Each year I look forward to the new opportunities that the next 12 months can offer. It sounds like (and it is) a cliche to be optimistic about what the new year will bring. I think about what I want to accomplish, and I get excited about working towards my new goals.
However, January was one of those months that seemed to last forever.
As someone who travels for my day job, I worry about the coronavirus. As a transperson, my heart breaks (and is enraged) about the laws that South Dakota recently passed.
I could go on.
Life is wonderful and life is hard. But I believe that the secret to happiness is having something to look forward to. Whether it is a vacation or a new novel or your birthday, being excited about something keeps you going.
For myself, accomplishing my goals helps keeps me motivated and positive. Some of my goals for the year include submitting my book to publishers and doing more modeling.
But dreams help keep me positive.
I love hearing people’s dreams. They can be huge and epic and impossible. They can be small and intimate. What causes someone to smile is fascinating to me. I love that people have something secret that they daydream about.
I look back at the last ten years or so I have done so many things en femme that I never dreamed I would have the courage to do. So many dreams and fantasies and wishes have come true. I am blessed and grateful for every moment. Whether it is a photo shoot, having an amazing wife, or just being thankful for not getting beaten up when I go out in public.
When life is heartbreaking and it feels (and looks like) the world hates us, it takes a tremendous amount of courage to get out of bed and face the day. I have mornings like that. But we can’t do what we want to do, and we can’t do what needs to be done by laying in bed. So I get up and face the day. It’s not always easy.
My hopes and dreams for the world are impossible but frustratingly simple at the same time. I wish people tried to understand us, I wish people accepted us. Or at the very least stopped trying to hurt us.
But I have other hopes and dreams, too. I will be the first to admit some of my daydreams are as shallow and superficial as they can get. But they make me smile, so there you have it.
So what is my dream?
I have written from time to time about being a bridesmaid. When I hear about friends of mine who are getting married or being in a wedding I start daydreaming (enviously, of course) about how much fun that sounds. I would love to spend an afternoon with other girls trying on beautiful gowns. Going from shop to shop looking for the perfect dress, the perfect heels. The photos, the ceremony, everything.
Whether or not I ever have this opportunity is beside the point. It makes me smile.
As I said, I love hearing what keeps other people going. I would love it if you shared your daydream, your fantasy, in the comments. January was a tough month. Let’s give ourselves a moment to smile.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
I would also like to be a bridesmaid
I also day dream all the time of modeling pretty much anything cute and femenine
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We love you Hannah. Your (our) journey has so many challenges, and can seem so lonely and troublesome, but please know that you are loved and admired for your courage and your strength. You would be the best bridesmaid ever. Whatever the bride picked out for you to wear (even, or especially, if it was not something you would have picked out for yourself), you would totally rock!
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Things to look forward to and also being thankful for where we are now.
In the short term I’m looking forward to a staycation with my family and also giving a talk about trans people to a local company.
As to daydreaming, I’d love a day out doing the same workshop – only in Lynn mode (so to speak). It would a chance to give back and bring things forward.
If we’re wishing, world peace would be good… or if that was too hard, I’d settle for being able to work in either of my appearances and for folk to be okay with it.
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I dream about living fulltime as a woman, discarding all male clothes and start taking hormones daily ( not just the low dose now ). A real day dream!
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I actually have two. one would be to dance as a ballerina on stage finish the performance and then go to the after-party in a cocktail dress hanging out with the other girls and guys who are in the cast. My second one would be to do an actual Boudoir shoot and all lingerie not worrying about sexuality just wearing the clothes and modeling posing for a photographer and maybe a couple people who wanted to watch. I would love to know what it’s like to wear lingerie freely in a photoshoot without worrying about gender identity. Sort sexy but not sexually involved. Just modeling
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Hi, I’m writing from Peru (South America) just to say that I read everything you write and it means a lot to me. Every idea, story or adventure you tell is like hearing the voice of a friend telling you that you can!
Please don’t stop writing. Thank you very much!
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Hi, and thank you Hannah. I love reading the blogs and they help alot. ive told sister friends of mine to check your blogs out. for me my daydream of this new year and coming months. is my b day is not far not that im excited to get older lol but my license expires and im going to legally change my name. i have some trans mentor besties that are helping move forward an 2 that are helping me get into councilng to get me closer to srs, and now my boyfriend has asked me to marry him. the dream of wearing the wedding dress and and a flowery spring wedding with my sister friends as brides maids . this wedding may take a couple years to save for but i found somone who i clik with an loves me even when im not at my best. and my hrt being increased i can actually see the changes now. so dreams and 2020 are looking closer to my dreams possibly coming tru again ty Hannah and all the support from my sister friends…..always….maria
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