Hi Hannah, I live in South Africa. I crossdress but it is so difficult to buy crossdressers items because in South Africa we do not have the facility like in the UK, Australia, Canada or America. We cannot go to a store and purchase. I wish someone could set up a store here. Even finding a makeup artist is difficult. I have been trying to buy silicone breasts for some time. Please try and assist. Thank you for all the lovely articles and information as well.
Regardless of where one lives, stores that specifically target our community aren’t all that common. As happy as I am that there are retailers that sell clothes and heels that are sized for girls like us, I don’t limit my shopping to them. I have just as many dresses from Target and Dress Barn as I do from En Femme and Glamour Boutique.
I don’t think greater society will ever be “okay” with girls like us, crossdressers, or a guy buying panties, but some parts of the world might view us as more taboo than others. There’s nothing stopping me from going to the mall en femme to buy lingerie, but I would be less comfortable doing this in certain parts of my state than others.
If buying clothes locally is not an option (regardless of where you live), then online shopping is the way to go. When to comes to forms and pads, I highly recommend The Breast Form Store.
There is nothing I love more than planning outfits and shopping. I have chosen the more recently based on staple items and items that can work with multiple outfits. Most of the things I have now would fit into the “office casual” or “office to evening look”. I had not considered outfits and heels for occasions but I LOVE LOVE the idea. What would you recommend for both outfits and shoes for brunch? date night? Errands? Going to club or nice dinner?
Clothes, heels, accessories, and makeup are a wonderful way to express one’s style and personality. Clothes can convey confidence. I am always amazed (and delighted) at how versatile “girl clothes” are. There is a dress for literally every occasion I can think of.
This is probably a good time to mention that this is all strictly my opinion. What you fill your closet with, your lingerie drawer with, is 1000000% up to you. Create a wardrobe you want, wear clothes that you want to wear. There are no rules.
But since you asked, here’s what I would wear.
When it comes to heels, start with a pair of black heels and a pair of beige heels. These are the most practical and the most versatile as you can pair them with almost every outfit and are appropriate for almost any occasion. Black to dress up, beige to dress down.
Boots are essential for fall and winter. Something cute and strappy for summer. As you build your wardrobe you’ll start getting inspired as to which shoes would go best with the outfit. For example, this sparkly dress is beautiful, and yes, a pair of black heels would work, but I am happy I had a pair of gold heels to pair it with.
Accessorizing an outfit is not that different than cooking. Sampling the soup you are making might inspire you to add a spice (or whatever, I am not a chef). Picking out a dress will also inspire you to envision what heels you should wear with it.
As for choosing an outfit for an occasion, really, you can wear whatever you want to whatever you want, and what I would wear may be different than what you would choose. As I get older I get bolder, braver, more confident. I can’t blend in, so I fully embrace with standing out. Not to the point where I am wearing a gown to Target, but I love wearing bold patterns and bright colors, even if I am a little out of place. Not too many people wear heels to run errands, but this girl does.
Off the top of my head, here’s what I would wear to a few different events or places.
I am not really sure what I mean by the “The Club” but I suppose a crowded place with loud music and alcohol. 🙂 I think you can get away with an incredibly bold outfit at a club more than anywhere else. I would, and do, wear something more leathery or shiny, such as PVC.
I love showing off my legs and I do so with any chance I get, but I would wear a dress or a skirt that touches my knees or longer. Probably something that isn’t sleeveless, too. Bright colors also seem perfect for brunch, too.
Of course, this depends on the type of restaurant you go to, as well as the event. These are some of the outfits I have worn to dinner. This first dress is from a night out that included dinner and attending a play. The dress worked perfect for both.
Of course, I don’t work en femme, but I have a lot of outfits in my closet that would work just fine for the office. These two outfits are my best effort at a sexy CEO look. 🙂
I dress for ME. I don’t dress for anyone else. What I wear when I hit the mall is a little overdressed compared to the other girls, I don’t hear a lot of other heels clicking on the floor besides my own.
