Month: September 2023

SISSY

by Hannah

It’s finally:

  1. Friday
  2. The last picture set from this July’s photo shoot

Over the last few weeks I’ve been sprinkling pictures, like fairy dust, here and there. I was referring to this particular shoot as my most recent one, but that’s not the case anymore.

I’ve written before how I love trying new looks at shoots that are a lot of fun to wear but are not indicative of my personality, my desires, or my lifestyle. Photo shoots are dress up time.

Just as a latex dress or a thigh high boots don’t reflect my ambition to be a dominatrix, a pink, frilly dress doesn’t mean I want to be a sissy.

Now, I know I have a fair amount of sissies who read my website and I know they are very kind to let me know when I misinterpret their lifestyle or, in some cases, their fetish. That being said, I am aware that I’m probably going to get this next paragraph wrong.

It seems to me, that humiliation and submission play a significant part in a sissy’s life. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with any of that. I’m not here to kink shame or judge anyone. As long as everyone involved is having fun and that everything is consensual who am I to say what someone should or should not be doing?

Of course, one must dress the part. Ribbons, bows, petticoats, stockings, and a copious amount of pink are required.

It’s the clothes that I heart.

To me, these beautiful dress, albeit with a smidgeon of exaggeration, represent innocence. A life with little complications.

A little naive, perhaps. I am well aware of the overwhelming sexualization of an outfit, a lifestyle, like this.

And I leaned into it. 🙂

I hope you like these pictures! I know that they are not everyone’s cup of tea… but goodness it would be fun to have a tea party dolled up like this, wouldn’t it? 😉

Love, Hannah

Oh We’re Halfway There

by Hannah

Most of my day job involves being “on”. I spend much of my week on the phone or in Zoom meetings. By the time Friday limps around I am pretty spent. Weekends are a chance to zone out a bit and recharge.

Perhaps ‘recharge’ isn’t quite the right word. It’s more like an iPhone that is a couple of generations behind the one that Apple wants us to buy and it takes longer to charge your “outdated” one AND the battery depletes faster than it used to.

Regardless, once Monday announces It Has Returned I am more or less ready for another week. Not that I have a choice.

This weekend Shannonlee and I shot another episode of Help Me, Hannah!, the webseries I am doing with En Femme. This episode was all about shapewear and consisted of me trying on different cinchers and the like.

These videos require a lot of planning between synching up schedules with Shannonlee, my makeup artist, the studio, and making sure the clothes I am talking about arrive on time.

There’s also the mental game of being comfortable not only being on video BUT also being pretty vulnerable. Recent videos have featured different tucking garments and a bra fitting… both of which required me to be in various stages of undress.

But I roll with it. Or I at least fake it.

I spent a better part of two hours that day just talking while wearing just a bra and panties as I babbled about corset safety and the advantages of butt-enhancing undies.

The key to this is just kind of shutting off ninety percent of your brain and working with whatever is left.

But as I mentioned by the time the weekend is here, my brain power is pretty depleted. When I start filming it usually takes me a half dozen tries to get the introduction right.

I don’t know why I look showing ya’ll these silly outtakes but there you go.

I get a little bit of a second wind when we’re halfway to the end of the week. I hope everyone has a good Wednesday and we are getting closer to the weekend with every breath.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

I’ve been a crossdresser for a while now and I’ve been wearing panties for many years. I’ve been out in public wearing a skirt a few times but I live in a small town and am always afraid of being seen, but I do prefer to shop in person. What do you think are the best stores for someone like me? I’ve had good experiences with Layne Bryant and Maurice’s and the Hanes store.

If you live in a small town, it’s inevitable you’ll eventually bump into someone you don’t want to at a time that is less than convenient.

So, you may have to make a choice and as far as I can see, these are your options:

  1. Stop caring
  2. Start visiting towns where you don’t know anyone
  3. Stop going out
  4. Be prepared for “the talk” at all times

I don’t mean to be blunt but that’s really all you can do. You can’t make someone not care about your gender identity or gender presentation.

