Ask Hannah!

I am having a hard time finding people, male or female, that accept my enjoyment of wearing female attire. My roommate is gay and does not accept it, nor have any of my past gay friends. Yes, I would like to explore gay sex but the guys I have met have been too aggressive sexually. I know that I am border line on everything but you must have come across boys like me that want more and can’t find the right folks to learn, explore, and grow with. I am open to all and any advice

Although we don’t need approval to be… anything or anyone we are, acceptance is pretty necessary.  Or, at the very least, we would like to not be shunned or judged based on who we are.  Even though it is almost impossible to predict how someone will respond when we come out to them, typically (and this is being VERY generalizing) the reaction falls into one of there three scenarios:


-Thank you for being honest with me!  I encourage you to be true to yourself and dress how you want

-I may not understand this part of you, but it doesn’t change how I feel or think about you

-This side of you is weird and confusing and feels wrong and strange to me.  My opinion of you has changed significantly 


Again, these are very broad and certainly don’t cover every possible outcome, but I think for the purpose of this question these sum it up rather succinctly.


Part of accepting ourselves as a crossdresser also comes with the understanding that this side of us, this preference and enjoyment of wearing lingerie or heels or countless other beautiful things, can’t REALLY be explained or understood.  And trying to understand it is really unnecessary and impossible.  It can’t be expressed in a satisfactory way.  If we try to, the person we come out to usually just responds with wanting to know more.  Sometimes there ISN’T more to be said.

I like to wear dresses.

–But WHY?

They’re comfortable and make me feel good

–But WHY?

Pretty soon we get to the point where there’s nothing more that can really be said.  The WHYs, for the most part, are really asking “but you’re a BOY, how can you resolve that you are a boy that wears girl clothes?”.  I don’t know, I just wear what I want.  Again, a highly unsatisfactory and not very helpful response.  Lady Gaga nailed it, we are just born this way.  

Of course, I don’t need to explain this to a t-girl or a crossdresser, or anyone non-binary.   What I’m trying to do is explain how someone who is cis gender may process this side of us.

Anyway!  Back to your question.  Yes, it is hard to find others that will accept this side of you.  Most people have the need to understand… ANYTHING before they can accept it.  And, like I said earlier, this side of us can’t REALLY be understood.  I’ve been wearing “girl clothes” for decades and I’ll continue to do so and I will never understand WHY (beyond me just… WANTING to).  I’ve come out to three romantic partners in my life.  One hated it, one loved that I was open and honest with her as well as with myself, and of course, the third married me.  I’ve come out to a few friends and my siblings and each reaction has been varied and has fallen anywhere between “that’s awesome!” and “please never discuss this with me ever again”.  It stings but it is what it is.  You can’t MAKE someone accept who you are.  At the most, you can just hope they come around.  

Although you would (logically) assume that someone in the LGBTQ+ community would accept someone else who is also LGBTQ+, it’s not always so, and truthfully, it’s not really an equivalent.  Gender identity and sexual identity are pretty separate as far as I feel.  Wearing stilettos and makeup doesn’t change who I am attracted to.  My brother is gay and, like my cis gender sisters, doesn’t really get why I have a closet full of dresses, but they still love and accept who I am.  Of course, this doesn’t mean that they want to get a coffee with Hannah, but they know who I am.  

As for being curious about sex with men (or with anyone else), I am afraid I can’t be much help when it comes to that. 

It’s natural and normal for a crossdresser to want to share this side of us.  But what does that mean to you?  I knew what it meant to me when I came out to my wife.  I dreamed of getting dressed and going to the mall with her.  Although that hasn’t happened we’ve had countless girls nights in and it’s been absolutely magical.  You mention wanting to learn.  Are you looking for another crossdresser to teach you how to walk in heels or select the right clothes and sizes?  Are you looking for someone to teach you makeup?  If so, you may need to broaden your search a bit.  I learned how to do makeup thanks to three different teachers:


-My wife.  She showed me the differences between highlighters and bronzers and concealers.  She taught me the basics and broadened my horizons when it comes to makeup beyond just eyeliner and lipstick.  She showed me how to apply foundation and the basics

-Other crossdressers.  I read a lot of websites and forum comments and watched makeup tutorials about having more traditional masculine facial features and how to wear makeup and what products to purchase.  I learned a lot of techniques, such as beard covering, this way

-Finally, a professional makeup artist.  I booked a private makeup lesson and learned how to contour and minimize and enhance different aspects of MY face.  Every face is different and techniques that work for some faces won’t work for others.

