Saying Yes to the Dress, the Heels, the Skirts…

Is there anyone on the planet that has a bigger, more emotional relationship with clothes than a crossdresser?

As far back as I can remember, I remember the pangs of seeing a beautiful dress and just yearning to wear it.  As I got older the feeling just grew.  There was always a longing in my heart when I heard of girls in high school shopping for a prom dress, and later, listening to my friends talk about wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses.

I think every one of us remembers the first time we wore a dress, the first time we walked in high heels, the first time we wore…anything and everything.

As I grew up and started to buy my own clothes, I remember the thrill of actually owning my own pair of panties, my first pair of heels.  Of course when I first moved out my wardrobe started to expand…and like many of us, the wardrobe ended up in the trash a short time later.  When we purged we all felt that this was it, we were never going to dress up again.  We could beat this, we could live without this.

Of course, we were all fooling ourselves.  It wasn’t long until we regretted the purge or until we were back at the mall, shopping all over again.  I purged more times than I would like to remember.  I have thrown away so many dresses and heels that I regret.

When I was in mid-20’s, I realized I was never going to change and I finally accepted that this is who I am.  My wardrobe started to steadily grow over the next few years and then I met the girl I married.  After a few months of dating, I told her about everything.  It was a shock to her but I was glad I was honest with her.  I knew I wanted to marry her and I knew I had to be upfront with her.  A few days before we moved in with each other, I purged for the last time.

Of course, it wasn’t long until I started buying panties again, but I was honest with her.  Soon I started to grow a wardrobe again and I never purged again.

Until tonight.

Kind of.

A little over two years ago, I decided it was time to make some changes and I cut back drastically on my drinking, started to exercise more and lost fifty pounds and I have kept it over since then.  I also dropped from a size 20 to a size 12.  I needed new clothes and my wardrobe started to grow again.

I cleared out my closet and I wondered what I should do with the clothes that didn’t fit anymore.  I finally found a perfect home for the clothes and I am excited it will help other t-girls.  More on this later.

Tonight I sorted the clothes that were going to be donated and it was very emotional.  I found the first dress that I bought years ago when I started my wardrobe for the final time, I found the dress I wore the first night I went out, the skirt I wore when I went out for the first time I went out during the day, the first dress my wife bought for me…

I am lucky to have the life, the wife and the clothes I have.  I am glad these clothes will go to other t-girls that will love them as much as I do.   I wanted to take a look back on some of these outfits and reflect on how important they were in helping me become…ME.  These clothes are a part of me and I truly loved them.

Love, Hannah

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8 thoughts on “Saying Yes to the Dress, the Heels, the Skirts…

  1. What I love about you Hannah is you have such a beautiful way to describe MY life. After living so many years believing I was about the only person on the planet this strange it was refreshing to find your blog and others whose experiences seem so similar to mine.

    The bigest difference between our lives is I only wish I wasnt in one of the longest non-dressing periods of my life when I got married. I truly believed I HAD beaten this. But when it did come back I was 6 years into a great marriage. It took me almost 20 more before I could sit down and truly tell her everything about this side of my life. There is still a lot of uncertainty and a little distrust be we take it day to day.

    I really miss the daily cartoons you used to do. Do you ever stilll do them?

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  2. So what are you going to do with your old stuff?  I can probably take your largest stuff off your hands, size 20 dresses, 16/18 bottoms, etc. Jennifer Cox 

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

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  3. Hanna
    Due to health reasons I can no longer enjoy dressing I haven’t dressed in way over a year. So please help me find someone who would like my boots sandals size 11 purses wigs dresses skirts size W20-22 Nice classy sexy tops 2X
    I also have a barey used set of forms I would like to sell.

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  4. Yes we all understand your posts Hannah. Sad seeing clothes you love, going, but to people who will respect them. And all because you are are now even more healthy and petite. Congratulations.
    Lovely story.
    Yes we miss your daily drawings.
    Geraldine

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  5. Very well expressed, as many of us have shared this sameness, in our lives. I have some pieces for Transmen yet, and would like to give them a Home. Like your writings. ChloeAlexa.

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  6. Very profound and beautifully written.
    Yes, I too remember many of the dresses and other items I have so enjoyed wearing over the years, even dating back to childhood.
    Remarkable that so many of us have such similar memories and emotions yet often feel alone, confused and overwhelmed.
    Thanks for all that you do, Hannah!!!

    Like

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