Ask Hannah!

Just wondering, have you ever considered doing a podcast? I have followed you for years and based on everything you are doing, in my opinion I believe a podcast from Hannah would be very well accepted.

Thank you! That means a lot. I feel I am always a few a steps behind when it comes to social media. I blog when most social media people are video blogging or doing podcasts. The truth is I would love to do something along those lines in addition to running my website and my superficial tweets.

I would love love love to do a series of little “how-to” videos. Subjects about getting makeovers or having a bra fitting… but for t-girls. I am sure this is not an original idea but it would be fun to do.

A podcast would also be fun. I have been asked to be a guest on several in the past but unfortunately schedules didn’t match up.

What holds me back is I don’t have a lot of time to learn a new skill like video editing and all the technical stuff that would go along with these ideas. I also don’t have the financial means to pay someone to do those things either.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Men in Skirts

It used to be that whenever I saw an article about cis men wearing clothes that society views as exclusively for women I would become optimistic about the de-genderization of clothes. Men wearing skirts? Heck yeah! Men painting their nails? Heck yeah!

I don’t want to be cynical but I don’t feel the same optimism that I used to. I don’t necessarily think that when a celebrity wears a skirt or a dress that it means that the world will collectively think it’s acceptable for any cis male (basically non-famous cis-males) to wear the same outfit.

When Brad Pitt or whomever wears a skirt I think most people chalk it up to as celebrities being celebrities or trying to draw attention to themselves or shock people. “Celebrities are weird” is a pretty common response.

A movie star wearing a skirt to a film premier is one thing. Your coworker wearing a skirt to the office is another. Your buddy wearing a skirt to the bar to watch football is also another.

It miiiiight be, well, not normal for an actor to wear a skirt, but perhaps it will become less uncommon in the future. However, I think there’s a long, long road ahead until it becomes “acceptable” for a dude to wear the same skirt.

Love, Hannah

Dancing Barefoot

She is benediction
She is addicted to thee
She is the root connection
She is connecting with he

Here I go and I don’t know why
I fell so ceaselessly
Could it be he’s taking over me

I’m dancing barefoot
Heading for a spin
Some strange music draws me in
Makes me come on like some heroine

She is sublimation
She is the essence of thee
She is concentrating on he
Chosen by she

Here I go and I don’t know why
I spin so ceaselessly
Could it be he’s taking over me

I’m dancing barefoot
Heading for a spin
Some strange music draws me in
Makes me come on like some heroine

She is re-creation
She, intoxicated by Thee
She has the slow sensation that
He is levitating with she

Here I go and I don’t know why
I spin so ceaselessly
Till I lose my sense of gravity

I’m dancing barefoot
Heading for a spin
Some strange music draws me in
Makes me come on like some heroine

Oh God, I fell for You

The plot of our life sweats in the dark like a face
The mystery of childbirth, of childhood itself
Grave visitations
What is it that calls to us?

Why must we pray screaming?
Why must not death be redefined?
We shut our eyes, we stretch out our arms
And whirl on a pane of glass

An affixation, a fix on anything
The line of life, the limb of a tree
The hands of he and the promise that she
Is blessed among women

Oh God, I fell for You
Oh God, I fell for You
Oh God, I fell for You

-Patti Smith

God knows I heart heels but when I wore this gown for my most recent photo shoot I couldn’t resist dancing and twirling in my bare feet.

I found this amazing gown on Queenly and I wrote a little about it previously but I just received the pictures from my last shoot and I am so excited to start sharing them.

I hope you like them!

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Since you feel better and more productive as Hannah, why don’t you live more and more as Hannah? Hannah seems stronger than your male self.

You are absolutely right. Hannah is stronger than my male self because the everyday things she does are harder than the same tasks that he does.

This is cis male privilege, in my opinion. He can spend all day running errands and he never thinks about, well, anything. When Hannah does anything she has to be completely aware of her surroundings lest she is confronted by someone who isn’t a fan of the trans community. She can be followed, harassed, and attacked. Sometimes her stopping to get a cup of coffee is the bravest thing I can do.