You may, of course, also need to alter your expectations.  Many of us want to find an amazing person to have a fulfilling and incredible life with.  BUT you add in crossdressing to that relationship (or really, ANY relationship) it’s going to complicate things.  Coming out to someone you are romantically linked with will FOREVER alter your relationship. 

Before I came out to my wife (my girlfriend at the time) we had a good relationship.  Skipping ahead all those years later, we still have a good relationship but coming out to her has not always been easy but through communication and patience we adapted.

Before my wife I dated a girl who was 100000% accepting of what I wore, but goodness that relationship was not healthy for either of us.  When we ended it, part of me wondered if I would ever find someone who accepted my crossdressing the way she did, but staying in an unhealthy relationship BECAUSE they accepted my wardrobe choices was not a good idea.

In my opinion, if you want a relationship and you want crossdressing to be a part of it, you need to start with finding the right person, and then coming out to them.  Work on developing that friendship, that trust, that honesty.  Of course, you need to come out to them while you are in the early stages of dating, especially if them accepting your crossdressing is essential when it comes to a committed relationship.   

There are places online one can go to when it comes to finding other crossdressers.  I would recommend joining crossdressers.com or urnotalone.com.  Although I am rarely on these sites anymore, I have made friends through them.  Go to the site, create an account, and look in the forums and discussion posts for others in your area.  

To summarize, you can’t MAKE anyone accept your crossdressing.  I never made my wife accept it, but after some time passed she grew to understand that this side of me was, well, a part of me that wasn’t going to go away.  As two people create a life together they soon learn there are aspects of the other’s life that they may not understand or even like, but through honesty and communication they may come to accept the other person’s habits and personality and even clothing preferences.  

I really hope this rambling and almost aimless response helps, lol.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

The Purge

Every year the MN T-Girls book a photo shoot for one of our monthly events.  This is one of the many events that I really look forward to.  Not only for myself but it’s super fun watching the other t-girls get their pictures taken.  I love seeing the outfits that the girls pick out.  This upcoming Saturday will be the shoot and I am deciding which outfits to wear for it.  I have a pretty extensive wardrobe and as I go through all my pretty dresses I am reminded how fortunate and blessed I am to have the life that I do.  My wardrobe is a result of having a supportive wife but it’s also grown due to not having purged in a loooong time.  

As I choose my outfits for the shoot, I can’t help thinking about certain dresses that I used to own but were tossed out on the (many) times I purged over the years.  In remembering these instances it is always with a little pang of regret and annoyance.  “Why did I throw anything out?” I think to myself.  But the truth is I know why I threw it out.  We all know why we’ve purged.  

Crossdressing has been a part of my life as far back as I can remember.  I can’t remember not wanting to wear dresses and makeup and especially lingerie.  Growing up I never was able to resist trying on something beautiful if I had the chance.  I was, in a sense, always at peace with this side of myself although who I was created an enormous amount of fear and anxiety.  What I mean is that I was never confused about who I was. I never thought there was something wrong with me.  I always knew that what I wanted to wear wasn’t “normal” or common but I didn’t think it was something to be ashamed of.  Yes, I knew it was something to keep to myself but only because I knew others wouldn’t understand.  And I knew I couldn’t help someone else understand it, I couldn’t understand it myself.  But that didn’t stop me.  It still doesn’t.

