Each year I look forward to the new opportunities that the next 12 months can offer. It sounds like (and it is) a cliche to be optimistic about what the new year will bring. I think about what I want to accomplish, and I get excited about working towards my new goals.
However, January was one of those months that seemed to last forever.
As someone who travels for my day job, I worry about the coronavirus. As a transperson, my heart breaks (and is enraged) about the laws that South Dakota recently passed.
I could go on.
Life is wonderful and life is hard. But I believe that the secret to happiness is having something to look forward to. Whether it is a vacation or a new novel or your birthday, being excited about something keeps you going.
But dreams help keep me positive.
I love hearing people’s dreams. They can be huge and epic and impossible. They can be small and intimate. What causes someone to smile is fascinating to me. I love that people have something secret that they daydream about.
I look back at the last ten years or so I have done so many things en femme that I never dreamed I would have the courage to do. So many dreams and fantasies and wishes have come true. I am blessed and grateful for every moment. Whether it is a photo shoot, having an amazing wife, or just being thankful for not getting beaten up when I go out in public.
When life is heartbreaking and it feels (and looks like) the world hates us, it takes a tremendous amount of courage to get out of bed and face the day. I have mornings like that. But we can’t do what we want to do, and we can’t do what needs to be done by laying in bed. So I get up and face the day. It’s not always easy.
My hopes and dreams for the world are impossible but frustratingly simple at the same time. I wish people tried to understand us, I wish people accepted us. Or at the very least stopped trying to hurt us.
But I have other hopes and dreams, too. I will be the first to admit some of my daydreams are as shallow and superficial as they can get. But they make me smile, so there you have it.
So what is my dream?
I have written from time to time about being a bridesmaid. When I hear about friends of mine who are getting married or being in a wedding I start daydreaming (enviously, of course) about how much fun that sounds. I would love to spend an afternoon with other girls trying on beautiful gowns. Going from shop to shop looking for the perfect dress, the perfect heels. The photos, the ceremony, everything.
Whether or not I ever have this opportunity is beside the point. It makes me smile.
As I said, I love hearing what keeps other people going. I would love it if you shared your daydream, your fantasy, in the comments. January was a tough month. Let’s give ourselves a moment to smile.