Tag: photos

Telltale Signs

by Hannah

So, I have a boss. My boss also has a boss. He in turn also has a boss. This would be my Great Grandpa Boss, I suppose.

In the almost six years I have been with the college where I work, I have never, ever spoken to Great Grandpa Boss (GGB).

Until a couple of weeks ago.

Each week my team has a Zoom meeting with another team and most of the time GGB pops in and he usually just listens but on rare occasions he will offer his thoughts. He’s a smart guy and I don’t want to portray him as out of touch but sometimes when a manager or whatever is that far up the leadership ladder they are not always aware of the challenges people in other roles face.

My school has made some… questionable financial decisions in the last few years and the cyclical nature of college enrollment sometimes makes it difficult to accurately predict how the upcoming year will shake out. This year is like that. Colleges are expensive to maintain and colleges, and, at least in the United States, can be expensive to attend. Declining enrollment, influenced by things outside of our control, usually leads to financial problems.

I don’t think my college will be closing anytime soon or ever, but last week, for the first time I’ve been with the school, they laid off five to ten percent of the staff. Considering that, alongside declining enrollment, and the aforementioned questionable financial decisions, it makes things a little… twitchy.

During a recent Zoom meeting GGB did something he’s never done before. He asked the team for their thoughts on “the current situation”. Predictably, crickets. I mean, who wants to risk saying anything that could come across as criticism?

Apparently I do.

After a few moments of tense silence that could be cut with a stiletto, I offered my thoughts. Mind you, I didn’t mention the business decisions he made but after twenty years in education it’s easy to see patterns in education and the ups and downs of college enrollment. Although there are things outside of our control, certain factors, such as employment statistics, are usually a telltale sign when it comes to college enrollment.

What I mean is that if the unemployment rate is high, colleges see an increase in people going back to school to learn new skills and to be more marketable. The opposite of this is true. If you have been paying attention, declining college enrollment shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

Essentially, this could have been predicted and the current environment could have been planned for. MAYBE we shouldn’t have made the business decisions we did and spent the millions we did when anyone with a passing familiarity with patterns would have seen the current environment coming. I mean, aren’t industry trends and history important when it comes to planning for the future?

I know I overthink but none of this is, in my opinion, is overthinking. It’s simply paying attention. I am not freaking out because I saw this coming.

Anyway, back to the meeting.

I carefully offered my thoughts. I slowly chose my words. I avoided any phrasing that sounded like criticism. I stuck to the facts, metrics, statistics, and what history has shown us. I was nervous the whole time and kept telling myself to stooooooooooop. Eventually I did.

As I was babbling away, I looked at my boss in the little square to gauge his reaction. I mean, it’s kinda risky when your employee is engaging with your boss’ boss. I was afraid I was crossing a line but considering he wasn’t gritting his teeth with a wide-eyed stare I took that as a good sign.

The call ended, and I waited for my boss to call me. His boss tends to overreact and calls him the moment anything happens. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he yelled at my boss for my comments, not necessarily for what I said, but for simply engaging with his boss and offering anything less than a perspective that everything is awesome.

But that call never came so I chalked it up as maybe I didn’t do anything wrong.

Morbid curiosity and paranoia got the best of me so a few days later I asked my boss if I committed a faux pas or career suicide. He assured me that I was fine but he did say that he was stifling a laugh the whole time because he could tell from my facial expressions that I was holding back. That I was painfully being polite. That I was struggling to choose the right words and phrasing.

I laughed and I said he was probably right. I likely was doing these things, even subconsciously. Just as history and trends can be telltale signs, I also have them.

The other day my wife and I had a similar conversation about my facial expressions. I am not mysterious, I am not subtle, I don’t have a poker face. Even if I am not saying a word it’s easy to decipher what I am thinking or feeling.

By now you HAVE to be wondering what on earth ANY of this has to do with a website that focuses on gender identity. If you are, that’s okay, because I am starting to wonder about that as well.

Not long ago I did a lingerie photo shoot. I received the final pictures about three weeks ago and besides tweeting a shot here and there, I haven’t shared them. Normally I am alllll over posting new pictures but I am just not enthusiastic about these.

My lack of enthusiasm has nothing to do with Shannonlee’s photography or the beautiful studio or the gorgeous lingerie. It has everything to do with ME. I mean, I am the constant in these shots, right? The lingerie might be cute, the angle of the photo might be perfect, the light streaming into the studio might be breathtaking, but at the end of the day it’s a photo with me in it.