I was probably in my teens when I realized that crossdressing was going to be a part of who I was for the rest of my life.  I knew I wasn’t going to outgrow it, it wasn’t a phase.  This was my accepting who I was.  It would be years before I would embrace it, but that’s another story.  It would be a few more years, not until I was twenty years old and living in my first apartment that I first bought my own clothes, specifically lingerie.  It was the first time that I had panties and bras that were one hundred percent my own.  I could wear them whenever I wanted, I didn’t have to put them back when I was finished trying them on.  They were mine mine mine.  And I loved it.

But it also filled me with anxiety and fear.  Living alone in a studio apartment meant that were someone else to find my lingerie it would be unquestionably mine.  I couldn’t say that my clothes were my sister’s that somehow got mixed up with my own.  I was, and still am, terrified of being found out.  So, after a few days of my new bra and panty set hidden away in my closet, I would purge.  Crossdressing was my secret and I thought about beautiful clothes ALL THE TIME but unless someone could read my mind my secret was safe.  But having a bra in your drawer was physical evidence of my gender identity.  So, into the trash they went time and time again.
But we all know how this goes.  The pattern begins again.  It might be years before we would buy panties again, it might take only a week.  There was even a time I went back to the trash to retrieve a pair of stilettos I regretted tossing earlier that day.  The point is that we can’t change who we are, or what we want to wear.  Like the realization I had in my teenage years, most of us learn to accept this side of us.  Accepting who we are doesn’t make it any easier, but it’s important to acknowledge that a) this side of us isn’t going away and b) there’s absolutely nothing wrong with who we are.

We purge for different reasons.  Some of us purge because we are convinced that we have outgrown this side of us.  We think (and try to tell ourselves) that it was a phase and have moved on with our lives.  For me personally I don’t think I ever felt that way.  So, why did I purge?  I tossed my wardrobe and heels for two main reasons.  At first I threw away my clothes because I was scared to death of being found out.  My girlfriend at the time had a key to my apartment and the fear of her letting herself into my place and snooping around was too much anxiety for me to handle.  Not that she was the type of person to do that, but we all know how paranoid this side of us can make us.  I instantly go to the worst-case scenario about anything.  In most aspects of my life this isn’t healthy AT ALL but I like to think my paranoia about being caught has prevented that from happening.

The second reason I purged was me thinking that I could, well, stop crossdressing.  I knew I was who I was and that I wasn’t ever going to change, but I honestly thought I could stop.  I naively thought if I didn’t own panties that it wouldn’;t be possible for me to wear them and therefore I wouldn’t stop thinking about it.  Sure, I might WANT to wear lingerie but if I didn’t own any I couldn’t do so.  I would also resist buying anything.  Ever.

Again, I realize how naive I was.  Well, I was also optimistic perhaps?  I knew that this side of me wasn’t going to be easy to understand when it came to relationships and I knew I wanted to eventually get married and share my life with someone.  The optimism came from me thinking that I could simply stop.  I was a crossdresser that didn’t crossdress.  I didn’t.  I couldn’t.

But we all know how that goes.  

The day before I moved in with the girl I would be lucky enough to marry I tossed everything once again.  Heels, lingerie, stockings, as well as one or two dresses that I purchased.  I wasn’t wearing a lot of “real clothes” at the time but I did have a couple of dresses that I thought were cute.  I came out to her about a year before we moved in together so she knew about who I was and what I liked to wear.  I wasn’t hiding anything from her but again, I was convinced I could stop.  It felt like it would be easy.

Again, I was naive.  I didn’t appreciate how important and indeed, crucial, my gender identity was.  I didn’t realize how panties and everything represented this significant part of me.  I was as much of a crossdresser as I was right-handed.  I couldn’t stop.  I shouldn’t.  I was born this way.  

