Tag: activism

A Hope to Change Things

by Hannah

I think about Bob Dylan’s song, “The Times They Are A-Changing” a lot. The line “don’t criticize what you can’t understand” will always ring true and I think resonates with anyone who isn’t cisgender or heterosexual.

A few years ago a friend of mine, who had recently come out as gay, said they had always been frustrated when they are told that it’s okay to be gay.

They said they KNEW it was okay. They said that most queer people KNEW it was okay to be queer. They said that they want straight people to know this as well.

I could relate. I knew it was okay to be who I was, but one of the reasons for not being out was the fear (and the reality) that many people wouldn’t understand or accept who I was. But even worse than that, I knew there are people who would, ah, disapprove and even oppose who I was.

Listen.

I don’t need anyone to understand who I am. At he very least, I just need the world to not CARE who I am.

There are people in my family and my career that would instantly cut me out of their life if they knew. If I were out, sure, they would see me in a different light, but I would still be the same person as I was before the revelation but for some people on this planet my gender identity is the deciding factor as to how they choose to treat me.

It does work both my ways, if I am being honest. I have a colleague that called something she didn’t like “gay”. Up until then I was friendly towards her and chatted with her when I bumped into her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt but when she was called out on it she doubled down on her words and it was pretty clear what her perspective was.

Sooooo I don’t talk to her anymore. I really don’t need or want to interact with people who use certain words in certain ways.

My perspective is that MOST of us LOVE who we are. We love that lingerie makes us happy, that spending the day en femme is better than most vacations. I think if there is any part of us that would prefer to NOT be who we are it’s likely fueled by the outright hate and violence that some people have towards people like us.

When people are so committed to sharing their opinion that “transpeople are bad” it’s not unlikely that their “message” impacts us.

I could relate to my friend. I also wished that cisgender people knew it was okay to be trans/non-binary/etc. Or, at the very least, I wish they knew that being transgender doesn’t mean that we deserve to be hurt or abused or harassed. You don’t have to like me, you don’t have to “agree” with my gender identity or lifestyle (whatever that means), but at least stop going out of your way to hurt me.

I think I’ve quoted the poem “Tired” by Leonard Cohen before, but I think it would be appropriate to share some of it here:

We’re going to be voices now
Disembodied voices in the blue sky
Pleasant harmonies in the cavities of your distress
And we’re going to stay this way until you straighten up
Until your suffering makes you calm
And you can believe the word of God
Who has told you so many times
And in so many ways
To love onе another
Or at least not to torture and murdеr
In the name of some stupid vomit-making human idea
That makes God turn away from you
And darken the cosmos with inconceivable sorrow

Based on the emails I receive and the comments posted on my website, I think that over the years my writings have helped others like myself. It could be a practical skill or, even more importantly, someone accepting themselves.

I suppose that is the hill I will die on: that is it okay to be transgender.

You don’t have to understand someone’s gender identity, you don’t even have to understand your own, but please, stop hurting other people because you don’t “get” it, or “agree” with it.

Again, I believe that most of us know that it’s okay to be who we are and that gender identity is very simple and very complex at the same time. We know this because we think about this alllll the time and we have been thinking about this for decades.

But cisgender people don’t think about gender as much as we do. I don’t think it’s inaccurate to say that most cisgender people don’t associate their identity with their gender as much as a non-binary person does.

When I talk with people that (presumably) identity as cisgender, it kind of blows their mind how, again, simple and complex gender can be. It can be a surprise to some when I tell people that not every person who identities as transgender isn’t or hasn’t transitioned. That many crossdressers are straight. I like to think I dispel a lot of myths, fears, and stereotypes.

I like to think that I… ah, humanize who we are. I can talk about how I feel or what I think about in a way that someone else can relate it. Once humans can relate and empathize with other humans, acceptance, or at the very least, tolerance begins.

For example!

If I am chatting with a cisgender girl and she asks why men crossdress I might ask her why she wears leggings. She will likely tell me it’s because they’re comfortable. I tell her that I agree, that they are comfortable. She has legs, I also have legs. With any luck she might start to understand that people wear clothes, and that people CAN wear clothes for the same reason, even if we have different genitalia or different legal genders.

My wife started to understand who I was because she could also relate to wanting to look and feel beautiful.

The comfort of clothes, the feeling of wanting to look a certain way… these are things everyone can relate to. These are relatable things. This is where two people with different gender identities, different experiences can start to see similarities in each other. This is when allyship (or, again, tolerance) can start.

These conversations are typically surprisingly short. I don’t think it usually takes very long to find a commonality between people when it comes to how clothes make one feel, whether it’s clothes that you are comfy in or clothes that make you feel AMAZING.

Sure, a person might not be an ally right away, but I hope that this is when someone might start to see a gender non-conforming person in a different way. That maybe the fear-mongering isn’t quite accurate.

I am encouraged when a cisgender person starts to see transpeople as, well, people. Not as weirdos or perverts or as confused individuals. That we are just normal people… with wardrobes that that either very different than their own OR with one that is VERY similar to theirs.

I think many cisgender people have honest questions about all of this. I think these questions come from wanting to understand why we do what we do.

And why not? We’re fascinating, lol.

Although explaining the whys and hows of who we are take forrrrrrever it usually doesn’t take too long to make a relatable connection with someone who is cisgender.

It’s like, oh you like to wear pretty clothes? Me too! Bam! Relatable connection.

