit. They complimented it. Yes, at first glance they weren’t as eye-catching, but this is not a girl who wears flats, so beige allowed me to wear heels but not draw attention from my usually bright, summery dress.

To me, there is nothing beautiful than small attentions to detail. Something that isn’t noticeable at first, but a second glance or looking for a couple moments longer and seeing a really beautiful accessory or an intricate dress pattern is really sexy. A small, subtle thing to reward the person who pays attention to an outfit is one of my favorite things.

And this is exactly what these heels from The Breast Form Store do. Described on their website as perfect for dressing up or down, I cannot recommend enough having a pair of Pleaser Dream 4 inch Criss-Cross d’Orsay High Heel Pumps in your closet.

They come in a variety of colors, but these heels in beige are exactly what my wardrobe needed.

The best heels inspire an outfit. Many times when I pick out my dress for the occasion I start with the heels I want to wear and I go from the there. When I opened the book and saw the shine from the patent leather, my mind raced. The elaborate criss-crossing is simple but sexy. This is not a pair of heels you simply slip into, they require a commitment, the strap belies a sexiness that rewards the person who catches a glimpse of these seemingly innocent and subtle.

I knew exactly what dress to match these gorgeous heels with… and inspiration like that only comes from the best accessories. I paired these heels with an animal print, low-cut dress with thin straps. I’ve had this dress in my closet for a couple of months waiting for the right moment (and perfect heels) to wear it.

This is a dress that screams confidence, especially for me. I have always, always felt conscious about my shoulders. I have always felt they were too… manly. Wearing a dress with thin straps like this shows them off in a way I have never done before, and the pattern of the dress just… demands to be acknowledged. I myself am not going to turn any heads, but my god, this dress will. This dress will not be ignored.

The heels are not trying to take away one’s attention. The dress is not subtle. The heels are not competing, so to speak, for someone’s eye. But these heels do exactly what I want them to do… they compliment the dress. Yes, the dress is hard to miss, but if you happen to glance down and see my heels, you’ll see a beautiful shine, you’ll see small details, you’ll see a sexy strap wrapped around my ankle. A perfect heel, a subtle stiletto that rewards a careful look.

The heels themselves are gorgeous. They shine, literally. They run true to size, and sizing is always hit or miss when to comes to shoes. The strap is long enough and has enough notches to fasten comfortably without pinching or digging into my skin with each stride. The heel itself is centered perfectly and I never felt unbalanced regardless whether I was standing or strutting.

Simply put, beige heels are a must for my wardrobe, and these heels are exactly what I need. An overlooked color, but an essential one. The criss-cross strap works in beautiful, perfect contrast to such an understated color. And the shine!

Thank you to the Breast Form Store for these absolutely gorgeous heels.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I am in the process of opening up an online store for crossdressers. What products would you recommend me to sell?  What do crossdressers need the most?

Congratulations on taking this step!  If there’s one thing I love, it’s more options when it comes to shopping.

Years ago the idea of a store specializing in clothes for girls like us was inconceivable but I am amazed at how many options are available these days.  Even though there’s quite a few options, each one is different from each other and can all happily coexist.

Every t-girl/crossdresser is different and we all need and want different things.  Thankfully there are quite a few options out there.  When it comes to retailers that design for and market to our community, I shop online with En Femme, Xdress, Homme Mystere, Glamour Boutique, and the Breast Form Store the most.

I like Xdress and Homme Mystere for their beautiful, feminine lingerie. I like the Breast Form Store for their practical stuff, like forms, pads, and gaffsI like Glamour Boutique if I want something on the sexy side, and En Femme is a wonderful place for day to day clothes.

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Dress from En Femme

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Dress from Glamour Boutique

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Thigh pads from the Breast Form Store

What you want to be known for?  What are you most passionate about?  There are a lot of options out there, but I always love finding a new place to buy heels and lingerie 🙂

I am not sure if this helps but I did write a little about what I think are “must-haves” for a girl like us.  Of course, we all have different perspectives on what we think are essentials.

