Announcing the Hannah!

This side of us has dreams and desires that are wildly different than what many people in our male lives (if we have one) would ever guess.

I mean, I can’t imagine my coworkers would ever even begin to speculate that one of my life goals is to be a bridesmaid.

A while ago I realized I had a dream of, well… I mean, it sounds kind of silly but I think many of you will understand.

HommeMystere makes beautiful lingerie for girls like us. I have quite a few of their bras and panties in my wardrobe and I love wearing their matching camisole and panty sets or teddies to bed. It’s not uncommon for their designers to create a cute set with a name, such as Charlotte or Juliette.

I’m sure you can see where this going.

I thought it would be amazing to have a bra and panty set named after me.

A few months ago I received an email from HommeMystere and like magic, my dream was real.

They sent a beautiful tartan bra and panty (and a flirty little skirt) and like everything else they design, it fit perfectly. Modeling it at a recent photo shoot was an unreal experience.

I am thrilled to show you this beautiful set. I hope you like the pictures and I hope you like the lingerie.

The Hannah will be available in early 2023!


Love, Hannah

Set Your Phasers to Stun…

…because yesterday’s MN T-Girl photo shoot will leave you speechless!

I recently wrote how the professional photo shoot we do each year is one of my favorite events because it’s a peek inside someone’s soul… and their closet. Yesterday absolutely proved that as the girls were princesses and beauty queens. It was wonderful.

Five t-girls spent a few hours getting glammed up and dolled up and wearing absolutely amazing dresses and outfits. It was inspiring and a little humbling to see so many beautiful t-girls.

I can’t wait to see what the photos look like and I’ll post them as soon as I can for you. In the meantime, here is a little peek at the fun we had.

Love, Hannah

Lights and Cameras and T-Girls!

Tomorrow the MN T-Girls have our monthly outing which will be our annual photo shoot.

I do several photo shoots throughout the year but the yearly shoot our little group does is always my favorite one.

The MN T-Girls are celebrating our ninth anniversary this month and I’ve been reflecting on what we have done while also thinking about the future. Some events have been a lot of fun and some have been very unique and some, well, weren’t as popular or as fun as I thought they would be.

No matter what we do, each month usually has “a first” for at least one girl attending. For some outings it’s a girl’s first time out en femme. When we go out to dinner there’s a good chance it’s someone’s first time dining in a dress. These milestones are significant and I am always so happy and proud of my new friends.

The photo shoots are, in a way, a glimpse into someone’s heart and their closet. What I wear for a shoot I feel is a reflection as to how I feel about my myself. Lingerie can project confidence, leather suggests fearlessness, a gown reveals that undeniable desire to be as beautiful as I can.

I absolutely love seeing what the girls choose to model for these shoots. It might be a costume, it might be a sundress, or a wedding gown. I think a lot of what is hanging in our closets has a story behind it. There’s a reason we bought it. Some of us have a gorgeous floor-length gown because we’ve always wanted to be a princess. A short and tight mini-dress radiates a confidence that the rest of the world might not see from their male life (if they have one).

My point is that our hearts have secrets and desires. We have yearnings and pangs of emotion. What we wear shows what we wish for. We may not be a princess in real life but for a few hours each year we can pretend.

Love, Hannah

Unwrapping

It’s my birthday!

And what do we do on birthdays (besides reflecting on another year passed or dreading what is to come or having an existential crisis)? Well, if you’re lucky you can unwrap a present!

In celebration of my birthday I would like to post the last set of pictures from my most recent photo shoot. And yes! They are lingerie shots to go along with the unwrapping metaphor.

Unwrapping? Undressing? Let’s just go with it.

And yes! Not very introspective but I’m working on a lot of thoughtful entries at the moment so I am giving my brain a little break from serious thinking and just indulging in my love for pretty lingerie.

