Pink Shadows of the Past

The MN T-Girls will mark ten years of events and eyeliner in November. Amazing. Even with the short breaks we took due to COVID we have had over one hundred monthly events ranging from girl talk over coffee to private makeup lessons to theater outings to yoga.

As our decade anniversary is strutting closer and closer, I can’t help but be reflective thinking about the group. The group exists because of our members. Ideas for outings often come from the girls and something is planned each month because girls keep showing up for them. As long as a t-girl wants to come, we’ll have something fun planned.

Some girls come to almost every event. Some have joined but haven’t had a chance to attend yet. Some aren’t ready.

And some have, well, moved on.

Some girls feel conflicted about their gender identity and are trying to suppress this side of them.

Some girls… well, they don’t need the group anymore. What I mean is that the purpose of the group is to have a safe and inviting opportunity for girls to meet others like them and to do real world things in the safety of numbers. Some girls gain confidence by doing this (which is very much a goal) and, well, don’t feel the need to only go out with the group. In some ways the group can be a slight gentle nudge out of the nest, if you will.

What I mean is that for some girls, after a few times having dinner or going shopping, feel ready to strike out on their own. I like to think that the group helped with this.

As the group is joined by new girls and is, um, unjoined by others, the members are always in flux. I think about the girls who joined whom I haven’t seen for a long time. I wonder how they are.

When a girl unjoins the group, it’s usually due to moving out of state or they have, ah, graduated from the group, if you follow. Some quit the group for different reasons, such as them trying to deny their gender identity.

Others? Well, some girls have transitioned and no longer want to be reminded of their gender identity. What I mean is that we have members who are transitioning or have already done so. Many of the girls who have transitioned still join us for monthly events and it’s lovely to see them. It’s inspiring seeing them as they continue their journey.

But there have been girls who don’t want to be reminded that they are transgender. They may have transitioned but they no longer want to think of their lives and experiences before they did so. They have moved on, in a way. Belonging to a transgender social/support group is a reminder that they are transgender.

And I am not criticizing anyone. There are aspects to my life that I have gotten over or made peace with that I don’t want to remember or relive. I get it.

I just hope that the girls who have, in a way, moved on, are not doing so out of any sort of shame. There’s nothing wrong with being transgender. A doctor or a parent assigning a gender when you were born was completely out of your control. Many of the expectations that others had of you were likely based on the gender you were assigned. It takes a while before we can make our own choices about pronouns, clothes, and other things.

With life it’s important we are working towards what makes us happy and content. We evolve, we change, we fail, we get back up. We outgrow parts and people of our worlds. There are aspects of our lives that were once so important that we don’t need anymore. I absolutely understand that a social/support group, like the MN T-Girls, is something that someone may no longer need, but I hope no one feels that they need to walk away from their transgender identity.

Afterall, identifying as transgender is a symbol of recognizing that the gender that has been thrust upon you isn’t the right fit and you are fighting for your own identity, the identity that is true to who you are… and who have always been… and who you always will be.

Love, Hannah