But for him? Life and day to day adventures are incredibly easy. No one harasses him, no one points, he never has to look over his shoulder to see if someone is looking at him menacingly.

It’s similar to you can only be brave when you are afraid.

I feel content with the balance that both she and I have in OUR life/lives. I don’t feel the need to present as Hannah more than I already do.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah. I am at a point well beyond hating myself for who I am. I have tried to give up crossdressing more times than I care to count and every time I come back to it. I told my wife a while back and it created such friction that I had to tell her I gave up crossdressing just for the sake of keeping the peace. Now it needs to be said that the dressing wasn’t the only cause of our problems, they extend far beyond the reach of only my little affliction. I completely understand that my wife would have issues with it, and for the sake of my own sanity I am more than happy to pretend that I have stopped and go back to the way things were (even though that bell can’t be unrung). I have had a handful of adventures dressed up that I keep completely to myself. Over the years (and because of issues completely unrelated to my dressing) I have reached a place where I don’t really care if we remain together or not. So I guess my question for you is, if you either never met your wife or you two had to go your separate ways, can you imagine yourself going through life on your own? And as a bonus question (I don’t know if you have kids or not), but would you share this side of yourself with your kids or keep it from them into perpetuity?

I believe people need other people. I think we have evolved to be cooperative and that we need the companionship of others… whether it’s the partnership of a spouse or a circle of friends. I like my solitude but I don’t think I could live alone.

Who I share my gender identity with, whether it’s family, friends, colleagues, or anyone else is determined by whether they need to know. Although it would be nice for Hannah to have coffee with some of the people HE knows, the thought of coming out and all of that it brings is exhausting to me. I don’t feel that anyone else in my life, at this point of my life, needs to know.

Please don’t hate who you are. Please. That will only lead to darkness.

And please. Seek out counseling. Whether it’s for you and your spouse or for you on your own. You are not alone in your gender identity. Please, please, talk to someone who is smarter than I am.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I recently told my wife of 16 years, about Rayne. She’s seems to be supportive, right now, and very confused, as I have been for almost 40 years, why I’m attracted to womens clothes. Nothing frilly, past that stage, I love the new styles, and I do have a desire to go in public. I was wondering, do you wear panties everyday, and who does Hannah’s laundry?

Preparing to do laundry

Hi! Yes, I underdress every day. Mostly it’s just panties but sometimes I’ll wear a matching cami as well. As for household chores, we split them pretty evenly and I usually do the majority of our laundry.

Please show your wife kindness and patience as she navigates this part of her life. These posts may be helpful to both of you.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

His and Hers

Our experiences change our perspectives. Our presentations change our experiences.

A t-girl knows this. She realizes this the very first time she looks in a mirror after she tries on her first wig or begins learning makeup or takes those quiet, tentative steps outside of her home en femme for the first time.

In male mode I never think too much about my appearance. If I have to go into the office I make sure my dress shirt isn’t wrinkled and my tie (if I have to wear one) more or less matches the rest of what I am wearing.

Buuuut we all know it’s the opposite when we are dressing. We agonize and delight in EVERYTHING. How do my legs look in this skirt? Do my heels match my accessories? Is my lipstick too bold?

I knew I would be nervous the first time I went out en femme. I was prepared and was expecting it. But I was struck by how much it contrasted my experiences prior to that, when I had only shown the world my boy side.

As a very normal man, I don’t turn heads. I am average in appearance and don’t attract any attention. I look like 99% of the white, middle-age guy population. He goes about his day never thinking that anyone is paying attention to him and he never speculates what someone else is thinking when they see him.

Buuuut we all know it’s the opposite when we are en femme. Paranoia, fear, insecurity, dysphoria, worry…

However, I also need to acknowledge that it’s never ALL doom and gloom. Hannah struts, he ambles. Hannah holds her head high, he stares into the distance. Hannah smiles, she glows, he just wants to accomplish what he came into the store to do and go home. Hannah flirts in the mirror, he ignores them.

A t-girl learns quickly that the world reacts to her in a very different way than they react to him. Hannah and I get different responses because of a million different things and some of these responses are completely based on what SHE and HE put out there.