Love, Hannah

It’s Not the Weather…

I could just pretend that you love me
The night would lose all sense of fear
But why do I need you to love me
When you can’t hold what I hold dear

Oh God could it be the weather
Oh God why am I here
If love isn’t forever
And its not the weather
Hand me my leather

-Tori Amos

Love, Hannah

Overdressed and Overthinking

Okay girls, three outfits left to show you from my most recent photo shoot.

Of the the several that remain, this little number is the… hm, most modest of them but when you see the last two, that’s not saying much.

Whenever I have a shoot I choose a dress to wear to the studio. This dress is the one I will wear to my makeover appointment, getting coffee, or doing a little shopping if I have time. It’s not uncommon to have sexy outfits picked out for the shoot itself, like leather or something more revealing. Sometimes I’ll have an evening gown.

What I mean is that not every outfit I’ve selected is not really appropriate for running errands before the photo shoot.

So, I have to make sure I have a dress picked out for a little running around before the shoot. I don’t try to blend in, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I will try to stand out. I will, by default, stand out.

To clarify, I will stand out because I am a Very Tall Transgirl. Not because I am OMG I AM SO GORGEOUS LIKE WHY WOULDN’T I STAND OUT.

When I am just popping into a few stories I want to make wear something that is appropriate. I am, more than likely overdressed but being overdressed isn’t the same thing as wearing something that is out of place.

After all, Oscar Wilde said you can never be overdressed or overeducated.

Likewise, if I am going out after the shoot, I need to make sure I have an outfit that is appropriate for whatever I am up to next. If I am not going out, then I just drive home (and praying I don’t get pulled over) in whatever leather dress or evening gown that I wore as the final outfit for the shoot.

This recent photo shoot had it’s share of cute dresses but only two would work for errands before the shoot and for meeting the T-Girls after the shoot. I chose a red dress and sparkly heels for after, and below is the dress I wore for running around before I had to be at the studio.

It wasn’t a hard decision. It was kind of by default. My other choices was a tight leather dress, a very pink dress which would look a little out of place at a coffee shop, and a dress that would work but the heels I wanted to pair with it tend to hurt after a little bit and weren’t a good fit for shopping.

This dress is cute and I like it a lot, but what prompted me to buy it was that it was perfect for a pair of heels that I own that I don’t wear as much as I would like.

My only reservation about this outfit is that it MIGHT be a LITTLE too matchy-matchy. I mean, both the dress and heels are black AND white so it may be a little too much. Adding a pink belt might have brought a needed pop of color to this outfit.

But life is short. Wear what you want. Wherever you want.

Love, Hannah

Polka Dots and Shallow Thoughts

My goodness I am running behind on posting pictures from my most recent photo shoot.

I am going to arbitrarily choose an outfit to post today. Should I select the leather dress? Lingerie? Something that is more modest?

Oh, let’s go with polka dots.

When Shannonlee sends over photos, I sort them by outfit into separate folders. I usually don’t look at them tooooo closely until I am ready to post them here or on Flickr and then eventually on Twitter.

I know pink is considered to be very girly and I don’t think you can get more feminine than lingerie, but I don’t feel there is a pattern (maybe besides houndstooth?) that is more femme than polka dots.

Now that I am looking at these pictures a little more closely I have to say I don’t think I’ve ever felt more feminine than these photos make me feel.

Next week I become another year older and with each passing day I get closer to fifty. In our youth-obsessed culture it’s not unusual to feel that once you leave your twenties that the days of looking and feeling beautiful are behind you. If I am being honest (and maybe shallow) I feel… well, I feel I look really beautiful here. I think I look better than I did ten years ago.

Listen.

There is no standard for femininity. I’ve received countless emails from t-girls who tell me they have never felt more femme than when they are in modest makeup and leggings. I am a dress and stiletto girl but I have worn more casual clothes en femme for photo shoots and although I was in pants I was very surprised by how feminine I felt. It’s all about how your outfit makes you feel.

I hope you have a beautiful day.

Love, Hannah

The Short Answer is Vanity

The other day (disclaimer, my concept of time is garbage and when I say “the other day” I might be referring to yesterday or four years ago) someone innocuously asked why I post pictures of my photo shoots. I didn’t take the question as anything other than innocent curiosity.

I said the short answer was vanity and the longer answer would probably need it’s own post.

And here it is!

Like a lot of questions I am asked (in both of my gender identities) there may be a lot of different reasons I do or say or feel anything. I hate my brain sometimes and I don’t always feel I can provide a short, clear answer to something. It infuriates my already furious boss (seriously he needs to calm down) and having a lot of different perspectives on something can often paralyze my thinking or providing a simple reason why I do anything.

That being said, let’s talk about why I post pictures.

I do want to make it clear that I will probably come off as bitchy here. I don’t mean to. That’s not my intention at all. I don’t feel bitchy. I also want to make it clear that I may come off as conceited. I am not. I know that I post a LOT of pictures and I really like what I post and it’s understandable if someone might feel that I think of myself as cute or whatever. I like how I look AND it doesn’t take much for me to be completely humbled and destroyed by a selfie or my reflection. My ego is kept firmly in check. I might feel amazing as I strut through a mall but an unexpected mirror can easily bring me crashing down to earth.

Anyway.

My website is my website and I post what I feel like posting. If what I post isn’t for you then there are a lot of other options out there.

See, right here is what I mean when I might come off as bitchy. Those previous two sentences are not me being sassy or anything. If I come across a blog or a Twitter account that isn’t for me, then I move on and don’t frequent the site or I mute the account.

Anyway.

Part of having a visible website or a public social media account is the opportunity (or risk) to interact with others and to, well, share one’s thoughts or photos. Sometimes this is an effort to, I don’t know, get compliments? You post a photo you like and hope others like it too. I mean, it feels good to hear nice things about yourself. Sometimes we post to find others like ourselves and to find support. Sometimes we are trying to bring attention to something happening in the world.

Of course, the internet is also a way to share memes and cat pictures so there is that.

I blog and post stuff partly because writing helps me sort out my thoughts. If I didn’t want to interact with others and my social media activity was only about getting my stupid brain activity organized then I would simply make my account private.

Buuuut obviously I don’t do that.

I like to post my writings and thoughts and feelings to see if they resonate with others. To see if others relate. To see if I am not alone in what is going on in my heart or brain. To see if I am waaaay off the mark on something because sometimes another’s perspective or experience can modify my own thinking.

I mean, it’s one of the reasons I started a website all those years ago. When I began I was curious to see if there were others like me. People who loved femme clothes but wasn’t dressing as a sexual fetish or wanting to transition. And guess what! There are A LOT of others like me, a LOT of others like you.

And I like knowing that.

I am not sure if other bloggers (hate that word, lol) feel this way but I feel a…. hm, small obligation to post content that people seem to enjoy or connect with.

That’s not to say I won’t or don’t post whatever I damn well please… but I know certain topics aren’t popular and can be… decisive. It would be easy to write a thousand words every single day about how trans people are treated and write about my frustrations BUT I know that would get really old really fast and would likely drive a lot of readers away.

There are a lot of websites like that out there that communicate this information better than I ever could. If you want to read about that then there a lot of fantastic options.

Over time I’ve learned who my audience (God, that sounds arrogant) is, for the most part. People tend to connect with writings that celebrate who we are, posts that talk about the love and joy of femme clothes and femme presentations. Posts that acknowledge and don’t sugarcoat the complications and realities that THIS side of us can bring.

I think posts like those aren’t toooo common outside of my website so I enjoy creating content that brings comfort to others and being a voice to others who feel alone.

Again, this sounds conceited but it’s not meant to.

I see the activity a post generates, whether it’s emails or comments or likes. This gives me an idea as to what ya’ll like to see and what you ignore.

I don’t think it’s wrong to say that many people with a social media presence try to create content that others enjoy or creates a reaction.

