Ask Hannah!

I know! So many Ask Hannahs lately. I try to space them out to break them up a little but with as many as there have been lately I want to get them as soon as possible. I’ll take a short break from them after today and resume the rest of them next week. If you have sent in a question, thank you! I will get to it soon. 🙂

I’m working on coming out… I enjoy dressing at home… Just asking about support??? Frustrated and want to be me.

Support is crucial. Support can come in different forms and we need support in different ways from different people in our lives.

The most important people that we need support from are usually, well, the riskiest to ask for, What I mean is that we have a lot to lose, so to speak. We want support from our partners, whether that is our spouse or our significant other. However, someone else’s shifting gender identity is difficult to understand and relate to. When someone gives someone else information, it’s normal for the other person to contextualize it in order for them to comprehend and relate and ultimately understand it.

But not feeling that the gender you were assigned to at birth is accurate is a challenging concept for many cisgender people to understand and relate to.

Start with support that is easy to achieve, such as a transgender support group. The reason is that you will be with a group that feels very similarly as you do. This support is, well, easy to get. Getting support from the first person/people you come out to is sooooo important. It can encourage you.

Coming out to someone can be risky. If they don’t provide you with the support you’re looking for, it can be crushing.

Think about what support you’re seeking. Do you need help shopping? Finding your size? Doing makeup? Choosing a wig? Do you need emotional support? Reassurance that you are loved?

We need different support from different people, depending on our relationship to them. Someone years ago suggested that my wife isn’t supportive of me since she doesn’t hit the town with Hannah. I am not going to get into how wrong they were or how annoyed their assumption made me. But I need emotional support from her, not going to the mall with her. She is who I turn to when I am frustrated with an aspect of my appearance or how I vent to when someone sends me a nasty email. She is who helps me crafts a response to a comment when I am not sure how to reply. She help shapes who I am and helped me understand and accept this side of me.

Which is waaaaay more important than going to the mall together.

I get friendship, which is a type of support, from, well, my friends, particularly the MN T-Girls.

But we also need to accept that we will not get support from every person in our lives. I wish I had more people in HIS life that were in Hannah’s life. My sisters are lovely people and are very important in HIS life… but I wish they knew Hannah better.

Asking for anything from anyone for any reason also requires us to be prepared for not getting what we ask for. Rejection stings. Be prepared for it but don’t let it hold you back from asking for it. The truth is that you won’t get support if you don’t seek it out. The people in your life can’t read your mind or know the secret yearnings in your heart. You can’t make them guess.

Another thing!

This side of us is a lot to take in. It’s easy for someone in our lives to feel overwhelmed by who we are. Be gentle with them, be mindful of the Pink Fog.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!