As for shopping, I’ve written about this before and I suppose if I could summarize my thoughts about this it’s that every single business is staffed and run by people. Company core beliefs and policy aside, not everyone you interact with is going to be happy to see you. I don’t know of a single organization that specifically tells their employees to be mean to the transcommunity, but that doesn’t mean they won’t. You can go to the queer-friendliest place on the planet, but if the cashier is having a bad day, or they hate everyone, or, let’s face it, they specifically hate transpeople, you’ll not have a pleasant experience.

Essentially what I mean is that you can visit Lane Bryant one day and have the most amazing time, but you can also go back to the same store the next day and if a different clerk is working, and they happen to hate girls like us, you’ll likely have a different experience… even though it’s the same store as yesterday.

It’s impossible to predict the experience you’ll have when you strut into a store. If I shop somewhere and I have a lovely time, I’ll return. If the experience is, well, not so fabulous there are other stores that I can spend my money at.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Beaming for the Camera!

by Hannah

This past weekend the MN T-Girls had our monthly outing… which was also our annual photo shoot!

This is a highlight for the group and I love watching the girls getting their pictures taken. You can just see them beaming with how beautiful they feel and they always pick out the most amazing outfits. I was glad to do this dress justice.

The shoot was done at Malone Portraits which has become my favorite place in the whole world for shoots.

I’ll post my pictures as soon as I can… and as soon as I finish posting the pictures from the last shoot. 😉

Love, Hannah

Fetish Friday

by Hannah

Hi!

Okay, so NONE of THIS is a fetish for me.

I know for some of us it is and it’s likely at one point we all thought this side of us was JUST a kink but we realized that, mmm, noooooo it’s not.

I would like to think that at this point in my life nothing surprises me when it comes to another’s sexual fascinations. I mean, there are the pretty normal ones such as someone being enamored with stilettos or lingerie or leather or eye color. There are also the kinks that are really gross.

But the ones that confuse me the most are the, well, boring ones. There’s this guy on Twitter who messages me almost begging that I wear Vesper Slides during a photo shoot. I’m used to men asking me to wear certain clothes but they all tend to be pretty, well, normal. Lingerie, schoolgirl skirt, and what have you.

But I had no idea what a Vesper Slide was so I googled it.

And this is what a Vesper Slide is:

Now, I would never kink shame someone but literally what the hell.

I’m not trying to be a bitch but I can’t imagine an uglier shoe (sorry Vesper) and I can’t imagine a more Anti-Hannah McKnight piece of clothing.

Why is this a fetish? One will never know. I doubt the guy who requests it even knows. But that’s normal. Well, maybe not normal but what I mean is that usually a kink or a fetish isn’t explainable. It’s just how one is wired.

I am well aware that a lot of what I wear falls into someone’s fetish. I wear leather (some people really like leather), I wear stilettos (some people really like stilettos), I wear… well, you get the point.

None of what I wear, at the risk of being crude, turns me on. I wear what I want because I like it and I like how I look and feel in it.

When it comes to photo shoots I get more creative. I see an outfit, a look, and if I think it looks fun to wear, then I’m more inclined to wear it. What I wear at a shoot is going to be different than out in the real world.

Photo shoots are a chance to dress up, to enter the world of fantasy for a bit.

I feel the need to clarify that even if an outfit is a little out of my normal look it’s not a fantasy. A sissy dress is not reflective of a sissy fantasy. I just think it’s fun to wear a super frilly super girly super cute dress for a few pictures.

An outfit can trigger a certain response on social media. I can tweet something and I can usually predict how popular it will be. Usually the engagement is positive but sometimes I get emails or messages about how the look is not me.

And that’s fair.

If you’re going to post something you have to accept you will get criticized. Sometimes these messages are kinda mean like I’m too old, too tall, too masculine to wear a certain dress. Sometimes the messages are how an outfit just isn’t me or, quite simply, they don’t like it.