I also look at statistics on my website which gives me an idea as to what visitors look at when they are here. The top three sections of my website that gets the most traffic are the homepage, this post, and photos. Based on this, my assumption is that people WANT to see my photos.

So, I post them.

Of course, this sounds altruistic and I wouldn’t post pictures if I didn’t want to, so there’s the vanity side again.

Alternatively if photo posts had very little activity or views I would likely, well, NOT post them.

Wounded pride and all.

There are a few other reasons? Thoughts? I have when I post pictures.

One reason is that, well, life is short and sometimes it feels that our time is dwindling. This is not to say that a giant asteroid is going to end all life on earth soon (although it might). Rather the day is coming when I CAN’T do the things I love to do. I could have a deliberating stroke and no longer be able to be independent. The time I can’t wake up and get a makeover and spend the day with my friend taking pictures with cute dresses is getting closer. I really, really don’t want to look back and regret not doing something. I have one life and I want to do what I want. I want to do what I can.

And what I can afford, lol.

I write a LOT about the myth of passing and that no one is too ANYTHING to be beautiful or feminine. I can tell YOU that, but telling OURSELVES that isn’t always easy. I will tell every t-girl on the planet that their bodies, their faces, their EVERYTHING is beautiful and femme. BUT sometimes my reflection asks who do I think I am fooling and do I REALLY think I can wear THAT dress with THOSE shoulders?

I can wear a corset to create an illusion of a different body shape, I can wear forms and pads to create shapes, I can contour my makeup to suggest a rounder, softer face. But I can only do so much. My shoulders are always there. My height is always there, more so in heels. If I am practicing what I preach then I have to believe and embrace my skin and body and feel confident and beautiful and wear what I want.

So I put, for lack of a better phrase, my money wear my mouth is.

I’ll wear the dress with the thin straps no matter what my shoulders look like. I’ll wear the five inch stilettos even if I have to duck through doorways. I want to show that no matter how “male” my body is that I can, and I will wear whatever I want. And you can too. And you should, too.

I post pictures to show, hm, evolution? I believe practice makes progress. I believe that a femme presentation takes time, practice, and money. I invest in myself, in my clothes. I invest my time and my energy when I am at the gym and staying in shape. Looking the way I do did not happen quickly or without effort. Again, this sounds conceited but what I mean is it took a long time for me to be happy with how I looked en femme. I saw the hard work pay off. I realized the benefit of quality makeup, the effects that quality breast forms have. The time between these two pictures did not happen overnight. They were taken YEARS apart.

When I tell you to be patient, I mean it.

When I tell you that this will take time, I mean it.

When I tell you that this takes money, I mean it.

Of course I want to be VERY clear that NO ONE needs a pair of $500 breast forms or an expensive makeover to be femme. What I mean is that I absolutely believe that if you aren’t happy with your appearance that investing money or time into your look will likely pay off.

And it’s not ALWAYS about how we LOOK. We HAVE to work on the part of our brain that tells us that we AREN’T pretty. The part of our brain that says we DON’T “pass”. Yes, it’s not easy to create a femme presentation but it’s even harder to deal with the mental hurdles that try to discourage us.

I post pictures to emphasize that there are no standards in looking femme. I mean, look at these shoulders.

I look like a linebacker.

AND I look as pretty as I can.

I can be both.

It would be hypocritical to say that no one is too ________ to be femme BUT tell you all that I myself am too… whatever to wear THAT dress.

And yes, this all sounds very… NOBLE. I don’t feel I am on some giant crusade when it comes to femme presentation and body image. I don’t think of what I do like that. I wouldn’t post pictures if I didn’t WANT to.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy getting a compliment on my look, on a photo. I LIKE being told I am pretty. Shallow? Sure.

Anyway.

I have no idea if this long and rambling post makes anything any clearer or provides a satisfying answer but it is what it is. 🙂

Love, Hannah

Love is a Red Dress

Do you remember during your teenage years when music and lyrics meant more to you than ever before?

When I was younger my mom was always listening to music, whether in the car while running errands or at home while she was doing household stuff.

