Square Peg

The phrase “square peg in a round hole” is used to describe something of a certain shape not fitting in an opening that is a different shape.

I think we can relate to not fitting in, especially when it comes to gender identity. We know early in our lives that we are not “one of the guys”. At one point we acknowledge why that is and hopefully we accept and then embrace what makes us unique.

The squareness we feel has already set in.

We know what we aren’t (one of the guys) but inevitably we gravitate towards thinking “well, then who am I?”

There are oodles (when was the last time you used “oodles” in a conversation?” of terms out there and oodles of options regarding how we can identify (if we choose to identify as anything at all). Of course, we don’t HAVE to identify as anything if we don’t wish to (for whatever reason) but identifying as SOMETHING can be comforting because it means that we are not alone. Indeed there are so many like you that there is a whole word for people like yourself.

I know I felt this way when I learned of the word “crossdresser”. There were so many “boys who wore girl clothes” that we have a NAME. That was reassuring. I wasn’t the only one.

A few years later I learned that for some crossdressers there was a sexual aspect to how I identified. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with arousal linked to crossdressing, but there was nothing erotic or kinky about wearing girl clothes. Maybe crossdresser wasn’t quite the right identify for me.

Which was frustrating, I suppose. I mean, it was SO CLOSE. I was a “boy who wore girl clothes” and that’s the definition of a crossdresser. But after learning of the fetishization that seemed to be dominant when it came to this word, then I questioned myself.

Time passed, I learned of different terms, such as transgender, bi-gender, non-binary, and others. U learned more about myself and time changes us. We evolve. Different terms resonated with me at different points of my life.

Non-binary and bi-gender are probably the best terms for myself.

Many of us choose not to identify as anything at all, and I think some of us don’t because there usually isn’t a term that describes us exactly. It’s not unlike the term crossdresser ALMOST being perfect for me but there was a connotation that wasn’t quite right.

We already feel like square pegs, but we might feel even more so when it comes to gender terminology. We already feel we don’t fit into aspects of our society, but then we feel even more marginalized when we start to learn of different gender identities.

And yes, simply being “human” is more than appropriate and fitting.

There are few absolutes in life. There’s never going to be the perfect presidential candidate that you agree with on every single issue. There’s never going to be a band that doesn’t have at least one terrible song. There’s never going to be a word that nails your gender identity completely.

Just be you. You have to be.

Love, Hannah