Ask Hannah!

What advice (if any) would you give to someone about coming out to a close personal friend that has only ever known you in male mode? Does dealing with the current world situation mean that maybe now is not the time to even consider this?


This pandemic is impacting EVERYTHING and it is certainly impacting how we process information.  I have days where I just want to get through and I don’t want any new information.  This is not the time to have a giant conversation about something that will forever change EVERYTHING between you and the person you come out to.


As for advice… well, we are all different and have different relationships with the people in our lives.  It’s impossible to come out to different people in the same way, at least in my experience.  How you come out is likely going to be influenced by who you come out.  When I came out to my gay brother I came out in a different way than I did to my now wife.
There’s a few things I would consider before I came out to anyone.


-Have they ever said any disparaging or offensive things about someone who is LGBTQ+?  If they make gay jokes or use slurs I probably would think twice (and thrice) before coming out
-Are they trustworthy?  If you are considering coming out to one person it’s probably because you are trying to control who knows and that’s fair.  I do the same thing.  If this is a person who tends to gossip or has told you anything that they shouldn’t have then they may do the same thing with what you tell them.


-Why are you telling them?  I’ve come out to different people for different reasons.  I came out to my girlfriends because they needed to know everything about the person they were in a long term relationship with.  I came out to my roommate because there was a chance she would see my bra strap under my boy clothes (plus at that point in my life I was exhausted emotionally and was tired of keeping secrets).  I came out to my sisters because I wanted Hannah to have sisters.  


-How do you identify?  Do you just like to underdress or do you plan to transition?  Think about where you are on your (ugh) journey and be ready to explain and answer questions
-Is it fair to come out to them?  If you come out to them and want them to keep this information private is it fair to ask them to keep this a secret?  What I mean is that if I were to come out to my best male friend, is it fair to ask him to keep it a secret to his wife?  In many ways coming out is asking someone to share this secret as well and for me I do not like keeping secrets from my wife.  


Again, there’s no right way to come out to someone.  Just be kind and patient.  

Related reading:

Unringing a Bell

Just One of the Guys

Sharing the Secret

Meeting Your Heroes


Love, Hannah  

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

What is the dress size i should wear? and skirt size? I am a 28 waist.

Sizing is one of the more frustrating parts of building a wardrobe  The truth is you will never know what size you truly are.  It depends on the store.  Some stores think I am a size 20 (I don ‘t shop there anymore), most stores think I am a size 12.  I own many dresses from Dress Barn and most of them are size 12 and they fit perfectly but there are the random size 12s from Dress Barn that don’t fit.  It’s super fun.


Knowing your measurements is the best way to shop.  The “boy clothes” to “girl clothes” conversion isn’t linear, it’s a stupid arbitrary and random mess.  Generally speaking it’s about a one size up translation.  In boy t-shirts I am a medium, for femme t-shirts I am a large.  Sometimes.  In some cases I am x-large, mostly due to my shoulders.  You can’t always use your boy sizes as a guide because a boy shirt is different than a dress.  A boy shirt is mainly about chest width, but a dress is bust AND waist.  Some of my dresses zip up perfectly around my hips and waist but have a hard time going beyond my bust because my shoulders are a little wider than my middle.  It’s not at all humbling.

Find a measuring tape (not the tool kit kind, the ribbon kind) and take your measurements for different parts of your body:
-Waist measured at your belly button
-Bust measured at nipple height with or without forms/padding
-Chest measurement taken just under pectoral muscle (2 to 3 inches below nipple)


The whole small/medium/large sizing is not helpful at all.  If I am shopping and I see a dress is a medium, it probably won’t fit.  Most places seem to think a medium is a size 8-10.  If a dress is sized large it *probably* will fit as large seems to be 12-14.  


If you are buying online look at the store’s sizing chart to see what they use to determine how they size their clothes.  If you are shopping on Amazon look at EVERY size chart before you buy.  Since Amazon sells clothes from a lot of different retailers there will be just as many size charts as there are options.  Don’t use the Amazon size chart, use the designer’s size chart.  Reading the comments and reviews is also helpful.  Often times people will mention if the outfit runs small or large, or true to size.  The most helpful reviewers will provide their own size and give feedback on whether or not the sizing chart is accurate or waaaay off.  


Shopping is very trial and error.  It’s one reason I say that crossdressing takes time, money, and patience.


Love, Hannah  

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Ask Hannah!

Have you ever hung out in guy mode with any of your T-girl group? I would think that may be a opportunity to help balance both sides of your genders. Expecting male friends to first understand what dressing is and then to accept it is asking a lot and I can’t think of any of my friends that I would or could share that with. But the T-girls are into dressing and share a common bond, so to speak, that eliminates the need to come out. I envy the outings that you and the group go on and hope to join in one day. I’m not there yet, but hopefully soon when life returns to normal.


I understand you wanting to keep your two lives separate and respect it. Hanna needs her secret identity and privacy. Just wondering if you’ve ever considered a drab get together or have done so in the past.


Love the blog, stay beautiful!

