The phrase “square peg in a round hole” is used to describe something of a certain shape not fitting in an opening that is a different shape.
I think we can relate to not fitting in, especially when it comes to gender identity. We know early in our lives that we are not “one of the guys”. At one point we acknowledge why that is and hopefully we accept and then embrace what makes us unique.
The squareness we feel has already set in.
We know what we aren’t (one of the guys) but inevitably we gravitate towards thinking “well, then who am I?”
There are oodles (when was the last time you used “oodles” in a conversation?” of terms out there and oodles of options regarding how we can identify (if we choose to identify as anything at all). Of course, we don’t HAVE to identify as anything if we don’t wish to (for whatever reason) but identifying as SOMETHING can be comforting because it means that we are not alone. Indeed there are so many like you that there is a whole word for people like yourself.
I know I felt this way when I learned of the word “crossdresser”. There were so many “boys who wore girl clothes” that we have a NAME. That was reassuring. I wasn’t the only one.
A few years later I learned that for some crossdressers there was a sexual aspect to how I identified. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with arousal linked to crossdressing, but there was nothing erotic or kinky about wearing girl clothes. Maybe crossdresser wasn’t quite the right identify for me.
Which was frustrating, I suppose. I mean, it was SO CLOSE. I was a “boy who wore girl clothes” and that’s the definition of a crossdresser. But after learning of the fetishization that seemed to be dominant when it came to this word, then I questioned myself.
Time passed, I learned of different terms, such as transgender, bi-gender, non-binary, and others. U learned more about myself and time changes us. We evolve. Different terms resonated with me at different points of my life.
Non-binary and bi-gender are probably the best terms for myself.
Many of us choose not to identify as anything at all, and I think some of us don’t because there usually isn’t a term that describes us exactly. It’s not unlike the term crossdresser ALMOST being perfect for me but there was a connotation that wasn’t quite right.
We already feel like square pegs, but we might feel even more so when it comes to gender terminology. We already feel we don’t fit into aspects of our society, but then we feel even more marginalized when we start to learn of different gender identities.
And yes, simply being “human” is more than appropriate and fitting.
There are few absolutes in life. There’s never going to be the perfect presidential candidate that you agree with on every single issue. There’s never going to be a band that doesn’t have at least one terrible song. There’s never going to be a word that nails your gender identity completely.
Just be you. You have to be.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
well said Hannah, I am just beginning to realize ( after a ripe old age of 72) that I had feelings of not fitting in with the guys. Forty, fifty years ago being trans wasn’t even on the radar for me, even 20 really. I was busy being a guy at work doing what guys did. But I remember now how some conversations we had just made me feel different from them. I’m going through a lot of changes and its all because of how I now see my past life.
thanks
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I went up to La Crosse today, yes Up… Felt so good to get out enfemme feeling like everything felt perfect, the hair, makeup, dress ect. and warm enough to not wear a jacket. Bought a couple nice short, sexy summer dresses.. I really dislike the term crossdresser, it’s so impersonal and physically directed not taking into acct. the person. Speaking of impersonal, Hannah, Is there a way i could have a photo attached to my writings and not be labeled Anonymous? Like you I’m a photo taker and enjoy seeing myself out in the real world… Thanks, Mary Jo
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If you create an account/profile on WordPress (my website provider), you should be able to upload a profile picture.
Love, Hannah
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Mary Jo,
First, glad you got out and enjoyed! That always makes me so happy to hear.
For the profile, as Hannah said, you have to create a Word Press profile and sign in to it to post as Mary Jo. There’s also a system called Gravitar where you have to upload your profile photo. It was a bit of a pain to get mine up and running since there’s also a verification process for both systems, but I eventually got it working.
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For me, the term “skirt enthusiast” hits perfectly. It has no sexual aspect to it. It is simply an artful practice that makes me happy to be a participant.
I would also argue that there is a band with no bad songs. I’m With Her won Grammys for best American Roots music album this year. Every single one of their songs elicits tears of joy in me. It might be that their soprano voices harmonizing and their poetic lyrics that speak of mystical sisterhood makes me feel ensconced in pure femininity.
Angie
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Hannah,
I have been crossdressing on and off since elementary school.
Some cross dressing was for roles in skits or plays , such as a black mammy in a minstrel show. Some for Halloween celebrations assisted by my Aunt who made me a tie on “wig” of hair sewn to a band of cloth. Some for a contest like for the Powder Puff Queen for a touch football contest between two sororities my senior year in College where I wore my finance’s swimsuit and a cheap costume wig purchased from a novelty catalog. Some when I attended meetings of a chapter of Tri-Ess for which I have a life membership card.
I have written an essay about gender crossers and have discussed
the matter with other social scientists . I have corresponded and met with other cross dressers on casual dates. To eat out or have a quick milk shakes. I have exchanged photos by mail.
I have found no other person that has my particular take on cross dressing or under dressing. But what you often say in your writing comes closest to what I have experienced. Thank you for continuing to write and post.
Sincerely, Pippin ( Tom)
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I actually use oodles all the time. Its a bit of running joke with my wife and I.
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