But sometimes the messages can be a little… feisty. What I mean is that an outfit can elicit a little backlash. If I post a picture like this:

I tend to get messages about how disappointed (to put it mildly) that I am turning into a sissy. I am not turning into a sissy. I DO understand that this is what a sissy might wear, but I wear a LOT of things.

I mean, this picture isn’t an indication that I am going to be a CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation:

I’m just having fun. Promise.

Depending on my mood I can react in one of two different ways when someone makes it clear to me that they don’t, ah, agree with an outfit:

  1. Settle down. It’s just a dress and I’m having fun
  2. I think it’s sweet that someone is a little protective of my image
  3. Oh I guess I have one more reaction. Please don’t tell me what to wear

Sometimes I think all three things but I will usually respond with something like “I’m sorry you didn’t like the pictures. I promise it’s not an indication that I have embarked on a new sissy/dominatrix/whatever lifestyle. If you have any outfit suggestions for my new shoot I would love to hear them!”

And that is that.

That being said, here are pictures of me in latex from my most recent photo shoot.

Latex looks AMAZING. It feels AMAZING. The power and confidence it radiates and requires and demands is immeasurable.

And yes, I know that it’s a popular fabric to wear in fetish/kink culture. I can’t imagine wearing it outside of a photo shoot or a club. Not that I go to clubs.

One reason I don’t see myself wearing it out in the real world is the effort this dress took to put on. There’s a lubricant that is applied to your skin to make it easier to slip into latex so everything was very slippery. Most of the time I have no trouble with a back zipper but Shannonlee, with the help of a pair of pliers, had to zip me up.

It was exhausting.

But I loooooooove how these pictures turned out. I hope you like them. 🙂

Love, Hannah

On Wednesdays We Wear Black

by Hannah

I honestly can never decide if time is moving slowly or if it’s going too quickly. When someone mentions that it’s ALREADY the middle of September I don’t know how to respond. Sometimes I feel like being a bitch and saying yes, that’s how time works but really, I don’t know if it’s ALREADY the middle of September OR if it’s ONLY the middle of September.

That paragraph has nothing to do with anything in today’s post.

At any rate, I am still posting pictures from my most recent photo shoot and there’s another one this weekend already. This upcoming one is the annual photo shoot that the MN T-Girls have and I need to catch up on posting pictures from my last one.

I have an Amazon Wishlist and I don’t REALLY update it very often. Some items on there are simple things that I always need (well, not NEED. Someone told me that a NEED is a really strong WANT and I always think of that whenever I think I NEED something). Some are things I want, some items are things that I think would be fun to wear for a shoot but I can’t bring myself to dropping that kind of money on it.

Still, it’s fun to daydream. It’s not unlike making a Christmas list.

I feel a mixture of guilt and gratitude when someone buys me something and one day this dress popped up in my mailbox. I tried it on and it passed the “well, at least it fits” test. Buuuuut like a lot of clothes the photo of the model wearing it online was a lot cuter than it looked on me. It was, to put it mildly, soul crushingly devastating.

But I should be kinder to myself. The model was likely a young, petite cisgender girl and I have decades and testosterone working against me.

Photo shoots are the ultimate test of clothes. When I try on something that was bought online I am usually in male mood and dresses always look terrible. I mean, it’s the same body BUT not really. Hannah has curves thanks to her forms and corset. Hannah has her makeup done and looks as femme as I possibly can.

I tried the dress on again and I couldn’t believe it was the same dress. I loved it. I hope these pictures capture the happiness I felt.

Thank you to whomever sent this lovely outfit.

Love, Hannah

Let’s Hear it for the Boy

by Hannah

Oh hi!

I think most of us can relate to having a dual life. I know I have one. It makes me sound like a secret agent or a vigilante, doesn’t it?

I have HIS life, and Hannah has her life. Different wardrobes, different friends, different email addresses, different experiences, all that.

