Ask Hannah!

I want to ask how I can tell my wife that I’m a cross dresser, I have been this way my whole life I’ve always known, I have tried to keep my desire a secret but the older I get it get harder to hide this .  I tried to come out to my wife 3 years ago , I got myself worked up to tell her and I even said the words but it didn’t go well and after talking for 3 hours I basically back tracked and said it was just a phase I went through as a teen and hadn’t done it since which was a lie and after all that and her questions the next day it was ignored and we haven’t mentioned it since and I just want her to say something again but she hasn’t.  Should I push the issue again?

I wouldn’t push the issue but that is different than bringing it up again.

Since you attempted to discuss it previously, you should know how she responded the first time.  You said it didn’t go well, but this revelation rarely does.  Why didn’t it go well?  What were her concerns?  Was she afraid you were gay?  That you wanted to transition?

If you do decide to bring the topic up again, be prepared to discuss what her concerns were that she raised the first time you came out.

And although she hasn’t brought it up since you had the talk, rest assured she probably thinks about it everyday.

Keep in mind that we shouldn’t come out with the hope or expectation that our partners will “let” us wear panties or paint our nails or however we wish to express our gender identity.  We should be open with our partners because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what we need to be open about.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Playing Dress Up

paper doll

As shelter-in-place restrictions are eased, we are able to slowly and gradually return to parts of our lives that have been off-limits for a while.  I am excited for this for a number of reasons.  One would think these restrictions are being phased out because the curve is flattening but that doesn’t seem to be the case, unfortunately.  That would be the reason I would be most excited about, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Regardless, I am excited to go out en femme and resume MN T-Girls events and photo shoots.  I have a shoot in June for En Femme and another shoot for some amazing stilettos I was sent to review.

Part of my review for the heels will be about matching the shoes with an appropriate outfit.  Which mini-dress looks best with a pair of sky-high stilettos, for example.  Sometimes the answer is obvious, sometimes this decisions keeps me up at night (not really.  Okay, maybe a little).

This side of me has an amazing wardrobe with a zillion different possibilities.  On one hand this is wonderful, on the other hand, it can be quite intimidating.  Putting together an outfit with everything from earrings to stockings to shoes to a top and making sure it all goes together is a learning curve.  I still have a hard time matching a skirt to a top which is one of the reasons I mostly wear dresses.

I’ve been thinking about which dresses I will wear for the shoes over the last few days and I think I have decided on two out of the three, but still considering the final pair.  Putting together an outfit is not unlike playing dress up with paper dolls.

Have you found putting together outfits easy?  What are some of your fashion rules?
Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I am in the process of opening up an online store for crossdressers. What products would you recommend me to sell?  What do crossdressers need the most?

Congratulations on taking this step!  If there’s one thing I love, it’s more options when it comes to shopping.

Years ago the idea of a store specializing in clothes for girls like us was inconceivable but I am amazed at how many options are available these days.  Even though there’s quite a few options, each one is different from each other and can all happily coexist.

Every t-girl/crossdresser is different and we all need and want different things.  Thankfully there are quite a few options out there.  When it comes to retailers that design for and market to our community, I shop online with En Femme, Xdress, Homme Mystere, Glamour Boutique, and the Breast Form Store the most.

I like Xdress and Homme Mystere for their beautiful, feminine lingerie. I like the Breast Form Store for their practical stuff, like forms, pads, and gaffsI like Glamour Boutique if I want something on the sexy side, and En Femme is a wonderful place for day to day clothes.

IMG_0026
Dress from En Femme
084
Dress from Glamour Boutique
27
Thigh pads from the Breast Form Store

What you want to be known for?  What are you most passionate about?  There are a lot of options out there, but I always love finding a new place to buy heels and lingerie 🙂

I am not sure if this helps but I did write a little about what I think are “must-haves” for a girl like us.  Of course, we all have different perspectives on what we think are essentials.

What do you girls think are essentials?  What should a new store sell?  Please comment below!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

 

Oh, Twitter

When I first searched for ‘crossdressers’ online all those years ago, I was dismayed and a little shocked at how prevalent crossdressing was associated with fetishism.  There didn’t seem to be a lot of connection to wanting to feel and look beautiful, just a lot of people dressing up for, well, sexual reasons.

Of course, I didn’t feel like my wearing lingerie was anything sexual.  Yes, I felt beautiful in a sexy bra and panty set, but I didn’t dress because it aroused me.

Over time I learned more about myself and started to meet other girls like me, girls who wanted to feel beautiful and they helped remind me that perhaps those who fetishize this are perhaps not as representative of us as I initially thought.

And then came Twitter.

I get likes, comments, and followers from a lot of wonderful and beautiful girls.  Some of my followers are “chasers” (men who like girls like me because they fetishize or are attracted to a girl like me), and, well, that’s fine.  As long as someone is polite (or at least leaves me alone) I don’t mind who follows or comments.

But I also have a lot of, well, sissies.  People who identify as a sissy tend to get aroused by being humiliated for wanting to or dressing like a girl.  Ultra femme and revealing clothing is pretty typical and seems to be a huge part of this fantasy or kink.

