Because We Can Can Can

Yesterday was the monthly MN T-Girl s event and it was a very unique outing. The group has had private shopping events and lovely dinners but this month? We had some fun.

Can Can Wonderland is… well, it’s an arcade, a restaurant, and an indoor mini-golf art installation in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

For some reason the girls have asked throughout the years to go mini-golfing and who am I to disagree?

So, about a half-dozen of us spent a rainy Saturday playing pinball and vintage video games. I didn’t get a chance to play any golf but the course looked amazing.

It was a nice break from packing and work stress and I can’t wait to go back!

Love, Hannah

Patio Partying with the MN T-Girls!

Saturday night was the monthly MN T-Girls outing and we celebrated the end of a long week with a lovely evening of food, girl talk, and drinks on the patio at Aster Cafe!

I had written a few days ago about how much I was looking forward to Saturday but it wasn’t until I sat down and could just… rest for a little while when I realized how much I needed a break from the real world.

It’s always wonderful to see the girls and make new friends and joining us for dinner was my friend Alicia from California who was in Minneapolis for work. Rarely do the stars align so perfectly when I have friends in from out of town so I was very happy it worked out.

Special thanks to everyone at Aster who treated us like ladies and served us yummy food!

Love, Hannah

New En Femme Blog!

My new blog for En Femme has been posted!

I hope you like it!

Love, Hannah

The latest from Hannah McKnight, our resident fashionista, is now in the Learning Center! Hannah’s last installment of “Building a Better Wardrobe” is now available where she talks shoes and jewelry. Read the first part of Hannah’s series or read all of Hannah’s advice in the Learning Center.  Read it Now>>

Ask Hannah!

I’m in the Twin Cities and rocking a new wig… I want to make sure it’s well maintained, so I wanted to ask if you know of any trans friendly wig services (specifically for washing) in the area.

I can’t say enough good things about Creative Hair Design! The MN T-Girls visited there a few months ago and it’s where I bought my current ‘do.

They have two locations. One is appointment only, the other accepts walk-ins.

Have fun!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Hi Hannah I would love advice on how to deal with the guilt that dressing causes discomfort for your partner. I’m married and my wife has known about my dressing the duration of our relationship. We experimented briefly but she didn’t enjoy it so I have always dressed in private. 16 yrs later, I’ve come to realize I need to explore this side of me more (I’m not transitioning, just taking my dressing beyond hiding in our bedroom). She is standing with me and we are in couples therapy. I feel so grateful I am finally getting to explore my feminine side in ways I’ve dreamed about for years … but I feel terrible my exploration is putting her in a difficult position (having to work through the associated feelings etc). Any suggestions on how to work through this?

Crossdressing and guilt seems to go hand in hand. In a lot of different ways.

Some of us feel guilt when we crossdress because we are told it’s wrong and it’s against God or societal norms and that it’s a sin. Growing up Catholic I am very familiar with how easy it is to feel guilt when I am “sinning” although I never thought God cared about what I wore. I think God, and other deity, is beyond comprehension and human imposed societal gender norms aren’t anything that God pays any attention to.

I have felt guilty when it comes to my crossdressing for different reasons at different points in my life. The first girlfriend that I came out to wasn’t that enthusiastic about her boyfriend wearing panties. She asked for assurance that I had outgrown that “phase” and I promised I would stop. I tried to NEVER DO IT AGAIN but of course we all know how quitting crossdressing goes.

I failed spectacularly at quitting crossdressing.

In this case I felt a tremendous amount of guilt when I inevitably would wear panties. I felt I was going behind her back and I was breaking my promise to her. I mean, that’s exactly what was happening. I WAS going behind her back. I DID break my promise to her.

Fast forward to where I am today and I still feel guilt but in a different way. Generally speaking I feel I am a pretty selfless person but there are times when my femme life becomes… inconvenient.

Case in point, this upcoming weekend. I have a photo shoot booked to review a couple of items and, if I am being honest, to be a little self-indulgent. Photo shoots take a lot of coordination and planning. The studio, my photographer, my makeup artist, working with designers to schedule upcoming reviews…

This particular shoot has been in the works for almost a month. Whether it’s a shoot or a MN T-Girls event I always chat with my wife to make sure that the date doesn’t conflict with her plans.