Of course this is an over simplification but I think you know where I am coming from.

I think these relatable connections are pretty effective when it comes to someone that isn’t trans starting to “get” us, or at least beginning to question the harmful stereotypes that they have been told about us.

So yes, transpeople (probably and hopefully) know it’s okay to be transgender. We tell each other this all the time. We know this. I don’t need to tell you again. But I will if you need me to.

But sometimes I want to take on the mainstream world.

Which sounds very arrogant. But let me explain.

What I mean is that over the years I have, through stumbles and luck, become a small voice in our community. I think I write relatable content and share perspectives that many of us can identify with.

I think the hate and fear that some people have towards the transgender community will start to erode once we make meaningful connections and others realize that we are not scary or harmful and that we have a lot in common… if we take the time to try to know others.

This doesn’t necessarily take sitting down with someone for an hour over a coffee. Sometimes all it takes is just a moment to see someone in a different light.

Perhaps that’s ambitious, perhaps that’s naïve. But I really think that’s how it will work. Of course, I don’t expect any change to happen quickly or easily. Accomplishing something, anything, isn’t a straight path without it’s setbacks and mistakes and frustrations.

Over the last year or so I’ve been considering submitting some of my rambling writings to different publications, be it Cosmopolitan or Buzzfeed or something along those lines. Something outside of LGBTQ+ circles. I think an article about crossdressing and marriage on a mainstream website or in a mainstream magazine would be helpful. I mean, I know it would be. Blog posts about relationships and crossdressing are the most read articles on my website.

It’s all about having material that is accessible. I mean, yes, someone can google “crossdressing” in an effort to understand someone like us but I don’t think a lot of of the initial search results are necessarily always helpful. If someone’s wife is afraid that her husband is, well, a pervert because he wears lingerie, search results that portray this side of us as a kinky fetish don’t do anything to quell her fears.

I know that Google didn’t do anything to help my wife when I came out to her.

Buuuuuut I am super hesitant to put this kind of, ah, spotlight on me. What I mean is that there are a lot of insane and unhinged people in this world and the reality that transpeople simply exist is enough for some people to completely lose their shit.

Whether it’s a group on insecure men who bring assault rifles to libraries to “protest” drag queen story time or deranged psychopaths smashing bottles of beer at grocery stores because a transgirl was in a commercial, there are way too many people who resort to destruction and intimidation when “one of us” does, well, anything.

It would be nice if these tactics weren’t, well, effective, but it’s not unusual for a company to change their marketing if a group of people express their displeasure when a business promotes tolerance, acceptance, and inclusivity, putting it mildly.

I am not sure if it’s, well, safe to branch out. It’s not unrealistic to suppose that someone stumbles across something I wrote that was posted on a non-trans website and decides that I deserve to be harmed. I try to keep my, ah, identity a secret but if someone really wanted to find out where I lived they probably could.

Since I started doing videos for En Femme, I am starting to see a spike in my webtraffic and I think there’s a connection. People are sharing the videos and the like and then visiting my website. I am noticing traffic from websites that link to mine that I am not familiar with. Some of them come from different forums or chatrooms, for example. I can visit the website that linked to mine in some cases buuuut if the original website was a chatroom that requires a password or a membership I am usually not able to see the context of the linking.

What I mean is that someone could be discovering my site from a chatroom talking about trans issues in a positive and supportive way… OR it could be a thread where people are, well, targeting people like us.

I don’t know. In the interest of personal safety it’s not unwise to assume that there are people out there who would love to dox me.

And yes, some people reading this might be rolling their eyes and thinking that I am not “famous” enough to be hated. I assure you that any transperson in real life or online can be a target.

I mean, how many of us are terrified of going out en femme? There are too, too many reports of transpeople being attacked in public.

Buuuut on the other hand, I am a stubborn bitch and I don’t want hate to win. If transaphobes want me to not do something, it makes me want to do it even more.

Hate against a group of people isn’t going to simply die out. Acceptance of people different from oneself begins with a connection, an understanding, a realization that we all are different and we all deserve basic rights, respect, and kindness. We deserve representation.

I’d like to wrap this up (finally, lol) with another thing Dylan said. Shortly after President Kennedy was assassinated in 1963 he said “What it means is that they are trying to tell you ‘Don’t even hope to change things’.” I think what he meant was there will always be people who will intimidate others who try to make the world a better place. There will always be people who want to stop inclusivity, diversity, and change. And goodness that’s true. It was true sixty years ago. It was true before 1963 and will likely always be true.

But it doesn’t HAVE to be.

Love, Hannah

Minnesota House Passes Trans Health Refuge Bill

by Hannah

This is wonderful.

From Minnesota Public Radio:

The Minnesota House of Representatives passed a bill early Friday by a vote of 68-62 that would prevent state courts or officials from complying with child removal requests, extraditions, arrests or subpoenas related to gender-affirming health care that a person receives in Minnesota. 

Physicians who practice gender-affirming care in Minnesota and families who’ve sought it out for their transgender children or teenagers said it would go a long way to ensure that they can continue to access treatment without fear of other states’ laws getting in the way. 

They also said it would send a message to transgender people that they are welcome in Minnesota.

Read more here!

Love, Hannah

You Gotta Fight! For Your Right! To Crossdress!

by Hannah

Please, please understand this.