Hannah posts photos of herself, he doesn’t. Hannah thinks that she is cute, he doesn’t give a second thought about how he looks. When I post of a photo of Hannah I am hoping that it gets a ton of ‘likes’. On the very, VERY rare occasion a photo of HIM finds it’s way online he doesn’t expect ANYONE to comment on his appearance.

Sometimes I think a lot about how different our lives are. HE is more reserved, SHE loves attention. I think most of the people in HIS life, and HER life would be surprised to meet my other gender identity and realize that although we inhabit the same body, have the same brain, and have the same heart beating beneath our skin, we are completely different people.

HIS life and HER life started and continued to branch into different directions from the moment our physical presentations began to differ. Our worlds continued onto these paths and will do so for the rest of our life/lives.

I take it all in stride and even find it very amusing. I think it’s kind of funny that HE just randomly selects the shirt he will wear for the day but Hannah thinks and plans and overthinks what she will wear the next time she goes out.

These diverging paths are reinforced on social media as well. He rarely reacts or posts on his social media, SHE posts pictures and blogs and tweets. Hannah puts herself out there and opens herself up to reactions and comments, both positive and… not positive. It happens.

I was reminded of this not too long when HE and SHE posted on (different) social media within a few moments of each other.

If you visit this website you may understandably think that MY life is Hannah’s life. I wouldn’t be surprised if you felt that because this is Hannah’s website and she talks about her life. Sure, some relevant information about HIS life pops up from time to time but I am very careful about what I share about HIM. I rarely get into specifics about his life.

Aaaand I think that’s just fine with ya’ll. You all KNOW I have HIS life but I don’t think the majority of you care.

Hannah has her dreams and her goals BUT he does too. I just don’t talk about them because again, this is HER website and I don’t want to get into any specifics that COULD connect the dots between my two lives. Hannah may be living her life out loud and comes across as confident and devil-may-care… but both SHE and HE have no desire to reveal our other selves to the rest of the world.

I am sure many of you can relate.

Something very good and very exciting happened in HIS life last fall. He kept it to himself for a time but after a few weeks he shared the news with his family but that was it for a long while. The news itself isn’t relevant. No, my wife isn’t pregnant, I didn’t win the lottery or anything life that. But the news was connected to something I have been working on for a very long time.

Anyway, he shared the news a couple of weeks ago on Facebook annnnd it generated a handful of likes and comments.

Within a few moments of the Facebook post, Hannah tweeted this:

This tweet generated literally ten times the amount of comments/likes/reposts as HIS post.

Both posts couldn’t have been more different. Hannah was just wanting attention, HE shared news about something very big, something very exciting.

Her post had the interactions that I was expecting. His post… well, it didn’t. I had thought his news would attract a little more attention but… well, it didn’t.

This is not to gain any sympathy or anything. Shed no tears for HIM, his friends and family are excited for him and he definitely feels the love. I just thought it was funny how different the world reacted to both posts. His post was BIG NEWS, her post was LOOK AT ME.

But to be fair, Hannah has almost 14k followers on Twitter… HE has about a hundred Facebook followers and most of those followers are family.

Again, people react to different things for different reasons. I know that Hannah will get comments about her photos from admirers and, well, chasers and fetishists.

Hannah is… at the risk of sounding VERY conceited, a public figure. She puts herself out there. No one knows, or cares about HIM. Again, this isn’t to gain any sort of reassurance or sympathy. He doesn’t concern himself what some random person in the world or online thinks of how he looks but my God, Hannah’s self-esteem sure is impacted by the reactions she gets when she posts a photo.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I have a question/suggestion and a semi-rant. The question/suggestion is that the once LGBT acronym has now evolved to 2SLGBTQIA+. Why can’t we just call our community PRIDE? Simple but powerful and known worldwide. I see communities like the NAACP and AAPI with short and powerful acronyms, why can’t we have that too? So no one is confused on which acronym to use for our community. That will cut down on so much unnecessary confusion and issues. Sorry, that was to supposed to go on like that lol. What is your opinion about that? Now the rant. This may be just because I am in the city and state (Houston,Tx) I am in, but the PRIDE (don’t that just sound so much better?) community members and supposed allies I have come across here do not seem to be into helping me with my journey, not even advice or to answer questions. No help with makeup or clothing questions. All they mainly do is say “just Google it”, or “Go on YouTube to find a video”. I want that personal one on one help. If I wanted to look on the internet I would not have even asked them for their help. SMH, They prefer just to deal with me once I have gotten everything figured out and done enough to hang out. I feel like if you do not want to be a part of my journey, you do not get to benefit from when I am fully glammed up. Full stop. I just wish there were more CDs like yourself in my area that have that “down for the whole journey” mentality. I am on sites like Crossdresser Heaven and TVChix but again most of who I communicate with on there are in different states and even different countries. Sometimes that lack of support really weighs heavy on me and sometimes heavy enough for me to think about stopping and going dormant (BTW, I consider myself a bi-gendered/two-spirit/dual-spirit CD. So I would go dormant but “he” of course will still live on.). So there it is Ms. McKnight. I will welcome anything and all that you have to say about the things I touched on.