Buuuut sometimes stuff happens. As I mentioned the other day we are in the process of moving and it is looking like we are having an open house on the day of the shoot. On one hand we both need to be out of the house anyway, but while I am getting my makeup done or modeling a dress my wife will be taking care of conversations with our realtor and doing any last minute touches on the house.

I will feel a tremendous amount of guilt that day.

It’s not as simple as canceling my shoot as this would impact a lot of people.

These are two examples of feeling guilty. Some of us feel guilt when we are going behind our partner’s back. In this case guilt comes from being dishonest. So, um, stop doing that. And yes, it’s not as simple as it sounds.

And I’ve been there in previous relationships.

Some of us feel guilt when we spend more money on clothes than we probably should. This is similar to going behind our partner’s back. Our significant others may know that we bought on a new pair of stilettos buuuuut maybe we told them they cost much less than they really were.

Again, don’t do this.

I don’t feel guilty about crossdressing anymore. I don’t think I am sinning and I am certainly not going behind my wife’s back.

But I do feel guilt when this side of me takes me away from my responsibilities as a spouse such as this upcoming photo shoot.

It sounds like you are being upfront and honest with your wife and your femme side. That’s good! From what you’re saying it doesn’t sound like you have a secret life. But this side of us does put our partners through a LOT.

Our partners will likely have a lot of feelings and fears when it comes to our gender identity and our wardrobe preferences. Like anything our significant others experience we need to be patient, caring, empathetic, and good listeners.

We also need to be worth it.

Keep being honest with her, take her feelings and fears seriously, and communicate, not only in therapy but in every room in your house.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Hello from Pride!

Yesterday the MN T-Girls made a fabulous return to Pride and it was a wonderful day. Organizing and preparing for Pride is a lot of work. I mean, we have to set up a tent! In heels! But we did it. Want to see?

Look at the beautiful t-girls and look. at. all. the. PINK.

And look at me!

Although preparing for Pride is a lot of work, once things are set up the fun really begins. It was a good day. The weather held, we chatted with a lot of people, and the T-Girls made me proud by talking with others about the group.

Every year as we struggle with driving metal stakes into the ground to secure the tent I promise myself that we are never doing this again but after a few minutes of being a part of the community I remember why we will be back.

Thank you to all of the MN T-Girls who helped make the day a success. Thank you to everyone who stopped by to say hi. It’s nice to know that we are helping others live their lives and find friendship and support.

Love, Hannah

We Should Totally Be In The Pink Zone

Oh hi!

It’s Pride week here in Minneapolis/Saint Paul and the sparkly pink glitter really hits the fan with this weekend’s festival.

The MN T-Girls will be there on Saturday and we look forward to seeing you. We will be in space 078 (in the Orange Zone) and you can find us on the map:

We should totally be in the Pink Zone though.

Come by and see us unless you’re a creep.

Love, Hannah

Thoughts on Pride

So, Pride is this upcoming weekend. I mean, Pride is allll of June and many cities have Pride celebrations outside of the month but Minneapolis will have their Pride festival beginning later this week.

The MN T-Girls have had a booth/tent thing for a few years but last year due to COVID we skipped it but we went as festival goers to a scaled down event.

I love Pride. It’s amazing how… normal it feels to be there. When I am out en femme I feel comfortable but I also feel a little like an outsider. As far as I know, I am likely the only trans person in whichever boutique or coffee shop I am in but I am also usually the only girl in heels and a dress as well.

But Pride? Girl, I am underdressed at Pride. Between the drag queens and other fabulously dressed girls I feel I need to up my glam game.

I still feel a little on edge at Pride. In my boy life I have a lot of LGBTQIA+ friends and acquaintances that don’t know about Hannah and although I am certain they would be accepting and even enthusiastic about my gender identity I still would prefer not to go down that road.

Pride is about celebrating every letter in the LGBTQIA+ acronym but it’s also normal for cis and straight allies to come to festivals and cheer at the parade. Which is good. We need allies and we especially need allies who actually stand with us and go beyond simply saying they support us.

The edge I feel at Pride is mostly apprehension. Will I see someone at Pride that I don’t want to come out to? Maybe. Will a sudden strong gust of wind lift a tent off the ground again and cut me in the face leaving a scar that I still have? Maybe. Will this happen again? Maybe.

I’ve always been nervous and fearful about violence at Pride. It has happened and I think it will continue to happen. So far the worst of planned attacks have been prevented… so far.

I admit that stories like this give me pause and wonder if the MN T-Girls should even attend. The safety of girls like me at official T-Girl events is always my biggest concern, whether it’s about education about safely wearing a gaff or organizing events that will hopefully be without incident.

I suppose that’s the POINT of terror, to stop someone from living their lives. As a country we have the mentality of not giving into terroristic threats in all its forms, so there is that.

Pride is supposed to be a safe haven for all of us. Indeed, it’s sometimes the ONLY safe haven. It’s just a shame that even at Pride we have to be on edge.

Love, Hannah

Saying OMG, YES to the Dress

This side of us can overlap into fantasy territory. Not necessarily sexual territory and it’s not uncommon for a girl like us to be a fantasy for someone else, but the fantasy is often daydreaming about THE dress or where we would wear an amazing outfit.

The degrees that this daydreaming can span can be extreme. We think about what outfit we would wear to simply having a cup of a coffee but we also daydream about what we would wear to a gala.

My adventures (if you can call them that) are the everyday kind. Shopping, having coffee, things like that. Don’t get me wrong, there is magic in the day to day, but this girl fantasizes about ballgowns and black tie parties.

I have dresses for “just in case” situations. I used to go to nightclubs and such but I don’t anymore. BUT if I ever did I have THE perfect dress for such an evening. I can’t imagine the oft daydreamed gala but I still look for THE DRESS that I would wear to such an occasion. I had such a gown but after I lost a significant amount of weight it no longer fit.

I look for ballgowns whenever I visit a second-hand boutique but I rarely find one that fits or that is within my budget. I mean, YES, I could find such a dress if I was willing to spend hundreds of dollars but even I can’t justify spending that much money for something that may never leave my closet.

I look on eBay but I don’t have much luck there either.

So, you can imagine how excited I was when I discovered Queenly. Queenly is a marketplace where you can find amazing dresses for those faaaaancy events we’ve been fantasizing about, whether it’s a wedding reception or staying in on a Saturday. I mean, many of us have dressed to kill just to stay in and binge watch a show. I have.

I spent toooo much time on Queenly looking at everything from bridesmaid dresses to prom dresses to cocktail dresses which is ironic considering I will likely never be a bridesmaid, go to prom, or drink again.

Although I doubt I will ever have a chance to wear a dress like this to an appropriately fancy party I can wear such a gown to a photo shoot. Queenly also regularly hires transgender models for their website so there’s another daydream that I have.

Every once in a while my hubris gets the best of me and I think I have what it takes to do more modeling. Queenly, like other designers, partners with Slay Models which, according to their website, is the premier management company representing transgender fashion talent. We see trans individuals as beautiful. Our strong commitment to developing them as successful models is not about quantifying the model’s gender, it is about their passion and commitment to being the best possible models they can be.

When I heard about Slay I thought maybe I should assemble a portfolio and submit to to them… but then I saw their current models and I was immediately humbled.

Each of these models are wearing dresses found on Queenly, by the way.

After spending a few days on Queenly I found quite a few dresses that fit my budget and really caught my eye. I eagerly wait for the giant box to be delivered.

And! Not only does Queenly have a zillion dresses they also have excellent customer service. I made a mistake with my order and they responded right away and fixed my silly error.

I don’t know about you but prom and wedding season makes me long for beautiful gowns and fancy events. I don’t think I will ever be asked to prom but perhaps I can organize my own black tie event. If I do, I will soon have THE dress for it.

Love, Hannah