You might relate to this. If you have transitioned, you might mark your life into two different time periods: before and after.

Regardless of your journey, we call an easily compartmentalize our lives. His life, and her life.

In addition to the separate wardrobes and the like, Hannah and the boy also have different goals and different accomplishments.

Sometimes I think about all the things that Hannah has done. I try not to get too high on myself and thankfully a mirror can quickly humble me but I’m quite proud of her.

Regardless of which “me” did it, starting and running the MN T-Girls for almost ten years is one of the most important things I/we have ever done. Hearing from other t-girls what the group means to them and the confidence and friends its given them makes me so happy I could burst.

I’m proud of the little steps I took all those years ago when I first baby stepped (in stilettos, naturally) into social media and created a profile on crossdressers.com and eventually my own website. I’m glad I’ve kept at this for so many years.

Going back even further, I think about coming out to my wife while we were dating, buying my first pair of panties, trying on high heels in a store, learning how to hook a bra, scheduling my first makeover, going out en femme for the first time…

So many firsts. SO many victories.

So many things we’ve all done and so many experiences that we should be proud of.

Although I have not and will not transition, there is a point in my life when Hannan began to emerge as her own person, if you will. I can’t quite pinpoint it but there was a turning point when I went from HIM wearing a dress to, well, Hannah feeling like her own person… even if it’s just for a few days a month.

Of course, Hannah’s life doesn’t stop when she washes off her makeup. She still has emails that need to be responded to and appointments to book and all that. Sometimes I think The Boy is her manager.

I tend to get caught up in momentum and focus on where things are heading in life. I suppose it’s easy to do. I don’t reflect on the past very much (which is good) but I think I should sometimes.

What I mean is that no one arrived at any point in their lives alone.

When I think about The Boy’s life and how he arrived to where he is now, I think about my marriage and my job. How did I meet my wife? How did I get my current job? I can think back and recall the people and experiences, sometimes through chance, that led me to where I am today.

I think of the Talking Heads song:

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”

It’s at these moments when I feel a rush of gratitude.

Continuing the classic rock theme, I think of the lyric by Elton John often in those moments. I thank the Lord for the people I have found.

I can do this for Hannah’s life, too.

I think of all the makeup tips I learned from other t-girls. I think of all the websites that were recommended to me that sell size 12 stilettos. I think of all the other t-girl bloggers who inspired me. I think of all the readers who comment and encourage and challenge me on my website. Readership grew, my confidence grew, and my perspective on all of this evolved.

I think of all other t-girls out there who taught me that passing is arbitrary and shouldn’t be the goal. It just holds us back from going out. Once this sank in, once this clicked, I walked out of my front door and never looked back.

Although I tend to think about what’s next, I do look back sometimes. I reflect on how she got to where she is.

The further back I look, the more I am reminded of one more person that doesn’t get the credit they deserve.

The Boy.

It was HIM that bought panties. It was him that slipped on high heels at Famous Footwear when no one was looking. It was him that first tried on a bra. It was him that came out to my wife.

He stumbled, he crawled, his legs shook with every single baby step… so Hannah could strut.

He got out of his comfort zone when he bought a dress. He got out of his comfort zone when he asked the beauty consultant at Ulta for foundation recommendations.

Like every single person in the universe, we are who we are as a result of others shaping and influencing our lives. Our femme selves are no different. Hannah is who she is because of my wife, my photographer, my makeup artist, and countless other t-girls who inspired her. But HE helped her too.

Listen.

I know a lot of us like to leave our boy life behind either after transition or even while we spend the day en femme. Our male lives can represent a part of us, a part of our lives when we suppressed our gender identity or had to keep her a secret. I get that, I promise I do. But HE opened the door to who you are. Who you’ve always been.

Love, Hannah

The Pointlessness of Sexual Identity

by Hannah

I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of someone’s sexual preference changing, even temporary, when their gender presentation changes.

Some girls tell me that in male mode they are 100000000000% straight but when they are en femme they can’t stop having sex with men.