It’s been fifteen years since I last purged.  It’s the longest by far that I have gone without doing so.  But I still remember how it felt whenever I did.  It often felt like a relief, to be honest.  Especially when I purged out of fear.  I probably bought dozens of bras and panty sets in the year or so I had my first apartment, the apartment where my girlfriend at the time had a key.  Any relief I felt was short-lived.  It wouldn’t take long for regret to set in.  I would get frustrated when I realized I threw away a pair of stilettos that cost $80 or a super cute panty.  If I wasn’t purging out of fear I was purging because I thought that I would stop crossdressing if I didn’t have clothes to crossdress in.  This type of purging was common when I was in a relationship.  There was a fear I was going to be outed which could end the relationship I was in.  

It would be years and it would take countless purging (some small, some rather large) until I realized that it was pointless.  No matter how many times I threw away my panties it wouldn’t take long for me to wander over to the lingerie section of a store and start shopping again.  Eventually I realized that this (expensive) pattern would repeat for the rest of my life.  I did my final purge the day before I moved in with my girlfriend, the girl I would be fortunate enough to marry.  I came out to her before we even discussed living together and although I knew I would always want to crossdress, I really and sincerely wanted to try to stop one more time.  Again, it wouldn’t be long until I ordered new panties from xdress.com.  Afterwards I told her about my new purchase and we began a unique aspect of a relationship that many of us have navigated through: bringing crossdressing into a shared life.  Confusion, questions, frustrations, and eventually acceptance of who I am.. 

My gender identity has evolved over the course of my entire life, especially in the last ten years.  Although I identify as transgender, and more specifically as bi-gender, I am always, always crossdressing.  It might be panties under my boy clothes, leggings when I work from home, or a nightgown when I sleep.  It’s a great comfort to have femme clothes in my closet.  It’s an indescribable relief to know that my purging days are over.  The guilt and fear that comes from having stockings or a dress in my closet is gone.  Those feelings have been replaced with peace and gratitude.  Peace coming from no longer feeling anxiety about what is in my wardrobe.  The gratitude is towards my wife for her years of patience and the energy she has put into understanding and accepting her husband’s gender identity.  

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah, I was wondering if you know of any transgender friendly hair salons that do wig styling in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area?

Hi! There are several places I would look into. All three of these businesses sell wigs.

Creative Hair Design
Merle Norman

Rita Ambourn

Anyone in the Twin Cities know of anywhere else?

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

The Complicated Legacy of Crossdressing

It’s amazing how many words are available for girls like us.  But it can be overwhelming when it comes to choosing how to identify.  Some crossdressers may feel that all of THIS is more about clothes, but they may not feel ready to identify as transgender… yet.  What is the difference between non-binary and being gender fluid?  Does any of this matter?  


I am thankful that some words are slowly making their way out of our lexicon.  Words like transvestite and transsexual have been outdated for a while and we are thankfully seeing them less often.  Words and their meanings change and evolve over time and I think the term ‘transgender’ has expanded to become more inclusive than it was perceived twenty years ago.  It used to predominately mean transitioning but identifying as such no longer necessarily means that.  I think many of us have our own personal definition of this word, I mean, I certainly do.  Some of us are scared of the word, some of us might not feel “trans enough”.  I mean, I get that, I was there at one point, too.  


As words such as non-binary and gender non-conforming (and the increase of people using them/they pronouns) become more familiar to those outside of our community, more people are becoming more accustomed to them.  Ten years ago identifying as non-binary would have resulted in confused stares, but today?  Well, probably still confused stares but at least it’s likely someone has at least heard the term before.  

I like non-binary.  I like gender fluid.  I think they are more inclusive and help break down a lot of the barriers and expectations (and limits) of BOY and GIRL.  I think more people would identify as non-binary if they had a better understanding of what the word actually means.  I’m non-binary (of course) but I feel bi-gender is a more accurate way to identify (as I am presenting as boy OR girl). 

 
The very first word I identified with was ‘crossdresser’.  The way my friend in middle school offhandedly described this word to me was a man who wore women’s clothes.  And goodness if that didn’t describe me when I was younger.  I loved the word, mainly because I was comforted by the fact that there were so many others like myself that we had a word to call ourselves.  I carried this word in my heart for years.


