I set an alarm on my phone so I can wake up early enough to have coffee and write. I keep my phone out of reach of my bed so I am forced to actually get up. It works.
As soon as I dismiss the alarm, I see my notifications. I need to stop doing this but I take a quick glance at my emails as I brush my teeth and delete the emails that, well, need to be deleted.
The other day I received an email and I opened it and read the first two sentences:
“We do this by behaving like ladies. When I act like a lady, I am treated as a lady.”
I cannot stress enough that transwomen are not crossdressers.
Well said, I thought. And I agreed.
I poured my coffee and settled in on my couch and read the rest of the email.
I think this website is harmful to transwomen and men. It is very self centered and selfish. I am shocked that this was listed in Lavender’s PRIDE Directory and that you have the gall to call crossdressers “T-girls”.
I am insulted, every transwoman who I have shown this page to has been immediately turned off. We are not a hobby, we are not a fashion statement.
Have fun making money off exploiting us transwomen.
Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion and this is not the first time someone has not liked my website. So, that’s okay. It’s also not the first time someone has said my website is self-centered and selfish. I mean, in my defense the website is hannahmcknight.org. It is maintained by Hannah McKnight. I’m Hannah McKnight. Hannah McKnight is the author of almost every single word on hannahmcknight.org. If there’s a picture on hannahmcknight.org, the chances are that the picture on hannahmcknight.org is of Hannah McKnight with text about Hannah McKnight written by Hannah McKnight. The thoughts and perspectives on hannahmcknight.org are generally the thoughts and perspectives of Hannah McKnight.
So, yes? My website is pretty much about me, my experiences, my thoughts, and my perspectives. I don’t disagree that my website could be perceived as self-centered. But I do invite others to share their experiences if they wish.
As for Lavender’s Pride Directory, I assume the emailer is referring to this website. Lavender is a bi-weekly magazine about the queer community in Minnesota and each year they publish a guide about the year’s Pride event. And yes, the MN T-Girls are listed under crossdressing resources.
However, that was their decision. It’s not how they chose to list as such. I can’t do anything about that. When we register for Pride, we provide a short summary of our group which emphasizes we are a gender non-conforming/transgender/femme-presenting social and support group.
What others say about me and the MN T-Girls is out of my hands, particularly if I disagree with it. Lavender never asked for my approval or anything along those lines when it came to what they chose to publish. And even if I saw how we were listed, I doubt I could have done anything about it. I mean, the magazine was already printed by then.
As for profiting, I assure you that if my goal was to make money I would be kind of stupid. Even with the modeling, writing, and videos I have done, I have never made a profit. If I model something and I am paid for it, it costs more to rent the studio that the pictures were taken in than what I was paid (if anything). The MN T-Girls has never made money at Pride, or anywhere, not even with donations. We are not even allowed to sell anything at our booth. If we did have merchandise or whatever then we would need to have a different application which would be more than the rate for a non-profit/community group.
It costs a lot of money to have a booth at Pride. This year the application fee was $53. After the application was approved I paid $327 and then I needed to secure insurance which was $75. So, $455 for the booth itself. We’ll need a new tent for the year as last year ours was destroyed in a storm, and it will cost money to print flyers and such. I assure you no one in our group is profiting from anything we do.
And, I agree. Gender presentation and gender identity are not hobbies.
However, I do want to thank the person who wrote this. Some pieces of my website were written a long time ago, some text was originally written and appeared on a website prior to this one. My perception of things and my identity have evolved and changed over the years. After reading this email, I reviewed the text on the MN T-Girls section of my website. I felt that the text could be more inclusive and a more accurate representation of the group as it is today. So, I modified the text to describe the group as consisting of non-binary and gender non-confirming and transgender women. Admittingly this should have been done a while ago. Sometimes I feel I should do a complete tear-down and rebuild of the whole site.
I hope the person who wrote the email reads this and I hope they understand that what Lavender said wasn’t my decision and that I am not profiting from, well, anything. But I also want to let them know that I am thankful for the reminder that I need to be better and verbiage matters.
Anyway, how is your day?
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
Good morning Hannah,
First, I want to say, no, I feel I have to say: your web/blog is and has long been a terrific information, inspiration, and enjoyable online resource for me, and I know, for many others as well.
This critical e-mail that has landed in your in-box is an expression of one person’s view. That it may also be an expression of more, even many more, individuals’ views is totally possible, likely even probable.
BUT, you, me, people we know who may have similar outlooks to ours/mine, are allowed to be who we are as well as this critical person is allowed to be who they are. In today’s social and political world the terminology used to categorize, classify, people is complex and often fluid.
The word ‘transgender’ today is used to refer to, to categorize, a very broad sweep of people and ideas. The term is so broad that it does not seem reasonable to me to challenge someone on their adopting it as a legitimate description of their life, their attitude, their world view.