First of all, I would like to apologize for the delay in answering your question. MOST of the time ‘Ask Hannah’ emails are routed to my normal inbox but every once in a while an email will pop into Spam/Junk and I don’t see it until I check those folders.

I totally get where you are coming from. It does seem like the acronym gets longer as time passes but I do feel it’s a good thing. Inclusivity and representation is important and each letter in LGBTQIA+ is for a community. I like seeing the T in there. It makes me feel SEEN.

I also see a benefit when it comes to the non-queer community. If a cis/het person sees the I or the A in LGBTQIA+, they may ask what that letter represents. It’s an opportunity for them to learn about intersexed or asexual/agender people and realize that there are people that identify in ways that are different from themselves.

Also! It may help someone understand THEMSELVES. Someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction may feel alone but if they see the A they will realize that there are others like THEMSELVES. I can’t speak for everyone but I felt a lot less isolated when I realized that there were others like myself in the world.

Love, Hannah

Update! Here’s an article from a few years ago that offers a really well written perspective on this!

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Too Cute Two Piece

Last year I strutted out of my comfort zone (and honestly? The more I do this, the more I love it) and reviewed and modeled a swimsuit for En Femme.

I hit another milestone recently when I modeled a new suit, also from En Femme. This time? A twopiece.

When I opened the package I was… well, excited and a little intimidated. Which was kind of silly as I’ve modeled and reviewed lingerie before and a swimsuit is similar in what it reveals, but a swimsuit is meant to be worn in public. And a two-piece is meant to, well, reveal more than a tank suit.

But like most things that scare me when it comes to clothes, I wore it anyway.

When I think of femme clothes I have to consider how they will fit my body. If a top has a plunging neckline, I have to think about how it will look when it comes to wearing breast forms. If a skirt is tight I have to think about tucking and which gaff I will wear.

Simply put, a bikini designed for a cis girl body won’t flatter me.

However, like everything else I’ve ever worn for En Femme, this suit fit perfectly. The measurements were spot on, there is enough stretch where needed, and it compliments my body and proportions.

The top fits like a typical sports bra but is made of a Lycra/Nylon blend. The fabric creates a subtle shine and draws attention to the suit. And! The top has pockets for breast forms. The suit can also be worn without forms but it doesn’t look baggy without them. I was a little concerned if my forms were tooooo big for the suit and would show off more cleavage than I would like but this wasn’t an issue at all. I mean, I like showing a little skin but I don’t like a top or a neckline that reveals my forms.

The bottoms also fit very nicely. The back is wide enough for my, well, bottom and the gusset is wide enough for my body parts. No gaff is needed with this suit has it has built-in compression. Worn properly, it will create a nice, smooth front. No matter how much I moved everything remained in place.

A similar product to the bottoms is the Carmen Liu White Lace Classy Thong, also by En Femme. Both of these items are not QUITE a gaff but will flatten and smooth your front.

Sizing with En Femme is rarely an issue and I will advise you take their recommendation to heart and know your measurements and select the appropriate size. The suit is available in black or pink but obvs I HAD to have the pink.

New clothes can lead to new adventures. Wearing beautiful gowns make me want to attend a glamourous event. This suit is pushing me to the beach… a place I never thought I would be comfortable to go to. I felt beautiful and confident.