I’ve been very hesitant and reluctant to post this entry. I wrote and have rewritten this many, many times over the last few weeks. This is not meant to defend or demonize any political party. Our world is impacted by many, many things, whether it is the economy or social issues. We all have our reasons as to why we vote the way we do. Sometimes a politician has policies we like, sometimes we vote for someone to prevent their opponent from gaining office because we don’t like that person’s policies.

And that’s fine.

I suppose the point of this entry is one final attempt to be as clear as possible when it comes to the potential eradication of our community. And yes, this may be dramatic or paranoid or negative but it’s not hard to see where things are going.

I am fully and completely aware of the perspectives many of you have when it comes to how the United States is run. Some of you are very… passionate about many issues whether it is about immigration or the economy. I get it. I do. My silly little website is not about these issues. There are many other places online for you to air your grievances about things like border security or inflation or whatever. Yes, I care about many things besides gender identity but this website is about gender identity. If you don’t like how the president is running things, great, good for you, I am not thrilled with Biden either, but this is a website about presenting en femme and essentially the freedom to be who we are without the interference of the government.

I’ve disabled comments for this post because I don’t want things to go off the rails, as it were.

Okay girls, like the best dresses, I am going to keep this short and sweet.

Our little community has lively debates about whether or not crossdressing is under the transgender umbrella as well as the eternal discussion between “girl panties” and “boy panties”.

But one thing I think most of us want is the freedom to be ourselves and for the stigmatization of transgender people and crossdressing to end. Whether or not you want to be able to use the restroom that aligns with your gender identity/gender presentation or if you simply want it to be “normal” for a guy to wear a skirt, or to stop living in fear that someone sees that you’re wearing panties, ultimately what we want is to be left alone.

So, how do we do this?

For starters we have to stop putting people in charge that demonize living outside the gender binary.

But it’s not as simple as that for some.

A party or a politician is put into office because the voting worked out in their favor, not because of the reason an individual voted for them. For example, I have a colleague that tells me he votes for a particular party because of that party’s stance on certain issues but he completely disagrees with that same party because of their stance on other issues. When this particular party wins, he is happy about some of the policies that are put into law, and not so happy about others.

The point is that if you elect a party, no matter on what specific issues or the reasons you voted for them, you’re going to get laws that the party likes to write even if you disagree with some of them.

When you vote, you can make your choice based on social issues, healthcare, gun regulation, the environment, religion, the economy, infrastructure, immigration, LGBTQIA+ issues, and many, many other things. Keep in mind that your vote counts for the person you vote for, not WHY you voted for them.

I have a friend who is really struggling with the upcoming midterm and presidential election. He thinks Democrats will pass regulations that will negatively impact his business, but as a gay man he’s afraid Republicans will kill marriage equality if given a chance. In his situation, if you want to simplify things, he feels he is voting for the economy OR the right for him to marry whom he wishes.

If you vote for a particular party because you like their policies about one or two key items, okay, fine. But if that party does obtain office, then you will also get their policies on everything else, as well as whomever they nominate to the Supreme Court if they are given a chance which will have longer influence that will outlast any president’s time in office.

Listen.

Legislation against the trans community will not stop with a state enacting laws about trans kids participating on sport teams that align with their gender identity or a banning library events like drag queen story time.

Any potential repeal of transgender rights will impact every single person who visits this website. Not one of us is safe, immune, or excluded from laws like these.

Love, Hannah

The Ledge

by Hannah

So I have stepped back from the ledge.

A little.

Disclaimer: Don’t try this at home. Standing on a window ledge in heels is… not smart

Recently I wrote about how things seem to be going backwards and I do my best to avoid…ranting on my website. When I post I try to have engaging, relevant content, even when I am being totally superficial and raving about lingerie.

After I posted that particular update I calmed down a bit. Writing can be very cathartic. I read your emails which were very supportive and encouraging and empathetic. Of course some were along the lines of “Shut Up and Sing” but that was to be expected. My perspective is still very much the same and I am still angry and scared but I’ve decided a few things.

I know that my feelings and thinking may be pessimistic and perhaps not the same as everyone reading this, but it’s hard to be optimistic when legislation is being written and being passed into law that can and will negatively and dangerously impact our lives. And yes, this perspective may come off as fatalistic to some but I still can’t shake it.

Gender affirming care is being made a felony in certain parts of the United States and for now most of them are focused on people under the 18 years of age but it’s not hard to see where this is (probably) heading.

Could presenting as a gender that is different from the one you were assigned at birth be made a felony? I think that is very possible. I hope I am wrong.

I feel that time is running out. I feel that the things I do, the clothes I wear, the pronouns I use, could all be prohibited in a few years because the ‘M’ box is checked on my birth certificate. Again, I hope I am wrong.

So, knowing this, and with feeling these things, what do I do?

As I mentioned, I have stepped back from the ledge and it’s time to reassess. What do I do? What can be done?

I will continue to vote against people that have different values than I do. But other than that, I think I need to do what I would like to do, while I still can.

Not long ago I wrote about looking forward to the years ahead. It’s funny (and depressing) how the excitement of that post has been replaced with fear. It’s… like a deadline approaching, or the Sword of Damocles.

Over the last few months I have been thinking about what would be the safest thing to do if, for lack of a better phrase, identifying as transgender was considered illeagal.

And yes I know this sounds extreme. But in a country were you can earn a reward for reporting people who were involved in an abortion, even if it’s just the unknowing Uber driver, then I don’t think it’s that far-fetched for someone to be given money if they report a trans person at the mall.

