Back in Yellow

Once I stepped out of the house for the first time and watched the sunrise on a summer morning I felt that I had conquered something impossible. Hannah was real, I was real, we were living in the real world. I felt invincible, I felt powerful, I felt fearless.

I began to think of all the other things I could do. My confidence was through the roof, my potential was endless, nothing could stop me. It was this moment when I started to list all the things she could do. All things I wanted to do.

I felt strong, I felt cute, I felt loved. Well, loved probably isn’t the word, but I was tolerated. What I mean is that I was terrified of being in the real world, I was scared of being harassed, laughed at, or worse. None of these things happened. The city accepted me, tolerated me, ignored me.

As I grew more secure with this side of me, and with how I looked, I fantasized about having professional photos done. An iPhone selfie is fine and my patient wife took countless pictures in those early days. Her love and support did more for me than a color-correcting foundation ever could.

Once the MN T-Girls started to meet, I thought it would be fun to do a professional photo shoot with a photographer. I had no idea how to set something like that up, but my philosophy is that once you commit to something, the universe just kind of gets out of your way and somehow it happens.

And that’s exactly what happened.

Hannah knew someone who knew someone and we got to chatting about my idea and her enthusiasm and support made me feel calm and safe. A few months later a small group of the T-Girls met at a studio in Minneapolis to have our pictures taken by Shannonlee.

This was five years ago and since then the group has had an annual shoot and I have had quite a few shoots with her on my own for modeling gigs and for my own vanity, if I am being honest.

For our first shoot I wore two different dresses. Shannonlee took so many pictures and I had never felt more beautiful. I still love looking at these pictures.

I realized a few months ago that this year marked five years of working with, and five years of friendship with Shannonlee. To mark and celebrate this occasion, I decided to wear one of the dresses I wore at that first photo shoot for our most recent shoot.

Thankfully it still fits. 🙂

Love, Hannah

New En Femme Blog!

My new article for En Femme has been posted!

The latest article with blogger, trans-activist and fashionista, Hannah McKnight is now available on our Learning Center! Hannah’s blog discusses more in-depth her life as a self-described T-girl.

In past articles for our Learning Center, Hannah has discussed her gender identity evolution and journey towards self-acceptance, coming out to friends and family, and coping during the lockdown.

Now, Hannah begins to focus on the physical side of things! When we start to build a wardrobe, how do we determine our body type so we know which styles will help us to best express ourselves?  Read it now>>

Love, Hannah

MN T-Girls and T-Grilling

This past weekend the MN T-Girls had our monthly social event. A typical summer always has a patio party but I think it’s safe to say that this summer has been anything but typical.

The group took a few months off earlier this year but we started to meet a few months ago and have been keeping our events outside as much as possible. Luckily a member of our group, the always fashionable and fabulous Marcia invited us over for a potluck barbecue.

It was a lovely way to spend an early autumn evening, filled with friends and the smell of yummy food and the warmth of a bonfire.

It’s sometimes sad to see summer go, but this was a wonderful way to say goodbye to it.

Love, Hannah

Spoonbridge and Cherry Dress

When I tell people I live in Minnesota, I am asked one of three things:

Have you ever met Prince? (no)

Isn’t it cold there? (during winter yes)

Isn’t that where they have that cherry sculpture? (yes)

There are few things in my state that are more iconic than ‘Spoonbridge and Cherry’ by Claes Oldenburg and Coosje van Bruggen. This and the Mall of America, I suppose. I think everyone in Minnesota will have at least one photo of themselves taken in front of this amazing work of art.

Last month’s photo shoot finally gave me a chance to have my picture with the sculpture. And of course I had the perfect dress for it.

What do you think?

Love, Hannah

On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

I don’t pay much attention to fashion. I mean, I look at every dress I see and if I think it’s cute, I add it to my wardrobe. But I don’t wear something because it’s in style or trendy. I might wear something that IS in style or trendy, but not BECAUSE it is.

If that makes sense.

I wear what I wear because I think it’s cute and because I think it will look good on me..

Fashion usually encapsulates an era. Bell bottoms will forever represent the 60’s to me. Poodle skirts represent the 50’s, and so on. But there can be an outfit or a style that simply says retro and I totally heart this look.

I fell in love with this dress and I thought it looked flirty, cute, and feminine. It is also a rather bold style. I don’t care about blending in and I usually am overdressed wherever I go, but this dress really, really stands out.

I wore it for a shoot I did with Shannonlee in July, but when we got to this dress her camera stopped cooperating. I had a chance to wear it again for a shoot we did last month and I am so happy to have some high quality photos of this dress.

