I have been dressing up for years and managed to hide it from my wife but over the last year she has found bits that I didn’t want her to find I managed to get away with this and went back to normal but now she has found everything I have clothes lingerie wig makeup and toys I love her so much and have not cheated on her I’m not gay but dressing up does turn me on I just want to be able to tell her any advice on the best way to do this many thanks
Please know I am not trying to sound bitchy. Buuuuut you kind of messed up, I feel.
In many situations, it’s not the crossdressing ITSELF that’s an issue, it’s the actions that are taken BECAUSE of the crossdressing.
I know this side of us is not easy to talk about and hiding it is normal… even from our partners. My perspective is that you should have told your wife about your interests before your relationship became too serious. They have a right to know who you are… especially if there’s an aspect of your life that is a significant part of your life.
When you were caught, I feel that was your opportunity to be open and honest with her. I get the feeling it wasn’t as you, in your words, “managed to get away with this”. I am not sure what you two discussed when she learned about this side of you, buuuuut I get the impression that you did your best to reassure you that again, in your words, you are not gay and have not cheated on her. It’s typical that when we are caught we pledge not to do THIS again, meaning we promise to stop wearing lingerie (or stop doing whatever we were caught doing).
But now she has found your clothes. Again. If you promised to stop after the first time you were caught, then it’s possible that you lied to her if you promised to stop OR you went back on your promise.
So, now the issue isn’t necessarily about your clothes and toys exclusively, the issue is about trust.
Does that make sense?
Try to see this from her point of view. If she promised she would stop going to the casino or chatting with her ex (or whatever) but you learned that yes, she was still indeed going to the casino or texting her ex, then the issue is about honesty and keeping a promise.
I think you need to focus on establishing trust and openness and honesty before you can really dive into your crossdressing and kinks.
I encourage you to talk to a therapist. Not only as a couple but as an individual as well. Again, I feel your situation is more than just about your fetish (as you said this turns you on) it’s about trying to determine if your wife can trust you.
I’m really not trying to be bitchy but I think it’s important that you understand this is likely a trust issue, not exclusively a crossdressing issue. Her trusting you isn’t necessarily about fidelity, it’s likely about trust, period. You can tell her that you are not gay, you can tell her you have been faithful, but it feels like you may have put the seed of doubt into everything. I feel you have a lot of work to do.
Good luck.
Love, Hannah
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Hannah McKnight 
Hannah,
Sometimes the man’s interest develop after the “I do’s” are said. Yes, many years before I had dabbled as an insecure little boy in my mother’s lingerie draw. Maybe, it was marrying a downright really attractive and sexy woman who wore intimate lingerie that awoke that lurking hidden desire. What started as a mutually spice in the bed where we shopped together for nighties and hosiery for me imploded one day when I took it a step to far. Yes, I bought a red bra at Christmas. The ensuing “Talk” shut it down for her. She said, if I wanted to find a support group. I looked (1980’s) and found none. Abandoned essentially to do my own thing with the ability to share, Without anyone to rein me in. It may be hard to believe but with some short sentences, my wife has not uttered a word since the early 1980’s. I know she knows because when clearing out nighties that no longer fit her she told me to take whatever I wanted. I took the first nightie I bought her after the “I do’s” that swam on her as I had no idea about women’s sizes. You do not buy a medium peignoir when the woman is 5’2′ and 110 pounds. Silence is not necessarily golden.
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