Some of the potential actions are disbanding the MN T-Girls or no longer stepping out en femme. Hopefully it won’t come to these things.

For now, I am “safe”, or as safe as it is to be trans in Minnesota but things could change.

It’s best to prepare for the future even if planning is not my character, at least not in my femme identity. But let’s do some (pessimistic) speculating.

Before I dive into ANYTHING, I’d like to remind ya’ll that I am not a Democrat. I think the Democratic party, despite their best intentions, are incompetent and clueless. They’ve earned no praise, recognition, or votes.

And! I’d like point out a few facts:

The “Don’t Say Gay” legislation in Florida was proposed by Republicans.

The horrifying legislation in Texas was proposed by Republicans.

The military transgender ban from 2017 was proposed by Republicans.

This little disclaimer is about the facts about these proposals, as well as who in the government is writing and supporting laws like these. My point is that it seems that all the recent legislation that impacts the LGBTQIA+ community in a negative way has all been proposed and supported by Republicans (and yes, not all Republicans).

Anyway, as of this writing the Democrats control the White House, the Senate, and the House. If the Democrats REALLY wanted to do what they said they’d do when they campaigned, whether it was student loan forgiveness or protecting someone’s health care, they could have done it by now but I don’t think they know HOW to do what they said they would do.

It’s looking like the Democrats will lose the Senate in November’s mid-terms, and possibly the House. I don’t think there’s a single Democrat in the country that has a chance of winning the White House in 2024.

My thinking is that in a little more than two years all three branches of our government will likely be controlled by Republicans. If the last few years and the recent pieces of legislation have taught us anything, it’s that I think it’s safe to say that more laws against the trans community are a given. Oh sure, they will be written under the guise of something else, like preserving the sanctity of gender or whatever, but the intentions will be clear.

If this happens, and I think it’s likely, then my thought is that I have about two years of being able to “safely” present en femme and identify as transgender. After that, it could be a very different world.

So, what do I do until then? And yes, I know this all sounds very fatalistic and pessimistic and I hope I am wrong with all of this, but if there’s something I want to do en femme, it’s time to it now. Although this feeling of time running out is very depressing and frightening, there is a little bit of… hm, ambition I am feeling at the moment. Do I want to fly pretty? Do it now. Do I want to dress up as a princess? Do it now. Do I want to do a bridal photo shoot? Do it now. Attend a transgender conference? Do it now.

I am excited about doing these things, even if they are due to a very horrible reason.

I’ve swung back and forth recently about I should be doing. Part of me feels I need to…hm, reduce my visibility a bit to prepare for what I feel is the inevitable need to “go back into the closet” if legislation is passed to “regulate” gender identity/gender presentation. The other part of me feels that I should be as, ah, LOUD and as out there as I can possibly be before I no longer have the freedom to present and identify how I wish. Both options are extreme and at the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Stay safe. Stay true to yourself.

Love, Hannah

The comments section has gone completely off the rails and I have disabled them for this post.

Walking Backwards

by Hannah

This ISN’T “political”

I write a LOT about staying safe as a t-girl. This can cover a LOT of different things, such as how to safely wear a gaff, what to have in your purse, or how to stay vigilant in public when we are en femme.

There are things that threaten us other than just the transphobic jerk at the mall or a corset that is not worn properly.

We need to be aware of EVERYTHING that could hurt us, and that includes legislation.

So before you send emails telling me to stop writing “political stuff” or taking the comments section off the rails, please keep it in mind that our personal safety, protecting who we are, is more than just being able to safely walk in stilettos.

It wasn’t that long ago when it felt like things were getting better, that tomorrow was looking brighter.

When marriage equality was passed in 2015 it was an exciting time. It didn’t impact me personally but I was happy that many of my friends were finally going to be able to legally marry the person that they loved. When I married it was because I had the right to make a private decision about my life that impacted no one else on the planet and now my friends had the same right.

It was a sign that we as a country were becoming more progressive, more tolerant, and less intrusive about the private decisions that someone else made.

As a trans person I had hoped that it was a sign that our community was, well, next. Perhaps if marriage was defined as a commitment between two people, regardless of their gender, perhaps one’s gender identity differing from the gender they were assigned at birth could become more understood and accepted, or at the very least, tolerated.

At my most optimistic I was hoping we were becoming more enlightened. But if enlightened was a bridge too far, hopefully it meant that at the very least we could let grown adults make their own decisions about their body and their medical care.

Besides my wife, my gender identity and gender presentation and choices about my body impact exactly zero percent of the world’s population. How I dress, how I identify, the prescriptions I take, or conversations I have with my doctor are about as relevant to someone else as the type of music I listen to or the food I prefer.

If I chose to, I could schedule an appointment with my doctor today about HRT. If I wanted, I could file the paperwork to legally change my gender. As of this writing I can do anything I damn well please when it comes to my gender, whether it is about how I present or what box is checked on my drivers license.

I am an adult and can make my own decisions. Everyone should have that right, regardless of someone else’s religion or moral beliefs.

We all know that it’s looking very likely that Roe v Wade is going to go away. People who have the ability to become pregnant will no longer be able to make decisions about their health. A right that has been in place for almost fifty years will disappear.

I do not have the ability to get pregnant but I think pregnancy is the private and intimate decision that is left to the individual.

It’s not hard to imagine and anticipate what could come next.