I am consciously smiling more during these shoots. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I love these things. I have also finally accepted that I can’t really pull off a come-hither look so, I may as well smile. But there were two things that were on my mind that day. I was having car issues and I was worried if my Kia would make the 13 mile journey to the mechanic. The other was the undeniable fact that I have gained weight.

I can fake a smile during these shoots. No problem. But it’s not realllly faking a smile. I love shoots and I love working with Shannonlee so they’re a lot of fun. When I start hearing the click of her camera it means that it’s showtime. I shift my mindset and smile away.

However, this shoot was a little different. Shannonlee was using a different camera which didn’t have the friendly click signaling that she was taking photos. Without this auditory cue I was never sure if she was taking photos or looking through the camera lens and deciding if the shot looked good or not. What I mean is that I was mostly lost in my thoughts and my facial expressions, my body language, was reflecting what I was thinking about.

In addition to thinking about my car (and the potential expenses and the risk of breaking down on the freeway in four inch stilettos), I was thinking about my body. Which is easy to do when you’re wearing nothing but a bra and panty and you’re surrounded by mirrors. I lost quite a bit of weight about ten years ago and it’s been creeping back. I still work out, I still avoid sweets, and I don’t drink alcohol or soda, so there’s not an obvious reason for this. I mean, I am aging and my body is also aging and slowing down, particularly my metabolism.

I met with my doctor very recently and we are exploring if something is wrong with my thyroid which impacts metabolism. My anti-depressant also has a side effect of weight gain. I was prescribed something new that I am hoping my insurance will approve.

I am thankful for my body but I suppose I can’t shake off feeling discouraged that all the work I did to lose weight and to keep it off is coming undone.

Because of these two consuming thoughts, I simply wasn’t in the right headspace for a shoot. And because I never really knew if Shannonlee was taking a photo I wasn’t always flashing a smile for the camera when it was time to. In a way, this shoot shows me at my most human. You can see the pictures and just know that something is on my mind. Worry, regret, discouragement, disappointment, reluctant acceptance…

In many ways I don’t like these photos. But in other ways, I think it’s interesting to have moments of introspection and emotion captured. I think the lingerie, although sexy, adds to a feeling of vulnerability. This is a normal emotion when you’re almost nude.

The photo below is me staring into a mirror. I remember a feeling of resigned reality that my body has changed and my lack of clothing can’t hide my curves and love handles. It was a very introspective moment that I didn’t know Shannonlee had captured.

Of course, the shoot wasn’t all doom and gloom. It’s always fun to shoot with Shannonlee and when I knew she was taking pictures I did my best to flash a smile. I was feeling a little bold and we stepped onto the roof and I climbed up the fire escape in stilettos for a few pictures.

I used to keep a journal when I was younger and I wrote almost every day. Looking back through them I am glad I did this. Remembering moments and thoughts and emotions and experiences that have been lost to time is really interesting to me. To have that chronicle of your life. Although I don’t journal anymore, I feel that this website, these photos, show a journey. My perspective shifts, my body changes, my confidence ebbs and flows… I suppose in a few years (or hours) I will think that this post is rather foolish and self-pitying.

These photos, although not all of them are my favorite, mark a day in my life when I wore my heart on my sleeve.

…when I wasn’t even wearing sleeves, but you know what I mean.

Love, Hannah

P.S. Instead of the normal posting of each outfit that I wear in a shoot over several posts, I just updated the photo page with pictures from the day.

Criticism and Creativity

by Hannah

Somewhere on the internet I read a comment from a girl who broke up with a guy she was dating by leaving him a voicemail. His band then used the recording in one of their songs.

I thought this was hilarious and clever. To take something that was likely, well, not the best news in the world and then be inspired to use it in a creative way. Some of the best art is born from trauma.

We live in a world where we will never be free from criticism, especially on social media. I get emails that are critical and well written and (I assume) well meaning which I actually appreciate. It’s easy to be critical but it takes a lot of thoughtfulness and care to communicate criticism in a helpful and gentle way. I think the idea of being “brutally honest” is a little lazy and cruel. I really believe you can be honest and direct and gentle and kind even in the most challenging of conversations.

A recent email is an example of this. Some of what was written was a little harsh and presumptuous but they brought some things on my website to my attention that should be rewritten (and have been since) to be more inclusive.

Other emails may also have valid points but they might be so aggressive and unhinged that it’s hard for me to glean anything from them. Instead I find myself getting defensive. I should work on that aspect of myself. But then again I wonder if I should be spending time considering the opinion of people who intend to be cruel.

A recent email was a little triggering for me in the sense I felt I needed to clarify and defend myself. In retrospect it might have been better for me to delete the email once the writer said skidding into the abyss of not true transformative opportunities but more into the slave concepts of hell. Clearly the rest of the email was going to continue going off the rails.

But the writer baited me with You will never respond nor share this and not only did I share this email with the world I also broke down sections of it with my responses.

This took a while.

When I am filling out medical forms or whatever and I start to get bored after answering a zillion questions about my family’s medical history I tend to get snarky and sarcastic and try to entertain myself. When I feel this happening I take a break and return later when I am ready to give the questionnaire the seriousness it deserves.

As I responded to the email in question I began to get bored and tired of explaining myself to someone whom I felt was needlessly cruel. When it was time to respond to their “slave concepts of hell” comment I thought it would be a good name for a heavy metal band.

So, instead of reacting to it, I posted this picture:

And then I continued my responses without commenting on the picture. I thought the picture was hilarious and I was excited to post it.

In the days that followed the post in question I thought about this photoshopped album cover and I remembered how much fun I had creating it. I wanted to do more of them and I liked the idea of taking an unkind comment and using it as inspiration for something creative.

I started to go through comments people have made on my website that for various reasons I didn’t approve. I used to feel bad about not approving every single comment but I really don’t feel that comments that rant about “wokeness causing the extinction of white men” and overly sexually charged opinions add anything to the reader’s experience.

Sharing these unpublished comments is also insight into my relatively prolific life. I’ve been told more than once that I think of myself as a celebrity. I don’t, and I’m not. I love my life and what I do, but there’s also aspects that I don’t bring a lot of attention to. Many comments are pointedly cruel. Many are crude. Some are threatening. When I say I do not want to be a celebrity, these are the reasons why.

I plucked out a few comments and played around in Photoshop on a boring afternoon when I should have been working.

The first one posted here is from an unpublished comment from about three years ago. Yes, I retain unapproved comments in the event of, well, something happening. I do get threats and I feel that keeping a record of them isn’t a bad idea. This particular comment annoyed me not only because it went on and on and on about how much the writer loved performing oral sex on men (nothing wrong with this if that’s your thing) but how insistent they were about how I was in denial about my gender and sexual identity. I have been who I am for decades. I have had years and years of therapy and never did I ever feel I was not being honest with myself when it came to who I am sexually attracted to and what gender(s) I feel are right for me. The writer, who has never met me, felt different. I admit I could be wrong but I doubt they are a licensed therapist. They were convinced that I should abandon the male side of my life and succumb to the “privilege” of pleasing men and becoming a sex worker.

There’s nothing wrong with sex workers but I was turned off by the insistence that they kept pressing about who I am.

The comment went on and on and on with no punctuation and I felt there was a very Fiona Apple-esque album title in what they wrote. So, I ran with it.

This next one was meant to a have an early 1990’s vibe to it. I have no idea if I even came close to that but that was the goal. The comment that inspired this image was written by some idiot who was very upset that a non-white child actor was portraying a character in a fictional story that was written for children. Keep in mind that the fictional character in question never had their race mentioned in the story but that didn’t stop the anonymous commenter from being upset that the actor, a child actor, wasn’t white. Being upset about white people not being cast in a role or whatever is one thing, but attacking a child is repulsive. They went on to say that diversity and inclusion was getting out of hand.

…Which, I feel, is a little hypocritical. This is a website written by, and mostly read by, gender non-conforming people. It’s not uncommon for us to be harassed and attacked. Most of us, I assume, want to be accepted. We should be sympathetic and supportive (in my opinion) to others who also want the same opportunities that others have. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t think people want their gender identities or skin color or religion or sexuality to determine or limit what they could potentially achieve in life.

And finally we have a comment that was short and cruel and pointless. I posted a photo set and the commentor felt that their opinion was of value and that I would agree that it should be approved.