My thought is that clothes don’t change one’s sexual preference. Many of our significant others are, or were, concerned that we are/were in denial about our sexuality because we wear panties. I think most of us would agree that what is in our closets has no relation to who we want to sleep with.

Yes, I have a lot of dresses and no, it doesn’t mean I want to kiss men.

Again, I don’t think what one wears changes who we want to be intimate (or kinky) with.

My (albeit controversial) opinions are:

  1. Some of us like to be sexual with a man when we are en femme because it makes us feel more “like a woman”. As in “a straight man is having sex with ME! Straight men have sex with women, ergo he sees me as a woman.” The sex might have little to do with the actual, physical moment, but possibly much to do with feeling validated in our femme presentation
  2. If someone is attracted to men, and/or open to being sexual with a man when they are en femme, they are/were ALWAYS open to being with men, even in male mode. However, when we are en femme, we feel a little more… adventurous, more confident, and less repressed. We can are more open to being honest with ourself and that includes admitting who we are attracted to

Of course, this is my opinion. And I am not here to tell anyone why they do what (or who) they do. If I added a third caveat to the above list, it’s that classifying sexual identity is just really stupid and pointless. If a guy has a couple of beers and fools around with another man, does that mean they are gay? If a guy experimented in college with a dude, does that mean he is bisexual? I mean, maybe? But really, it’s a waste of time wondering about that. If he enjoyed his experience, well, good for him. Maybe once was enough to satisfy his curiosity or maybe he had a moment of clarity and realized that he did indeed like men.

I mean, what are the parameters for sexual identity? Maybe a guy is physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to women but he just really thinks a penis is sexy. Is he straight with a penis fetish? Is he bisexual even if only likes one part of a body part that is typically associated with men?

You might be thinking OMG HANNAH WHO THE FUCK CARES and that’s exactly my point. Who cares about someone’s sexuality?

Why do we even care about our own?

I have never given much thought to my own sexuality. I have never questioned if I am straight or gay or bi or pan or anything. I am married to a beautiful girl, I have only dated women, and I have only been intimate with women.

My dating history would say I am straight. If I have to check a box on a form, I check the heterosexual box.

But I roll my eyes because WHO CARES.

This is not to say I am not straight. But I have never seen a man and felt attracted to him.

It’s not unlike other life choices or desires we have. Someone asked me the other day if I ever thought about moving to Madrid. And no, I have never ever considered moving to Madrid. Not even more a second. It’s not something that has ever been on my radar. Same with having sex with a man. I never considered it. Never had that inkling, never had the curiosity for Madrid or for men.

I think sexuality and gender are, ultimately fluid and impossible to classify. Oh, and pointless. I don’t think there are many things that most people 10000000% identify or agree with.

For example!

I know people who are registered die-hard Republicans or Democrats but don’t agree with every single one of the laws their party passes.

I know people who are vegan but admit to sneaking a piece of bacon every once in a while.

I know people who consider themselves Christians but don’t do many of the things that Jesus did, such as caring for the poor. And what I mean is that sure, everyone cares for the poor, but my perspective is that if you follow the teachings of Christ, then MAYBE you should volunteer at a shelter and, like Christ, take care of them.

Speaking for myself, I am liberal when I vote but I don’t think legalizing recreational marijuana is the right decision but this is very popular among many other liberal-leaning people.

This is not a post to call anyone out or accuse anyone of being a hypocrite. My point is that almost any label can come with an exception or something that contradicts the core beliefs and values of an affiliation.

So, back to sex.

I believe that acknowledging your own gender identity can open up your perspective to a lot of other things.

When I was young, I was taught gender was binary. Boy or girl, pink or blue, and that was that. Over time these lines became blurred and I realized that gender was more than what I was told. I embraced my bi-genderness. I present as a boy or as a girl or, outside of the binary. As I type this I am sitting on my couch drinking coffee wearing a nightgown. My unshaven face says MAN but my pink nightie and shaven legs says GIRL.

