I am Not

I think identifying as anything beyond cisgender will probably create a very complicated life.

Perhaps complicated isn’t the most accurate word, but multi-faceted is the more accurate term. For example, yes, I am transgender, but being trans isn’t the same level of trans-ness as say, Laverne Cox. Some of us feel that hormones, surgery, and legal changes are what feels right. For others, underdressing is all we want.

Identifying as transgender means different things to different people and we are all valid.

On one hand it’s wonderful that there is a term that we can identify as (if you want to identify as anything). On the other hand, this can also complicate things. When I look at my followers on Twitter, I see people who are, from what I can tell, completely cisgender. I see girls like me, I see drag queens, I see activists, I see those who have transitioned, I see fetishists, I see those who are very much in the closet, and many others.

My website allows me to see the terms that people google to find me. In the last 24 hours my website has been discovered using a wide variety of terms such as:

-crossdressing mtf how to tell your family

-how to get into crossdressing

-feminized husband

-male to female makeover services

I write a lot about coming out and things to keep in mind when if and when we have these conversations. I write about marriage, though not about being a feminized husband (that crosses into the fetish category, though I am not kink-shaming anyone). I write about different resources, including makeover services.

Although these terms are not necessarily what I write about (and there are some very specific fetishy ones that I did not include here), it’s not too surprising to see them. Those like us will look for help and support. Those like us look for makeup artists who know how to color-correct and contour a face like ours. I have seen the search term for “trans girls with purse fetish”, so um, here you go:

We all are who we are or what we wear for different reasons. It could be because wearing a dress just aligns better with our gender identity. It could be because wearing a nightie is just more comfortable when we sleep. Same with panties or leggings. We might wear what we wear because we like the fact that they are “girl clothes”. We might wear what we wear because, well, we get a sexual thrill from it.

You do you, girl.

Coming out or identifying as trans often puts a lot of caveats on our gender identity. It’s important to be understood, but this part of us is hard to explain,and it’s hard for someone else to understand. It’s even hard for us to understand it.

Perhaps it is easier to explain what we are not. I am not a sissy, I am not a drag queen, I am not a fetish. Not that there is anything wrong with that, of course. I was not assigned the wrong gender at birth, I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body. I am not unhappy in my male life.

Of course, we are under no obligation to be understood but the world, our families, almost require us to explain who we are and who we’re not. These conversations will likely happen. The are often intrusive, they will often cross boundaries of what is polite and can often be too nosy or personal. But they will probably happen and we should be prepared for them.

Who are you?
Who are you not?

Love, Hannah