Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in July I wrote a post about, essentially, living life to its fullest and acknowledging that we are on borrowed time.
And I don’t necessarily mean WE as t-girls or crossdressers of member of the LGBTQ+ community. Like, all of us. This borrowed time is not necessarily feeling that a asteroid could plummet to the earth tomorrow and wipe out humanity. This feeling of a ticking clock can also extend to not being able to do… something in the future.
I was reminded of this over the weekend. Although in some ways I feel young and strong I also can’t ignore that my body is approaching it’s fiftieth year slowly and stubbornly. Although I don’t see myself needing a walker anytime soon, I do recognize that I am not as quick or as nimble as I used to be. I don’t bounce back as easily, if you will.
I spent Saturday in heels. Every parking lot and sidewalk that I ventured on was covered in ice. Fortunately I made every perilous journey from my car to a store without incident. The next day I took my dog for a walk and I slipped on the ice and landed hard on my knee and wrist. I slowly and painfully picked myself up and was relieved I could walk and nothing seemed broken or sprained.
I tend to think a million thoughts at once and I couldn’t help but be reminded that the day is coming when five inch stilettos will not be an option. Of course, not everything is about Hannah. I was thankful my wrist was only bruised and I would still be able to pick up a paintbrush or type on a laptop.
My point is that the things that make up my life, the things that bring me joy, whether it’s strutting in heels, going on a hike with my dog, or painting, will eventually become impossible.
Who can say that I will be as fortunate the next time I slip on the ice? This is Minnesota, after all.
I rarely reread the things I post on my website but I do think about the post I mentioned earlier. Not because it’s a brilliant piece of writing or anything but because the koan I wrote about is, more or less, something I try to remember in many parts of my life. Strawberries have become a symbolic reminder about life being sweet and short.
And YES! I know this is all very cliched and corny and cringe. I make no apologies.
After I wrote that post last year I decided I needed to buy a dress with strawberries on it. So I did. And I decided I should wear it for a photo shoot. So I did.
I am finally getting around to posting the pictures from the November photo shoot the MN T-Girls did. I hope you like this dress.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
Love the dress, love your look.
Fabulous as always.
Yes I understand the age thing and while I’ve never been one to wear heels often now that I am in my 60s it’s just easier for flats or a small heel like my boots
So yes I understand
LikeLike
Yes, eventually we won’t be able to do things we used to. Or we won’t enjoy doing them. I feel that if we keep the same measures of joy and happiness throughout life, we will fail living that life. Imagine, if you will, the time when you are young and starting to date. That was the peak of joy and happiness. Then came kids, and they were that joy and happiness. Eventually grand kids arrive, and a new joy and happiness. Each of those changes means that our measure of joy and happiness changes. But that is just one example. For anything we do, our measures need to change as we do, or the joy and happiness that we credit ourselves with will diminish.
Enjoy today, with whatever it brings. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others, and in some ways, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our past selves. Maybe only in terms of “Am I happier today than yesterday?”.
Sorry for the equally deep comment, but it is a lot of my life these days. I’m finding more joy and happiness in today, but it’s not what I would have even been looking for in times past.
LikeLike