The line, if there ever was one, is blurred.

As we accept and acknowledge our gender identity/identities we might come to terms that gender is impossible and pointless to put into a box.

…and then we might start wondering what ELSE is impossible and pointless to put into a box.

MAYBE sexuality. Maybe it’s not important to wonder what one’s sexuality is, regardless of one’s gender presentation.

If someone who identifies as male as sex with someone who identities as a woman, is it heterosexual sex?

What if the woman has a penis?

What about a wife who has sex with her husband when they are dressed en femme? Is this considered lesbian sex?

What determines whether or not the physical act of sex is or is not heterosexual? Is it the genitalia or is it the gender identities of those involved?

Does it matter? (No.)

I don’t think they are any answers that can be universally agreed upon in a lot of these types of questions. It’s likely there aren’t any answers which proves that sexual identity is pointless and trivial.

Listen.

I am not here to tell you what box, so to speak, you should check on a form or to put yourself in. I am not even here to tell you to NOT label yourself. Many of us wonder if we are a crossdresser or transgender or gender nonconforming or one of the many other options that are out there. I think we do this as a way to understand ourselves and find others like ourselves.

We seek out others that identify as we do because we hope that maybe they can explain who THEY themselves are which can help us understand who WE are… and why we are who are. The perspective of others can shape our own perspectives of ourselves.

It’s also comforting to know that there are indeed others like ourselves. Having a community is reassuring and, well, it validates who we are. What I mean is that I used to think I was the only boy in the world that wanted to wear a dress, but when I learned of the word ‘crossdresser’ I realized that not only were there others like myself, there were so many like me that there needed to be a word for us.

Some of us can’t be bothered by a label and are likely rolling their eyes at every word in this post. And I don’t disagree with them. In fact, that is the point in all this. I am often paralyzed by both sides of the importance of label discussion. Do I think they are important? Yes. But more specifically I understand WHY they are important to some of us. Do I think one HAS to have a label? No.

Very few affiliations one can have impact someone else, whether it is how you identify as a gender or what sports team you are loyal to or the political party you belong to. It’s the actions themselves that count. In fact, having an affiliation can often by limiting. You might be a registered Republican or Democrat, but perhaps you feel your party’s candidate isn’t the best choice for you. You might feel obligated to vote for the party’s nomination but it might contradict your beliefs.

I suppose as long as what you do does no harm, you should be unapologetically yourself.

Love, Hannah

Whatever, it’s Friday

by Hannah

Happy Friday!

No matter how lousy life can be, there’s always a certain energy that Friday brings. Each week is pretty exhausting and I don’t know about you, but by the end of the week my capacity to give a damn is usually pretty limited.

And that apathy can carry over to other aspects of our lives as well.

I mentioned the other day how lingerie (lol, it ALWAYS comes backs to lingerie for me, doesn’t it?) can make me feel kinda too masculine, too fat, too… well, not qualified to post pictures of me wearing pretty clothes.

But whatever, it’s Friday, so here is another set from my most recent photo shoot.

I added two new pieces to my expansive lingerie wardrobe from Moot recently. I posted pictures from one set a couple of weeks ago buuuuut I wasn’t sure if I would be posting photos of the cute panties.

Well, I call them panties. Marketing “lingerie for men” can be tricky I suppose as Moot describes this as a reinvented boxer.

But girl, they are panties.

Posting lingerie pictures takes a lot of courage and nerve as, well, you’re about as naked as possible without being naked. Showing that much skin is terrifying. But even with lingerie you can cover up a little. I am self conscience of my body and I feel my midsection is a little unflattering. I could stand to lose some weight. I also have a very rectangular shape. Wearing a corset, even in lingerie shots, can help create a more shapely appearance but can also cover up a lot of skin.

But for these pictures, it was just a bra, panties, stockings, and whatever God gave me.

So, happy Friday, I hope you like these pictures.

Love, Hannah