Thank you En Femme for designing clothes for my body and for this sexy and practical suit.

Love, Hannah

I Could Have Danced All Night

I suspect most of us can relate, but I clearly remember the first time I wore stockings. The slow, quiet, delicate feeling of gently pulling them up my leg… my careful, trembling hand fastening the intricate lace to my garter belt…

I can recall this moment as if it had happened a few moments ago. I can recall the new perspective that five inch stilettos brought. The joy of wearing panties and realizing that they were everything I had fantasized they would be.

These joyful, intimate memories will stay with me forever. After a lifetime of femme clothes the thrill of my hands gliding a zipper up the back of a dress never fades.

Many aspects of all of THIS become, well, normal after a time. When I go out en femme I usually forget I am out en femme. Which sounds a little odd but years ago I was hyper aware I was a t-girl at the mall, a coffee shop, a museum… now I just float through my day and don’t think of myself as a t-girl. I’m just ME. I’m just HER.

But the happiness that a new dress, a new pair of heels brings will never vanish. I will always feel my soul lightening when a new outfit is reflected back in a mirror that brings out my femininity, my happiness.

And yes this might be shallow but I don’t care.

I think most of us can identify with this. I think crossdressers and t-girls can often have a different relationship with clothes, a different perspective, a different connection that some cis women have.

I want to be very careful here and I don’t want to be misunderstood. I know from time to time the conversation comes up about cis women not appreciating high heels or taking advantage of being allowed to wear a skirt every day. But I think that’s very short-sighted. When I am en femme I am wearing a cute dress and heels and amazing makeup… but if I presented as femme every day? I can’t imagine I would make the same wardrobe choices that I currently do. I am positive I would have lazy days where leggings and flip-flops would be my good-to outfit.

Presenting en femme is a tiny vacation for me, a lovely break from my boy life.

I suppose what I mean to say is that I absolutely acknowledge that the excitement I feel when I wear a bra, stockings, and corset would PROBABLY lessen if I was full-time. It takes a lot of work for Hannah to claw her way out my male presentation and being Hannah every day, all day sounds, well, exhausting.

If I am being honest I sometimes, well, forget that not every feminine presenting person will have the same perspective and reaction to the same clothes that I fantasize about. Some cis girls will see a pair of strappy stilettos and comment how on sexy they look… but also how painful they look whereas I only think of how AMAZING they are.

Wearing heels is a treat for me. AND I acknowledge that I feel this way BECAUSE they are not an option for me on a daily basis.

Does this make sense?? NONE of this is a criticism of ANYONE that isn’t excited about a miniskirt or platform heels.

As I mentioned before, I sometimes forget that a dress that I am wearing won’t always inspire the same joy in someone else. A dress is a magical thing… but for others it’s a piece of uncomfortable fabric.

All of this came to mind a few weeks ago at my most recent photo shoot. I had brought a new gown (well, new to me) and I was soooo excited to wear it. It took some doing and it didn’t fit QUITE right in ALL of the right places but with the help of Shannonlee and Alicia the zipper made it’s way up and I was enchanted with my reflection.

I felt like a girl at a wedding reception, I felt like a prom queen, I felt beautiful. I danced, I twirled, I glided across the floor. I was a princess, I was a bridesmaid, I was a movie star, I was the girl turning every head at a gala.

In my mind I wondered why anyone wouldn’t want to wear a dress like this. Why wouldn’t anyone want to feel this way? Why wouldn’t anyone want to look this way? I wanted to wear this gown forever…

But with each thought of happiness and wonder I reminded myself that if I had to wear this dress for hours and hours I would PROBABLY have a different perspective.

I love who Hannah is. Her life. Her clothes. There is a mixture of feelings I have when I (physically) leave her world. When I remove my makeup, unlace my corset, unfasten my strappy heels, and reverently put her wig back into the box. I am never sad to change back to my male presentation. Mostly it’s a feeling of gratefulness that I have Hannah, that I am Hannah. That I have the life that WE have. I am blessed to have a more beautiful world to spend a day in.

Love, Hannah