Perhaps I am being pessimistic (and I really hope this is just pessimism) but I wouldn’t be surprised if marriage was equality was challenged and overturned.

We’re seeing laws being passed all around the country when it comes to gender-affirming care for the trans community. So far most of these laws are impacting those under the age of 18, but it’s not unlikely to think that there will be serious attempts to prevent grown adults from making decisions about their own gender and health.

Although I don’t want to transition or start HRT, I think I should have the right to make these choices if I wanted. I think you do too.

A law doesn’t have to impact me directly in order for me to support it.

Where will this all end?

As I wrote earlier, when marriage equality was passed, I had hoped that the trans community was “next”. My thoughts are somewhat the same today but they are less optimistic. If Roe v Wade goes away, I think that marriage equality will be targeted after that, and then WE are next.

I wouldn’t be surprised if doctors were prevented from prescribing estrogen to trans women or states were prohibited from changing one’s gender on a birth certificate.

But that is just the start.

Neither of these things impact ME personally. I don’t plan on starting HRT or legally updating my gender but dammit I think an adult has the right to make these choices for themselves.

It’s not hard to imagine (or fear) that gender presentation will be “regulated”. It sounds fascist to think so but perhaps someone could call the police on me if they see me, a t-girl, out in public.

I feel that bad things are coming. That they are already on their way.

Look.

Regardless of your religious beliefs or moral perspective or commitment to a political party, adults have the right (and I am speaking specifically about ADULTS in this post) to decide who they marry, how they dress, the pronouns they use, and their medical treatment.

The world is very different than it was a year ago. It will likely change even more in the months ahead.

Love, Hannah

How to Change the World

by Hannah

Recently I asked for some feedback on what I write about on my website. This was very enlightening. The comments were helpful and the emails I received were insightful. Most of you enjoy writings about clothes and makeup (no surprise there!) which coincides with what I like to write about. I heart clothes.

Some of you would prefer I stay away from “political” topics. And yes, I don’t want to be wet blanket (or a run in a stocking) but the reality is that there are things that are happening, have happened, and will happen that will impact our lives.

If we want a world where we can move freely through it, if we want a closet full of whatever clothes we want to wear, then we have to create that world. A world that is attempting to pass laws that hurt us, that ostracize us, that shame us, is not the same world that will “let” us wear a skirt.

Politics bore me, they frustrate me. I don’t write “political” posts in an effort to rile anyone up or demonize any “side”. Trust me, the number of angry emails I get and the amount of comments posted that I feel I should delete hardly make topics like these worthwhile.

But this is our reality. We can’t ignore the outside forces that influence what we can and cannot do, feel, or wear.

I can’t imagine ever ceasing posting about legislation that is going to impact us. It would be a wonderful world if these laws weren’t being considered, but that’s not realistic.

My website has always tried to be… hm, honest about our lives. Sometimes this honesty is brutal and difficult to accept. Our partners will not always be excited about our gender identity. The other mall goers will not always be happy we exist. Passing is a myth. Part of our reality is if we want a want the world to stop attacking us (in any way) then we need to accept that how society views us is the first step. If a government is trying to limit access to healthcare, stopping us from using a restroom that aligns with our gender identity, or preventing us from changing our gender on our drivers’ license, the message that these actions are sending is, essentially, being transgender is wrong and we will make your life as difficult as possible.

Your feedback, comments, and emails were, and are always enlightening. I read every single one. My website will always bounce back and forth between superficial posts about how much I love lingerie, self-indulgent pictures from a photo shoot, and the scary laws that are being discussed every single day.

I hope you find what I write about helpful or entertaining. We have a small but passionate community and I hope your comments will always be supportive and constructive.

And civil.

Okay, let’s move on.

___________________________

At one point in my life I was secretly trying on my sister’s dress and quickly putting it back as soon as I could before it was noticed to be missing.

At another point in my life I was discreetly wandering through the lingerie department of stores hoping no would notice that I was casually, but intently, looking at panties.

Fast forward a few years, I walked into an LGBTQIA+ nightclub, completely en femme for the first time, absolutely terrified that someone would recognize me.

There are countless instances when I prayed I wouldn’t be seen. I lived a life in secret, even when I was out in the real world. I was ignored, I was stared at, I was ridiculed, I was whispered about.

I felt like an outsider. It was lonely. No one, for good or for bad, paid attention to me.

I never set out to be anyone but myself, even without the support (and least of all the approval) of the rest of the world. I felt if the world didn’t understand me, then at least the world could leave me alone. It was, on some level, a silent compromise.

As time marched on, people like myself started to get noticed. This happened in devastating extremes. On one hand, I learned there were others like myself. I felt less alone. At the same time, other people learned of our existence, if you will. And that brought a world of problems.

People like myself were labeled as deviants and perverts. We were thought of as being confused and delusional. We were thought of as being worse things than these.

We were dragged (or perhaps kicking and screaming) into the spotlight. We became a joke, we became a lightning rod for controversary. We became political. We became a fetish. Politicians and talk-show hosts shaped the narrative of who a trans person is. We were pulled out of the shadows and we blinked back tears of frustration and rage of being told that we were freaks.

Necessity is the mother of invention. Queer people had to become activists. We had to become advocates. We had to fight for ourselves and for those who couldn’t. We had to defend ourselves. We had to go on television, we had to write into newspapers, we had to demonstrate. We needed to fight for our survival.