I hope this helps! In looking over these photos I am seeing a wide variety of dresses and heels, but the really, wear what you want. 🙂
I know deep down that this is a question that I can probably only answer myself but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’m married with 3 kids 2 of my own and my step daughter. My wife and step daughter know about Erica and are very accepting of my dressing. My Son and daughter do not know of it and I really don’t know if I want them to. I think my daughter would be ok with it but I think my son would take it really hard. For reference my daughter is 19 my son is 18. Anyway I have always joked with my daughter in the past whenever we’re at the mall or running around town that we should go get makeovers or go buy me a little black dress to wear and she always laughs and says yeah right I’d like to see that.
Well, the last couple weeks she’s brought up wanting to do my makeup and give me a makeover to which I laugh it off and say I don’t know only if I can wear a dress and heels to go with it! She says go for it Lol
Anyway I know I would love it and think it would be fun but I’m scared that I’d let the cat out of the bag so to speak if I enjoy it a little to much or walk in my heels a little too well! I guess what I’m asking is for your thoughts on if I should let her do this or not? Like I mentioned I know I’m the only one who can answer this.
Thanks in advance Hannah for any insight you could provide.
Yes, you are 100% correct, only you can answer this.
But here are some things to consider. Once you come out to someone, it can never ever be taken back. You can’t go back into the closet. Even if you never talk to someone about this side of you after coming out to them, they will always know and your relationship will forever be changed. It might be better, it might be… well, weird, it might be tense. It might be a big shift or subtle, but it will impact your relationship.
If you keep bringing up things like makeovers or pedicures or dresses, eventually your daughter will notice a pattern. She may or not “figure it out” but she will likely notice that you talk, even jokingly, about this stuff a lot.
Of course, she may already know about this side of you and might be dropping hints that she knows about you and might be inviting you to come out to her. I don’t know, I can’t say.
When we do come out to someone, we need to be gentle, we need to go slow sometimes. If I were to come out to someone at this point in my life, I probably wouldn’t bombard them with everything Hannah does (modeling, this website, the MN T-Girls, etc). Who Hannah is, and everything I do would likely overwhelm anyone and I wouldn’t blame them. This side of us is going to be a shock to almost anyone in our lives so its best to take it slow.
Hi Hannah! I have two, pretty different questions… I’ll ask the light one first, and then the deep one second:
Have you ever thought of attending a Trans conference or gathering (like Diva Las Vegas) before? I’m hoping to go to one after all of this COVID stuff is done.
What are your thoughts on the term “genderfluid” (specifically, does identifying as Bigender differ from Genderfluid)? You’ve mentioned being bigender before, so I wonder how, in your opinion, that would differ from being genderfluid. I hope that question made sense.
I would love to attend a conference! It would be a opportunity to finally fly pretty, one of my goals. I travel (or used to) a lot for my job, and every time I am at an airport I think about how much more fun it would be to do so en femme. Besides Diva Las Vegas, there are quite a few of conferences out there, I just need to decide which one to attend. As you mentioned, COVID-19 is impacting everything, so I suppose if/when I go, it would be next year at the soonest.
There are a lot of ways non-cis individual can identify. There are many different interpretations of what transgender and crossdresser actually mean, and I have my own perspectives on these terms. Falling under the transgender term are bi-gender and genderfluid. I don’t think that we as a community will ever 100% agree on the definitive definition of the meaning of many of these terms, so please don’t take my perspective as anything than my opinion.
I identify as transgender, basically because it covers a lot of territory. But to put a finer point on it, I suppose bi-gender fits me best. When I am out in the real world, I am (in the binary sense) either a boy or a girl. There’s really no gray area when it comes to my gender presentation. I am either in a dress or… um, something less fun. Hannah’s life, and my male life are about as divided as my closet.
Genderfluid is a little different. I interpret this as one combining clothes and physical attributes that are normally associated with the gender binary. Think facial hair and lipstick. A necktie and heels. Of course, I am not saying that girl can’t wear a necktie or have facial hair, but I think you know where I am coming from.
But like clothes, my gender identity can also change a bit. For example, I woke up in a nightgown, and I am currently writing this wearing a boy t-shirt and girl leggings. By my definition I am genderfluid at this moment.
I do love the idea that gender is so much more than boy or girl. As wonderful as it is to find a term that anyone can identify with, in some ways, it also shows how pointless it is to think of gender as either THIS or THAT. I hate that wearing leggings in boy mode means that society has to slap a definition on me.
There are ways to walk in heels, wear eyeliner, and wear a skirt, but these things do make someone a lady.
A woman can be dressed to kill in an evening gown and five inch stilettos. A woman can wear a hardhat. A woman can wear pajama pants to the grocery store. Every single one of them looks like a lady, if she identifies that way
Whether you identify as a crossdresser, t-girl, a woman, gender queer, if you are someone who wants to learn something, or look a certain way, think about your goals. Think about what you want to achieve.
Hello Hannah, I love your blog and posts. For me, your words comfort, inspire and provide hope of fearless living.
I’m a 55 y/o straight married man. I adore women’s clothing and wear many accessories daily at home. This is a practice I’d love for many years. I just love combining women’s attire as my expression and fashion, particularly skirts, nail polish & shirts.
My wife does not have any issues in my choice of clothing and often encourages me to dress as I please. I struggle with the notion of going in public in my favorite skirt although it would be so fulfilling. Will you please provide me with advice on overcoming the fear of being stares at and judged for just being me? I do wear nail polish without a care in the world.
It sounds like you have a wonderful wife. 🙂
The truth is that you can’t stop someone staring at you.
You can’t stop someone from judging you.
Almost anyone who falls in the transgender spectrum (which includes you), is going to be stared at. Most of us stand out. I stand out for two reasons. Number one, I am obviously trans. I am tall, I have very masculine features, and my voice doesn’t help. People will stare or at least do a double-take when they see me. Seeing a trans person in public is becoming more common, but many people at the mall haven’t seen a transgender person in real life (as far as they know).
Secondly I stand out because of what I wear. Not many girls at the mall are wearing heels and a dress, but I am. So, I stand out because of that, too.
I can’t stop someone from staring. So why worry about it?
You also can’t stop someone from judging you. No matter what you do, people will judge you. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but it is what it is.
You are powerless to stop what others think of you. But you will also likely never know what people think. Sure, they might be staring at me, but are they staring at me because I’m transgender or because they love my dress? Or they giving me an evil eye because I’m transgender or because I can strut in heels better than they can?
I don’t know. I haven’t asked anyone what they think of me.
I want to ask how I can tell my wife that I’m a cross dresser, I have been this way my whole life I’ve always known, I have tried to keep my desire a secret but the older I get it get harder to hide this . I tried to come out to my wife 3 years ago , I got myself worked up to tell her and I even said the words but it didn’t go well and after talking for 3 hours I basically back tracked and said it was just a phase I went through as a teen and hadn’t done it since which was a lie and after all that and her questions the next day it was ignored and we haven’t mentioned it since and I just want her to say something again but she hasn’t. Should I push the issue again?
I wouldn’t push the issue but that is different than bringing it up again.
Since you attempted to discuss it previously, you should know how she responded the first time. You said it didn’t go well, but this revelation rarely does. Why didn’t it go well? What were her concerns? Was she afraid you were gay? That you wanted to transition?
If you do decide to bring the topic up again, be prepared to discuss what her concerns were that she raised the first time you came out.
And although she hasn’t brought it up since you had the talk, rest assured she probably thinks about it everyday.
Keep in mind that we shouldn’t come out with the hope or expectation that our partners will “let” us wear panties or paint our nails or however we wish to express our gender identity. We should be open with our partners because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what we need to be open about.
If there was absolutely no downside to it (losing family, friends, etc for doing it), would you transition?