What do you girls think are essentials?  What should a new store sell?  Please comment below!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

 

Overthinking in Lingerie

xI don’t think it’s uncommon for us to modify how we identify throughout our lives.  As soon as I heard the word, I privately considered myself a crossdresser.  About ten years ago, I knew this was more than just finding joy and comfort in clothes that are typically associated with the gender different than the one I was assigned to at birth and I felt that identifying as transgender was a better fit.

If I wanted to put a finer point on myself, bi-gender is probably the best word for me, as I am happy and comfortable and secure presenting and living as either a boy or a girl. However, since transgender covers a lot of territory, I primarily stick with that.

Whether I am a crossdresser or transgender, I would never be so bold to claim to be brilliant, but I can have brilliant thoughts.  I’ve been a bit of a shopping spree lately and yesterday I received a super cute cami and panty set from Xdress.  Yesterday was a long day and it was a late night, so falling asleep in cute lingerie was the perfect way to end the day.

If you’re not familiar with Xdress, they make lingerie for men.  The models on their website are men wearing their beautiful bras and panties.  From what I gather, their target market is men who love to wear cute, feminine undies.  Their models are very male, no makeup or wigs, they are not presenting as a girl.  This lingerie is different than En Femme and their new Carmen Liu line of lingerie.  This lingerie is beautiful but also practical as it is designed to hold breast forms and to tuck our feminine flaw.

As I woke up this morning, I realized that my lingerie wardrobe is divided between bras and panties that I wear en femme and bras and panties that I wear in male mode.  Although this new set from Xdress is beautiful, it’s not something Hannah would wear.  When I am dressed, I have different needs from my lingerie.  I need my gaff from the Breast Form Store, for example.

In male mode I do wear lingerie “for girls” and lingerie from Xdress and Homme Mystere.  I underdress each day and my panties are either panties “for boys” or panties “for girls”.  I am always wearing something.

My revelation this morning was that we can shift our gender identity throughout our lives, but we can also shift our gender identity throughout the day.  I decided that when I am in male mode, I could be considered a crossdresser.  But Hannah is not a crossdresser, she is transgender.  I could wake up in cute lingerie like I did this morning, wear a matching bra and panty under my boy clothes, and I would be crossdressing all day.  But as the day progresses and I am preparing to go out, my gender identity shifts to being transgender.

I suppose that labeling ourselves is rather pointless and I doubt anyone else thinks about this as much as I do, especially before they have had their coffee, but this was going through my mind as I lay in bed.  Never let it be said that I don’t overthink.

At any rate, I am now awake, having my coffee, and sharing these perhaps not as brilliant thoughts I had imagined they were with you.

Love, Hannah

 

 

 

Beautiful Nights

Many of us are missing the days when we could go out en femme.  Due to the virus I’ve been stuck at home and I am looking forward to the day when I can schedule a makeover and hit the mall.  Or even the gas station.

It’s important that we stay in touch with this side of ourselves.  When we are not able to dress fully, I find that underdressing is a wonderful and intimate way to be beautiful. Yes, I can dress at home, but it’s not the same.

The lockdown is giving me a lot of time to shop online.  Purchasing heels and cute dresses is giving me something to look forward to once it is safe for us to go back out.  It’s also a way we can continue to support businesses that support our community as the virus is having an economic impact on almost every company.

Since underdressing is a way to stay in touch with my femme side, I have been buying a lot of lingerie lately.  I wanted to share what I have ordered this week in case you are looking for some new lingerie to wear.

I am in love with the new picnic camisole and panty from Xdress!

x

 

I usually wear short nightgowns to bed, but I am so excited to wear this gorgeous satin nightgown from The Breast Form Store!

satin-gown-black-front-view

How beautiful is this Yumi tank, and matching Yumi panty from HommeMystere.?

HM

And finally I added new panties from En Femme including High Sheen Satin Floral Panty and Satin Floral Hot Panty.

 

I miss the days when we could be beautiful, but at least I have beautiful nights to look forward to.

What’s catching your eye these days?

Love, Hannah