I am a married man myself and really want to dress femme. I did when I was younger but haven’t in a long time. I love how you were able to share yourself with your wife and she accepted it! How did you get this confidence? I really want to come out about my feelings but I know my wife won’t accept. Any advice? And keep doing your thing!!!
Coming out to my wife before we married was less about confidence and more about knowing myself. I knew that this is who I was. I knew I wasn’t going to change. And I didn’t want to change. I loved, and still love, this side of myself.
Telling my wife was only fair. She needed to know everything about myself. She needed to know what she was, for lack of a better phrase, getting into. I put my cards on the table so she knew that my wardrobe preferences were part of me and therefore would be an element in our relationship.
I had no idea what her reaction would be but she needed to know. It would be unfair if I came out after we married. Whether or not it’s right, this aspect of ourselves can be a deal-breaker.
And I needed to be true to myself. I did not want to suppress who I am.
As for coming out, you know your wife better than I do. Every one of us comes out differently to different people in our lives. If you come out to your wife, it will likely be different than how I came out to mine. I suppose my general advice is to be honest and be gentle.
I have written a lot, and I mean a LOT about gender and marriage and relationship. I am afraid I can’t give you specific advice, again, I don’t know your wife, but if you are interested in my perspective, you can read my previous writings about relationships:
https://hannahmcknight.org/tag/marriage/
And yes, there is a LOT there. But you need to take this revelation very seriously as it could very likely fundamentally change every aspect of the most important relationship you have in your life.
Love, Hannah
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
Hannah McKnight 
One of my favorite pieces of advice I’ve heard in the past about introducing things like this to a partner is about your tone when you do it. How you share information can have a powerful effect on how others receive the information.
Its a scary moment, so your instinct might be to use a careful and cautious tone, and to come across as embarrassed or ashamed. But in doing so you could be telling your partner that this is something to be embarrassed or ashamed of.
But if you can share with confidence and excitement, you’ll be communicating that this is something that you take joy from. And that may help your partner see it through your eyes to some degree.
Just a thought!
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That is a very good point! We come out in a very shy, sometimes shamed or embarrassed way. Why not share this as a positive thing??
Love, Hannah
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One consideration is where we are at personally in accepting ourselves. The admission that we love to dress and sharing that with others, even a spouse, is a really big deal. We are not just coming to them to say that we are now collecting model trains. This declaration can be life altering so important that we have a good footing on who we are and accepting all of ourselves unconditionally. For those with children can be even more complex.
Given the ups and downs many of us experience in finding ourselves and sorting out who we really are vs what we think others expect of us, I echo Hannah’s past advice to seek out a therapist to discuss so your mindset is in good spiritual order before approaching others, including your spouse. This could help prepare us for any negative consequences that come out of those discussions knowing we know and accept ourselves no matter whether anyone else approves.
Nadine
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One of life’s greatest challenges, atleast for me.
I told my soon to be wife before we were married (40 years ago!).
It was a major step in our relationship and my crossdressing has continued to evolve and change as the decades have passed.
Challenges remain, courage and strength required, but true love conquers all…
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