I guess I ask because every time I say “I don’t want to transition,” the why’s keep becoming fewer and fewer, and the more most of them start with “I don’t want to lose…”
I have never felt that living full time or transitioning was right for me.
I have never felt I was born with or that I live in the wrong body.
I do not feel that “this is right” when I am en femme.
I have never felt conflicted, confused, or frustrated about who I am.
So, no, regardless of family and friend support and reaction, I can’t see myself ever transitioning. I am happy in both of my genders. I don’t want to commit to one… ever. And transitioning, from my perspective, would essentially be that. I don’t want to give up my male gender identity any more than I want to give up my female gender identity.
If you are not already, I would encourage you to seek out a gender therapist to talk abut our feelings to help you determine if this is the right step for you. And yes, most of us lose something, or someone, when we want to live our lives the way we feel is right for us.
Hi Hannah! My own most bothersome “feminine flaw” is my oh-so-manly body hair. The most troublesome area is my hands & knuckles (yes, I’m that hirsute). Professional removal isn’t in my budget, and it seems as though I’ve tried every at-home method under the sun: shaving, waxing, hair removal creams. Do you have any suggestions for a method that would be less than excruciating and would last for more than a day? Thanks so much!
There is a certain joy I feel when I shave my legs. It is one of the most feminine things I think we can do. The feeling of a smooth leg against sheets, stockings… sigh. It’s just… divine.
My hands, arms… not so much.
I remove my body hair once a week. By keeping on a regular schedule it makes it easier to maintain. If I am simply trying to keep my body smooth (and eliminate one of the more masculine characteristics, to be honest), I use Nair on my body.
I’ll use a razor to touch up my forearms or any parts that I missed. If I am going out, I’ll then use a razor on my legs after the Nair to ensure a smoother feel and appearance. Since my hair is black any missed spots will stand out.
Hair removal is something that I have had to experiment a lot with, especially when it comes to my arms, hands, and fingers. It’s frustrating to look at my hands and see little black hairs poking through my skin.
I used to use a razor and shaving cream on my arms and hands. If this worked for my legs, then it should work for my arms, right? It’s trickier to do my arms, though, especially when I have to use my left hand on my right arm. I tended to get a lot of nicks and cuts this way, especially on my wrist.
I used to use Veet which was effective. Sort of. The process I used for a bit was shaving my arms, and then using Veet for a second step.
But we are always looking for something that is simpler. Veet was effective, but my hair grew back quickly. It’s not Veet’s fault, my hair just grew fast.
After years of this technique, I decided to try Nair. Nair is faster, more effective and my hair growth seems to have slowed down a bit. The downside of Nair is that it… ah, tingles more than Veet. It took longer to get used to Nair compared to Veet. The aloe vera formula seems to be easier on my skin than the other options.
I hope this was helpful. It sounds like you have tried many options, but I hope a reader can suggest other methods that work for them.
Is this side of us something we are born with? Can it be changed?
Lady Gaga said we are born this way.
And I agree, we are born this way, but we may not be aware of our identity at first. For me, I realized early on that I wanted to wear lipstick and dresses and I didn’t think that there was anything wrong with it. I didn’t think just because I was a boy it didn’t mean I couldn’t wear high heels.
As I got older I realized the scope of my gender identity. This wasn’t just wanting to wear panties, I just didn’t feel like a boy but I didn’t think I was a girl. I wasn’t either, I was both. I had no problem being a boy but I didn’t always want to be one.
And no, I do not think we can change. We can try to deny who we are, what we want, how we feel. We can ignore it, we can pretend this part of us isn’t there, we can fight it. Many of us struggle with trying to repress this side of us. We can purge, but we all know we will sooner or later buy another dress and we start all over.
If you are in conflict with who you are, how you identify, or what you want, I do not think this is something we can conquer, so to speak. We end up being miserable because we are not being true to ourselves and we spend so much time and energy in internal conflict. That is no way to live.
And no, it can’t be changed. I realize that this side of us is not easy to accept or understand. Our gender identity is not something we should fight. We are who we are and we are perfect.