Don’t get me wrong, wearing a super femme outfit is fun, and I have a couple of dresses like this, but I don’t feel aroused or embarrassed.

pink skirt 5071

I will never criticize someone’s sexual fantasy or kink (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone and is 100% consensual).  But when I see someone online who dresses because they seem to think that dressing as a girl is humiliating which in turn arouses them, it makes me reflect that in no way do I feel that presenting as female is demeaning.  At all.

Perhaps Iggy Pop said it best.

7bfdbe8470642222aed213256dd35347

Of course, I could be totally wrong about this fantasy, so if I am, please let me know in the comments.

Love, Hannah

Overthinking in Lingerie

xI don’t think it’s uncommon for us to modify how we identify throughout our lives.  As soon as I heard the word, I privately considered myself a crossdresser.  About ten years ago, I knew this was more than just finding joy and comfort in clothes that are typically associated with the gender different than the one I was assigned to at birth and I felt that identifying as transgender was a better fit.

If I wanted to put a finer point on myself, bi-gender is probably the best word for me, as I am happy and comfortable and secure presenting and living as either a boy or a girl. However, since transgender covers a lot of territory, I primarily stick with that.

Whether I am a crossdresser or transgender, I would never be so bold to claim to be brilliant, but I can have brilliant thoughts.  I’ve been a bit of a shopping spree lately and yesterday I received a super cute cami and panty set from Xdress.  Yesterday was a long day and it was a late night, so falling asleep in cute lingerie was the perfect way to end the day.

If you’re not familiar with Xdress, they make lingerie for men.  The models on their website are men wearing their beautiful bras and panties.  From what I gather, their target market is men who love to wear cute, feminine undies.  Their models are very male, no makeup or wigs, they are not presenting as a girl.  This lingerie is different than En Femme and their new Carmen Liu line of lingerie.  This lingerie is beautiful but also practical as it is designed to hold breast forms and to tuck our feminine flaw.

As I woke up this morning, I realized that my lingerie wardrobe is divided between bras and panties that I wear en femme and bras and panties that I wear in male mode.  Although this new set from Xdress is beautiful, it’s not something Hannah would wear.  When I am dressed, I have different needs from my lingerie.  I need my gaff from the Breast Form Store, for example.

In male mode I do wear lingerie “for girls” and lingerie from Xdress and Homme Mystere.  I underdress each day and my panties are either panties “for boys” or panties “for girls”.  I am always wearing something.

My revelation this morning was that we can shift our gender identity throughout our lives, but we can also shift our gender identity throughout the day.  I decided that when I am in male mode, I could be considered a crossdresser.  But Hannah is not a crossdresser, she is transgender.  I could wake up in cute lingerie like I did this morning, wear a matching bra and panty under my boy clothes, and I would be crossdressing all day.  But as the day progresses and I am preparing to go out, my gender identity shifts to being transgender.

I suppose that labeling ourselves is rather pointless and I doubt anyone else thinks about this as much as I do, especially before they have had their coffee, but this was going through my mind as I lay in bed.  Never let it be said that I don’t overthink.

At any rate, I am now awake, having my coffee, and sharing these perhaps not as brilliant thoughts I had imagined they were with you.

Love, Hannah

 

 

 

Pumping the Brakes

As I’m sure you’ve seen, there’s been a lot of ‘Ask Hannah‘ questions lately.  I love getting them and I hope you enjoy reading them.

It’s pretty clear we are all doing some soul-searching and deep thinking and reflection these days.  I know I am.  For some of us we are thinking about our gender identity and what this side of us means to us.  It’s clear this side means a lot to us all.

Reflection is a good thing.  It’s good to reexamine our lives from time to time and evaluate what we want.  I urge caution when it comes to making major decisions when it comes to our gender identity during a pandemic.  Some of us are spending more time en femme as we shelter in place.  Some of us are spending less time.  When we have experiences with something, we realize how important those experiences are.  If we have more of them, we may realize we want even more.  When we have less, we may realize that we actually need them.

Regardless if we are spending more time or less time en femme or even underdressing, we are probably thinking about what this side of us means and how we want this side of us to be present in our lives.  Again, this is good, but it’s also important we are aware of being influenced by the pink fog.

Essentially, the pink fog is when we make decisions influenced by our love and connection to our femme selves that we may not have thought through.  Since we are under a lot of stress and change, fear and uncertainty, this is probably not the time to make any permanent changes.  This is probably not the time to start hormones, now is probably not the time to transition.  Before we make any decisions, whether or not we are under a global pandemic, it’s essential we do these things under the guidance of a gender therapist or a doctor.

And I get it.  I am itching to get back in touch with my femme life.  I miss Hannah.  I’ve been spending a lot more than usual ondresses and lingerie and shoes, so I am not immune to the pink fog, either.  I’m wanting to have “the talk” with friends in my life about all of this, but I have to tell myself to slow down, pump the brakes, and wait until things calm down a little before I make any choices.

Love, Hannah