One of the reasons I created the MN T-Girls is so a girl like us can meet other girls like themselves.  Interacting with others, experiencing the world, is very different en femme compared to doing the same things in male mode.  Running errands as a boy?  BORING. 

Running the same errands in heels?  OMG.  I don’t feel the need to make new friends as a boy, but Hannah sure likes making new friends.  The group has never, nor will we ever, have an event for the men in our lives, so to speak.  Yes, some members have attended in male mode until they were ready to attend en femme, but the group is a safe place for our femme lives and we all have so few opportunities to be en femme.  Why waste a perfectly good evening as a boy when you can glam it up?  Besides, I don’t think any of us are that interested in getting to know each other’s male selves.  


Personally I don’t have any interest in sharing my male life when anyone that Hannah knows.  Who I am on the boy side of my life is kind of boring.  I don’t think anyone would care who Hannah is when she is he, if you follow me.  


On the opposite side of the coin I would like Hannah to know some of his friends, if that makes sense.  Not many, but a few.     

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I have two questions if you don’t mind:

1) How do I know the right size breast forms for me?

2) How do I find the right shoe size?

I think proportions are the most crucial thing to keep in mind when it comes to selecting your breast forms.  Your height, your shape, your measurements, and even your age will all play a role in determining what is the right size.  The Breast Form Store has a ton of options when it comes to forms (and more) and they can help with recommending which forms are right for you.


As for shoes, generally speaking your femme size is one and a half times bigger than your boy size.  Generally.

I am a 10.5 in mens and I usually wear a size 12 heel.  But I can usually wear a 11.5 or an 11 wide.  Like clothes and stores, sizes will vary.  Torrid has a lot of size 12 heels but they run large so the heels I have from them are a size 11.  En Femme actually has a really helpful page to determine your femme size that I have found really helpful. In my experience Pleaser run really true to size and seem to be very consistent with the conversion (so to speak) of boy sizes to femme size.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Fear is something we all come across at sometime. I guess the biggest fear about crossdressing is getting caught. Not just getting caught wearing femme attire but buying femme stuff in male mode in public. I used to drive miles away from home where no one would recognize me and go shopping. Still you would get stares while going through say a hosiery display at a store. I have to say this day and age we live in makes much easier. i remember placing my 1st order from enfemmestyle.com. I was excited about getting my new skirt, bra and panty set, and waist cincher, but I still had worries about my package coming to my home and getting opened by someone else by mistake. I voiced my concern the enfemme and they suggested that I have my package delivered to a UPS store, and I have to say this was the perfect solution. Pay simple fee of $5 and a gurl has what she needs. Also ordering on line and picking up at the store works ok also. I have ordered hosiery from JC Penney online and when I went to pick up my order at the store I would play the role of some guy picking up an order for a wife or girlfriend. Amazon is great especially this time of year. You are ordering gifts and blend in a few gifts for your femme side. Hannah is what I pointed out a good solution and do you have any further solutions for a tgirl?

Some might say that we are paranoid but I feel that paranoia is what keeps us safe.  On the other hand it’s easy to overthink.  Yes, I would be terrified if someone besides myself opened up something I ordered from En Femme, but at the same time I can’t recall an instance where someone other than myself opened a piece of mail or a package that was sent to me.

Fortunately En Femme, along with many of the other designers understand how crucial privacy and discretion are to their clients so most send out our orders in plan, unremarkable packaging.  


And yes, I would agree that having items sent to a UPS store is a great idea.  Amazon also offers to ship orders to secure “lockers” that are usually found in malls or other public places which are opened by using a special code.  You may also want to consider getting a p.o. box which are relatively inexpensive.


On a related note, this side of us is something that some of us keep from our significant others.  Most of you know my feelings and thoughts about not being upfront about this so I won’t get into that, but keep in mind how having a secret p.o. box (or something similar) would look to our partners were they to find out.  If you are caught or once you come out anything you’ve kept from them could come to light and whether it’s an email account or a mailing address that they weren’t aware of it will likely lead your partner to wonder what else you were keeping from them.

As for shopping in male mode, yes it’s not tooooooooooo common for a guy to be in the hosiery or makeup section.  You may have someone look at you and they might wonder why you’re there but they will just as quickly move onto their own business.  They MIGHT think something, but really, who cares?  For starters unless you ask them you really don’t know what they think.  And who cares what they think?  Picking up an order or purchasing a dress in male mode MIGHT make a cashier wonder why a guy is buying a dress but I assure you once you leave their register they will probably stop thinking about it.  Just relax, don’t act out of the ordinary.  Don’t be weird. Don’t make it weird. 


Years ago when I would purchase something in male mode I would ask the cashier something like “if this doesn’t fit, can she return it?”.  It was my intention that they would think I was purchasing it for my wife.  But after a while I realized they probably don’t care at all.  When I worked in retail I didn’t care what people bought.  When I was a cashier I would ring up a hundred people a day and after my shift I couldn’t tell you a single thing that anyone bought…. but I did remember when a customer was weird or when the transaction was anything other than mundane.  Keep in mind that you are not the first, nor the last, nor the only guy who has ever purchased panties at Target.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I live in Casper Wyoming and am trying to find a good gender therapist. I am currently seeing a psychologist that said she handled gender issues, but I really get the feeling she is just guessing at how to handle things.
If I look on the internet, there are several people who claim to be gender counselors, but how do I find a GOOD one. One that really knows the transgender community, and not just someone who is checking a block on their resume.
Is there any help you can offer, or direction you can point me in? 