Trans people didn’t make gender identity political. It was thrust upon us. At one point many of us were just living our own private lives and although lonely, we weren’t being attacked on the evening news.

In recent years trans people have becomes more visible and more represented. We have a voice though it is often drowned out. We have more support and tolerance than I could have dreamed, but we also have more people who wish us (and do) harm than ever before.

I know it’s not realistic for EVERYONE to like EVERYONE. I know that gender identity is a difficult thing to understand. But I don’t want to be understood. I don’t need to be. I don’t expect to be. I don’t expect or need to understand anyone else, either. What most people do or think is none of my business, after all.

I don’t want to be an activist. But I think I have to be. I would rather write about panties and lingerie and clothes. I write about legislation and social issues because this is the world that our community lives in. I get a lot of emails asking why the world doesn’t accept us. It’s pretty easy to find the answer when you realize that people like us are demonized and sexualized. Other emails ask why there aren’t many “crossdresser friendly” stores. Again, the answer is clear when you think about how many people are told to be terrified of trans people using the restroom. So many of these emails want the world to be safe for us, they want to world to change.

In order for something to change on a social level, it needs to change on a legal, political level.

Look, as much as I want to write about shopping and dresses and as badly as I want for all of us to be able to wear whatever we want, we need to acknowledge where we are and how we are viewed by much of the world.

If we want to wear what we want, if we want to go out en femme, if we want the world to not care about our gender identity, then we HAVE to fight back against the narrative that is being espoused. We can’t let laws that discriminate us get passed. These laws lead people to believe that we are, well, perverts and confused.

I want us all to go the mall without anyone staring at us. I want us all to step into the ladies room to reapply our lipstick without worrying about the panic politicians ignite about trans women in restrooms. I want people to stop thinking about sex and genitals when it comes to gender.

This world is not going to change soon. Not in my lifetime. But the world is not going to change without our help, without our insistence.

This change doesn’t necessarily come from making a sign and demonstrating. It can come from something as small as voting. It can come from being simply being visible. When I run errands en femme I am not an activist in the traditional sense. It’s more subtle. Hopefully I can change the perspective of a cashier or someone at Starbucks that trans people not only exist but we are a lot more boring and normal than they were led to believe. If I can do that, perhaps they will reconsider their opinion about girls like us.

Of course, that is overly optimistic but I could use some optimism these days.

Related reading

The Accidental Activist

Shut Up And Sing

Love, Hannah

The Accidental Activist

by Hannah

It hasn’t been an easy… well, I was going to say it hasn’t been an easy week but then it occurred to me that it hasn’t been an easy few years. I know life has it’s challenges and victories and this will never change. Indeed, being able to adapt and overcome difficulties is what strengthens us. What doesn’t kill you, and all that.

It’s essential to acknowledge your feelings and not ignore the things that cause stress and sadness. Your emotions will eventually get the better of you, perhaps in a destructive way, so it’s best to process and express them when you feel it’s safe to do so.

I suppose that’s one of the reasons I write about some of the topics that I do. It’s depressing and infuriating to see the seemingly endless barrage of news articles about legislation designed to hurt the trans community. Writing about things like this, well, I’m not sure it helps but it doesn’t hurt either (but goodness it triggers a lot of angry emails, lol).

But I also write about things like these because we as a community need to be aware of what is happening and what lawmakers WANT to happen. Right now most of the laws are targeting those who are transitioning, but if there’s enough “success” in these efforts, soon the attention will turn to others on the trans spectrum, such as those of us who identify as crossdressers or those of us who aren’t planning on HRT and the like. I used to think the suggestion that doing drag becoming a felony was absolutely ridiculous but sad to say I could see it happening.

I never, ever set out to be an activist. When I started my website I wanted to essentially celebrate this side of us. I know a lot of trans bloggers write about their journey when it comes to transitioning as well as the stress and anxiety that comes with being transgender, but I wanted to focus on, well, how wonderful it is to have this side of us, no matter where you are when it comes to being non-cis gender.

But as time passed and as the world continued to attack our community (in various forms), I couldn’t ignore what was happening, and what was trying to happen.

So, I started to write about it. And there was some pushback from readers. “Stick to fun stuff” was something I heard (and still hear).

Part of me feels that if you identify as trans, you are on some level, an activist. You just might be a very quiet and unassuming one. You may not be retweeting news articles or protesting with a sign outside of your state’s capital, but there are other ways the world sees us.

I have spent entire Saturdays doing normal things. Getting a makeover, having coffee, wandering around a mall… just lost in my own little life. Not trying to change the world by any means.

But it’s like throwing a stone into a pond. I am having an impact on people, despite not saying a word or even noticing someone. Ripples, and all that.

If Hannah is out doing normal, boring things, others see that. They see a trans woman out in the real world doing normal, boring things. I am not preying on anyone in a restroom. My skirt might be short but I am not dressing in an overtly sexual way. I am chatting with a cashier and it’s a perfectly ordinary and mundane interaction.

What others are (potentially) seeing is a trans person existing and not doing anything as frightening as what others say about us. Hopefully this helps other people sees girls like us in a different light. Perhaps the cashier might think twice about supporting an anti-trans law in the voting booth after helping a trans person and seeing that they are just a normal person.

Perhaps this is overly optimistic and I am misjudging any influence I have, but after this week I could go for some optimism.

I look forward to the day (which will probably never come, but a girl can dream) where my writing is completely focusing on where to buy panties and how to walk in stilettos and posting pictures from a photo shoot.