When I was in college the internet was a new thing.  On my very first day of my freshman year I went to the library, plugged in the modem and searched the word ‘crossdresser’.  I wanted to see what I could find.  I wanted to get to know (but not meet) other crossdressers and read about their experiences and their lives.  I was… surprised and taken aback by how… well, sexual the results were. 

Most of the search results came back portraying crossdressing as a fetish.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a fetish or a kink, but this is who I was, not something I did to arouse myself.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but the word ‘crossdresser’ became forever linked in my mind to something sexual.


As I got older I realized that the term was associated with fetishism more than I thought.  Crossdressers were often portrayed as deviants and perverts in movies and books.  It was always, always, always about sex.  Of course this would shape how others outside of our community would think of the word ‘crossdresser’.  It was frustrating, to say the least.  What I wore had nothing to do with sex, and eventually I started to wonder if this WAS a fetish since everyone else seemed to think it was.  But I knew in my heart that it wasn’t.  It was intimate, absolutely, but not a kink.  


We are forever cycling through thoughts of who we are and why we are.  Am I a crossdresser?  Am I transgender?  Am I non-binary?  For me, it’s yes to all of it.  I wore and wear “girl clothes” because I am non-binary.  I don’t think clothes are for boys OR girls OR any other gender.  They are just clothes and I love wearing clothes that are “for girls”.  I don’t feel limited to what I can wear, or what I do wear.  There are no men’s or women’s departments in stores.  I shop wherever I need or want to.  It’s true certain clothes make me feel a certain way.  Let’s face it, it’s more fun to wear a dress than it is to wear a shirt and tie, but I’ll wear what I want.  I mean, not really.  I want to wear a dress to the office but I know I won’t, but it would be fun, wouldn’t it?


Our collective thinking in society is evolving (slowly and kicking and screaming along the way) in the way we think about gender.  However the word ‘crossdresser’ still seems to be associated with sex.  Given that there are so many ways to identify these days, is it time to “retire” the word?  I don’t see the stigma of the word going away anytime soon and I think it will be a loooooooong time until people stop thinking of the word as a fetish, so perhaps it’s time to move on.


What do you think?


Love, Hannah

(thanks to my friend Marci for inspiring this post)

New En Femme Blog!

My new blog for En Femme is up!

The latest from blogger, trans-activist and fashionista, Hannah McKnight is now available in our Learning Center! Hannah’s blog discusses more in-depth her life as a self-described T-girl. 

In her newest article, Hannah talks about finding the support we need, especially after coming out to someone in our lives doesn’t go as hoped.  Read it now>>

Love, Hannah

Time, Money, and Patience

If I have a philosophy, it’s “crossdressing takes time, money, and patience”.


This side of us takes time because we learn over time.  We get better at makeup the more often we put makeup on.  None of us are born with a steady hand and are able to do a perfect cat-eye every time we wear eyeliner.  Time is also essential when it comes to embracing this side of us.  I fully believe we are born this way, even if this side of us doesn’t “wake up” until later in life.  I was always this way but when I was very young and I saw the mannequins at JC Penney wearing beautiful lingerie… well, something just clicked.  Like a butterfly pushing its way out of a cocoon.  It took time to acknowledge this side of me, to accept it wasn’t a phase, and to embrace who I was.  Each stage took time, it took a long time to get to where I am today.


Crossdressing or presenting en femme isn’t cheap, at least it isn’t for me.  Sure, I can put panties or a nightgown on and I am crossdressing.  It’s about as inexpensive as crossdressing gets.  But being en femme is another story altogether.  Before I even get dressed or put on makeup, I am wearing my breast forms, thigh pads, and corset.  All of these things give me the figure I want when I am en femme and these things are not cheap.  For me, they’re worth the cost as I look at them as an investment and I see the return on my investment every time I am dressed up.  It sounds silly but when I see a curvy figure in my shadow I get a little thrill.  Clothes aren’t cheap, makeup isn’t cheap.  I had a makeup lesson a few years ago which wasn’t free but again, it was an investment.  Photo shoots, which I acknowledge are not something every t-girl does, take a lot of work and money from booking the studio, getting outfits, paying my photographer, and a professional makeover.  We learn a lot when we build our wardrobe and buy makeup.  If we don’t know how to find our measurements we likely will waste a lot of money on clothes that don’t fit.  You (for the most part) get what you pay for when it comes to makeup.  Sure, foundation from Walgreens might be 5-6 dollars, but that won’t work when it comes to what I need foundation to do.  I need my foundation to mix well with color correcting and to cover my facial hair and to act as a good base for more foundation for contouring.  The foundation I need runs about $40.  


And finally, patience.  This is the hardest part for me.  It was very disheartening to see how I looked the first time I did my own makeup.  The first time I wore a wig.  I expected to be totally transformed but I looked like the boy me in bad makeup and a cheap wig.  I mean, that’s not unfair to say.  The wig was cheap (there’s the money part again), and my makeup was rushed (oh, and here’s the time thing again).  I expected to look AMAZING the first time I did my own makeup but I was… well, I didn’t look amazing.  It was a little discouraging and I COULD have given up on all of this (I mean, not really, I can’t quit being trans no more than I can quit being tall or being right-handed) but I tried again the next weekend after my wife showed me a little more technique when it came to my foundation and reading more about color correcting.  I looked a little better, at at least, a little less terrible.  Patience was also key when it came to wearing a proper corset.  Corsets require seasoning (essentially breaking them in) and the first time I wore my current corset I thought I would DIE after a half hour.  It was painful and I couldn’t see how on earth I could get used to it.  But I kept at it followed the instructions and took my training seriously.  These days I can wear my corset for ten hours without even noticing it.  Thank god I invested my time and was patient with it.


I got to thinking about all of this a couple weeks ago when I was getting dressed.  In the early days my wife and I would have a girls night on Saturdays and I would get dolled up.  It took about thirty minutes to get dressed and do my makeup.  These days it takes that same amount of time to just put on my corset, stockings, pads, and forms.  Being en femme takes more prep work and planning than it used to.  For example, for the longest time I wore nylons or tights and I could wear a short dress or skirt without thinking about it.  These days I prefer stockings held up by garters attached to my corset.  A short skirt can show my garters and stocking tops and I don’t want to do that.  I mean, it’s kind of sexy to do that (if that’s the effect I am going for) but it’s not appropriate for a day at the mall.  So my outfit is planned around my corset, in a way but usually my outfits are built around the heels I am wearing that day, and my heels are planned on what I am doing.  If there’s a lot of walking or standing I’ll wear certain heels compared to my six inch platform stilettos.  Once I have my heels chosen then my outfit comes next.  My makeup is usually done to watch my outfit, not only in terms of colors and shades, but also in terms of, well, intensity and drama.  If I am wearing a bright flowery dress than my makeup is more colorful and cute.  Leather or a little black dress?  Vamp me up.


I have come a long way, even in the last five years, and it’s all due to these three things.  I get asked a lot about how does one crossdress and yes, I can be bitchy and tell them to wear panties or lipstick and ta-da, you’re crossdressing.  But that’s not helpful.  Crossdressing requires a wardrobe of course, no matter how big or small it is.  I mean, you can’t crossdress without SOMETHING, but once you start thinking about this other than about clothes, you need to know that this is a side of yourself that you need to invest your time in, spend your money on, and be kind to yourself while you are being patient.

Love, Hannah

Secrets of MtF Crossdressing

Sybil Minnelli is a long time crossdresser, balancing her kink lifestyle with a vanilla family and work life. She’ll teach you her secrets of crossdressing, how she balances dual lives, and how she switches her presentation between casual, passable, and fetish themes. Ms. Sybil will share her advice on makeup, hair, clothes, shoes and how to get the look you desire. However, she does lead an interactive class and will encourage others to share their secrets as well. Attend as dressed up as you like and enjoy a very safe, friendly and comfortable environment. Be prepared for a lot of fun discussion about reaching your femme side!

