The hill I will die on is that crossdressing takes time, money, and patience.
Learning to strut in stilettos takes practice.
Building a wardrobe isn’t free.
Mastering your makeup will take time.
I get a lot of emails from t-girls and crossdressers who are frustrated that it’s taking forever to learn how to blend their foundation to cover their jawline, or find heels that fit, or work up the courage to go out en femme.
I have nothing but sympathy and empathy. I’ve been there, I’m still there. We’ve all been there.
With patience we also need to be gentle to ourselves. I never, ever, ever, ever gave up on Hannah. My first wig was demoralizing. The first time I did my makeup was horrendous. I was as frightened as I could be the first time I went out en femme. The first (or the millionth) time we do something may not go as well as we would like. But keep at it. Please. And be kind and forgiving to yourselves.
But let’s talk about money.
It would be nice if clothes and makeup and breast forms were free buuuuuut they aren’t. Some of the things that I feel I needed (such as forms or makeup lessons) were a one-time investment, if you will. Yes, breast forms and thigh pads are expensive, but with proper care I will never need to purchase them ever again and will have a curvy figure whenever I dress. A quality wig is expensive, but again with proper care it can last for years. Creating a new wardrobe is going to cost money, but you can wear a dress as often as you like. Well, some dresses. I spent a lot of money on a latex dress that tore the first time I wore it out, so that sucked.
And of course, that won’t stop me from buying another latex dress.
My point is that I’ve spent a lot of time and money to get to where I am.
And I bet you have too.
Part of who I am is also about… hm, maintaining my lifestyle, if you will. I do a lot of photo shoots, have a lot of makeovers, and I keep adding to my wardrobe and stiletto collection. It’s expensive.
And I know this is allll self-indulgent. I don’t *need* another dress (I mean, I DO, but you know what I mean). I need to be who I am, but I don’t necessarily need to keep buying clothes.
(Besides, clothes, makeup, forms… none of this is necessary to be feminine. Gender is who you ARE, not what you wear.)
But this is what I chose to do with my money and time. Some of people collect, I don’t know, stamps, some people spend a lot of money on a new fishing pole. I buy pretty dresses.
I think we can all relate to wanting to buy a new outfit or to go somewhere en femme, whether it’s flying pretty or going out to dinner in a little black dress. And yes, sometimes money holds us back. My paycheck needs to cover my expenses, my mortgage, my bills. Sometimes there’s not always room in my bank account for the new dress Hannah wants. Photo shoots and new outfits have to be budgeted for, like anything else.
Every once in a while I get an email from someone asking if they can send money to pay for a photo shoot or an outfit. Usually these requests are very innocent and are well-meaning. The other day someone asked if they could pay for a photo shoot of me in a wedding dress. How fun would that be??
At the same time I’ll get emails asking if they can fund a photo shoot where I am wearing…. well, never mind.
I also have been asked if I’ve ever considered setting up a crowdfund for a photo shoot or something similar. I have been asked if someone could donate to my clothes fund. Sometimes these requests are asking for me to wear a certain outfit. And yes, sometimes the outfits are racier than I am comfortable with, but most of these requests are for clothes I love to wear, like beautiful ballgowns or office attire.
I’ve resisted setting up a Patreon or something similar. My main reason for not doing so is that I am fiercely protective of my male life. I am not aware of any sort of donation app or crowdfunding that would maintain my anonymity. And it makes sense. I mean, if you were going to pledge money you would want to know exactly who it was going to or what organization was going to benefit from your donation.
Another reason I haven’t done this is that I am not sure how much interest there would be from others. This feels self-indulgent especially when there are other organizations that need financial help more than I do.
What are your thoughts? Is this something you would support? If so, any recommendations for donations that would allow me to keep my legal name confidential, at least from people who would potentially donate?