What do you think?

Love, Hannah

Blue Monday

This was one of those dresses that caught my eye and I wasn’t really sure why I liked it. I don’t have a lot of blue dresses so I thought it would be fun to add to my wardrobe and for my August photo shoot.

I don’t know why I was so drawn to it but I’m glad I bought it because I love it. I love how it looks and it feels very flattering, especially with my Jolie Thigh Pads.

And it has pockets.

Love, Hannah

Butterflies

The monarch butterfly can be found around milkweed plants, if you wanted to find one.

As beautiful as we are, girls like us are not like butterflies.

What I mean is that there is not a specific place to find us. One of the most common questions I am asked is where does someone go to meet a crossdresser or a t-girl? If I am asked this question by a chaser, I ignore them. We are not your goddamn fetish. If this question is asked by a girl like me, then it’s a little different.

It’s so important to have support and to know others like us. It’s pretty normal to feel alone and to think that there is no one on the planet that is like us, but that is simply not the case.

But where do you find others like us? If you are looking for support, I encourage you to find a local chapter of PFLAG. Crossdresser Heaven also has a pretty impressive list of resources. An LGBTQI+ nightclub or bar is also a pretty typical place to meet a girl like us.

But if the bar scene isn’t for you (and it’s not my scene), then what are your options? To be honest, it’s not like we all hang out at designated places. There are places I go to but I don’t necessarily shop there because of my gender identity. I go to Starbucks and Target because I need coffee and I need… Target stuff, but I don’t go to these places because I expect to see other t-girls. I go to museums and book stores, but to be honest, I rarely see other girls like me.

And even if I did, I would never approach someone that I thought was trans. You probably shouldn’t either.

If you are looking to make friends, then the internet is going to be your best bet. Transgender Heaven and Crossdressers.com are two of the best and most active forums out there.

Girls like us are everywhere… but we are probably in boy mode. When I go grocery shopping it’s not likely the cashier knows about my gender identity, just like I don’t know theirs.

Be safe.

Love, Hannah

August Photo Shoot Preview!

This past weekend Shannonlee did a photo shoot in the beautiful Sculpture Garden in Minneapolis. I have always wanted to do a shoot there and thankfully the weather cooperated, but not much else did 🙂

Shannonlee’s camera was being silly so most of the pictures we took were on an iPhone. My allergies decided to kick in and my eyes watered and smudged my makeup. The sun shone right into my eyes and the squinting spoiled a few shots.

But despite all these small things, it was a wonderful day. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and I need some perspective that my life is really a blessing. I was thankful for the reminder that I am fortunate in many ways, in both of my genders, and I should be more grateful.

I’d like to share a few pictures from that day before Shannonlee works her magic and adjusts things like lighting and cropping. I can’t wait to see the final pictures.

Love, Hannah

Saturday in the Garden

Yesterday was a gorgeous, hot summer day. Not the best type of day to wear pads, forms, stockings, a wig, a gaff, and foundation, but this girl is happy to make some sacrifices to look cute. And I’m glad I wasn’t the only one since yesterday was the monthly MN T-Girl outing.

In these days of social distancing, our recent events have been primarily outside where we can…uh, distance ourselves socially. Thankfully it’s been a little easier to meet as a group since the weather has been cooperating.

Our monthly event for August was a visit to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. The Sculpture Garden is one of the most iconic places in the state and it was a beautiful way to spend a summer afternoon.

There were a total of ten of us and we wandered around the garden, looked at some amazing art, had some girl talk, took some great selfies, and just enjoyed being together.

Love, Hannah

Genderless Beauty

The mission of Jecca Blac is a cause I wish all designers and companies had. From their website:

Jecca Blac’s mission is to be a brand that represents all beauty lovers: all expressions, genders, sexualities, abilities, pronouns, shapes and sizes. As well as providing beautiful makeup products we also help bring our beautiful community together.

Jecca Blac is a gender free makeup brand that celebrates all makeup wearers. We believe you should use beauty to express yourself and celebrate your uniqueness.

Jecca Blac was founded by Jessica Blackler who has a professional background doing makeup for television and film. She went on to teaching girls like us how to do makeup.

Jecca Blac sells cosmetics, such as beard cover and color correction, but also provides tutorials including videos about covering up beard shadow.

I am always happy to promote businesses that sincerely provide services and products to girls like us. Inclusion is so important. Every face is different and my makeup needs are different than my wife’s, so its wonderful to find products for me and others like us.

Love, Hannah