This class is held at the Bondesque store at 707 West Lake Street Minneapolis, MN 55408

T-Girl Survival Guide

Hi!

The most read part of this website is “A Beginner’s Guide to Crossdressing” and to be honest that makes me so happy.  The point of this site is to provide resources and help to girls like us.  I try to be helpful and offer advice when and where I can.  I think one of my strengths is offering a perspective on identifying as anything but cisgender when it comes to how we see ourselves and how we move through our lives and through the world.  For example, I can’t do anything about how tall some of us are, but I can remind us that no one is too tall to be femme.  


When it comes to stepping out en femme, I am only too happy to share my experiences in regards to facing the world.  I started to think the other day that most of my adventures have been, for the most part, either positive or at least uneventful.  And honestly, anyone can have a good experience en femme when the rest of the world (or the mall) doesn’t really care or notice a girl like us.  Most of the time things go right and we all move on with our lives.


For many of us this side of us is a secret.  We not only are scared that someone will recognize us, we are also terrified someone will see the panties hidden in our dresser drawer or our browser history.  We protect ourselves, or more accurately, we protect her at any cost.  


We are paranoid and terrified when it comes to the beautiful side of who we are. 


Again, almost all of my outings have been uneventful, but what happens when we are en femme and things don’t go smoothly?  What happens if someone accidentally sees our femme Facebook account?  What about getting a flat tire when we are out?  When I am in boy mode and things go wrong I just handle it.  If I have car problems I call a tow truck.  If I saw a friend of mine while dining out I would say hello.  But if these things happen when I am en femme then it’s completely different.  Things will go wrong and I feel mostly prepared for problems that likely won’t happen, but I am terrified about car problems when I am en femme.  The last thing I want to do is watch some tow truck driver hoist my car onto his truck and offer me a ride back to the shop.  I mean, I know it’s not much different than interacting with a barista or a salesclerk, but when I am en femme I choose how I spend my day and who I interact with, no one really plans on chatting up mechanics as they tell you that your alignment or whatever is messed up.


But these things happen, and they will happen.  Sure I can change a tire but I am not doing it in stilettos and a LBD.  Yes, I’ve gone to the emergency room but never after a makeover.  If these things happen to me you can be certain I will write about it, but they (knock on wood) haven’t. 

Really, the scariest thing that happened to me was at Pride a few years ago when the wind caused a tent to flip over which hit me on the head and I was treated by the EMTs.  I still have the scar, but thankfully it’s the only scar (physical, emotional, and mental) I have related to being out en femme.
But I’m sure things have happened to others.


I would like your help in putting together somewhat of a survival guide.  And I know that sounds a little extreme but it’s the best way I can describe it.  If you have had a negative (or frustrating or terrifying or even a funny) experience out en femme, how did you handle it?  How did others respond?  If you had something happen, something other than pleasant or uneventful, I would love to read (and post) your experience on this site.


Some of the things I have in mind:


-Car problems (or getting pulled over)

-Being recognized en femme

-Your social media page being discovered-Someone seeing your bra strap when you are in boy mode

-Flying pretty

-“Getting caught”

-Trying on heels at the mall in boy mode

-Anything else that you might helpful


Please send me an email (hannahgotta@gmail.com) with the subject line “T-Girl Survival Guide” and I’ll be happy to share it with others.


Thanks!

Love, Hannah

The Return of the MN T-Girls Again

Yesterday was the first MN T-Girls meeting since November. We took a pause due to COVID but now that the weather is warmer (for Minnesota in April, anyway) I felt it was safe(r) to resume our monthly adventures This was our second return as we took our first COVID pause last March and returned (for the first time) in May of last year.

This month wasn’t tooooo elaborate, just coffee and girl talk with the girls but it was good to see my friends again.

It was chilly, but at least I looked cute. Well, I thought I looked cute.

Love, Hannah