But at one point a lyric jumps out at you and you… well, identify with it. You realize that music and songs are more than just trite bubblegum cliches.

Music tends to imprint itself on us at this age and stays with us for the rest of our lives. It’s a never ending moment of wonder that I can recall the lyrics to a song that I related to when I was fifteen despite not hearing it in decades but I can’t recall half of the things I did yesterday.

At any rate, I remember seeing the song title “Love is a Red Dress” by Maria McKee when I was in my late teens. Aaaand of course the word “dress” resonated with me.

Whenever I wear a red dress I think of that song but I don’t know if I ever listened to it.

As I am starting to post the pictures from my recent photo shoot I am also thinking about what I will title each set. I try to be, well, not boring. If I ever post a photoset and the title is something really dull like “Black Dress!” then you know I stared at the screen for probably an hour trying to think of something kinda sorta clever but gave up.

I decided to post photos of a cute red dress I found on Amazon today. I thought I would title this post (and I did) after the previously mentioned song title.

Out of curiosity I looked up the lyrics and goodness they’re depressing.

My heart is empty
Your eyes are dull
Once we were hungry
Now we are full

These ties that bind us
Can’t beat these chains
If love is shelter
I’m gonna walk in the rain

You were my angel
Now, you are real
So like a stranger
Colder than steel

The morning after
Know what you’ll bring
If love is a red dress
Well, hang me in rags

Away there goes the fairy tale
Lord, ain’t it a shame?
In all this comfort
I can’t take the strain

If we played even
I’d be your Queen
But someone was cheatin’
And it wasn’t me

I’ve laid on the table
You held something back
If love is Aces
Give me the Jack

Although they are sad, the words are beautiful. It’s not uncommon for sad and beautiful to hold hands with each other.

I love this dress, I love these photos, I love these heels and I hope you do too.

Love, Hannah

Pink Wednesday

I attended Catholic school from kindergarten alllll the way through my senior year of high school. From the age of five almost every day of school I was wearing a uniform. For most of those years it was dark blue pants and a light blue polo shirt. When I started high school it was also dark blue pants and a light blue shirt.

You can see why I am drawn to pink and fun outfits.

The girls were also pretty limited in what they were allowed to wear but had the option if skirts, at least.

When I would watch television shows or movies that took place in a school I was always jealous that the characters were not forced to wear the same thing every single day. I was, of course, even more envious of the girls in the shows as they could look as cute as they pleased.

I suppose my jealousy continued as I grew older and started working professionally. Until I started my current position, which is remote, I wore a shirt and tie every single day. My female colleagues, like the girls I went to school with, had other options like skirts and cute dresses.

Please understand something. Many men thought, and still think that “women should dress like women”. That they should wear high heels and pencil skirts. Obviously people should wear whatever the hell they choose to.

The 2004 movie ‘Mean Girls’ was very popular when it came out and even now people still quote the dialogue and it has it’s place in pop culture. One of the lines that always resonated with me was “On Wednesdays we wear pink”. This was a rule maintained by one of the popular girls at the high school where most of the movie was set.

This line had an impact on me. On one hand it was a strange concept to me that students had a choice about what they could wear to school. On the other hand nothing seemed more amazing than being able to go anywhere, even school, en femme.

Wednesdays are the midway point to the week. It’s a day where things can turnaround if Monday and Tuesday start off on the wrong foot. It can also cause some stress if the projects you needed to complete before the weekend are falling behind. If I am feeling particularly negative or apathetic it’s an excuse to blow things off since it’s almost the weekend, after all.

But more than anything I try to wear a little pink on Wednesdays. During the work week it’s alllll about underdressing so my pink is almost always panties, sometimes with a matching pink bra or cami.

To celebrate, or at the very least, mark today being Wednesday, here are some pictures of a pink dress that I wore for my most recent photo shoot. I wore a white petticoat to give it some extra body and floofiness. It was a fun look and I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah