It’s a Queer World

Whenever I read a novel from A Long Time Ago and the word “queer” is used, it is meant to be an adjective for strange or odd.  But language is always evolving and words can shift meaning and these days queer is almost always used in the context of non-heterosexuality or outside of the gender binary. The evolution of language can happen relatively quickly and queer used to be deagratory only.

Am I queer?  Yes.  I LIKE being queer.  It’s just vague enough to be inclusive but it avoids specifics.  Sometimes specificity is laborious and annoying, particularly when it comes to gender.  I can identify as a crossdresser, as bi-gender, as transgender, and as non-binary.  These labels (God I hate that word) are often contextualized or usually influenced by the gender I am presenting as.  But queer?  That covers a lot of options.  

I don’t feel I am queer when it comes to sexuality.  I care little for the labels “straight” and “gay” or “bisexual”. All of my relationships have been with women and if you look at my sexual identity only through the lens of the relationships that I have had, then one could absolutely assume that I am straight.  

That’s not to say that I am NOT straight.

And that’s not to say I AM bisexual.

A little side note here:  I identify as bi-gender.  Half of me is female, the other half is male (if we look at gender as binary).  Hannah and my wife are not married.  My wife married me, not Hannah.  Hannah is not a spouse, but I am a spouse.  

And yes, this is all overly and unnecessarily complicated and nuanced, but you’d be surprised (or maybe not) by how many times I am asked if Hannah is straight or gay.  I SUPPOSE Hannah is gay, since I always think my wife is gorgeous and amazing, no matter how I am presenting.  

Although I have never been attracted to a masculine presenting/identifying person and although all my relationships have been with women, I don’t see the point of planting a flag that reads STRAIGHT.  I don’t see the relevance of sexual identity for myself.

Another side note: I rarely like ANY label, even if my actions fit the definition of said label.  I have no political affiliation but I have almost always voted Democrat.  My voting history is Democratic but I don’t like how confining most labels are, political or sexual. 

Even though the word has taken on a new meaning, it is still a queer world.  I feel that almost EVERYONE is queer in some regard.  SO much of this world is divided into “things for boys” and “things for girls”.  I don’t think there are many masculine presenting/masculine identifying men that ONLY and ALWAYS stay in the “things for boys” lane.

Let’s look at some examples, shall we?  Yes, we shall.

The bathroom counter that is adjacent to my wife and I’s bedroom is covered with razors and facial products and lotion and tweezers and fingernail clippers and makeup wipes and so many other things.  Some of these items are mine, some belong to my wife, some we both use.  I don’t think it’s a stretch for a guy to think of many of these things to be “for girls” but items such as lotions and facial scrubs are amazing.  Men have skin, too.  That apricot scrub doesn’t care if the person using it has a penis or not.  It’s for anyone with skin.  Is it gay to use a product where the majority of its users are women?  Is it swerving a LITTLE out of the “boys should only use boy things” lane?  Sure, maybe, who cares.

Is it okay for a guy to like a Taylor Swift song?  Yes.  Is it okay for a guy to eat a salad? Yes.  I could continue but you get it.  The point is that almost all men (in my experience and opinion) enjoy (but may not admit) things that are “for girls”.  The more this happens, the sillier and more pointless gender norms become.  

I believe that there are more crossdressing men than we will ever realize.  Sure, they may not hit the town en femme on the weekend or wear panties under their boy clothes every single day, but I am never surprised when a guy messages me, who says they are 100000000000000% straight (note: sexuality and clothes do not impact each other) and that they totally love women, but they tell me that they wore their girlfriend’s panties once and they REALLY liked it.  Or they think about what wearing a bra would be like.  

I get a LOT of DMs on Twitter from men.  Most of these conversations end abruptly once they send me a picture of their favorite part of their anatomy or it becomes clear that they just want to meet me.  But there are many men who, after a few painfully boring exchanges, will come out to me.  Sometimes they are struggling with this side of them, sometimes they are confused, sometimes they are so in love with lingerie that they just need to tell SOMEONE.  

You’d be amazed at how often this happens.  Of course, some men can’t help but let the conversation shift to how what they wear, uh, arouses them, but that isn’t really surprising anymore.  

Regardless, I feel that although these guys identify as 100000000000000% cisgender, I totally think they are queer (even just a teeny tiny bit).  I mean, if gender is a binary (and it’s not) and most clothes are for girls OR for boys, someone who is assigned male at birth who wears “girl clothes” is absolutely outside of the aforementioned lanes.  If they are a boy wearing girl clothes, that’s pretty queer.

And that’s awesome.  Being queer is wonderful.  It’s freeing to admit (even if it’s just to yourself) that gender norms are something you cheerfully ignore.  It’s not unlike when you were a kid and realizing that you can color outside the lines if you damn well please.  

Love, Hannah