Love, Hannah

It Can’t Happen Here

by Hannah

Okay, one more post about *THIS* and I’ll lay off for a bit.

Maybe.

Despite what this looks like, this is not meant to be a Republican vs Democrat post, so please refrain from that type of rhetoric in the comments.

Here are the facts:

The “Don’t Say Gay” legislation in Florida was proposed by Republicans.

The horrifying legislation in Texas was proposed by Republicans.

The military transgender ban from 2017 was proposed by Republicans.

I suppose I could go on but I think I’ve made my point.

There are many, many things that Democrats completely drop the ball on. This post is about the facts about these proposals, as well as who in the government is writing and supporting laws like these. My point is that it seems that all the recent legislation that impacts the LGBTQIA+ community in a negative way has all been proposed and supported by Republicans (and yes, not all Republicans).

And again, the Democrats are not anyone’s saviors. There are instances of Democrats supporting legislation that does hurt the trans community, but I think I’ve made my point when it comes to recent proposals.

The purpose of this post is to not attack Republicans or praise Democrats, so please keep that in mind if you feel you need to comment to defend or condemn a political party. I am not giving credit to Democrats by any means, I am simply pointing out which party wrote the three policies that I cited at the top of this post. Those are facts.

In this day and age of the 24 hour news cycle with countless ways to stay informed of, well, anything and everything that happens on the planet, it’s easy to be aware of every little thing and every big thing that happens, whether it is celebrity gossip or whatever our political leaders are doing.

I live in Minnesota and we have a Democratic governor. I don’t agree with everything he does, but as a t-girl I feel a LITTLE safer, from a track record point of view, having a Democrat leading the state. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the Florida and Texas laws were proposed by Republicans and with those states having Republican governors it increases the likelihood of those laws passing (but I THINK the Florida one already did??).

Any sort of state or federal law or school policy that stigmatizes the LGBTQIA+ community is heartbreaking and I can’t imagine how awful it is for parents of trans children in Texas or to be a non-cis gender and/or non-straight high school student in Florida at the moment.

It sounds selfish and cruel to think this and I certainly don’t mean it like this, but when I see laws like these I breathe a LITTLE sigh of relief that I live in a “blue” state. “It can’t happen here, at least not now”, I think to myself.

Oh but it can.

And it might. Probably will. If it doesn’t, it won’t be for lack of trying. Laws like the ones I cited earlier are cruel and create precedent. One state does something and soon another state will follow.

It hasn’t hit the news cycles yet but HF 3843 was recently introduced that states, in part, that “a person’s sex is either male or female as biologically defined.” The proposed legislation is the all too familiar law touching on restroom usage when it comes to gender identity.

Will this law pass? Again, I can sleep a LITTLE better knowing that we have a Democratic governor and because of that, from a historical perspective anyway, it seems unlikely it will, but no political party remains in power forever. An election could completely (and will likely) upend everything.

Regardless of whether or not a law that hurts the trans community actually passes, it’s exhausting to see laws like these proposed even in the first place. It’s depressing to see them get any sort of support.

You may wonder why I think about these laws. After all, I am not transitioning or planning to. Almost all of these laws focus on medical or legal aspects. But they do impact me. If I am out en femme and I need to use the ladies room, a law absolutely impacts me. Even if they didn’t, these laws are cruel and discriminating and for those reasons alone they should be opposed.

And yes, a family restroom is an option, but not every mall or restaurant has them. And that’s not the point. The law is stigmatizing trans people.

Here’s the thing:

WE as a COMMUNITY understand the nuances of gender identity. We know that there is a difference between a dude who wears panties as a kink and a trans woman who has transitioned. We know there are many, many differences among people who do, and can, identify as transgender.

But lawmakers don’t know this. Nor do they care.

It SOUNDS unlikely and I hope it is, but could there be a proposal to ban any sort of action that goes against “traditional” gender norms?

What I mean is that a state could absolutely block any sort of medical treatment relating to HRT. A state could prevent anyone from legally changing their gender. And yes, these laws impact those who are transitioning and may already be in place in certain states.

But let’s go further.

Some states (such as my own) are trying to prevent transgender people from using a changing room that aligns with their gender identity. If you are like me and have no plans to transition and simply like to go out en femme and try on dresses, I wouldn’t be able to do that under certain dressing room laws.

And yes, I suppose I could use the boy dressing room but again, the point is that laws like these stigmatize the trans community.

This law doesn’t care whether or not I am going to, or have transitioned. I am simply transgender so the law would apply to me.

Let’s go even further.

Could there be a law that prevents a man, in male mode, from buying panties? Could there be stores that prohibit someone from purchasing something that the state says is “for women”? This could potentially prevent me in male mode from buying stockings or even picking up tampons for my wife.

Could a state decide that ANYONE who identifies as transgender is potentially dangerous? Could there be a requirement to “register” as transgender? Could this prevent someone who is trans from being near children under the age of 18?

IF that happened, it would make my job in education impossible and I doubt I would ever be able to see my nieces again.

You might think that there’s no way this could happen, but let’s not forget about the internment camps during World War II.

Could businesses like En Femme and Xdress get shut down because a lawmaker might claim they make “girl clothes for boys”? Could Amazon be court ordered to report a man who orders high heels from them? Could Pride festivals and LGBTQIA+ nightclubs be made illegal?