Honestly I am surprised when someone who hates gender non-conforming people find my website. Most of my traffic is from people visiting other websites like mine. I’m also a little confused that people spend time on a website that doesn’t appeal to them. When they make the extra effort to make a comment it becomes even more bewildering. I am not a fan of, oh, I don’t know, pickleball, but if I stumbled across a pickleball website I wouldn’t spend time browsing through it, let alone commenting on it.

But perhaps others have more time than I do.

I thought pairing the comment with a photo where I felt beautiful and feminine would contrast in an interesting way.

Obviously I am not going to turn every negative or critical comment into an art project, but I picked these three as they were all posted anonymously and were rather mean-spirited. I think it would be incredibly bitchy of me if I mocked every comment of me that I felt was critical. I can take criticism, I really can, especially when it’s gentle or meant to be helpful. I take comfort in remembering I am flawed and I appreciate when someone takes time to point out something I could be doing better.

Anyway, I like how these turned out. What do you think?

Love, Hannah

Shiny and Strappy

by Hannah

I like parameters.

I tend to think that I am creative but I am intimidated by complete freedom. If someone asked me to paint a picture and they said to do whatever I pleased I would stare at the canvas for months. But if they said they wanted a square painting of their cat with a lot of blue or whatever I would have much more fun with it. I think limitations inspire creativity.

Keeping that in mind, I did a photo shoot with Malone Portraits in June of 2023. Alison, the studio owner and photographer (and all around amazing human being) asked if I would be willing to model for some pictures she would be using to promote the boudoir side of her work.

And obviously I said yes.

I asked what she wanted to shoot and her request was working with different textures, fabrics, and looks that screamed confidence.

I liked those guidelines.

I asked two friends for suggestions and through their generosity they sent me a few items and accessories for the shoot. I soon had some outfits in my wardrobe that I likely wouldn’t have purchased on my own but they fit the vibe of the shoot perfectly.

I would like to interject here that although I don’t think myself as A model, I DO model sometimes. I think there’s a difference. When you agree to model something, you are not always wearing something you would choose to wear on your own accord. I mean, one time I wore pants. Obviously you are choosing to wear it for the shoot, but it might not be something you would select if you were left to your own devices.

That being said, the outfits fit perfectly for what Alison was looking for, but were not necessarily ME, if that makes sense. I know not everyone is going to like these photos but please know that they are not representative of any lifestyle choice I am making nor do they reveal a personal fetish.

There’s a lot of skin, lol.

And I have no problem with that. One benefit of getting older is that I am less focused on the eroticism that is commonly associated with someone’s body. I find it a little off putting when someone messages me about how much they enjoyed seeing a bulge in my panties.

It’s like… grow up.

Some messages tell me how I should be tucking or that I am revealing “my true gender” by not having a completely smooth front. I don’t feel that certain anatomical features, whether one’s height or genitalia, have to be associated with gender. Everyone has genitalia. It’s not that exciting.

If there’s one thing I wish to communicate to the world it’s that there are no standards or requirements for identifying as a certain gender (if you chose to identify as a specific gender at all). There’s no such thing as passing, there’s no such thing as being too tall or anything else. You can be super tall, you can have a deep voice, you can have a penis… none of these details should make a difference when it comes to being who you are.

Hopefully if you see someone who is as tall as you are, or has the same genitalia that you do, it may reassure you that if that person can identify as a certain gender, then you can as well.

Anyway, enough about genitalia.

The three outfits in this post are all very different looks. Each outfit may delight and turn off different people. A small number of people do email me after I post a photo set to let me know that they are displeased with my lifestyle choice that an outfit represents. I am fully aware and conscious that black leather and fishnets are part of the uniform (if you will) of a dominatrix. I am equally aware that pink and ruffles are the staples of anyone who enjoys the sissy life.

However.

Any assumed career path or lifestyle choice are not where I am or where I am going. Just as I don’t feel that certain anatomical features signifies gender, I don’t feel that an outfit HAS to be associated with a fetish, though I am very aware for many people it is.

I think what I am trying and struggling to say is that there’s a strong possibility that not everyone will like these pictures. And that’s okay. You can still send me an email to let me know, lol. But please remember that I am not adopting a new lifestyle or embarking on a new career.

Okay, let’s take a look.

Do you see what I mean? Very fetishy. Outfits that potentially trigger assumptions. When I wear something like this I feel a little silly but I get over it. It’s a strange feeling to wear something that is typically associated with a kink but it does not inspire any sort of emotion in me. Some girls feel very aroused in outfits like these, but they don’t do anything for me.