To say that ‘transwomen are not crossdressers’ is, as I read that statement, saying that what crossdressers are, what they do, is different from what transwomen are, from what they do. OK, that’s certainly fair. But, who has the knowledge, the right so to speak, to say what another person’s life is about, what their actions mean to them?
I believe I do understand what this critical e-mailer probably means by saying that transwomen are not crossdressers, in the sense that it is often the case that crossdressers do not feel themselves to be women; either trapped in the wrong body, or otherwise constrained from being their true selves. Again, OK, that is fair enough.
If someone, in this case you, Hannah, choose to present yourself through your online media in a certain way there is no reason to be critical of it unless what is presented is clearly proposing, presenting, something that is false about themselves. As you are presenting your own life, in a truthful, non-deceitful way, this almost by definition that cannot be false.
Others may, at their own risk, draw inferences from your words and images but your life is your life, and I am confident that many, probably most, of your readers visit your web page/blog precisely to hear about your life.
I think you do an excellent job of presenting what you encounter in your life. It is often entertaining, often thought provoking, and often reassuring. I hope you keep going with all of this for a long time.
Best to you,
Marissa in Ohio
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Not all trans women are offended of put off by your blog. In fact, I know of one who has enjoyed your work so much that she flew all the way from California for an MN T-Girls event.
Oh wait, that was me.
You are amazing Hannah! Pure and simple.
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Unfortunately, there is a tendency among some in the LGBTQ+ community to set themselves up as gatekeepers, and to erect barriers as to who’s “in” and who’s “out”. It happens in other marginalized communities as well, and while somewhat understandable (we want to be protective of our specialness, right?) at the end of the day it reflects a meanness of spirit that only benefits those who would oppress us (who are legion, and growing). As a nonbinary queer person, married to a trans woman, I’ve been observing (and been victim) to this phenomenon for over fifty years. It’s quite sad. I feel sorry for those who feel this need to exclude others from what is, truly, a joyous and welcoming community, and I hope they might be able to look within and find some compassion for anyone they are tempted to judge. At the end of the day the only way we will be able to win over the haters is with less gatekeeping, and more kindness.
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So as for myself I do consider myself transgender.
Do I present female all the time? No I don’t but I’m not what I would call a normal or cis male either so where does that leave me and others like me.
I get that in the trans community there is debate about who can call themselves trans and who should not.
Yes those who just dress up now an again maybe they don’t belong under the trans umbrella and I get some of the point of the email
One things certain we are a diverse group who indeed don’t fall under the strict cis gender male person
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I must have missed that class–TG’s OR crossdressers.2 distinct categories . that’s a new one. most folks I know are all over the place not to mention that many start out as crossdressers and then move on and transition.
with all of the grief cooking in state legislatures I have zero sympathy for someone who wastes their time getting their nose out of joint over your fine work
emily
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“Transwomen are not crossdressers”. True. But also “Not all ‘crossdressers’ are crossdressers.” By that I mean that some folks might be “crossdressing” to explore if they are really transwomen and should transition. Or maybe they already know that they should, but circumstances dictate that they can’t, at least not at this time. But at the end of the day, does it matter? I think not. Folks like your critic are heard in the community, sometimes saying that others aren’t trans enough because they aren’t on HRT, or haven’t had surgery, or enough surgeries, or whatever other factor they see as a requirement to be trans enough. We are all on this journey together. We need to support each other, to make it such that all of us can be who we are, be happy about it, be safe about it, be accepted for it.
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Hey Hannah
stealing from Marissa
“you do an excellent job of presenting what you encounter in your life. It is often entertaining, often thought provoking, and often reassuring. I hope you keep going with all of this for a long time”
I have shared some of your columns with three of my closest cis-women allies, they LOVE you too, and have expressed their thanks to you for helping them better understand our world. Pretty nice compliment i would say.
i love it that you speak from the heart, and are so self-effacing.
Alicia and i have formed the two-girl california Hannah fan club.
lotsa love to you
-brianna
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Just a quick comment: As a cross-dresser, I’m offended by people (transwomen or anyone else) who thinks cross-dressing is nothing more than a hobby. Anyone who feels the urge to cross-dress knows it’s far more than that, even if and when it remains a part-time part of our lives. I find it sad that some transwomen can be so intolerant of people different than themselves.
(Amanda Hawkins of Amanda’s Reading Room)
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Deeply unfair criticism. There are people who achieve (Hannah) and people who only criticize (reader).
tammilee.tillison@gmail.com
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I always find it odd and quite frankly hypocritical when traditionally marginalized people attack others that are allies because in their view said people don’t fit into their own views of what things should be. Mixing all the colors of the rainbow together will make a gray color and that’s what this world is, a whole lot of gray area. (Actually probably more of a brown color, but you get my point)
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