Criticism and Creativity

Somewhere on the internet I read a comment from a girl who broke up with a guy she was dating by leaving him a voicemail. His band then used the recording in one of their songs.

I thought this was hilarious and clever. To take something that was likely, well, not the best news in the world and then be inspired to use it in a creative way. Some of the best art is born from trauma.

We live in a world where we will never be free from criticism, especially on social media. I get emails that are critical and well written and (I assume) well meaning which I actually appreciate. It’s easy to be critical but it takes a lot of thoughtfulness and care to communicate criticism in a helpful and gentle way. I think the idea of being “brutally honest” is a little lazy and cruel. I really believe you can be honest and direct and gentle and kind even in the most challenging of conversations.

A recent email is an example of this. Some of what was written was a little harsh and presumptuous but they brought some things on my website to my attention that should be rewritten (and have been since) to be more inclusive.

Other emails may also have valid points but they might be so aggressive and unhinged that it’s hard for me to glean anything from them. Instead I find myself getting defensive. I should work on that aspect of myself. But then again I wonder if I should be spending time considering the opinion of people who intend to be cruel.

A recent email was a little triggering for me in the sense I felt I needed to clarify and defend myself. In retrospect it might have been better for me to delete the email once the writer said skidding into the abyss of not true transformative opportunities but more into the slave concepts of hell. Clearly the rest of the email was going to continue going off the rails.

But the writer baited me with You will never respond nor share this and not only did I share this email with the world I also broke down sections of it with my responses.

This took a while.

When I am filling out medical forms or whatever and I start to get bored after answering a zillion questions about my family’s medical history I tend to get snarky and sarcastic and try to entertain myself. When I feel this happening I take a break and return later when I am ready to give the questionnaire the seriousness it deserves.

As I responded to the email in question I began to get bored and tired of explaining myself to someone whom I felt was needlessly cruel. When it was time to respond to their “slave concepts of hell” comment I thought it would be a good name for a heavy metal band.

So, instead of reacting to it, I posted this picture:

And then I continued my responses without commenting on the picture. I thought the picture was hilarious and I was excited to post it.

In the days that followed the post in question I thought about this photoshopped album cover and I remembered how much fun I had creating it. I wanted to do more of them and I liked the idea of taking an unkind comment and using it as inspiration for something creative.

I started to go through comments people have made on my website that for various reasons I didn’t approve. I used to feel bad about not approving every single comment but I really don’t feel that comments that rant about “wokeness causing the extinction of white men” and overly sexually charged opinions add anything to the reader’s experience.

Sharing these unpublished comments is also insight into my relatively prolific life. I’ve been told more than once that I think of myself as a celebrity. I don’t, and I’m not. I love my life and what I do, but there’s also aspects that I don’t bring a lot of attention to. Many comments are pointedly cruel. Many are crude. Some are threatening. When I say I do not want to be a celebrity, these are the reasons why.

I plucked out a few comments and played around in Photoshop on a boring afternoon when I should have been working.

The first one posted here is from an unpublished comment from about three years ago. Yes, I retain unapproved comments in the event of, well, something happening. I do get threats and I feel that keeping a record of them isn’t a bad idea. This particular comment annoyed me not only because it went on and on and on about how much the writer loved performing oral sex on men (nothing wrong with this if that’s your thing) but how insistent they were about how I was in denial about my gender and sexual identity. I have been who I am for decades. I have had years and years of therapy and never did I ever feel I was not being honest with myself when it came to who I am sexually attracted to and what gender(s) I feel are right for me. The writer, who has never met me, felt different. I admit I could be wrong but I doubt they are a licensed therapist. They were convinced that I should abandon the male side of my life and succumb to the “privilege” of pleasing men and becoming a sex worker.

There’s nothing wrong with sex workers but I was turned off by the insistence that they kept pressing about who I am.

The comment went on and on and on with no punctuation and I felt there was a very Fiona Apple-esque album title in what they wrote. So, I ran with it.

This next one was meant to a have an early 1990’s vibe to it. I have no idea if I even came close to that but that was the goal. The comment that inspired this image was written by some idiot who was very upset that a non-white child actor was portraying a character in a fictional story that was written for children. Keep in mind that the fictional character in question never had their race mentioned in the story but that didn’t stop the anonymous commenter from being upset that the actor, a child actor, wasn’t white. Being upset about white people not being cast in a role or whatever is one thing, but attacking a child is repulsive. They went on to say that diversity and inclusion was getting out of hand.

…Which, I feel, is a little hypocritical. This is a website written by, and mostly read by, gender non-conforming people. It’s not uncommon for us to be harassed and attacked. Most of us, I assume, want to be accepted. We should be sympathetic and supportive (in my opinion) to others who also want the same opportunities that others have. I can’t speak for everyone but I don’t think people want their gender identities or skin color or religion or sexuality to determine or limit what they could potentially achieve in life.

And finally we have a comment that was short and cruel and pointless. I posted a photo set and the commentor felt that their opinion was of value and that I would agree that it should be approved.

Honestly I am surprised when someone who hates gender non-conforming people find my website. Most of my traffic is from people visiting other websites like mine. I’m also a little confused that people spend time on a website that doesn’t appeal to them. When they make the extra effort to make a comment it becomes even more bewildering. I am not a fan of, oh, I don’t know, pickleball, but if I stumbled across a pickleball website I wouldn’t spend time browsing through it, let alone commenting on it.

But perhaps others have more time than I do.

I thought pairing the comment with a photo where I felt beautiful and feminine would contrast in an interesting way.

Obviously I am not going to turn every negative or critical comment into an art project, but I picked these three as they were all posted anonymously and were rather mean-spirited. I think it would be incredibly bitchy of me if I mocked every comment of me that I felt was critical. I can take criticism, I really can, especially when it’s gentle or meant to be helpful. I take comfort in remembering I am flawed and I appreciate when someone takes time to point out something I could be doing better.

Anyway, I like how these turned out. What do you think?

Love, Hannah