Katie Amor is definitely my t-sister. She was one of the first t-girls I really became friends with. We were able to relate to each on a lot of levels…we’re both close to the same age, both married to amazing women and we’re both really tall. I think you’ll find Katie is not only gorgeous but also really an interesting t-girl.
Hello fellow Hannah blog readers, I’m Katie Amor, a long time follower of Hannah’s blog, and now contributor!! Recently, Hannah asked me if I would like to write a little post for her new T-Girl Spotlight, maybe writing a little bit about having a supportive wife, and of course I said “Yes!! I’d love to share my experience!”
I guess it would help to give a little background before writing about my relationship with my wife. Like many T-Girls, my feminine feelings started to manifest themselves when I was quite young, maybe 8-10 years old. I remember sneaking into my parents closet and loving the materials my mom’s skirts were made of, trying on her heels, and running my fingers through the silk shirts she had.
In my early teens I remember having the same reoccurring dream. In this dream I happen to find a magic lamp, where the magic genie appeared as I rub it to grant me three wishes. The first and most important wish I had was the ability to snap my fingers to transform between my male and female self at will. I still think about this reoccurring dream because I take it as my subconscious telling me that I was somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum. I wanted to have the ability to jump from male to female and back again. The wish was never to transform for good.
As I entered high school and college, things went downhill. I was shy, introverted, with low self-esteem, and some depression. When all that came together my weight ballooned as I ate my emotions. By the time I got to my freshman and sophomore years in college, my feminine identity was in the back of my mind, rarely making its way to the surface, and never having expressed these feelings to anyone.
It was at this time that something wonderful happened. I met my future wife. Our relationship moved quickly as I could tell early on that this amazing woman was someone who I pictured being with for a long time. Early on, Katie did make a single appearance. The first Halloween we spent together, I worked up the courage to tell her that I thought it might be fun to dress up as a woman. I told her that was a fantasy I had, as up to this point I thought what I was feeling was more of a fetish. She was totally cool with it. We went to a thrift shop, got a cheap dress, wig, and stockings. Very simple and totally ridiculous, especially since I was sporting a goatee at the time. After that Halloween, my feminine side faded deep into the recesses of my mind as I was struggling through college.
We got married soon after I graduated, with plans to attend graduate school. Moving to another state, away from family and friends was really hard on us. My wife was struggling to find a good job, dealing with anxiety and OCD, and I was stressed out with school. This again didn’t help out mentally or physically, as my weight gain was starting to take its toll. But through all this, we had each other’s back, supporting each other the best we could.
The three years I spend in grad school were not the best. Mentally, physically, I was in rough shape, wanting to be a better version of myself. During those three yeas, Katie never really came to mind; I thought it was a phase that had passed.
Our world changed for the better as we moved to Memphis, where I found a job I love, and my wife was taking her turn to go to school to achieve her goals (as she had supported mine in grad school). I worked on myself, lowering my stress level, focusing on healthier habits and before long I was loosing a ton of weight and gaining self-esteems and respect for myself. My wife was able to achieve her education goals, get a rewarding job, and get a hold of her anxiety and OCD. With these positive life changes, improvements both mentally and physically, my feminine side reemerged from my depths.
Everything started when my wife wanted to take a strip-to-fit exercise class, where you learn pole-dancing techniques as you sweat off the pounds. As part of the class my wife wanted to buy some stripper heels, and when I helped her do some shopping on Amazon, things started to click. I saw that I could find heels in a large size and I brought up the idea of ordering two pairs of sexy heels, one for her and one for me. She was totally down for it as she knew I had a thing for heels, and on top of that she is a very open minded person.
As soon as the heels arrived at our doorstep, I was thinking of what I could do next. The next time we were at Wal-Mart, I told her that I was thinking of buying some stockings to go with the heels, maybe some fishnets. She was fine with this idea and we bought what I needed. Before I knew it, I had ordered a couple of more heels and a dress I thought was cute (looking back now, it was not, but hey…you’ve got to start somewhere).
Things started to advance quickly. I expressed to my wife my desire to see the feminine version of myself, so I bought a cheap wig, and then my wife gave me a big surprise. Up till this point I was very open and honest with her. I never hid anything from her. I didn’t have a secret drawer or box full of woman’s clothes. This is because I can’t hide something this important from someone I love so much. The identity we develop overtime, even if it’s a rediscovered identity, is something that is so important to share with those close to us we love. Hiding something so basic does no one any good in the long run.
So anyways, back to the surprise that my wife gave me. Even though I was very open and honest with my wife, and she was accepting and supportive, I still wasn’t entirely sure about it. One day, maybe a couple of months in, I came home after work to find that my wife had bought me a whole bunch of store brand makeup and brushes. I was over the moon with joy that she did that for me. She picked out colors she thought would look good on me, and helped me out with the basic techniques I needed.
In the months to come, things kept developing. Since this aspect of my life is so personal, I wanted to do many of the things on my own. I didn’t want to burden my wife, having her pick out clothes for me, doing my makeup, or fixing my hair. If this was part of my overall healthier lifestyle, I wanted to do things on my own, with the support of my wife. I learned all there was about makeup through YouTube videos and books. I started to look through magazines to get ideas on what styles might work for me, which Pinterest also helped a lot. I think taking initiative to learn these basics, doing the work and practice really helped.
During this early time I also knew that my wife still needed her husband, and I wanted to be there for her. She had goals she wanted to achieve, and stressful times to deal with. I made sure that Katie didn’t take up this important time in our relationship. I didn’t want to obsess about Katie and loose focus on my wife’s needs. I wanted to keep a healthy balance. At the same time, however, we had a great time sharing Katie together, even when I wasn’t dressed up. We shared our passion for makeup as we expanded our collections and helped each other out with using new products and techniques.
Fast forward a few years and things are going great. Our relationship is stronger since Katie has come into our lives, and we’ve achieved many of the goals we wanted to achieve as a couple. I know that my wife appreciates that I was so open and honest, as that is fundamental in a relationship, and having the balance in our support of each other’s goals has helped each of us at different times.
The next chapter in our relationship, now that we have good jobs, and a house, is to think about starting a family, which I worry about sometimes being a crossdresser. Since we have this open and honest relationship, my wife has told me that she’s not at all worried about being open with our kid (or kids) about Katie, which makes my worry melt away.
When people ask me about having a supportive wife and any advice surrounding this topic, I sometimes don’t know what to say. All relationships are different and in different stages, so there is no single set of rules that works for all situations. That being said, open and honest communication has to be considered, as it is essential to build trust. Having a balanced approach can certainly help, not to get too carried away and to help remember that there are always two in a relationship, and each have goals and aspirations.
As I said, there are no set of rules that is guaranteed to help, there are however so many stories from others out there in our community. I hope that my story along with that of Hannah’s can give some idea of what a supportive relationship can look like and how that could be applied to others.
Much love to all,