Regardless, I love these pictures and it was a fun afternoon. Alison’s studio is amazing and she is just a joy to work with.

Love, Hannah

Saturday Morning, 4 A.M.

by Hannah

For some reason the last two days at work have been so incredibly boring.

Which is kind of a nice change but it makes for long days.

Long, incredibly boring days.

Boredom led to tiredness and I gave up the ghost last night earlier than I normally do on a Friday. I had a busy Saturday planned and extra sleep wasn’t a bad idea.

Until my dog lost his mind at four in the morning.

One of our dogs is a giant, loud, scary-looking German Shepard. He saw something or heard something (not sure which is more terrifying) which woke my wife and I up and I’ve never felt more awake in my life.

More than likely it was a deer or a coyote but it was probably a sasquatch. My wife swears she saw a bear in our yard last year but it was also likely a sasquatch.

On a related note, there is an old and beautiful cemetery in our neighborhood where I usually walk our dogs. It’s always a little unnerving when they both freeze, stare into the distance, and will not budge. Sometimes they whimper, or growl, or turn around and walk away.

I am left wondering what are they seeing? What do they see or sense that I can’t?

I’ve no idea if I believe in ghosts but I do enjoy a good ghost story.

As I type this it’s too early to start my day properly beyond coffee and thrilling you with these pointless thoughts. As I mentioned, I have a busy day planned. Shannonlee and I are filming the first video of the Help Me, Hannah! series of the year and then I am meeting up with the rest of the MN T-Girls early this afternoon.

We shot the first video almost a year ago to the day and I’m glad we kept at it. Like most things in life, they improved in quality with practice and it’s been thinking of new projects that the medium can provide.

The challenge is that videos take a lot of time to edit and to work the technical magic that I am not familiar with. I know it’s a skill I could teach myself and there are countless resources online that would help but sometimes I feel if I took on anything else in my life I would lose my mind. I am overly committed as it is.

Thankfully I love collaborating. I love working with other passionate and creative and talented people. I connected with a girl on Twitter not too long ago about doing video edits for short clips. She has a few ideas and they all sound so fun. I hope to squeeze in a photo shoot in March and film some clips to send her but until then Shawna has put two different photo sets to music. The first of these videos was posted earlier this month using pictures from a photo shoot with Malone Portraits.

This new video is from a photo set I posted in January from a shoot Shannonlee and I did last fall. I thought it would be fun to do a tiny montage of photos that in a way told a story. A very short story, lol.

I love how this turned out and I can’t wait to see what Shawna creates next.

I hope you enjoy!

Love, Hannah

Fun Friday Photos

by Hannah

Hi!

Just a quick post today showing you some of the quick photo edits Shannonlee did with some of the pictures we took during the last few photo shoots.

These are a lot of fun and I think it would be amazing to create a book or a fairytale with edits like these.

Any fiction writers out there looking to collaborate? 😉

Love, Hannah

Black and Gold, Bright and Bold

by Hannah

Here is the final set of pictures from the final photo shoot of 2023.

Thank you for your patience over the last few weeks as I caught up on posting these. 

There IS one more set that I will be posting, likely over next week, so I will ask for your tolerance one more time. Posting pictures feels very self-indulgent and I’ve been posting a LOT of pictures lately so I need a break from myself as well, lol.

At any rate, this dress is another dress that I think is THE DRESS. I know I wrote about THE DRESS recently but this is another one. I have a friend who loves Venus (the company, not the planet but she might love the planet too) and after looking at their website I could easily see why. I have a gown and some panties from them and they are all amazing. 

I fell in love with this bodycon dress and I hoped and prayed it would fit properly. I arrived and all my fears faded as I ziiiiiiiiiiiped it up all the way. 

The day of the photo shoot was a remarkably warm November day for the Twin Cities and we took advantage of the weather and ventured outside for pictures. I love this dress, I love these photos, and I hope you do too!

Love, Hannah

Is this the Real Life? Is this Just Fantasy?

by Hannah

I write a lot about the duality that our lives can bring. How our femme lives and our masc lives can often be completely separate from each other with little to no overlap. It’s a strange moment when I am out en femme and I am exchanging emails with my boss or I am in a Zoom meeting but I am dress shopping on a different tab during it.

