Be Better

by Hannah

Someone commented on a recent post that I didn’t approve.

It was filled with some inaccurate information and was rather mean-spirited.

I used to feel bad about not approving comments but I have gotten over that. I knew if the comment would go live there would likely be a very hostile discussion that I was afraid would spiral out of control.

My website is a reflection of what I believe and feel and think about. And I know that a lot of what I write about may be different than what others think.

And that’s okay.

If my perspectives don’t align with your own there are likely other websites that do. And if there isn’t a website that matches your values, you can create your own.

This all sounds bitchier than I mean it to be. 🙂

Some people “hate-read” my website. No matter what I write about I get nasty emails from the same people. Please don’t do this. Don’t read a website that angers you. Don’t bother sending these emails. Please spend your time doing things that make you happy.

To be honest I don’t even read emails from certain people. I do save them, however. My life has been threatened and I think retaining these messages is PROBABLY a good idea. At the same time, just because I don’t approve a comment it doesn’t mean it’s gone. I save these, too. Just in case.

I am absolutely open to another’s perspective. And sometimes my mind changes and I see things in a different way.

BUT there are a few things that I can’t imagine ever shifting my perspective on and it’s a very touchy subject. I absolutely support queer representation for kids. I think it’s important that people of all ages can see others like themselves. This could be a gay character in a book or a non-binary person in a television show. I wish I had seen others like me when I was growing up but “a man wearing a dress” was always played for laughs or as a fetish.

Representation is at odds with some people. Some people think that anyone, in real life or fiction, that is not heterosexual or cisgender, is corrupting or grooming children. That’s ridiculous. No one is “recruiting” anyone. I didn’t get the idea to wear a dress because I saw a drag queen. I was inspired to wear a dress because I saw my sisters wearing one.

The purpose of this post is to not convince anyone if they’ve already decided that any and all queer representation should be banned.

On the same note, there’s not a single comment or email anyone can send me that will change my mind either.

Remember, queer content doesn’t mean sexual content. Do I think a ten year old should read books that have two characters, of any gender, having sex? Of course not. Do I think it’s good for a kid to read a book about someone having two moms? Absolutely.

Are we clear?

Over the last few years we have seen legislation, such as in Florida, that have been referred to as “Don’t Say Gay” laws. Essentially it’s the banning of any discussion or content that has anything to do with sexual and/or gender identity. You know, “to protect the kids”.

A teacher in Florida was under investigation for showing a movie that had a gay character in it. This violated Florida law because of their ban on content that contains references to sexual identity. If you are going to pass a law like this, then I feel you need to enforce this law for heterosexual/cisgender content as well. Would a teacher be under investigation for showing a movie that had a straight person in it? I mean, isn’t heterosexuality also a sexual identity?

My point is that we as members and allies of the LGBTQ+ community are under the microscope in a way we have never been before. Everything we do or say or post online is going to be scrutinized and likely be judged or interpreted in the worst way.

So, that sucks.

What this means to me is that I can’t say or do ANYTHING that would leave the door open to such wild and inaccurate interpretations.

For example:

I am a big fan of drag queen story time. And I love typing that because some of my readers who hate-read my site get soooo mad lol. I get looooong emails and comments that I don’t read or respond to… but I do save them as I mentioned earlier.

I think it would be fun to do something similar to this. I am not a drag queen but I would love to do some sort of story time. I love books and I think it would show solidarity with our drag queen sisters.

Buuuuut for some people there is no difference between a drag queen and a transgirl. To some people I am, and I always will be, a man in a dress. If I did anything like this I would be called a groomer or something similar.

So, that sucks.

But I suppose this is the goal of some people. To prevent someone from doing anything and everything to the point where I hesitate to even leave my house and forcing us to go back into the closet.

Luckily (or stupidly) I am tooo stubborn to do so.

I think we need to be on our best behavior, so to speak. That’s not to say we should stop pushing for change and equality and representation, but we need to be careful.

As I mentioned anything that we say or do, if it can be interpreted in a negative way, it likely will be. Everything we say or do can and will be taken out of context. Our behavior and actions, in a way, need to be bulletproof.

The comment I mentioned at the start of this post referenced a Pride event where some in our community chanted “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re coming for your kids”.

And my God, was that the wrong thing to say.

Some of you will disagree with this, but according to some of the chanters this was meant to mock the fears of some people. In our community we are thought of as groomers and sexual predators and perverts. There is the fear that we are coming to recruit children into our community.

Of course, this isn’t true.

A non-binary person isn’t trying to inspire someone else to BE non-binary. If someone is non-binary they already had the idea, the thought. But it’s the representation that there are others like themselves that is important.

I am very much a fan of dark humor, mocking the unsubstantiated fears of those that blow a dog whistle, and sarcasm.

This is what the chanters, according to the chanters themselves, were doing. And yes, I KNOW, some of you will think that they were one hundred percent serious so save yourself some time from sending an email.

But we can’t do this. Especially when it comes to the biggest fear that some have.

Again, I enjoy sarcasm and mocking but I try my best to be careful about saying something that can be taken out of context when I discuss something very serious and important. Something that could be very damaging to either a relationship, my professional life, or our community.

We need to be better. We can’t give the haters any ammunition, so to speak. That chant will be taken out of context for eternity. It’s the “proof” that some people will use when they accuse us of as being groomers.

The damage is done. We have always had a difficult hill to climb but this chant has added uncountable miles to the top. I fear this has set us back for decades.

Love, Hannah

15 thoughts on “Be Better”

  1. “No one is “recruiting” anyone…”

    Except, actual fascists. They have “red pilling” guides to draw people of certain political leanings to their cause.

    As to trans stuff, I grew up in the 70s and 80s in the UK. There wasn’t much in the way of representation – positive or otherwise. So, despite being steeped in cishet culture, somehow I have still arrived where I am: somewhere under the Trans umbrella.

    Like

    Reply

  2. Hi Hannah,

    I am so sorry you have had to deal with hate comments and threats.

    I hope you realize you have had a very positive impact on so many of us. Personally you have been a life line for me. You have inspired to grow and be comfortable with who I am. So thank you, we love you.

    I whole heartedly agree with your comments about the chants. We need to quite giving the haters ammunition to use against us. Instead we need to show the world we are kind people that have a positive impact on the world. We need people to realize we are just like them.

    Jodi

    Like

    Reply

  4. You have a viable and positive impact on so many of us. You have without a doubt helped many trans girls to take that first step to acceptance or out the door. I know you have helped me in many ways and for that a sincere thank you.

    Have a blessed weekend.

    Susan

    Like

    Reply

  5. Wow, that chant. 😦 Lots of additional miles to our hill…

    In terms of representation, this week and next I’m volunteering with a music camp for “girls, non-binary, and trans kids”. The first morning I was there I thought I noticed a few of the campers have a positive recognition of me, and I’m assuming that they saw someone like themselves, maybe for the first time, helping out.

    As for drag queen story hour, I’m willing to bet that a lot of the folks decrying it now were enjoying the movie Ms. Doubtfire, and the end, where she was reading stories to kids…

    Like

    Reply

  6. Hi Hannah

    i often marvel how wonderful it is that you are like 2700 miles from Oakland, but your clear voice is always an inspiration for me to go one step further, to feel just a little more confident, and if i really want to be the person i say i am, i must continue to be more visible.

    I am sure that many of your friends feel the same way as i do; we are grateful for your helping us become that person we want to be. This is a gift of happiness we all receive from you.

    Lot’s of love – brianna

    Like

    Reply

  8. Hi Hannah,
    Your views, perceptions, and attitudes are spot on, well thought out, and compassionate as an overall world view. The ‘haters’ and such that you refer to are, undoubtedly, small minded, prejudicial, and ignorant of so many things.

    Recently I saw a short video on Instagram in which an interviewer asked a ‘MAGA Trump’ T shirt wearing elderly white couple what they thought of critical race theory. The man and the woman both said “I don’t like it.” The interviewer then said “What is it about critical race theory that you don’t like?” to which the man and the woman each said “I just don’t like it.” Then the interviewer asked “What is critical race theory about?” to which they both said “Uh, I don’t know, but I don’t like it.”

    I am confident that people like that cannot be persuaded of an alternative view by any amount of evidence or reasoning on any topic that they ‘just don’t like.’ even if they in fact know nothing about it.

    Enjoy the good things that your world view and sensibility bring to you and let the haters drift back into their icky little hovels.
    Onward for all of us!

    Best to you and have a good summer weekend.
    Marissa in Ohio

    Like

    Reply

  10. Each unto his / her own. Unfortunately, there are some within the trans movement that are overstepping their bounds. The fact that some supposedly “ambassadors” of the trans movement would find the “chant” they used in a parade humourous is sad and disgusting. In my opinion they were attempting to sow the seeds of anger, hate and divisiveness–not bring all people [regardless of their lifestyle] together. Not quite the way to win over those that may disagree with us and how we choose to live out lives.

    Like

    Reply

  11. As always, love reading your opinions.

    I will respectfully disagree on two things.

    1. First, haters are gonna hate. If it wasn’t a sarcastic chant, it would be something else. As someone pointed out recently, there are more laws proposed against trans athletes than trans athletes. Haters are going to find something to whine about; Bud Light one day, Target the next. Because they want distractions from the real groomers (priests, pastors, and the like) and that they have zero positive ideas for moving forward (like more and more guns).

    2. I will say this until I’m blue in the face. There has NEVER been a better time to be LBGTQ. The current uproar by a small minority of the population is because they know the vast number of people are continually becoming more accepting of gays, lesbians, bi, and trans people. The hill is not getting bigger, it is getting smaller.

    Part of that is because you give courage to people to get out, like you did (with others like Stana) for me.

    Like

    Reply

  14. I read recently that legislators in various states had introduced over 500 bills to restrict trans kids from participating in HS sports. The number of bills actually exceeded the known number of trans HS athletes. One might think that each of those states faces issues that deserve higher priority than picking on a kid who wants to play a sport.

    To the final point, some advocates do genuine harm to the cause, like those chanting or the dumb transwoman who inexplicably bared her breasts at a White House gathering. WTF?

    I am old enough to remember when it was illegal to be gay and transpeople, if acknowledged at all, were included for comedic effect. And yet we know that gay and trans people existed then. No one recruited them, and they certainly didn’t choose to be themselves so they could be subject to ridicule, discrimination, or prosecution. Of course, the whole point of repressing minorities is to legitimize authoritarianism, to stamp out any dissent against.

    Like

    Reply

  15. Yes, the comment certainly didn’t help. But I don’t think such things set the community back as much as we fear. You must remember we live in the digital age where the attention span of most is about a minute and a half. This will most likely soon fade into obscurity replaced by a dozen more such incidents.

    The best reply to such things is just what you are doing- demonstrate to the world that being transgender does not necessarily mean we are crazy or militant or in any way dangerous to your children.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment