Etiquette and the T-Girl

In a kind of companion piece to Monday’s post, I thought we should talk about what not to say to a transgender girl. Some of this is going to be kind of bitchy, but some of this is meant to be helpful. What I mean is that some guys are well-meaning and sincerely want to pay a t-girl a compliment but miss the mark big time.

Also, these two posts are more or less a response to a sudden increase of chasers who seemed to have discovered my website and social media lately. Fun fact, the original title of this post was “I’m Like Miss Manners if She was a Total Bitch”.

Anyway, let’s dive in and let’s play a little game that I call…

I am not gay but you are beautiful

Fellas, it is not gay to think a girl is beautiful. Being attracted to a girl who has/had a penis does not change your sexuality. Transwomen are women, therefore it’s not gay to think a trans girl is pretty

You look like a real girl

Listen, I know what you mean but most trans girls don’t really care for guys thinking of them as not being a “real girl”.

I’ve always wanted to date/fuck a transgender girl

That’s nice but I am not your fetish

You’re hotter than my wife

All I can think of when I get this comment is that this married guy is hitting on random women

I don’t mind that you are transgender

Again, I feel some of these comments are, again, well intentioned. I think when someone says this it’s their way of saying that they are attracted to a t-girl and their trans-ness isn’t, well, a dealbreaker. On one hand it’s nice(?) that my gender identity is something they accept and respect, but there’s something about “I don’t mind that you are who you are” that makes my skin crawl. Almost as if they like the girl despite she has/had a penis. Of course, the opposite of that is when someone likes a girl because she has a penis.

You don’t have to necessarily go out of your way to specifically tell a t-girl that you are supportive/an ally, if that makes sense. Your actions will show how you feel about someone who is gender non-conforming. I KNOW I am transgender, and I know that you KNOW that I am transgender. If you’re engaging with me then I assume that my gender identity isn’t an issue for you.

Again, these comments are more or less in response to the chasers who have stumbled upon my website. Everyone will have their comfort level with how they want others to interact with them, but I think what is universal is that no means no. If you message me and want to talk about your penis or your fantasy, unless I block you I will ask that you refrain from sexual content. Asking me why I have that request, or challenging me on that, will get you blocked/ignored. People do not have to explain their boundaries to you.

Sorry if this is kinda bitchy but I get so many questions from guys about how to talk to a t-girl and it gets exhausting. Besides no meaning no, just… don’t be weird. Don’t be inappropriate. If you don’t know if what you’re asking a girl is inappropriate, then it probably is.

Love, Hannah