I can take that duality to a different level when it comes to Hannah’s life. I have the very visible and somewhat public part that this website and other things (such as the Help Me, Hannah! videos) brings. But I also have the more grounded aspect as well, such as my friends in the MN T-Girls.

I usually forget about the public aspect of myself when I am socializing with the other MN T-Girls. What I mean is that a girl in the group will ask a question about something happening in my life. For a moment I am a little confused about how they knew about that and then I remembered that I blogged about it and they read my website. I wore a really cute dress at a recent event and someone asked if the dress came from Venus. I was amazed that they guessed it but then they reminded me that I also blogged that as well.

To be honest, I completely forget about the more prolific aspects of Hannah’s life when the MN T-Girls are together and we’re having girl talk. I forget that my In Real Life friends might see what I write about and what I post.

I do feel a little self-conscious when I am reminded of my online life. Like maybe I overshare, maybe I come off as arrogant or bitchy. I feel, and sometimes hope, that who I am In Real Life is not the same girl as my website suggests. I get emails from time to time calling me shallow or arrogant or self-centered. I hope I don’t come off that way in real life. 

It’s more or less a running joke about how I am almost always the first girl to leave an event. I have a short social battery and events tend to take a lot of my energy. I feel easily overwhelmed and anxious in groups but I do okay one-on-one. I sometimes zone out or become easily distracted. One of the traits that lead to my autism diagnoses is that I am realllllly bad at reading social cues and how I just… walk about from a conversation because I think it’s over but it’s not. I suppose I come off as rude or a little spacey.

Honestly I am the last person on the planet that should be running a social group but it is what it is. 

I have become quite good at, or at least used to, compartmentalizing different aspects of my life. I keep different friend groups separate, and I keep HIS life and HER life very separate. I then separate Hannah’s In Real Life with her Social Media Life. And this is a good thing. I think if I wasn’t so easily humbled by so many aspects of my life (I am more insecure than I let on) I could easily let the number of followers I have inflate my ego. 

But who knows? It’s very possible that some of the members of the MN T-Girls consider me arrogant or bitchy. It’s very possible I have rubbed someone the wrong way. If that happened I am really sorry. 

If someone doesn’t like me In Real Life because I came off as rude then it bothers me. As mentioned earlier if I walk away from a conversation it’s because I honestly thought it was over. If someone sends me an email that is critical AND rude, I MAY respond publicly in rare occasions and sometimes my response is bitchy but this is not representative about how I would resolve something in real life. 

The reason is that In Real Life interactions are done between people. It’s much easier to be bitchy and cruel through a message or an email or on a website, especially if the message is written anonymously. We write things to other humans that we would never say to another human. I am guilty of this.

An overly critical (or unhinged) email kind of unlocks Bitchy Hannah but if someone were to say the same things to me In Real Life I would probably cry.

I think about criticism more than I should because I always wonder if it’s valid, even if the criticism could have been communicated in a little more constructive or gentle manner. 

This has been on my mind lately for two reasons. One reason is a recent email I received and you can read about that here. The other reason is I am getting close to catching up on posting pictures from my last few photo shoots. There’s a fair amount of lingerie pictures. 

Annnnnd I forget that people I know In Real Life might see these pictures. Obviously I am comfortable with my body (even if I am unsecure about it) and have no hesitation to share these photos on my website, but being reminded that people I know In Real Life see more of my skin than my doctor sees is a little… uncomfortable, you know? 

There’s also the fear that my friends think I am delusional about how I see myself. I am not a model, I do not have a lingerie model’s body. I am almost fifty, I am tired, and my tummy isn’t tight. I am no illusions about myself.

I do what I do because, well, it’s fun. It’s empowering. If you don’t believe me, then you might want to book a boudoir shoot. Seriously. It’s one of the most affirming and beautiful and powerful things I have ever done, but it took a little time to ease into the mindset that these type of shoots require. 

Ultimately it’s a good thing that I forget that people I know In Real Life have the potential to see these type of photos. It would be awwwwkward to realize that the girls I am chatting with potentially saw these revealing pictures. 

At any rate, I have been thinking about this over the last few weeks as I have been catching up on posting picture for last year’s shoots. I rarely think about what I post, either pictures or something I wrote, after I post it. Once it’s published, it’s out of my head and I start thinking of what the next post will be. I am quite good when it comes to moving on. 

That being said, here is the second to last post from November’s photo shoot. I am doing my best to rock two different lingerie sets, both from Allure. 

I hope you like these pictures! And if you know me In Real Life, let’s never speak of them, lol.

Love, Hannah

Mirrorball

by Hannah

A few months ago I was at Target. If you live in a suburb in Minnesota, thanks to an amendment in the state’s Constitution, you are legally required to visit Target once every seven days. 

And I saw a dress. It was THE DRESS. I have countless dresses that are THE DRESS and this was another one.

This was around the time Target was putting out their clothes for the holidays. Bright, sparkly, shiny, and beautiful. 

This particular Target did not have THE DRESS in my size. When I returned home my wife was going to run some errands and she also was going to Target for her state mandated weekly visit. She would be going to a different Target, however.

I asked if she could see if that location had THE DRESS in my size. She laughed and said that she knew exactly what dress I was referring to. She saw it previously and had a feeling it would catch my eye. 

A few hours later THE DRESS was in my closet. I have an amazing wife.

I meant to wear THE DRESS for the MN T-Girls 10 year anniversary party. But I didn’t and that’s another exciting (not really) story for another day. I did wear it for the photo shoot I did in November of last year.

This dress was like wearing a mirrorball. 

Love, Hannah

Hologram HoloGLAM

by Hannah

Sometimes it takes forevvvvvvvvver to decide on a title for a blog entry. Sometimes they just pop into my head and I am amazed that I came up with it. Today is one of those days. Fingers crossed the rest of the day works out like this.

I like shiny. I like pink. I like short. I like tight. I like dresses.

So, as you can imagine, this hologram dress from En Femme was like an answer to all my hopes and dreams.

I am using a little hyperbole. I am not as shallow as I appear to be.

This is one of the outfits I wore for my photo shoot last November. I love the dress and it makes me wish I liked being out of the house past 6pm, lol. It would be perfect for a club or essentially any place that I don’t typically go to. 

Love, Hannah

A Poem on the Underground Wall

by Hannah

In 1964 Simon and Garfunkel released their first studio album titled “Wednesday Morning, 3 A.M.”

I’d like to take this moment to announce that this website is now dedicated to the folk rock music scene of the 60’s. Tomorrow’s entry is about Joan Baez.

Okay, not really.

If you’re not familiar with the album cover, here it is:

I read about the photo session when this picture was taken. Art Garfunkel recalled how the two of them dressed in their best suits and took photo after photo of them against the concrete walls of the New York subway.

The wall was heavily graffitied.

When they felt they had nailed the look they were going for, they turned back and noticed, in very prominent lettering, was, as he put it, the familiar four letter suggestion.

Of course they had to start over. I doubt any record store would have carried an album with that word on it.

And yes, it’s THAT word.

I think it would have been an amazing picture. I like juxtaposition. In my shoots I love beautiful dresses in decaying buildings. The idea of two teenagers in their Sunday best with FUCK spraypainted behind them is amazing.

This moment inspired Paul Simon to write a song called “A Poem on the Underground Wall” which appeared on a later album.

I knew of the song prior to the story. I liked the song. 

The last train is nearly due
The underground is closing soon
And in the dark deserted station
Restless in anticipation
A man waits in the shadows

His restless eyes leap and scratch
At all that they can touch or catch
And hidden deep within his pocket
Safe within his silent socket
He holds a colored crayon

Now from the tunnel’s stony womb
The carriage rides to meet the groom
And opens wide and welcome doors
But he hesitates, then withdraws
Deeper in the shadows

And the train is gone suddenly
On wheels clicking silently
Like a gently tapping litany
And he holds his crayon rosary
Tighter in his hand

Now from his pocket quick he flashes
The crayon on the wall he slashes
Deep upon the advertising
A single-worded poem comprised
Of four letters

And his heart is laughing, screaming, pounding
The poem across the tracks rebounding
Shadowed by the exit light
His legs take their ascending flight
To seek the breast of darkness and be suckled by the night

All of this, the lyrics, the story, was on my mind while Shannonlee took photos of an amazing dress from Venus during November’s photo shoot.

Here’s why. 

Of course, we took other pictures besides the one with such scandalous language.

This was a fun shoot and I love this dress. 

For what it’s worth, when I first heard “A Poem on the Underground Wall” I assumed the single-worded poem comprised of four letters was “love”.

lol, whoops.

Love, Hannah