I’ve been to several therapists throughout my life but never one specifically for my gender identity.  However, choosing who to work with, regardless of why you are seeing a therapist, should be based on how you feel when speaking with them.  If you click, great.  If they don’t seem knowledgeable about what you want to talk about, then they are probably not the right fit for you.  It sounds to me that you know this psychologist is not the person that is best qualified for what you are looking for.I am afraid I can’t offer much advice on finding a gender therapist.  But we are a community!  🙂  Anyone reading this have any suggestions??  Please comment below.


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Do you have any recommendations for dealing with (permanent?) razor burn? I can be made up, dressed to the nines, feeling pretty–and then I’ll notice that the razor burn on the side of my neck is visible even through my makeup. Ugh! Any products you can think of to help me get rid of this pox on my femininity? Thanks so much! 

I’ve never heard of razor burn being permanent, but there are a few ways to treat it, reduce it from happening, and prevent it from getting worse.

Razor burn is caused by your shaving habits.  If your razor is dull or dirty you will likely get razor burn.  The solution is pretty simple, replace your razor frequently.  You should also wash your face with hot water before you share as this will open your pores.  Dry skin is also going to work against you so make sure you are using a moisturizer.

Touching your razor burn or continuing to shave will irritate the infected area and will prolong it. Consider taking some time off from shaving.  Personally I shave my face about once a week.


As for covering it up, you could use a concealer (I like the Correct and Conceal Palette from Jecca Blanc) but makeup will also irritate the area.  Covering it up will only, of course, cover it up.  It will also likely make it worse.


So, take a few days off from shaving, switch to a higher quality blade or an electric shaver and use a moisturizer.  If the problem consists you may want to contact a dermatologist.


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I have a question regarding wearing female clothing while presenting in boy mode. I ask because I like to wear something female specific even when presenting in boy mode. Currently I am wearing women’s jeans and just picked up a pair of women’s combat boots that could pass for men’s shoes. I struggle to find footwear that would not be too feminine that I can still wear. What are some options that can be displayed as gender neutral even though the clothing is made for women?

I wear femme clothes in boy mode mostly because they are more comfortable and softer than boy clothes.  Femme jeans are soooo much more comfortable than boy jeans.  The fit is better, the fabric is softer…. I just wish the pockets were a TINY bit bigger.  My femme jeans look very much like boy jeans but there are some subtle difference.  The same thing goes with leggings.  I have boy leggings and girl leggings and I exercise in both of them, but the femme leggings are so much more comfortable.  But like my jeans, if you know what you are looking for you can tell they came from the section of Target that most men don’t shop in.


So yes, comfort is part of the reason I wear femme clothes in boy mode, but sometimes I just… like wearing femme clothes in boy mode.  I would like to live in a world where clothes weren’t so genderized but that world is centuries off.  


I think some of us wear femme clothes in boy mode because we are… well, testing the waters so to speak.  Will anyone notice?  If they do, will anyone say anything?  If they say something, will they care?  Will they make a fuss about it?  If they notice but it’s not a big deal, perhaps we have found someone we can be honest with.


Shoes though… well, there’s not a ton of options.  Most femme shoes are super cute but often times practicality is exchanged for the cuteness of them.  If I wanted to wear femme shoes in boy mode I would avoid anything with a heel, obviously.  This is one of the of those instances where you can see a shoe and your first impression is probably the same impression most people will have.  If you look at a shoe and think it’s a little too femme, chances are most people will think the same thing.  If you’re fine with that or if that’s look you’re going for (or you don’t care what others think), then go for it.  


I hope that helps! 

Love, Hannah

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Ask Hannah!

I have been crossdressing for years and loving every minute and I am older now and would like to meet another girl, whom to have fun with, travel, shop, make-up…… You get the idea, I’m not a night girl any longer and just don’t know where to meet other girls during the day. This virus has put a damper on everything, what should I do?

We all know we need support and friendship when it comes to our femme selves.  No one understands a t-girl like another t-girl.


There are really only two options when it comes to meeting other girls like us.  You can join a support group.  There is probably a PFLAG chapter near you, or simply google “transgender support (city name)” and see what you can find.


The other option is finding friends online.  Two of the sites I recommend are crossdressers.com and transgenderheaven.com.


It’s not common you find another girl “in the wild”, so to speak, especially with COVID.  Even if you see another t-girl I personally advise an insane amount of caution when it comes to approaching a girl like us. I know I’m trans, I know everyone knows I am trans, but I do not want to be clocked.

No matter which gender I am resenting as I rarely see someone that I think might be trans. We do not tend to congregate in designated places with the exception of gay bars/nightclubs, I suppose.


Be safe and take care.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!