You may be thinking that can’t happen, that this won’t happen. You may be thinking that this sounds alarmist. Does this sound unlikely? Maybe, but it’s sounding less unrealistic with each passing day. I used to think ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ was far-fetched…

The Democrats aren’t going to “save us”. At the most they might reverse a law that was passed or veto proposed anti-trans legislation but I don’t feel super confident that we as a community are completely safe in the short term or the long term, after all, mid-term elections are coming up…

We’re going backwards and I don’t know what we can do.

Part of me wants to stay calm and carry on. That feels naïve sometimes. Other times I think I should go completely back in the closet, erase (as much as one can) Hannah from social media. But that feels a little extreme.

I suppose that’s kind of the point of legislation like this. To push us back into the closet, to cause us to repress our gender identity. To erase us from the rest of the world.

This feels very scary and depressing and I am going to wrap this up.

Love, Hannah

How It Starts

by Hannah

Good morning!

I know some people visit this site to talk about panties and look at photos and ask for help finding heels that fit. I get it. I write a lot about lingerie and clothes and I post a LOT of pictures.

And! I also write a lot about the importance of mental health and how being non-cis can impact that.

Today’s post is about legislation, our mental health and, well, stuff like that. If you have no interest in heavy topics like this, then you probably should stop reading right now. If you feel like commenting or sending me an email about this post, then please make it constructive.

The purpose of this post is to check in with people like us who are being impacted by recent laws. Although this post discusses politics, this is not meant to be a political discussion. Does that make sense?

I promise that my next post will (probably) be less intense. 🙂

xoxo

-Hannah

_________________

It’s one thing to not to be understood. I don’t understand the whys of who I am either. There probably isn’t any tangible reason for why I am the way I am. And really, that’s totally okay.

It’s another thing to not be accepted. This usually hurts, even if it’s just a little bit. To have a part of yourself that someone is unable to accept can be painful. However, on some level… I get it. Being anything other than cis gender is a lot for some people to process and accept. This is our journey, our identity. No one else’s. It’d be nice if we had some company along the way but we must be able to go on this adventure alone, if needed.

There is also being hated. I don’t *really* understand hating someone that isn’t hurting anyone. I am transgender and I am not going to harm you. I am not going to bother you. I am simply existing and I guess for some people that’s a perfectly acceptable and justified reason to hate me. I am not an abomination or anything so horrible.

Finally, there is being attacked. This happens in many ways. Verbally, physically, emotionally, and mentally. One makes a choice to go out of their way to cause harm. It’s a conscious decision. This takes effort.

Violence isn’t limited to just physically or psychologically harming someone. You can cause harm on a social level, such as denying access to medical care or social services. This almost always happens on a political level. Like crossdressing itself, this takes a lot of time, and money, and effort. It takes a committed group of people determined to harm another group of people.

Again, can we please not turn the comments into a political discourse?

There’s no shortage of anti-LGBTQAI+ legislation being discussed or having recently passed. I’m sure if I wanted to put myself into a spiral of depression and hopelessness I could find dozens of recent attempts to pass laws that deny basic rights to the LGBTQAI+ community. I do want to touch on bill that is gathering a lot of steam in Florida that is being referred to the ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill.

“But Hannah! I’m not gay, I’m not even trans! I just wear panties! This doesn’t affect me!” you may be thinking. Please reconsider. Even if this law doesn’t impact you on a personal level, it harms our community (and yes, I believe that someone who wears panties is indeed part of the LGBTQIA+ community) AND it sets a precedent and becomes a slippery slope for anyone that isn’t cis gender or heterosexual.

Do you think the average congressperson cares about the difference between someone who is transitioning and someone who wears lingerie in their own home? Yes, WE might understand the nuances of a closet crossdresser and someone who is on estrogen, but for many people running the country, there’s probably no difference. There are those in charge who would love to stop any sort of hormone therapy or protection for trans people as well as making it illegal for a boy to wear girl clothes.

Don’t believe me? Let’s revisit this in a few years.

I am reminded of the poem by Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the Communists. And I did not speak out. Because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the Socialists. And I did not speak out. Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists. And I did not speak out. Because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews. And I did not speak out. Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me. And there was no one left. To speak out for me.

I don’t think it’s unrealistic to paraphrase that poem to something along the lines of this:

First they came for those who have transitioned. And I did not speak out. Because I have not transitioned. Then they came for the drag queens. And I did not speak out. Because I do not do drag. Then they came for people who were non-binary. And I did not speak out. Because I am not non-binary. Then they came for the crossdressers. And I did not speak out. Because no one knows I am a crossdresser. Then they came for me. And there was no one left. To speak out for me.

‘Don’t Say Gay’ is just one of the active or recent bills that focus on anyone that isn’t straight or cis. Again, I could list more examples but really, isn’t just one attempt chilling and scary enough?

As far as I am aware, there isn’t anything like this being discussed here in Minnesota. But again, attempts like this create precedent. If something like this is passed in Florida, it’s likely another state will push for a similar law. This is how it starts. It’s dangerous to ignore legislation like this.

Attempts like these depress, anger, and frustrate me. But I can’t imagine how this impacts someone who is directly affected by legislation like this.

I know this website gets visitors from all over the world, so if you are living in a state, a community, a country where laws like this have passed, or are trying to be passed, how are you doing? What do you want the rest of us to know? Please drop a comment and stay safe.

Love, Hannah